The Empty Vessel, a torchwood fanfic

He was alone in the world. Nothing seemed to matter any more. No solid warmth or comforting touch could stop the emptiness closing in; could stop the love leaving him.

Drip

No matter what anyone gave him, he lost it. The love, the compassion, the hope, the joy. However much he tried to hold onto the good feelings they always slipped away, just beyond his reach.

Drip

John had been the first. John had given himself to Jack and Jack had given himself to John. They had flown across the universe together, happy and laughing, finding money and love and adventure among the stars.

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But it didn't last. The empty chasm within Jack reared its head and he suddenly saw that this wasn't enough. That he didn't really love John and no matter what they did together it couldn't change that fact.

Drip

He was alone then for the first time in his life. He had always had either his people or John. His emptiness increased and no matter who he found, thinking this is the one, this is the one that will make it right, nothing ensued, he remained the same.

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Then there was the Doctor and Rose. They were the first people he had found who could give him the joy and the feeling of hope without a physical relationship. They filled him to bursting point and he really thought, I've found the ones.

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But he hadn't and he was abandoned. He had really thought that they were for real and when he fought side by side with them, when he swore his pledge to the Doctor in front of the Dalek fleet, when he stood eye to eye with the enemy, giving him the last few minutes, he knew that he could die happy, that he found his Doctor.

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When he was abandoned, however, he felt the chasm begin to empty. He felt as if he was falling, an endless stream of hope and glory vanished in an instant and he was returned to be the dieing man.

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His feelings were what killed him time and time again in this new world. He didn't know the culture, he didn't know what to say or do. It was in those first few weeks on this new planet that he felt more alone than he had ever been. There was no hope in the world and each night he prayed that when he jumped off the building the next morning he would remain a corpse.

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Torchwood was, literally a life saver. It gave him a purpose in life, a goal, to tide the stream of madness that was issuing from his seams. When Ianto came long, he felt some of that old John-feel come back. Ianto was someone he could cling to and rely on. But at the same time, it was the newest and most different thing Jack had ever experienced. It wasn't like it had been with John. Ianto cared and Jack in return started to fall in love.

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But he knows, even now that it can't last. He can feel the temporary feeling of happiness at waking up with Ianto in his arms leaving him, getting less each day, slowing draining away.

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And the feeling of the love leaving him, dripping out of his body, his existence. He has a chasm in him with a hole in the bottom, so however much you pour into him, he is never filled, would always return to the dead.

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Jack Harkness always hoped that with every new person he found would give him life but instead it drained his own. He was a man that was losing everything, bit by bit, and the more he fought to hold onto it, the more it slipped through his fingers. He was the empty vessel.

Drip