TITLE: Nostalgia
RATING: T
GENRE: Angst/hurt/comfort
PAIRINGS:Jack/Ianto - who else would it be?
SPOILERS:2x12... slight 2x13 - just the trailers
SUMMARY: AU slight. After the team nearly are killed and dealing with John Hart ... again... Jack remembers and Ianto asks.
DISCLAIMER:I do not own Torchwood and never will. although it is in my good authority to tell you that Jack, Ianto and John are all very hot :P
A/N - I said to myself I wouldn't write another one shot until I had at least written a chapter of C.O.W but Fragments won me over. So here it is...
For Jack - also known as Ianto Jones in Torchwood 4. :P For being so friendly to me. :D And demanding to read it XD
Ianto looked up from where he was working in the main HUB cleaning up after everyone as usual. Owen was down in the autopsy bay tending to Tosh with soft gentle tones and a concerned look. Death seemed to be good for Owen - he became truer to himself over these past few weeks no matter how lost he had become. Despite everything, he still turned and trusted Jack, his judgement and his ability to save them. This though...was a little too much for their unending Captain.
"I hate him. I really do," Gwen said at her workstation typing up a report. Jack had requested that they all do one, a case this size needed all the sides of the story he claimed.
Ianto shifted his back aching and laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's over,"
"Is it?" She asked glancing up to Jack's office that odd glint in her eye surfacing. 'No,' Ianto thought. 'You won't be the one to comfort him, to listen. Not this time.' Gwen refused to leave Jack's side after Abaddon and Ianto had spent a whole two minutes with him - and the rest of the team. None of them were allowed to say goodbye because of Gwen's unyielding faith and stubbornness. He loved and hated that about her.
"Go to Rhys Gwen," Jack had refused to let him into the Hub despite Gwen's protests. For that ianto was glad: she was getting away with too much around here.
"but..." She protested.
"There's nothing you can do here Gwen," Ianto pointed out. It was true that they were all just sitting about doing nothing of any real importance. "I think Rhys will be worried,"
"Right!" She said as if she just remembered she had a husband. Gwen grabbed her jacket and left the hub without as much as a goodbye.
Owen and Tosh were wrapping up. Tosh emerged from the Autopsy bay with a cast on her arm the other over her tender ribs being guided by Owen. If it was at all possible, he looked a shade paler. It must be nearly being decapitated. Not that he would have felt a thing but Ianto guessed self-preservation must still be in effect in death.
"I'm gonna take Tosh home," Owen said quietly to Ianto in passing. Silently they slipped out of the Hub. Ianto sighed finally able to drop the pretence that he was busy and actually watch Jack instead of peering out the corner of his eye at him.
Jack was sitting at his desk staring at his wrists no doubt lost in thought. Occasionally he would trace a finger over the soft underside of his wrist. He had a lost look in his eyes as if what happened rang truer that Jack ever let on. The sheer pain in his eyes, the glazed expression, hit Ianto. Sometimes he forgot that he didn't need to go it alone and bear everything in the dark and the cold by himself. Ianto would always be there to bear it with him.
Jack was thinking of the Valient. That position John had him reminded him of the Year of Hell so much that he had to fight off panic. Of course, this time his feet were not touching the ground but he considered this for a long while and decided it was worse. His arms were aching and stiff, almost pulled from their sockets. For the first time John had truly scared Jack to the core. The man was completely off his rocker and that was saying something. Why couldn't he let it go? Why did he refuse to believe that he just wasn't that guy anymore? Well you said you would never change, his mind thought cruelly to himself. Alex said you were unending, constant perfection...of course he may have been joking at the time. Jack closed his eyes at thinking of Alex again. He always had put a positive spin on things unlike the Master who called him freak, the stress relief. All he was to that alien was a toy and a means to hurt the Doctor. Even now, he could still see Japan burning and Cardiff crumpling to the ground. The screams of his team echoed in his ears.
Ianto saw Jack beating himself up and knelt before the man in the chair. Slowly and gently, he covered Jack's wrists, which were raw from both the chains and his constant rubbing. Jack still refused to look at him. Ianto pressed a chaste soft kiss to his lips, hearing a sigh when he pulled back. He was only kneeling to see Jack's eyes but was failing even in this uncomfortable position.
"Jack?" He asked gently still trying to see those beautiful blue orbs.
"You all nearly died."
"We didn't,"
"I nearly lost everyone again," Jack's voice was so small that it made Ianto's heart break. "I don't think I could go through that again."
Ianto reached out and cupped Jack's cheek rubbing his thumb along his surprisingly soft skin. It was true that 3000 years of evolution made many improvements to the human race. He himself would prefer never to have to shave. Alas it was one of life's little pleasures he was doomed to repeat every day or so.
"I thought I lost you," Jack whispered finally looking into Ianto's eyes. His blue orbs were ringed red with unshed tears, an open window to his lover's soul.
Ianto took Jack's hand and held it to his face and then to his neck so he could feel the pulse beneath his flesh. "I'm still here," He returned softly. Soon Jack's shoulder protested at the movement, his arm trembling, and the pain too much causing salty water to splash upon his cheeks. "Oh Jack I'm sorry," He said lowering Jack's arm and pulling him into a hug.
Jack leant against him taking comfort in the physical contact. He squeezed a shade too tightly. Ianto hissed in pain.
"Oh God..." Jack groaned. He pressed a kiss to his lips in apology but it told Ianto so much more than Jack could ever have said. It was full of fear, worry, and so much pain. "Let me put some cream on it,"
"I'm fine," Ianto protested but the thought of that cool soothing cream on his back was irresistible. Jack stopped suddenly and looked him dead in the eyes.
"Please? For me?" Then Ianto understood. It wasn't just for his benefit but for Jack's. He had to make sure that he was all right, still alive, feel him beneath his fingers and take away some of the pain he feels responsible for.
Ianto complied slipping down into Jack's quarters and taking off his shirt. First though, he wandered to the mirror to inspect the damage. He had refused Owen to see him and to tend to Tosh instead. His shoulder was slightly swollen but his back was a mess. Deep dark purple and blue bruises sprawled across his skin which was littered with tiny cuts and scrapes. There was a long gash in his side that was red and inflamed.
When Jack entered, he stopped taking in the sight before him. After a moment's hesitation he guided Ianto to the bed getting him to sit down and settling behind him. Lightly Jack kissed each bruise on Ianto's back, brushing his lips against his skin. Ianto's eyes slid closed. Then with feather, light touches Jack applied the cream slowly as if reminding himself that horror he went through on at the Brecon Beacons or New Years Eve 1999 didn't nearly happen again. With even more fervour, Jack hated his past and the person he used to be. If only he could stop the past from coming back to haunt him.
Ianto closed his eyes at the coolness of it, calming the flames upon his muscles. Whatever it was, Ianto decided, it certainly wasn't human but right now he wasn't about to complain about unknown substances being applied to his body. In the silence, in the half dark, he drank in Jack's 51st century pheromones, losing himself within them. As far as he knew, he was the only one to know when Jack actually came from even if at the time he hadn't exactly been willing to believe him. It did explain many of the things Jack said that made no sense to them. Jack touches were light and gentle. He only flinched a couple of times at a particularly tender bruise followed by an immediate soft apology and a kiss to the side of his neck. It was these tender moments that made Ianto think the pain he was putting himself through was worth it.
When he was done, Ianto turned around, eased the braces from his shoulders and slowly unbuttoned his dark shirt. Slowly he slid it from his shoulders and encouraged Jack to finish the process of taking it off. Jack, clearly didn't know what Ianto had in mind, but followed his prompts anyway, either too tired or emotional to make comment.
"Spill," Ianto said.
"I'm fine," Jack returned.
"You're voice just cracked, you look haunted and you're wrists are raw. How is that fine?"
Jack glared at him, facing away from his Welsh lover. If he talked now he would never stop. He was Captain Jack Harkness. He couldn't show weakness or vulnerability. He was strong and they relied and leaned upon him, not the other way around.
"It's OK to feel," Ianto whispered. With a hand behind the man's neck Ianto pulled the immortal into a kiss showing him what words could not. Tentatively their tongues touched as if they had never kissed before. Ianto was frowning lightly at Jack's uncharacteristic behaviour. Only the once before had he acted in such a way and that was after John had committed suicide. Ianto was sure that was the only time he had seen Jack sleep. He was been scared to find the man still there in the morning sleeping silently beside him before the nightmares took him. He guessed that was one reason he never slept anymore. Too many memories.
Jack shook his head still refusing.
"What? You can tell Gwen but you can't tell me," Ianto asked hurt but hoping this would get a reaction out of him.
"It's not...I don't…can't..."
"Shhhhh," Ianto soothed rubbing the back of his neck.
"I'm not that person anymore," Jack told him sincerely with the sudden need to make Ianto understand. Jack could not bare it if Ianto thought he was still that monster he was when he was young. He made a frustrated sound. "You don't went to hear this,"
"Heeeeyyy," he said gently. "If I didn't think you needed to tell someone I wouldn't have said anything. I know how you like to bottle things up." Ianto looked him in the eyes. "You're not alone anymore,"
Jack smiled sadly. Ianto had moved behind him hoping this would make talking easier while he spread the cream over Jack's throbbing shoulders. His moans of appreciation were enough to make the Welshman smile. "I never wanted to join,"
"Oh?" Ianto prompted.
Jack shook his head. "They made me. My deaths had caught their attention. They were ruthless,"
"Just like you were," immediately Ianto bit his tongue regretting the remark. Jack span around and looked him hard in the eyes. "I wouldn't have murdered a teenager," Jack needed to make that clear. Even when he was a Time Agent teenagers and children were always a no go area for him, as were unnecessary killings. John on the other hand...John just didn't care.
"I'm sorry," Ianto, said moving around and taking Jack's wrists. With tenderness, he applied the cream, glancing up into his lover's eyes as a means to tell him to continue.
Jack knew what he was telling him was available in the archives and naturally Ianto knew it all already but the act of actually speaking to someone about it...it was a big difference. Jack held so many secrets to his chest and to let them go was positively terrifying.
"Are you sure you can take it? I thought Alex was strong enough. Well did. I didn't expect him to..." Jack trailed off a tear spilling down his cheek. Ianto gently wiped it away before Jack could do it roughly.
"But I can count on you to take care of me. Can't I?" Ianto asked worry blossoming in his gut.
Jack leaned forward and kissed him. "And I you," He said breathlessly moving to kiss the Welshman again knowing they'd always be there for each other even when no one else was.