Ladies and gentlemen...I present to you the first "chapter" of the fanfic without a name, which has been dubbed for all intents and purposes as simply "Parody". The first few chapters are degrading on the DiC dub, which was, of course, before the dubbing of the outer senshi. So I don't want any stuff about how Uranus and Neptune aren't called Alex and Michelle, but Amara and Michelle. I KNOW THIS. These were the working names by some toy company back in the day. Thank you, make sure to R/R, and goodnight.
***
The Sailor Scouts were in rare form. They were halfway through a battle with a youma --er, monster-- and so far none of them had fallen down, called someone stupid, stuck out their tongue, sweatdropped, cried and whined, or made a stupid speech. Well, they all made stupid speeches, but that was in the Scout Bylaws, so it was okay. Their speech went something vaguely like this (as most of their speeches do):
"I am Sailor Moon! I fight for love, justice, and a bunch of other things I can't think of right now! You interrupted my date, you slimy weasel! You will pay!"
"I am Sailor Mars! I use fire! A lot! But I'm not a pyromaniac! And if you call me that, I'll hit you with a really hot flame! So there!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I'm smart! So smart that I don't need a lot of stupid speeches. So I'm going to shut up!"
"I am Sailor Jupiter! I'm strong! Nyah!"
"I am Sailor Venus! These speeches are getting too short! And pretty darn weird! We wouldn't be doing this if you hadn't shown up, so I'm going to make you say ouch!"
"I am Sailor Uranus! People laugh a lot when I say 'Uranus'! Um...Michelle is my lover! Yeah!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! I get things wet! Woo!"
"I am Sailor Saturn! I am the illegitimate child of Professor Tomoe! I was adopted by Michiru-mama and Haruka-papa! Those are some facts you really didn't need to know! I have a really sharp Glaive-thingy!"
"I am Sailor Pluto! I kind of forgot how to battle, 'cause Neo-Queen Bitch doesn't let me leave the Time Gates!"
"I am Sailor Luna! I'm not really a Sailor!"
"I am Sailor Artemis! Neither am I!"
"I am Molly! I have a really bad voice actress! Joisey!"
"I am Sailor Earth! They say I don't exist, but I do!"
"I am Tuxedo Mask! I'm surrounded by pretty girls in short skirts! Ha! I bet you wish you were me!"
The villian guy looked him over. "No."
"Tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!" Sailor Moon finished in a language she didn't know. "Um...I mean...In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"
Anyway, that was the really long speech(es). They were in the middle of the battle, and they were winning.
"Mercury Bubbles BLAST!" Sailor Mercury yelled, getting everyone all moist and foggy. "Sailor Moon, now's your chance!"
Sailor Moon nodded, although no one could see it in the fog. They all gravitated in what they assumed was away from the monster, but instead all ended up really close to Sailor Moon. She picked her Cutie Moon Rod --um, that is, her Moon Scepter-- from out of wherever it goes when she's not using it, and began to wave it around. "Moon..."
"Ow!"
"Sailor Mars?"
"Watch what you're doing! That stupid wand thing hurts!"
"Sorry." She tried again. "Moon...Scepter..."
"Ow!"
"Sailor Mercury?"
She spun around, looking for Mercury in the fog, and hit both Jupiter and Venus in one swipe. "Ow!" they yelled. "Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
"Where are you?" she asked, spinning around some more. "Ow!" She hit Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. "Ow!" Tuxedo Mask. "Ow!" Sailor Pluto. "Ow!" Sailor Saturn. "Ow!" Sailor Earth and Molly, a.k.a. Sailor Annoying. "Ow!" The cats.
"Where are you guys?" Sailor Moon whined.
"JUST FINISH THE DARN ATTACK!" everyone yelled.
"Oh. Sorry. Moon...Scepter..." She paused. "Uh, guys?"
"What?" Sailor Mars snapped.
"I forget...is it 'Moon Scepter Activation' or 'Moon Scepter Elimination'?"
"Baka Usagi," Sailor Mars muttered, then got really confused. "What did I just say?"
The other Senshi --Scouts...-- shook their heads, bemused.
"Whatever," Sailor Mars replied. "It's 'activation', by the way."
"Oh. Thanks," Sailor Moon said, then tried again. "Moon...Scepter...ACTIVATION!" She hit the creature in one hit, a surprising feat considering she couldn't even see her own hand in the fog. He was obliterated into moondust, and the Scouts transformed into their normal (well, 'normal' is a bit of a stretch) human selves. Naturally, they went their different ways: Serena and Darien off to finish their date; Alex and Michelle to finish theirs; Heather to go do her thing; Hotaru to do hers; Lita and Mina to chase guys; Amy to study; and Raye to go practice...something. Being an arsonist, I guess. "Hey! I'm not a pyro!" Or not. The cats, being cats and having nothing better to do, wandered off in search of the elusive Hercules. Luna to say hi and Artemis to beat him into a kitty pulp, but that was another story. Sailor Pluto, who was only known as Sailor Pluto in the other, non-Japanese world since the only good names they could think to give her were 'Celia' (ew) and 'Susan' (ew again), went off to the Time Gate to get stoned and bitch about Neo-Queen Serenity. Molly (Sailor Annoying) and BillyBobJo (Sailor Earth, who conveniently changed her name 'cause she thought 'Terra' lacked character) went off cavorting into the shadows to make shadow puppets. They did not seem to realize that to make shadow puppets, one needed light, not shadows. Nor did they care.
***
"Oh, Darien-poo," Serena cooed. "I missed you that half-second I was transforming."
"Oh, Serena, I missed you more," Darien cooed back.
"No, I missed you more," Serena replied.
"I missed you most."
"Oh, Muffin!" Serena said with a giggle.
"Oh, gag," Luna, who had just popped up out of nowhere, said. Serena smacked the cat with her purse.
***
Alex and Michelle were walking down the street, hand in hand. "What do you want to do tonight, Michelle?" Alex asked.
"I don't know, Alex. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"I have a craving..." Michelle said thoughtfully.
"Yes?!" Alex asked, hormones on overdrive.
"Hot..."
"Yes?! Yes?!"
"Passion..."
"Yes?! Yes?! Yes?!" Alex was practically panting.
"Fruit," Michelle finished.
Alex pouted. "I thought you were going to say something else."
"The censors are watching, Alex. And speaking of which, we should probably stop holding hands." She let go of Alex's hand almost immediately.
"Why?" Alex whined.
"It's a G thang," Michelle said. "Er...that is, I mean, it's a G-rated program."
"PG," Alex corrected. "PG for 'fantasy violence'."
Sailor Moon popped out of nowhere, waving her stupid little magic stick. "I resent that!" And just as suddenly, she was gone.
"Okay, PG," Michelle consented. "Whatever. Anyways, girl-girl relationships are not exactly family friendly."
"Damn DiCs!" Alex raged, storming off. She was mumbling. Something not nice, Michelle was sure.
***
Heather was wandering down the street, giving people dirty looks for no apparent reason.
***
Hotaru was wandering down an identical street, holding her Glaive close. Her eyes were wide as she looked around. "Haruka-papa? Michiru-mama?"
***
Mistress 9 was wandering down a third identical street, looking angry. The three of them collided with Michelle as they turned a corner. Which doesn't make sense because none of them were on the same street, and if Hotaru and Heather and Mistress 9 were all colliding with Michelle on one particular corner, then, well, it's darn peculiar. Um, yeah, story...
"Hey, watch it!" Heather yelled, giving everyone a dirty look.
"Heather?" Michelle said.
"Hey, who are you to give orders?" Hotaru demanded. "I've got the Glaive!"
"Yeah, well I'm the Dark Messiah!" Mistress 9 yelled.
"Heather?" Michelle repeated, looking first at Hotaru, then at Mistress 9. "This is nutty."
"An unfortunate turn of events," Sailor Pluto, who had appeared out of nowhere as she was famous for doing. "This isn't in the timeline." She frowned. "Or is it? Damn." She disappeared again, no doubt to right the wrongs. Or maybe not.
Michelle sweatdropped. "Next segment, please."
***FIN***
Sorry, just thought that was kinda cool. ^_^;;
***
The Sailor Scouts were in rare form. They were halfway through a battle with a youma --er, monster-- and so far none of them had fallen down, called someone stupid, stuck out their tongue, sweatdropped, cried and whined, or made a stupid speech. Well, they all made stupid speeches, but that was in the Scout Bylaws, so it was okay. Their speech went something vaguely like this (as most of their speeches do):
"I am Sailor Moon! I fight for love, justice, and a bunch of other things I can't think of right now! You interrupted my date, you slimy weasel! You will pay!"
"I am Sailor Mars! I use fire! A lot! But I'm not a pyromaniac! And if you call me that, I'll hit you with a really hot flame! So there!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I'm smart! So smart that I don't need a lot of stupid speeches. So I'm going to shut up!"
"I am Sailor Jupiter! I'm strong! Nyah!"
"I am Sailor Venus! These speeches are getting too short! And pretty darn weird! We wouldn't be doing this if you hadn't shown up, so I'm going to make you say ouch!"
"I am Sailor Uranus! People laugh a lot when I say 'Uranus'! Um...Michelle is my lover! Yeah!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! I get things wet! Woo!"
"I am Sailor Saturn! I am the illegitimate child of Professor Tomoe! I was adopted by Michiru-mama and Haruka-papa! Those are some facts you really didn't need to know! I have a really sharp Glaive-thingy!"
"I am Sailor Pluto! I kind of forgot how to battle, 'cause Neo-Queen Bitch doesn't let me leave the Time Gates!"
"I am Sailor Luna! I'm not really a Sailor!"
"I am Sailor Artemis! Neither am I!"
"I am Molly! I have a really bad voice actress! Joisey!"
"I am Sailor Earth! They say I don't exist, but I do!"
"I am Tuxedo Mask! I'm surrounded by pretty girls in short skirts! Ha! I bet you wish you were me!"
The villian guy looked him over. "No."
"Tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!" Sailor Moon finished in a language she didn't know. "Um...I mean...In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"
Anyway, that was the really long speech(es). They were in the middle of the battle, and they were winning.
"Mercury Bubbles BLAST!" Sailor Mercury yelled, getting everyone all moist and foggy. "Sailor Moon, now's your chance!"
Sailor Moon nodded, although no one could see it in the fog. They all gravitated in what they assumed was away from the monster, but instead all ended up really close to Sailor Moon. She picked her Cutie Moon Rod --um, that is, her Moon Scepter-- from out of wherever it goes when she's not using it, and began to wave it around. "Moon..."
"Ow!"
"Sailor Mars?"
"Watch what you're doing! That stupid wand thing hurts!"
"Sorry." She tried again. "Moon...Scepter..."
"Ow!"
"Sailor Mercury?"
She spun around, looking for Mercury in the fog, and hit both Jupiter and Venus in one swipe. "Ow!" they yelled. "Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
"Where are you?" she asked, spinning around some more. "Ow!" She hit Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. "Ow!" Tuxedo Mask. "Ow!" Sailor Pluto. "Ow!" Sailor Saturn. "Ow!" Sailor Earth and Molly, a.k.a. Sailor Annoying. "Ow!" The cats.
"Where are you guys?" Sailor Moon whined.
"JUST FINISH THE DARN ATTACK!" everyone yelled.
"Oh. Sorry. Moon...Scepter..." She paused. "Uh, guys?"
"What?" Sailor Mars snapped.
"I forget...is it 'Moon Scepter Activation' or 'Moon Scepter Elimination'?"
"Baka Usagi," Sailor Mars muttered, then got really confused. "What did I just say?"
The other Senshi --Scouts...-- shook their heads, bemused.
"Whatever," Sailor Mars replied. "It's 'activation', by the way."
"Oh. Thanks," Sailor Moon said, then tried again. "Moon...Scepter...ACTIVATION!" She hit the creature in one hit, a surprising feat considering she couldn't even see her own hand in the fog. He was obliterated into moondust, and the Scouts transformed into their normal (well, 'normal' is a bit of a stretch) human selves. Naturally, they went their different ways: Serena and Darien off to finish their date; Alex and Michelle to finish theirs; Heather to go do her thing; Hotaru to do hers; Lita and Mina to chase guys; Amy to study; and Raye to go practice...something. Being an arsonist, I guess. "Hey! I'm not a pyro!" Or not. The cats, being cats and having nothing better to do, wandered off in search of the elusive Hercules. Luna to say hi and Artemis to beat him into a kitty pulp, but that was another story. Sailor Pluto, who was only known as Sailor Pluto in the other, non-Japanese world since the only good names they could think to give her were 'Celia' (ew) and 'Susan' (ew again), went off to the Time Gate to get stoned and bitch about Neo-Queen Serenity. Molly (Sailor Annoying) and BillyBobJo (Sailor Earth, who conveniently changed her name 'cause she thought 'Terra' lacked character) went off cavorting into the shadows to make shadow puppets. They did not seem to realize that to make shadow puppets, one needed light, not shadows. Nor did they care.
***
"Oh, Darien-poo," Serena cooed. "I missed you that half-second I was transforming."
"Oh, Serena, I missed you more," Darien cooed back.
"No, I missed you more," Serena replied.
"I missed you most."
"Oh, Muffin!" Serena said with a giggle.
"Oh, gag," Luna, who had just popped up out of nowhere, said. Serena smacked the cat with her purse.
***
Alex and Michelle were walking down the street, hand in hand. "What do you want to do tonight, Michelle?" Alex asked.
"I don't know, Alex. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"I have a craving..." Michelle said thoughtfully.
"Yes?!" Alex asked, hormones on overdrive.
"Hot..."
"Yes?! Yes?!"
"Passion..."
"Yes?! Yes?! Yes?!" Alex was practically panting.
"Fruit," Michelle finished.
Alex pouted. "I thought you were going to say something else."
"The censors are watching, Alex. And speaking of which, we should probably stop holding hands." She let go of Alex's hand almost immediately.
"Why?" Alex whined.
"It's a G thang," Michelle said. "Er...that is, I mean, it's a G-rated program."
"PG," Alex corrected. "PG for 'fantasy violence'."
Sailor Moon popped out of nowhere, waving her stupid little magic stick. "I resent that!" And just as suddenly, she was gone.
"Okay, PG," Michelle consented. "Whatever. Anyways, girl-girl relationships are not exactly family friendly."
"Damn DiCs!" Alex raged, storming off. She was mumbling. Something not nice, Michelle was sure.
***
Heather was wandering down the street, giving people dirty looks for no apparent reason.
***
Hotaru was wandering down an identical street, holding her Glaive close. Her eyes were wide as she looked around. "Haruka-papa? Michiru-mama?"
***
Mistress 9 was wandering down a third identical street, looking angry. The three of them collided with Michelle as they turned a corner. Which doesn't make sense because none of them were on the same street, and if Hotaru and Heather and Mistress 9 were all colliding with Michelle on one particular corner, then, well, it's darn peculiar. Um, yeah, story...
"Hey, watch it!" Heather yelled, giving everyone a dirty look.
"Heather?" Michelle said.
"Hey, who are you to give orders?" Hotaru demanded. "I've got the Glaive!"
"Yeah, well I'm the Dark Messiah!" Mistress 9 yelled.
"Heather?" Michelle repeated, looking first at Hotaru, then at Mistress 9. "This is nutty."
"An unfortunate turn of events," Sailor Pluto, who had appeared out of nowhere as she was famous for doing. "This isn't in the timeline." She frowned. "Or is it? Damn." She disappeared again, no doubt to right the wrongs. Or maybe not.
Michelle sweatdropped. "Next segment, please."
***FIN***
Sorry, just thought that was kinda cool. ^_^;;