So Many Different Ways
You cannot sue me, for I do not own Gundam Wing
"Lets see…I can tie her to tree and step on her with Wing Zero. Nah…that would be too easy. Besides, I wouldn't be able to see the pain etched on her hideous face."
Duo peered into Heero's room, and saw him hunched over something. He was also writing very quickly, and Duo's curiosity got the better of him.
"Whats up Hee-Chan? Writing the next American Novel?"
"Hn. Don't call me that, or you'll be next!" Heero warned, slightly glancing over his shoulder. Duo shrugged and left.
Heero was shocked. Usually the braided baka would come bounding into the room, being boisterous and talking non-stop. What a nice change.
"I could use a firing squad against her. Nah…she would die too quickly. This has to last!" Heero said out loud, getting mad at himself. He usually was a lot more creative.
"I know! I can break every bone in her body one by one!" Heero thought with excitement. He began to write furiously. He was pleased with his plan. But, he needed a backup plan. What other ways could he kill her effectively?
He began to think, and realized that he might need Duo. He was Shinigami after all…maybe he could think of some cruel ways to kill her.
As if he could read minds, Duo suddenly re-appeared.
"Whats up? Plotting some ways to kill Relena huh?" Duo asked, reading Heero's writing.
"That's always fun." Duo added.
"Yes." Heero replied. "I need some ideas…be creative!" Heero added. Duo's face suddenly lit up.
"Trowa has a book on ancient ways of death…that include torturing!"
"Get it!" Heero said, equally excited as Duo. Duo ran off, then came back a minute later with Trowa following.
"Look here!" Duo said, and pointed to a passage that explained how in Egypt, they would tie down two palm trees that were only a few feet away from each other. They would then proceed to tie the hands of a prisoner to one palm tree, and his feet to the other. Then they would cut the ropes holding down the palm trees, and the trees would whip up, splitting the prisoner in two. Heero liked the sound of that. There was also a rather gruesome picture.
"What now? Plotting more ways of killing the mongoloid?" Trowa asked, referring to Relena.
"Aw Trowa! Relena doesn't have Down Syndrome!" Duo replied with a laugh. Trowa shrugged.
"As far as you know." Trowa said with a smirk.
"Come on now! Concentrate!" Heero said irritated.
"Oh calm down Heero! It's not like you're going to kill her!" Duo said mockingly.
Heero frowned. "I know…but I can always hope!" He said, and continued to write more ways.
"I know…inject her with Ebola." Trowa said.
"That's very…creative. But, then we would all get it too." Heero said thoughtfully.
"Hey…I'd go through it if I knew Relena would be dead." Duo admitted.
"Me too." Trowa replied.
Heero sighed, and slammed his book shut. "It's hopeless…there is no good way to kill her!"
"No good way to kill who?" Wufei asked, now joining Heero, Duo and Trowa.
"Do you really have to ask?" Duo said laughing.
"Oh…Relena? Launch her into space so she will explode. That would be something!" Wufei said with a laugh.
"Ugh!" Duo said, looking queasy. Suddenly, Quatre burst into the room with tears streaking down his face.
"Relena was killed! She…she…she commited suicide!" Quatre sobbed.
"JUSTICE!" Wufei yelled, raising his fist in triumph.
Duo and Trowa gave each other a high-five, while Heero sat incredulous on his bed.
"What's wrong Hee-Chan? She's dead!" Duo said, looking at the sad pilot.
"I know…but I wanted to be the one to kill her!" Heero said, disappointed.
…
The disgruntled pilot sat up in the bed, rubbing his eyes. Heero stifled a yawn, then smiled lazily.
"What a nice dream. She's still alive, so I can plot more ways to kill her!"
-Black Crowe
Notes: Hmm…don't know where this story came from. Sorry to all you Relena lovers. I pity you all.