I always have a good time watching the old Hong Kong Phooey episodes, sorry the series ended so soon. It was surprising there are no episodes for it here, so I'm trying my hand to be faithful to the characters. Of course, I do not own any of them.
I wish this could replace that last "Cowboy" episode as a season finale.
I've seen his secret identity as Penrod, Penry, or Henry, but it sure sounds like "Henry" on the show, so I'm going with that.
Hong Kong Phooey – "The Master"
INTRODUCTION
(normal cartoon opening)
- Cut to Police Station - Rosemary answers the board, "Hello, Hello. Police Headquarters. Rosemary, the short-skirted siren of the Sheriff's office speaking…".
Sarge (grumbling): I hope no children call.
Rosemary (on phone): The Shadow? Thanks for letting us know. (hangs up)
Rosemary turns to the Sergeant Flint, "Hong Kong Phooey has been spotted fighting someone matching the description of the Shadow. My dreamboat is righting another injustice".
While Rosemary slips into a faraway expression, Sarge grabs his hat and heads out, saying "While you're dreaming, I'll be out arresting".
The door slams, and a few moments later, opens again as he comes back in, grabs his handcuffs off a peg on the wall, and heads back out grumbling. Rosemary is oblivious (to anything).
- Cut to a street outside a building while HK is studying the Hong Kong Book of Kung Fu for what to do about his latest opponent, a black shrouded figure in human form.
HK: This guy seems familiar, like I ve seen him a dozen times. Hmm, Sausages, Skiffs, no backup, ah, Shadows. Let s see, it says the Dark-dispersing double drop-kick .
He stuffs the book back into his sleeve, and charges toward the Shadow at top speed. He then launches into the air feet-first, toes pointed at the villain. His aim is true, and he hits the Shadow square in the stomach
and shot straight through, plunging toward the brick wall of the building. He turns his head toward the camera and says, "Good thing a hero always comes prepared ". On contact he springs back out, smile on his face as he heads back out unharmed.
A few seconds later this is a loud klong off-screen, and the screen shifts to HK's head in a fire hydrant. As he struggles to get his head out, there is a rumble and geyser of water launches him and the hydrant into the air. At least this separates his head from the disintegrating hydrant and he lands a few seconds later some distance away, sopping wet.
He shakes himself off, dog-style, and staggers a bit as this triggers a headache from the recent hydrant encounter. Not a good idea, he quietly muses.
He looks at the snickering Shadow, when his attention was caught by a familiar whistle.
His faithful police cat Spot was pointing to a fishing net he was holding.
HK rushed over and grabbed the net, and charged back toward the villain, this time picking a different direction to avoid any close encounters with the building. Carefully holding the pole with both hands, he launched toward the villain.
He wasn't sure if the miss was from his headache or the Shadow ducking, but he sailed right on by. He made a mental note that he really needed study the science of momentum sometime, as he noticed he was approaching a fence. An anticipatory throb of his head reminded him to rotate to feet first for impact.
Huffing from the rush, the striped Spot slammed the gate shut just in time. Applying the patented Spring, sprang, sprung, HK catapulted back out, catching the villain totally by surprise.
He effortlessly swept the net over the Shadow, turning him into a nice little ball. HK ended his leap with another momentum lesson as he skidded on the ground, nearly falling over, but triumphant nonetheless.
With an audible "Unnh", Sarge shut off the valve for the hydrant with a large wrench, ending the geyser. He then pulled out the handcuffs, and waved them in Shadow's direction. Now that Sarge had his attention, he let one of the cuffs go near the wrench, where it promptly attached with a clang. He followed up, "I've read up on you Shadow, you're vulnerable to Magnetism. You're not going to slip out of jail this time. You are going to be one unhappy camper, staring out of those bars" .
Sarge then took custody of the apprehended Shadow from HK, and hauled him off.
Unnoticed to the side watched a man almost totally obscured by a brown hat and cloak, with a pointed beard. He nodded knowledgably and headed off.
THE MASTER ARRIVES
Taking off his hat, the Master strode back into his chamber, every bit looking the elderly martial arts teacher that he was. Bald head, pointed beard, deceptively frail-looking, he clapped his hands and his assistant Lo Blo came in and bowed to him, and asked, "How did it go, Master?". With a harsh-looking grin, the Master replied, "Hong Kong Phooey was as I expected. He should not be too difficult. He wears a mask to conceal his identity, but I have an advantage over his normal villains".
Lo Blo asked, "What is that?" . "Henry was one of my students at the Hong Kong school. So it wasn't too hard to connect him with Hong Kong Phooey. Also, it is very suspicious that his feline companion looks exactly like the mascot at the Police Station where Henry works".
Curiosity peaked, his assistant asked, "How come the police at the station haven't figured out their cat is the same as follows Phooey around?" . "Clever and simple", the Master replied, "The Police think it is HK's pet they are housing, they haven't figured out he's actually the brains of the operation".
He grinned evilly, "Time to perform brain surgery" .
Note: I was thinking of issuing a writing challenge - How do you get HK out of the filing cabinet without anyone helping him? This was my own answer to it. Please do tell your own plan in the comments section.
BATTLE OF THE FILING CABINET
- Cut to Rosemary at the switchboard at the Police Station -
Rosemary answered the phone, "Police Headquarters. Rosemary, the Humbled Honey of the Hoosegow speaking" .
Sarge reflected, "At least I made some impression on her. Now if I could knock some sense into Henry. Preferably with a cannon" .
After she hung up, she gave him the summary of the call - "Millionaire Mu Cho Yen has been robbed! He says his priceless Jade Dragon was stolen right out of his safe, and wants it found right away" .
Sarge irritatedly replied, "Why can t they ever want it back next week? What does he think this is, Police Express?". He grabbed his cap, made an absent-minded swipe at the empty peg on the wall, and headed out, grumbling about just using his tie. Rosemary called out too late, "Don't forget your umbrella!". "Oh well, he can swim" , she mused as thunder rumbled in the background.
Henry the janitor was really feeling out of sorts since Spot won that all-day trip to the Pet Spa.
How could anyone be that lucky?
The police report galvanized the lethargic Henry, "Spot deserves the day off, but crimefighting must go on. I'll tackle this myself" . A louder boom of thunder seemed to be a confirmation from above.
He slipped unnoticed to the vending machine, opened the entrance behind, and entered his secret hideout, commonly known as an old storage room. But this is where THE filing cabinet was, his transformation tool for super-powered crimefighting. The old lampstand next to it was flickering some, but it was better than darkness.
With his usual enthusiastic overdrama, he dove into the bottom drawer, ready to pop out of the top as Hong Kong Phooey. The filing cabinet rattled as he tried to open the top drawer. "Darn, stuck again. Spot, open this thing" . A few moments of quiet later, "Oh, yeah" .
After some more rattling from both the filing cabinet and the storm outside, HK s voice spoke from inside, "Clearly my first major villain to defeat is this filing cabinet. I shall apply the amazing powers of Kung Fu concentration" . After a moment, he snapped his fingers, and climbed out the bottom drawer.
Henry the janitor stood there looking at his clothes. "Hmm, I'm out, but something doesn't feel right" . Two brain cells apparently collided inside his head, what would Spot do? Henry knocked a couple of times on the filing cabinet near the top drawer.
He then crawled back in and up. Some more rattling and shaking told him he didn't have the magic touch. The crooks are going to be clean away. Unless maybe it doesn't have to be the top drawer . The cabinet shook as he moved to the middle, and then more as he pounded some from the inside. He remembered it was even more stuck than the top one.
Suddenly there was a bright flash of lightning hitting nearby, and the lamp next to the filing cabinet exploded from the current. The power cord hit the cabinet on the way down, and the metal cabinet arced with electricity.
With a loud yelp, the cabinet's occupant popped out of the top drawer with considerable force. A singed and shaky, but triumphant, Hong Kong Phooey mumbled, "Boy, I don't want to do that again" .
The filing cabinet glowed eerily, lighting the way to the chute that was the secret passage to the Phooeymobile. He smashed his nose as always into the back of the chute to become small enough to fit. Part of him wished he was small enough like to just hop down like Spot, but the discipline of pain was good. If so, today was an especially good day.
He dropped into the seat of the Phooeymobile, fastened his seatbelt, and bolted out of the dumpster it was stored in. The secret door closed a few moments later, and he mused as he was driving, "Let's see I wonder where this Mr. Lira lives. Or was it Mr. Dinero?" No, that sounded too Spanish. Yen. That mansion out on Oriental Way .
Approaching the mansion, he saw the police car parked out front, and since this meant that any crooks would be in the back, he headed around there.
LO BLO'S LOW BLOWS
Of course, the Master spotted him long before from his perch on a nearby building. He turned to his assistant and said, "I was beginning to wonder if he would EVER show up. What kept him so long? No matter" .
A thin smile crossed his lips. "Most people think his superpower is his martial arts skills, probably from that Book of Kung Fu he keeps pulling out. It isn't. Every graduate gets a copy of the book, but most keep it on a shelf, rather than reading instructions before combat" .
"His real power is inspiring people nearby to save the day for him, especially that cat. However, today there is nobody. I have diverted the cat with his prize, and the people in the house with the crime scene. Sneak over there, and put him severely to the test" .
Lo Blo slunk off toward the house to do his Master's bidding. The large picture window on the side would give the Master an excellent view of the battle.
Exuding menace, the fighter made no attempt to sneak once he got in the building. HK recognized Lo Blo and pulled out his book, "Let's see what it says about traitors" . While he was reading, his opponent flipped the book aside, with it landing open on the floor. The two fighters exchanged blows in a running battle, with Phooey doing most of the running.
One of the maneuvers caused the apprentice to jumble some boxes, and out buzzed an annoyed fly, which landed on Blo's nose. It wiggled its wings and it expressed in unkind fly language what it thought about the disturbance. He shooed it away and advanced on the evading Phooey.
The fly was not about to be denied justice, and practically landed in Blo's ear after making several rings around his head. Deciding Phooey was not an immediate threat, he turned his attention to making mashed insect.
A relieved Hong Kong Phooey made a leap and roll sideways, and came up next to the book.
He hurriedly read the first thing he spotted, the "Flim Flam Slim Slam" , made his mental checklist, and ducked behind a pile of boxes.
Blo's attention immediately refocused when Phooey made his dive, but with his abrupt retreat, Blo concluded it must be the "Hei Pheng Hide" defense and resumed his World War with the fly. He tried swatting it. It jerked off to the side. He tried jabs. It jibbed. He tried kicks, it shot upward out of the way.
After a minute of epic (and unsuccessful) combat, it was time to bring out the black belt. With an appropriate "Hi-Yah", he launched himself at the fly. Of course the fly dodged again, but he expected that. He had cleverly maneuvered the fly so there was a pole behind it, and Blo artfully used the pole to swing around and land nearby. With a lightning motion, he dropped to his knees behind the insect and brought his hands together for a soon to be messy ending.
He dimly registered a "sl-i-i-i-m" sound, and profoundly registered the SLAM of something hitting his skull from behind. Above the face down figure, Hong Kong Phooey held a now-broken 2x4, and the real architect of victory did a little dance on Blo's head.
With his usual total mis-appraisal of the situation, HK observed, "Superior skill and cunning will always win out over the forces of evil" . He headed off to the front of the house to get the Sergeant who congratulated him on defeating this intruder and hauled off the unconscious villain.
Raptly watching this fight through binoculars, the Master almost dropped them in amazement. He knew Hong Kong Phooey was the worst student in his class, and yet he had defeated numerous opponents, including just now the class champion.
Incredible! His power to summon help was even greater than the Master realized. And of course, the fool had no idea why he kept winning battles. He shook his head as he watched Phooey go over and scoop up the book before heading off to the police.
He must more carefully prepare before his next encounter with the karate crimefighter.
SHOWDOWN WITH THE MASTER
After a few tedious hours on the crime scene, Sergeant Flint called from the mansion to check with Rosemary to see if anything of importance happened. What kind of phone greeting was "the luscious lady lawperson" anyway? He sighed, that woman was hopeless.
The conversation then got more interesting. It seems she received an anonymous call claiming to know the location of the criminal mastermind behind the crime scene they were just finishing up. He was spotted at 1415 50th Street. A fishy lead, but otherwise they had none.
Fortunately, Hong Kong Phooey was still on the scene, doing whatever superheroes do between climatic battles. Sarge felt better already knowing Phooey would be on the job. He filled him in on the address and other details, and within a minute, the Phooeymobile was leaving the scene.
About 20 minutes later, HK pulled up to 1550 14th Street, an older, but apparently well-maintained building. It even smelled clean as he walked in. As he examined the building, he was struck by the absolute quietness and seeming emptiness of the place. It felt totally dead.
As he walked into to what seemed like the 10th room, he found a probable reason, an elderly gentleman with a pointed beard. A very particular gentleman he hadn't seen in years. He bowed, "Master, what in the world are you doing here of all places? First Lo Blo showed up, and now you. Are you hunting him?" .
"I am hunting YOU" , the Master replied. "Your fame has spread even to China, and I want to see if you are as good as I have heard. I have scrubbed and even disinfected this place to ensure not even a germ can help you this time. I gave the police the wrong address, but I knew you would mix it up to this one. Let us see your fighting skills" .
Hong Kong Phooey was puzzled for a moment, but went to a fighting stance, hands raised for offense or defense as needed. "What?" , the Master mocked, "No looking up the appropriate maneuvers in your famous book?" .
"Something seemed fishy about this place the moment I came in, so I looked up some appropriate moves. Prepare to be introduced to defeat, Hong Kong Phooey style" .
HK leaped forward, confidently asserting, "Let's see you stop the 'Rice Paddy Ring Chop'" .
Just as Phooey's hands were about to connect, the Master thrust him aside with a peculiar 1 hand, 1 foot maneuver. "I believe you will find the Twin Branch Wall to be the appropriate defense" , the Master replied as Phooey skidded to a halt and came back around.
This time more cautiously not announcing his move, HK lept into a flying kick. Unfortunately, so did the Master, so they blocked each other to no real advantage, and scrambled to their feet after they landed in undignified ways.
HK tried to get off a quick "Lightning Snake" kick, but the Master blocked it with little effort.
The Master said, "I know that look, you have run out of moves. I doubt you can count past 3 anyway" .
HK muttered under his breath, "I am not finished yet. I can count to FOUR" .
The Master moved up close and dished out a double punch to the face. Against most opponents, it would have put them right out of the fight or possibly killed them outright. Unknown to him, he was dealing with an opponent who smashed his nose in every time he went out crimefighting. HK didn't even flinch.
It also meant the Master was in no position to counter any blows for the next few seconds, and Hong Kong Phooey cut loose with the "Pusan Powerhouse" . Henry would say after the battle that it was his Kung Fu skill, others might call it sheer luck that his only remaining move was the perfect one for the situation. Either way, the Master abruptly flew across the room and landed like a limp rag doll.
HK smiled and said aloud, "NOW I am out of moves" . He gloried in his victory as the theme music played. Yes, he'd have to replace the lamp in his secret hideout and make sure the filing cabinet was still in good order after the shock, but he had WON.
After several seconds, the Master started getting back up, and the victory music quickly died down. He started heading toward HK, picking up speed as he moved. HK had good reason to be worried. As the Master crossed the doorway that HK had entered from, he tripped and fell down from a cat leg that abruptly appeared out of the doorway. A very particular cat leg.
The bruised and sore figure got back to his feet, giving a glare that said he was going to break several ASPCA rules in a few moments. Even though Spot was not a warrior, he simply smiled calmly, poked out a claw, and pointed past the doorway.
For a few seconds, the Master wondered if it was the old "there is someone behind you" ploy, but his sixth sense from years of experience told him otherwise. He was not surprised therefore when he turned to the side and saw 2 policemen with guns leveled at him. In between them, Sarge pulled out his handcuffs and said, "You are in deep chop suey" .
After a moment of decision, the Master's expression changed from anger to resignation, and raised his hands in surrender. Spot grinned like the Cheshire cat. While Sarge cuffed the villain, the slightly puffing Phooey asked Spot how he knew to come here.
Since Spot couldn t speak, he did a quick succession of pantomines - held his paw near his ear like it was a phone receiver, then made little circles around his chest, and then moved his paws in and out toward each other.
"So you are saying Rosemary called and gave you the location, but you intentionally mixed up the location and came here with the police". He slumped a moment in humility, and said quietly, "You know me too well my friend. Thanks" .
THE LAST TWIST
After that, Sarge interrogated the Master, demanding to know where the Jade Dragon was.
The Master replied, "It is time to end this charade. Take me to the crime scene" . Sarge looked to the city-renowned Hong Kong Phooey, and at a nod agreed.
The procession set off to the mansion. The Phooeymobile carrying HK and Spot led the way, doing it's unique putt-putt-putt. The squad car followed behind with the front seat rather uncomfortably crowded with the 3 policemen, and the probably even less comfortable Master secured in the back.
The pudgy Mr. Yen met them at the door, and escorted them back to the vault. He made an odd contrast to the tall and skinny and metallically-cuffed Master.
Once they arrived, Sarge barked in the Master's face, Okay. We're here. Now talk .
Totally unmoved, the Master directed, "Open the safe" . Yen did so. "Remove the false back from the safe" . Everybody was puzzled on that one. Yen finally answered, "I never put a false back on the safe" . "No, but I did" . Yen felt around the somewhat dark interior of the wall safe, touched something, and pulled. Out came a grey piece of cardboard that had been attached to the back.
Sarge looked in, and there it was. The Jade Dragon in all its beauty. Sarge looked back less harshly at the Master, awaiting an explanation.
"It was never stolen. I chased off the criminals that were attempting to steal it, but the opportunity to see Hong Kong Phooey in action was too much, so I put the Dragon back in, put in the false back, and let you find the crime. Taking it would have been criminal" .
HK put two and two together, got five, tried again, and exclaimed, "So this was a test?" .
The Master replied, "That is correct. You have performed well. May I go?" .
HK thought a moment, and said yes. Sarge looked at him, and said quizzically, "Are you sure about this, Mr. Phooey? So he didn't steal the dragon. You can still have him up on assault charges" .
Hong Kong casually said, "Nyahh. He's my old master" . The Master bowed slightly in thanks, and added, "Could you please release Lo Blo as well?" . At this, HK was a little disturbed. "Lo Blo is a traitor, he could have harmed you back then!"
The Master softly replied, "I'm afraid you misunderstood his actions. Admittedly, he is an unpleasant and somewhat shady character, but he is not a villain" . "Very well" , HK replied, "I release him into your custody" . The Master nodded, "I understand" .
Sarge looked undecided for a moment, and then started taking the cuffs off the Master. He growled, "You are only getting away with this because Hong Kong Phooey is a great superhero, loved by the people of this city" .
When the Sarge was finished, the Master straightened up and said, "You are so right, Sergeant" , and walked out.
Off in the background, Rosemary is heard singing, "Hong Kong Phooey, number one superguy. Hong Kong Phooey, quicker than the human eye..." . The music trails off.
THE END