"One day... You're gonna remember how much I loved you, then you're going to hate yourself for letting me go"
Waking up before her alarm yet again, Lexa stirred awake from countless memories plaguing her sleep. Flashbacks of months and years before that haunted her still.
Pushing away the memories as usual she threw on a tank top and shorts to begin her morning run. Her runs had become a constant for her, helping deal with the stressors of her hectic work life as well as personal demons. She checked her non-stop emails for any urgent issues that needed to be addressed and headed out the door.
An hour later Lexa arrived at the front of her building, dripping sweat and breathing heavily as she forced her legs to carry her towards the elevator of her apartment. The building was nice, it was located right near Central Park, and was easily accessible to public transportation, though Lexa had always used a driver since she moved in. The inhabitants clearly were business professionals, most likely upper middle class if not wealthier.
When arriving back to her floor, which housed only 2 apartments, it was clear that Anya her roommate and cousin was awake. Lexa crept in and headed directly to her bathroom hoping to avoid a certain conversation she knew would be looming.
30 minutes later, Lexa had showered, dressed and was tending to her endless stream of emails when Anya came bounding into her room without as much as a knock.
Jumping head first into Lexa's bed carrying what looked to be a magazine. "Hey! You didn't say Good Morning when you came back!" Anya stated in a slightly defensive tone.
"Sorry, lots going on at the firm. I need to handle these emails before I leave. Can we talk later?" Lexa was well aware of what the headline article in the magazine Anya was holding read, her assistant had notified her the day before it was due to print.
"No, we can't. We live together now Alex, you can't just avoid every hard conversation by not calling back for weeks." Anya's tone was becoming more urgent as Lexa clearly tried to avoid her.
"Not right now, Anya. Please? If you want we can talk tonight, but I can't handle... This... right now." Lexa said forgivingly waving her hand at the magazine Anya had purposefully flipped upside down.
"Okay, you promise tonight? You won't blow me off again?" Anya asked suspiciously.
"Yes, tonight. I have a presentation at 4, but I'll be home no later than 6." Lexa said waving her hand shooing her cousin away. "Now, please, let me finish this up so I can leave."
"Okay, I'll see you tonight Lex. Love you!" Anya said before making her way out the door to head off to her job.
Sometime later Lexa had made her way down to the lobby where her driver Miller was waiting for her. She gave a curt nod and slid into the open door of the black SUV.
Lexa was intimidating; to say the least. She was quite, reserved and confident. This led many of her employees to believe she was cold and heartless, but that was a requirement for a person of her stature. She was the owner and founder of one of New York's largest and best financial firms, Woods Consolidated. Her company's pedigree was known far and wide throughout the world, mainly for their financial advisement to large corporations, but also due to Lexa's name in the media. She was thrown into the limelight from birth, her father the CEO of a multi-billion dollar oil company and her mother a well known author and poet.
"Where to Miss Woods?" Miller questioned from the driver's seat.
"The firm please, Miller." Lexa said while scrolling through her emails.
Miller knew no response was needed, Lexa had made it known that she despised unnecessary conversation. Upon arrival, she was greeted by her assistant Indra to update her on current projects and her daily itinerary.
"You're booked solid until 2pm with Logan and Fisher who are taking point on the Smith contract. Following, you have a 2 hour window until your presentation with the HR team. Would you like me to schedule lunch for 2:30, or will you be remaining in the office? I can have it delivered and ready for you." Indra said pointedly while reading through upcoming calendar events.
"I need to meet with Raven, please send her a request for 2:30 and book a table at Sakana." "I need her schedule cleared for an hour" Indra just nodded at the request, though her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Will you need transport Miss Woods" Miller questioned from the door.
"No, pick up at 5 sharp. Thank you, Miller." She responded.
The day dragged on for Lexa, she sat through tedious meetings regarding an upcoming contract. Logan and Fisher were her top procurement officers so she rarely needed to comment on any issues. Though her stoic mask remained, she was nervous for her meeting with Raven. It had been 6 months since she talked with her IT Director and even so the conversation was strictly work related and done so via conference call. She had Indra handle any communications needed with Raven, although she had been considered a close friend and confidant for nearly 4 years.
At Sakana
Lexa was seated at her reserved table in the back of the restaurant to give her privacy. It had been nearly a year since she and Raven had a conversation not work related and she was confident that the conversation may not play out the way she hoped. Raven arrived shortly after Lexa and stopped at the bar on her way to the table, sliding a drink over to Lexa when she sat down.
"Hope your usual is still the same after a year." Raven said bluntly.
"Yes, thank you Raven."
"So, lay it on me, what's this about?" Raven always had a way about her that made Lexa feel comfortable, though she knew this situation was not ideal for the both of them.
"How is she Rae?" Lexa's voice cracked at the question, she tried to play it off by taking a long sip of the Manhattan that Raven provided.
"You don't get to ask me that Lexa, not now." She paused, clearly trying to think of the right wording. "It's been over a year, you left, remember? You didn't fight for her then; you don't get to be concerned about her now."
"I know, I apologize for putting you in this position." Her stoic mask slowly slipping as memories flooded her mind. "I just hope one day you can... She can... Understand I only wanted the best for her, she deserves to be happy."
"You're right, she does. She deserves the world. The part you don't seem to comprehend is that you were her world." Raven was clearly getting more frazzled as the conversation drew on. "Listen, you didn't just walk away from her, you walked away from all of us when you left. We were your family Lexa. You left without so much as a goodbye and then weeks later I find out from Indra you changed who I report to. Because what? You couldn't talk to me?! You couldn't look at me?! What was it?! You were one of my best friends Lexa. Now... Now... Your just a memory we all wish we could forget. You hurt all of us, you broke... All of us. Not just Clarke." Raven finished with tears pooling in her eyes.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Raven... I never meant for any of this to happen. I wish more than anything that I could take back or at least explain... But it's... Complicated. I know you think that's a cop out, and it is, but there's more to it. So, so much more" Lexa's tears were falling now. "Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I miss all of you more than you could ever fathom... But I couldn't let anything happen to her. To any of you. I just needed you to know that. I need you to know I'm sorry, and I want to make sure he treats her right." With that Lexa got up from the table to leave.
"She's happy Lexa, happier than I've seen her in months." She paused. "One day... You'll tell me what happened, and I'll forgive you. Because I love you, but... Don't come around. Not now. The next time she falls... I don't think anything or anyone will be able to pick her back up."
Lexa nodded and made her way out of the restaurant. She called Indra to move her presentation to the following day and told Miller his services weren't needed for tonight. She'd walk home. Lexa walked for what seemed like hours. Regret and anger filling her mind. Thoughts of the girl she left behind only to keep safe.