He still heard it sometimes. Still heard the loud bang, bang, bang behind him as if that block was right there, about to crush him flat at any given second.
Despite the fact that his near-death "execution" happened nearly a year ago.
Naegi had always considered himself one of those people who could get over anything, if given the right amount of time. After all, even finding the dead bodies of his murdered friends didn't stick with him for too long, nor the executions of the others that they were all forced to watch.
So why was his execution, that failed anyways, such a big deal to him? It wasn't like he'd actually died or anything, right? And the thought of very nearly being crushed right there and then hadn't exactly bothered him until a few weeks prior.
Of course, Naegi had thought about it and often had nightmares about the execution actually being followed through with, but now... now was different. The thought of his execution plagued him every single day. He couldn't close his eyes without memories of those few minutes of hell coming back to him. Those flashbacks were terrifyingly real too. He could feel himself moving backwards, and the bang, bang, bang getting louder and louder behind him, just barely blocking out the sound of Monobear's irritating voice trying to teach him a "lesson".
The worst part was, he couldn't get those thoughts out of his head. They stayed with him, torturing him mentally every single day, showing no mercy. Every minuscule detail was stressed in those sickening flashbacks, replaying themselves over and over, again and again until Naegi felt like he was about to go completely insane.
They followed him around for the whole day, as if they were chained to him. No matter what the task was he had to do, or whoever he was talking to, the memories played on repeat in the back of his mind.
And there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop himself from thinking about it.
None of the books about phobias and getting over "emotionally scarring memories" helped. It wasn't like Naegi could talk to someone about it either. They'd probably just tell him to get over it, at least he didn't actually die.
But then again, it wasn't like he could just spend the rest of his life like this; waking up from horrifying reoccurring nightmares, having to always be sitting or standing with his back to wall or being afraid of things that could fall on him. He couldn't spend the rest of his days just living in this mental hell...
But what choice did he have?
Bang.
The sound of a door slamming abruptly interrupted Naegi's thoughts.
He jumped, nearly throwing the book he was reading across the room in fright, and immediately started trembling, just barely managing to conceal the scream that threatened to escape from his mouth.
'It's just the door, realx,' he told himself, 'You're perfectly fine, idiot...'
He looked up and glanced at the door.
Seeing who it was, he let out a sigh of relief. "W-Welcome back, Kyouko," he called across the room before pausing for a moment. "Hey, what did I tell you about slamming the door like that? It's not stable enough. It might fall off the frame if you keep doing that..."
The apartment building the two were living in now was one of the few buildings left in the world that could be deemed "liveable". Still, that didn't mean it was perfect. Even if they didn't manage to destroy this building, they sure did a good job at smashing a few windows and breaking down a few walls.
But despite the fact that the building wasn't in the best of conditions, it was perfectly fine when it came to serving as living quarters to some of the few people left in the world.
And it was well able to take a few slammed doors.
Naegi just needed an excuse to make sure he could keep the amount of loud noises he heard in a day to a bare minimum, and "Don't slam the door, it could break" was one of the more believable excuses he managed to think up.
Kirigiri was skeptical, of course. She seemed to make it her job to slam the door every time she entered the apartment, as if she was trying to freak Naegi out on purpose.
"You say that to me everyday, yet the door is still standing," she said, walking into the kitchen and throwing a few papers on the table Naegi was sitting at. He could almost hear the smirk in her voice.
"Better safe than sorry..." he muttered in response before attempting to return to his book as Kirigiri took a glass off the table.
There was silence for a moment.
"... I need to go to Tokyo tomorrow," Kirigiri said quietly as she poured herself a glass of water, "We need to check the status of the hospitals there. See what ones are still usable and if any of them are still operating.
"H-How long will you be gone for?"
"A week or so."
No. No, no, no, no! She couldn't just leave him here alone by himself for a whole week! Naegi felt himself tense up and nearly start to shake again. At least when Kirigiri was here with him he had something to distract his mind so he wouldn't end up focusing too much on those thoughts, but if she was gone...
"Do you really have to go?" Naegi blurted out without thinking, regretting it immediately after.
"Of course I have to go." Kirigiri said nothing for a second and stared at him, "You're not scared of being here alone, are you?" she asked jokingly.
"N-No! I'm not scared it's just... I-I... uh..." Naegi desperately tried to concoct an excuse as he fumbled with his words, "Um... I'll really miss you. That's all..."
"...Oh."
An awkward silence fell on the room and their conversation ended.
Naegi went back to 'reading' his book. It'd been sitting there in front of him on the first page for the past hour now and he'd only read the first two sentences. Maybe it was the time to try and actually read it...
The room stayed silent for the most part, the only noise being Kirigiri rooting around in some cupboards, most likely looking for the coffee pot.
…
Bang.
This time, Naegi couldn't hide his scream, and started trembling again. There was no way Kirigiri wasn't going to notice him this time.
She glared at him, holding one of the cupboard doors in her hand. "I think you should be more concerned about these doors, Makoto," she remarked, dropping the piece of wood and letting it fall to the floor with another loud thud before walking over to Naegi. "What's wrong with you?"
"I-I... the noise just startled me. T-That's all. I'm fine," he stammered, still shaking violently.
"Really."
"Yeah."
Kirigiri placed a gloved hand on his shoulder, making him tense up. "You've been on edge like this for the past month. And you've been acting weird too. Tell me what's wrong. Now."
Naegi could tell by her stern tone that she meant business. Normally she only used that tone of voice to let someone know that if they even tried lying to her, she would know.
There was no way he was getting out of this one.
For a moment, the thought of actually telling her what was wrong crossed his mind, but he knew he couldn't.
When he got knocked out while investigating the storage room in the boy's bathroom back in Hope's Peak Academy, Kirigiri just told him to "get over it, you're a guy." ...And that was over something physical... What would she say to him if it was a mental problem? Probably something along the same lines as that, maybe even harsher.
"... Nothing's wrong," he answered after a moment, not daring to look at Kirigiri.
But the moment those words left his mouth, the hand that was on his shoulder grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at Kirigiri.
And she didn't look happy.
Naegi averted his eyes so that he was still somewhat staring at anything other than her.
"Look at me."
Letting out a shaky sigh, Naegi slowly let his somewhat frightened gaze meet Kirigiri's stern and cold one.
"Kyouko, no-"
"Don't tell me lies, Makoto," she snapped, cutting him off as she leaned down closer to his face, "I know you too well for you to get the better of me."
"Look, nothing's wrong!" Naegi grabbed her hand, pulling it away from his face as he stood up. "I swear! I'm perfectly fine, okay?"
The girl stared at him with visible rage filling up in her eyes. "Ma-"
"Oh, look at the time! I think I should go to bed now," he swiftly interrupted, leaning in and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek then waiting for her to return the favour.
She just glared at him, her ice-cold stare seemingly piercing his soul.
"Well, good night, Kyouko!" he said before quickly making his way to the kitchen door and stopping. "I love you," he whispered, not turning around.
"..."
With another shaky sigh, he opened the door and practically ran to their bedroom.
There was definitely going to be some tension at breakfast tomorrow...
But he still couldn't tell her.
(A/N:) Uh, this was just a sorta practice for something. I'm probably not going to finish it though, even though I'd like to... Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading.