A/N This is my 2nd story on here. Please read and review. No flames please.
Disclamer: I don't own The Outsiders
I woke up with a pang in my stomach. This is how I woke up every day these days. I felt nauseous, shaky and I had this knot in my
stomach. My days have been filled with one thought and one thought only - Johnny is gone! As lousy as his life was, he still
enjoyed the times he spent with the gang. We'd go to the Dingo or to the movies or to the bawling alleys or to play pinball
machines. Now he can't do any of those things. And I can't do them either, because they will forever remind me of him and just
emphasize that he is not there with me. He can't go for a smoke with me during lunch, he can't sit next to me by the fire at the
lot gazing at the stars. None of it. One thing though literally haunted me - it was his smile. That time when we were in the
burning church saving those kids he was smiling. No more smiles huh Johnnycakes I thought shaking and being miserable. I got up
still shaking and stumbled to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror - I looked like shit. This stupid hair the way we cut it in
Windrixville, but it was Johnny who cut it I thought miserably. I wanted to keep the stupid haircut just because it was something
Johnny did. I had huge bags under my eyes.
All of the sudden I felt a bout of nausea and I started throwing up into the skink while my whole body was shaking violently.
"Pony are you ok in there?" I heard Darry's voice.
"Don't bug me. I'm fine," that's all I said. That's another thing - I can't really talk to my brothers anymore. They try to act like nothing happened, like things should just go on like before. Sure they say they miss Johnny and Dally, but they sure don't act like it. They act like nothing happened, like every day should go on just like before. Now Dally is another matter. I miss him too, but Dally was tough, he could take anything. And besides we always knew he'd end up like that. But sweet, soft Johnnycakes what did he ever do to deserve this? He could never get a break, living with those sick parents of his, always beat up by his parents or the socs. No wonder he didn't do well in school - try to concentrate when you are all beat up and it hurts when you sit down , your head hurts and you hadn't had a decent meal in 24 hours . No he could never get a break. And then on top of it dying when he was just 16 years old so that even the good times he had while hanging out with the gang he can't have that anymore. A sad life with an even sadder ending.
Now, I really had trouble believing in the whole life after death scenario . I've seen too many bad, nasty things happen on this side of town to believe in that. I went to church a few times and deep down I hoped that maybe, just maybe there is life after death, but I really, really doubted it.
"Pony," Darry's voice intruded into my thoughts, "you've been in there forever."
"I said don't bug me," I half yelled back. There was uncomfortable silence after that, but Darry didn't have time to deal with me now and besides what could he really do about it. I heard the door slam as him and Soda took off for work.
I still felt nauseous. I stuck my head in the sink letting cold water flush over my head and neck. I hated waking up nervous and shaky every morning. I hated how it mad me feel. I left the bathroom, grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. Eating, especially in the morning has been out of the question these days. It only made me more nauseous. Both Darry and Soda knew I wasn't eating breakfast , but there was nothing they could do about it.
School - same mundane routine every day. Crowded hallways, walking from classroom to classroom, strange glances from people, whispers behind my back, pointing fingers. Even the teachers acted differently.
I've been sitting in my history class and the teacher kept talking. But I couldn't tell you what she was talking about to save my life. All I was thinking about was that after this I had lunch and during lunch I usually met Johnny by the back entrance and we stood there and smoked. Finally, the bell rang. I grabbed my bag and strolled out as soon as I could. I needed to smoke badly.
I got outside and the first thing I did was lit up. Two-bit came by.
"Hey," he said casually.
"Hey Two-bit." I replied without any enthusiasm in my voice. This was my and Johnny's spot where we used to smoke during lunch break.
"Wanna go grab a sandwich or something?" Two-bit asked as he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette.
"No, I'm good."
"Ok I'm gonna go grab that sandwich," He replied, "see ya around." - And I could almost hear another voice say "see you around" in a low and scratchy voice, his voice, Johnny's voice. This was becoming unbearable.
That's it I got to ditch the rest of the day. I just couldn't stay there. Slowly I started walking towards the exit. I walked for miles thinking and chain-smoking. I walked and walked passing unfamiliar streets with shady buildings with broken windows, some shady looking tatoo shop and a couple of coffee shops. Finally I got tired and headed home.