Outrunning Your Shadow
The rain stings against my fur as I dash through a deserted park on the outskirts of Station Square. It's not the kind of heavy rain that it's hard to hear myself think in, but the wind is blowing the rain sideways, so it feels like it's attacking me from all around.
At least I don't have to get my hopes up about running into Sonic being out in weather like this. I think mournfully as I jog along at a steady pace. Dang it Amy! I curse angrily in my mind. I promised I would keep thoughts of him out of my mind for the entire time I was out running today.
It's not that Sonic was mean about it, not at all. He even called me Ames the last time we talked. If anything, he was almost indifferent about it. He cares, but not that kind of caring. Still, I am resolved to change my ways. I am going to become stronger, more independent, and fierce. That way, even if he won't love me back, he will at least have to respect me more. It's not like I want to beat him up or anything, but I'd be lying if I said the thought of whacking him with my hammer a few times didn't make me smile.
Why am I so distracted by him? I think as my new white sneakers with small red swooshes on the side splash in the puddles along the path. Why do I want Sonic to love me so much?
I make it through my first mile, then a second, and a third. My calves start to ache, but I keep on running. If that's what Sonic likes to do so much, then I'll show him.
"Ka-boom!"
Thunder claps so loudly that I shudder a little even in the middle of a sprint. I make it through my fourth mile and my stomach muscles start to cramp. I slow my sprint to a steady jog and then fade into walking with my hands clasped behind my head as the rainfall begins to intensify.
"Four miles in 17:09! Woo hoo!" I cheer softly to myself. My best time yet! And, thanks to this fancy racing watch Tails gave me to help with my training, I can convert that into…
14 miles per hour? I think in disgust. That's so slow!
I sigh heavily as I plod over to a nearby bench. I try to sling some of the water that's dripping from the end of my bangs off, but it just ends in my mouth. Rainwater doesn't taste nearly as good as everybody says.
I'm always so self conscious. I think mournfully as I sit with my head in my hands as my elbows rest on my knees. Since nobody's around, I lie down on the wooden bench and look up into the bland, grey sky.
I always want his approval, but why do I need it? I remember reading somewhere that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. What if I never had someone else's love to lose?
Still, I'm afraid to give up on that love. I admit in my mind. Guilt washes over me as fast as this seemingly never ending supply of raindrops.
"Amy!"
I sit up quickly, shocked that someone snuck up on me.
"What are you doing lying out in the rain Amy?" Cream asks as she trots closer. It's almost tough to recognize her since she's wearing a yellow raincoat and boots and holding a big, light blue umbrella.
Tails waves warmly, as he isn't far behind, holding onto a black umbrella of his own that's nearly blown away by a sudden gust of wind.
"Oh, I was just out for a run. I like running in the rain." I tell them simply. "It feels good."
"How far'd you run?" Tails inquires, his voice full of curiosity.
"About four miles. The watch works great!" I tell him appreciatively.
"Are you training for anything in particular, or…" Tails begins.
"Just trying to stay in shape. It takes work to keep an awesome bod like this…" I joke with them, gesturing to myself.
I force myself to laugh along with them.
"I'm going to go find Cheese and Chocola, Cream. I don't want us to have go searching in all the trees to find them again." Tails informs her.
"But Tails, the last time we did that, don't you remember what happened?" Cream raises her eyebrow at him.
"Huh?" Tails looks at her with a puzzled face.
"We ended up sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-"
"Cream!" Tails instantly lets go of his umbrella and lightly tackles Cream to the ground, covering her mouth with both hands along the way.
He ends up lying on top of Cream, both of them giggling uncontrollably. I feel awkward, but also slightly happy at watching the two of them. When you can't be happy yourself, it's always nice to be able to see other people enjoying something you can't have. Then again, it hurts a lot too. It's a whole storm of emotions, bubbling up inside me all the time.
"I'll be right there Tails, I want to talk to Amy for a minute though." Cream smiles at him as he begins to walk toward the path that twists through the tall trees in the distance while calling for their chao.
"Are you alright, Amy?" Cream looks at me deeply as she sets her umbrella down.
"Yeah Cream. I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"Amy…" Cream says seriously. "Since when do you go running? I know you don't have a phobia of water like Sonic, but…"
Just the name. It hurts.
"Can I ask you about something personal Cream?"
She nods quickly, looking at me with unwavering eyes.
"How long have you and Tails been together now?"
"About a year and a half." She replies brightly. "Why do you ask? You're not into dating younger guys are you?" She pokes me in the side while grinning sneakily.
"No no Cream! No worries there." I tell her truthfully. I pause for a moment to take a deep breath, worried that my real question is going to hurt her. "Do you think Tails loves you?"
"Well of course. He tells me all the time." A warm, sweet smile spreads across Cream's face. "I remember the first time he said it, he was shaking so bad, I thought he was about to have a seizure or something. He's so sweet Amy!"
It's like she was talking to me, but she was in her own world: That world that you're in when someone you love, loves you back. It's like trying to explain what the color red is to someone that was born blind. There's just no way to do it. They have to be in that world themselves. They have to feel what it means for someone to care for you as much as you care for them.
"But what about Cosmo?" I squeak.
"Amy?" Cream steps closer to me and with a maturity beyond her years, reaches up to put a hand on each of my shoulders. "Tails loved Cosmo too. I know he did."
I turn my head slightly at the rabbit as rain drips steadily from the ends of her water logged ears.
"We've talked about it a bunch of times. Tails loved Cosmo, but she never got the chance to love him back. Tails misses her, but he's not consumed by her. He has accepted who she was and what her purpose in our world was for."
"Doesn't it scare you though?" I ask the girl, feeling my eyes waver on the verge of tears. "Don't you wonder if he really loves you as much as he loved her?"
"Nope." Cream smiles again. "I know he loves me for who I am, and that's all that matters to me. Tails loved Cosmo, but he loves me. Once you've loved one person, that doesn't mean you have to only love that person for your entire life and no others. You can't dwell on the past Amy. That would be an awful way to live. At least that's what I think."
"But don't you have doubts?"
"Amy…" Cream gently slides her hands down and pulls me into a soft hug.
My brain can barely register enough to hug her back. After a few seconds, Cream pulls back and looks at me, with what I can only describe as pity. "Amy, have you ever wondered what it would be like if someone loved you back?"
Honestly, Sonic's the only one I'd ever thought about loving me back. But if someone, somewhere, could love me…it's a tempting thought.
"Tails would deny it to the end, but when I told Tails I loved him too, he cried. He almost didn't make a sound. He barely sniffled a little, but I heard his voice crack when he spoke and when he pulled back from hugging me, I saw a big tear run down each of his cheeks.
Stories like that are the kind that make me sick. They make me toss and turn. I want that. I want that kind of love. Maybe that's my punishment? I think darkly. For all the bad things I've done in my life. Or maybe it's just my destiny? To be alone forever.
"Things will get better Amy. I know it." Cream says gently as she steps back and shakes the water from her ears before picking up her umbrella. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go fox hunting."
She smiles at me again and her boots make squeaking squishy sounds as she hops off in pursuit of her prey.
I sigh deeply again as I dwell on the ideas Cream has given me as I watch her chase after someone she has no doubt loves her. And I have no doubt that he loves her back. There's just that look…that feeling. Anybody knows it when they see it, but how do I find it?
The rain continues its unrelenting assault as I feel my clothes and shoes virtually soaked through.
I sprint off again, tearing through the park and across town. I run past the subway, the market, and toward the Mystic Ruins. I run until even the pain in my stomach stops. I lose track of the time as I run along the cliffs by the edge of the ocean and circle back toward the waterfall that stand at the edge of the thick rainforest. I gradually begin to feel cold but it takes me a few minutes to realize that the rain has stopped, but I'm still soaking wet.
Two hours and fifteen minutes! I think in shock as I look at my watch. I've never run anywhere near that long in my entire life!
I catch a couple of handfuls of water from the falls to quench my thirst before I begin walking through the jungle that leads to a long since deserted set of ancient ruins.
What would it be like to be loved? I think again as I walk along the damp dirt path that's mostly shielded from the sun and the rain by thick, broad green leaves above.
I've always done the loving, but I never really considered what it would be like to be loved back.
I hear a rustling to my right as I quickly turn and pop my hammer into my right hand.
It better not be Big looking for the freaking frog. I think sarcastically.
After a few seconds of careful listening and looking, I begin to walk again, soon stepping into a wide, uncovered space that gives a beautiful view of the slowly setting sun.
The evening air is thick and still tastes of cold, sweet rain.
I hear a rustling again and turn to find out who else is here. I see no trace of anyone, but as everyone knows, a girl can tell when she's being watched.
Maybe there is someone who loves me for who I am? Maybe there is someone that would love me even if I didn't run fast or like chili dogs. Maybe there is someone who would give me a chance?
I scan my eyes to the right again, and can now plainly make out a long, spiky silhouette with rings around its wrists, displayed against the dark, thick soil.
I think it's time I stopped chasing after Sonic after all. Maybe it's time I let someone run after me.
Author's Note: If this is a horrible attempt at a ShadAmy story, I do apologize. I am not an expert at all at this coupling. I got a request to give it a shot, and I thought…why not? I am a Sonic/Amy fan, but I figured…why not try something different?
Let me know what you guys think. I'd really like to know if you guys think it's okay, too mushy, not mushy enough, or is totally OOC or something like that.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it! Had to sneak a little Tails/Cream in there as well.