Title: Waterlogged
Fandom: Harry Potter
character: the Giant Squid
Rating: PG-13
Genre: humor/crackfic
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters and situations. I just warp them.
A/N: This is based on Harry's random "inner monster" from HBP. Other than that, spoilers up to OotP.
Written for the open fanfiction request community Trezure (livejournal. com/community/trezure/info )
Once upon a time, there was a baby squid that was brought far away from its home to a lake on the grounds of the Wizarding School Hogwarts. Helga Hufflpuff has squealed and cooed him while Salazar Slytherin looked aloof and bored and Rowina Ravenclaw read. Godric Gryffindor was absent, most likely off doing something incredibly brave and noble.
The baby squid found it quite lonely, since his new neighbors, the merepeople kept mostly to themselves, except when they mistook him for a giant shrimp and he was forced to swim away from the hungry, triton welding herd.
After Helga died, the squid grew and grew, bitter and outcast with no one to love.
Each new Headmaster that past grew more and more anxious as to why the squid was living so long. It was quite unnerving having a giant, friendless, and rather moody creature in their lake when children were about. By the time Dumbledore, who was known for making strays and rejects feel at home, came to Hogwarts, it was too late for the squid. He was resigned to being loveless the rest of his miserable, triton snapping, tentacle growing, algae eating life.
This was, however, until one day, like a miracle, a light in the darkness, an inner monster awoke in him and told him how he might obtain what he craved. This is how the giant squid came to be molesting Remus Lupin, snatched right up from under the Marauders' usually tree.
Remus, also never knowing love, was understandably terrified by his affections, but the squid would make sure he got use to it. Below on the shore, Sirius Black was throwing off his shoes and robes and diving into the water after them; James Potter was throwing robes in between laughing spurts, which resulted in the squid's new love to get hit several time. Peter Petegrew appeared to have wet his pants. Lily Evans was the only one to do the sensible thing and fetch a professor.
And so ended the squid's first and last chance at true love.
It was a sad existence he led, really.
However, it didn't last much longer, so it was soon discovered that he was the last horcrux and Sirius Black returned from the dead to kill him. Just on principle.