If I were you, I would

by Starlight10

In which some advice on the emotional department is given, and brotherly ties are made stronger. Features Erchirion and Lothiriel, from Dol Amroth.

'Thiri?' I ventured to call, seeing some light drifting through my sister's door. 'Thiri, are you awake?' I heard a gasp, a few thuds and then patters, until at last a sleepy, tousled-haired, lovely girl stood in front of me, her hand still clutching the knob and her head leaning against the door. She just stood there, regarding me for a few moments, until her eyes widened and seemed to come alive.

'Chirion!' she launched herself at me. 'Oh, long have I been waiting for you, brother!'

'I had wanted to see you, too, little one,' I said, ducking the inevitable punch that I knew would follow after his mention of the childhood name, but nothing happened. Lothíriel, instead, seemed to clung to me even tighter.

'Why were you delayed? The watchers said they saw the ship approach about an hour before sunset, and we were waiting for you way earlier than this. What happened? Did you meet with problems? Do tell me all about it."

'I would if I- Whoa! I- I cannot breathe, Thiri...'

She withdrew her hands at once, as though she'd been burnt, and the befuddled expression of her face made me laugh heartily. Yes, she did care about me, even if most of the time she managed not to show. And I sure cared about her, the baby of the house, and it was not easy for me to think about her in another light. But I would soon have to learn how, if what Amrothos had said was true.

I took a deep breath as I wrapped the blanket tighter around her, and those questioning eyes looked up at me again. It was then that I realized she had been crying. Was it because of him? Ah, if that wretch had stood in front of me at that moment I would've punched him in the face. But, he wasn't –which was a good thing- and I had more than a moment to collect my thoughts before speaking to my sister.

'Why do you look at me like that? Wrap yourself, we are going out.'

'Out? It is incredibly late, if you have not noticed.' She sniffled then, 'and if we go out our steps will disturb those who are sleeping. Besides,' another sniffle, 'I am not dressed properly.'

'What do you think the blanket is for? Come now, we cannot waste this chance. There is a star shower tonight; don't you want to see it?'

She smiled, tilted her head in that endearing way of hers and bit her lip. 'Oh, well, I suppose we better hurry if we wish to see them before it ends.' She grabbed a candle, closed the door and just as she was passing me by, elbowed me and murmured, 'You are late.'

And, I was.

We walked as quietly as we could, trying not to disturb anyone –I am not sure that we managed, though. Lothíriel, who thought she was barely whispering, was unable to postpone her questioning of my journey and the reason of my delay. She asked whether the sea had been quiet, whether I had met with other ships, who of my men had disembarked at other ports, had I brought anything new with me... I was, of course, glad to humor her, if that made her happy, although I suspect she was being talkative because she did not want me to realize she was sad. I do hope we didn't wake any of the cooks on our way out- something told me I'd be very hungry come morning.

At last we stepped out into the garden and it was the first time I wondered whether it had been a mistake to drag her out to discuss this matter in the middle of the night –outside. Lothíriel shivered and tightened the blanket around her, and when she sighed a thin white cloud burst out of her mouth. It reminded me of the halflings and their weed, but I was also suddenly aware of how cold it was, too cold for Dol Amroth, and she was just wearing a nightgown underneath. A nightgown! What if that king suffered from lack of sleep and decided to wander through the gardens at night? Surely I would not allow him near Thiri-

'Hurry up, Erchirion, it's cold! I need to sit somewhere and cover my feet.'

'Yes, yes. Over there, if you please, by the bushes under that balcony- the best spot for stargazing.'

'You learned that from Amrothos, didn't you?'

'As a matter of fact, I learned it from Grandfather himself, who was the best seaman in the kingdom and who –and I know this for a fact- considered me to be the most likely to succeed him in reputation and prowess,' I said, and realized she was scowling at me. I congratulated myself, and went on, 'He was the one who taught Faramir, and then Faramir taught Rothos. So, I have the better information for I got it from the primary source.'

'Oh, don't be so pompous and walk. I'm freezing.'

A few strides -in Lothíriel's case, jumps- took us to the small garden under the study's balcony. I unbound my cloak and put it on the ground so that we wouldn't have to sit on the wet grass, but soon enough I felt the wind's cold bite, and shivered. Yes, this had definitely been a bad idea; but, Thiri needed me, and the matter had to be quite serious if even Amrothos had asked for help...

'Look at it,' I said, pointing up at the cluster of stars to our left. 'That's where we will see it. I wonder why you had withdrawn to bed, rather than stay outside for the stars as you always do.'

'Hm... I wonder why you would disturb my sleep just to ask that.'

'You were not sleeping.'

'I was!'

'Oh- then I must say I believe you are too old to be leaving the candles on when you sleep, just because you fear the dark.'

'I don't fear the dark, I was-' She lowered her head, but I could see she was pouting. 'I must have dozed off.'

'Most likely, yes,' and an awkward silence followed. I grunted, at that moment hesitating about who was most to blame: Rothos for making me do this, or myself for being stupid enough to attempt it. He should have asked Elphir; I was not very good at giving advice or comforting people, but the wind was gnawing at me. It was better to get this over with as soon as possible. 'You...' I began, but for some reason I could not make my head rise to meet her eyes, 'you all right?' What followed took me aback. Instead of feigning puzzlement, or being mortified that I had dragged her out of bed just to ask that, she gave me the most unladylike bark of laughter.

'You know, I had never before seen two people who go out to stargaze with their eyes fixed on the ground,' she said. 'What would cousin Faramir make of it?'

'Naught, but that we make poor stargazers, and very bad at saying what's on our minds.'

'And, what's on your mind?' Her tentative question, aided by that puzzled look that she had over the years perfected, made me doubt the wisdom of having followed Rothos' advice to actually give Lothíriel advice on the emotional department. But, I knew better than to be misled by her attempts at diverting the thread of my thoughts. Nay, this time she'd have to hear me, no matter that the wind cut my flesh while at it.

'Well, many things, to be truthful. Would you... would you like me to be blunt?'

'As if you knew any other way...'

'All right, but remember you asked for it,' I said, rather to delay the bluntness I had offered. Truth was, I did not know how to be blunt. I preferred not to say anything at all in this case! Affecting the gravest tone I could muster, I began. 'Lothíriel, to have missed my arrival you must have retired to bed quite early- at least earlier than is usual for you. And, I know for a fact that you were crying.' Her head shot up then. 'I would know what makes you unhappy.'

She considered my question for a few moments during which she started to fiddle with a group of lose threads that dangled from one of the corners of her blanket. 'I thought you had said blunt' she said, attempting a smile. 'I am not unhappy, not really. I had a headache and went to my room to see if I could sleep. Had I known it was not too late for you to come back, I would have stayed up waiting for you.'

'I do not say it because it upset me that you were not there. Well, maybe just a little,' I nudged her elbow. 'What I mean is: there must have been something to cause such an unlikely mood in one usually so cheerful as you. Would you not tell me what it is?'

'How can I, when I do not know myself?'

'But you must certainly have suspicions of your own!'

She rolled her eyes. 'I do not know why I get the impression that you have brought me here so that I can listen to your suspicions. Get on with it, then.'

If I could blush, I think I would have; I felt a strange heat rise up to my cheeks.

'Does it,' I began, leaning backwards and further away from her in case she got angry, 'have to do with Éomer?'

She paled, and then blushed, and then her eyes turned to steel and I was sorry I had asked her.

'Whatever makes you think that?' She asked, and at that moment the wind decided to play with her hair and concealed her face from me so that I would not properly read her look.

'Well, does it?'

'Who told you?' This time I knew she was angry. 'Never mind; I'd still like to be able to say I have three siblings, instead of just two...' But, whatever its cause, her wrath had been short-lived, for she dropped her head and sighed; it was an altogether depressing sight. 'I would like to think that nobody else knows of this?'

'Not to my knowledge, but I have not been around to make any observations.'

'If it was Amrothos who told you, then I may trust nobody else knows. The things he observes go usually unnoticed by everybody else. But, if it was Elphir...' She put her hands to her temples. 'Elphir realizes things when it's too late and everyone knows. If he is the one who has noticed, then you may as well say Éomer knows of it already! This is terrible!'

'Calm down, calm down and tell me all about it.'

'What is there to tell? I have been making a fool of myself, and have disgraced Father in front of his visitor-'

'That is a bit too much, don't you think?' I managed to say, biting off my usual "that is what you always do!" remark. 'I would not worry about it, if I were you. I hardly think Éomer has had a chance to notice; but, unless you tell me what you have done, I will not be able to judge at all.'

'Nothing.' She sighed. 'I have done nothing. Agh! I have done too much... I cannot help it, he makes me nervous! It's all his fault. It was not like that at the beginning. I was a very sensible, attractive, confident gal, but he is just so hard to please! Nothing makes him laugh, nothing makes him mad; if I try to be extra-polite with him he answers in kind, but then quickly tries to leave. If I try to be a little disregarding of him, I only get his raised eyebrows and Father's. He is not one for books, so that is just another topic of conversation that I won't be able to use, and you know I cannot sing... The only time he's liked anything I have done was that one time at Edoras when he heard me whispering that starlight song that Mother taught us. Thank the Valar, for that is the only song I can carry out in tune...'

I could tell she was upset, but to see the progression of her speech was a delight, and for a while I let her go on uninterrupted. The way her eyelashes fluttered and how the corners of her mouth delicately curled or stretched in the most coquette manner brought an unwitting smile to my lips, and that earned me a glare. If that wretch of a King could see her now! How could he not like her?

'Chirion... Erchirion, are you listening to me? What did you bring me here for if you are not going to pay attention?'

'Go on, I am paying attention.'

'Well...' She frowned at the grass. 'Well. Horses seem to be the only subject that really gets him to talk to me, but someone always knows more than I do about it, and I end up being left out of the conversation.' She looked at me from the corner of her eyes, 'You can tell Amrothos that.'

Yes, that was very much like Amrothos, to be sure. 'And?'

'And, when I ask him about his home he becomes cheerful for a few moments. His eyes light up and he gives me that sweet smile of his, and starts to gesture and his voice rises and falls, as though he were singing and then... and then he gets gloomy all of a sudden. I should be very sorry if I were the cause of him being sad, so I have not asked him again.'

'Why should he be sad when reminded of his home? That is not normal, Thiri. Are you sure you would have something to do with so queer a man?'

She looked up at me indignantly. 'What is that supposed to mean? Can't a man ever be sad? You get homesick and lonesome yourself when you are away, I know it. Besides, it does not make him look queer; he looks quite handsome and manly, actually. When he gets sad, his eyes turn to a very dark shade of blue and his upper lip curls in such an odd manner! All his demeanor changes and he looks so strong-willed and harsh, like on of those northern kings from the books. And, whenever he realizes I have noticed the change, his mouth relaxes completely and his shoulders slump... I could watch him all day and not get tired, but it is not nearly as delightful as to look at him when he is glad. It's hard to tell but, sometimes, when he laughs he gets dimples and-'

'I'd rather be spared the account of Éomer's virtues,' I said, waving a hand. 'What I wanted you to see was that a man who is so troublesome to understand is better left to his own ways.'

Afterwards, I regretted having said it. At first she gave me her worst, most menacing scowl, but then her jaw quivered and she managed a bitter smile. 'You only say that so I will forget and surrender before I come to more harm in a battle everybody knows I'll lose.'

'Noo!' I cried, dragging out the word, as I put my arms around her shoulders, trying to get her to lift her face again. 'I suppose I was expressing my innermost wishes there.'

'How can you say that? Éomer is the best of men. Ask Father and he will speak naught but praise. Ask King Elessar and, through the brevity of his speech, he'll let you know how much he appreciates him. Ask-'

'Please, stop, I get your point,' I said in the most nonchalant tone I could find right then, selfishly hoping that she would give me a moment, only one moment, to understand all she had given me with a few short phrases. 'Let me see if I am following you... you complain about him and how he has ill-used you, but when I say that you'd be better off without –and very far away- from him, you snap back and act as though you were ready to jump in his defense with a sword in your hand.'

'I hardly did do that! How can you-'

'And then deny it!'

'I do not!' She cried, and we were both startled by the strength of her protest. I was certain she had wakened someone from the house with all that shouting and told her so, but instead of provoking her further, I brought tears to her eyes. Never before had I felt so miserable.

'Leave me alone!' She said, shaking off my arms. 'I feel dreadfully embarrassed as it is without having to cry in front of people and beg for comfort. I am such a fool.'

'He is the greater fool for not liking you! Don't you know how beautiful you are?'

She gasped, and so did I. Where had that come from I knew not. I had certainly not intended it; but as she began to dry her tears, a bit awkwardly and without much grace, she revealed to me a beauty that went beyond the love I could feel for her only because she was my sister. She showed me just how enchanting she was, and it was a pleasant discovery. Her eyes looked pleadingly at me, and I understood she wanted me to pursue the path I had already begun- at least that was how I read her in light of my not so extensive experience with women.

'Not only beautiful,' I said, more subdued, 'but clever, gentle, generous, loving, kind, witty, with a sharp eye for people and fashion-'

'That last one seems contrived,' she retorted, but smiled. 'If only I could get him to see any of it...'

'He might yet,' I said, more enthusiastically than I had expected, 'because you are also determined. Besides, you are not hopeless yet; you have not attempted to get him drunk.'

'Drunk? What-'

'Oh, I am relieved you do not know...' I coughed, and she snorted. 'As I was saying, you have not yet tried any of those silly tricks girls resort to when they want to call a man's attention. You know, things like batting your eyelashes, or giggling all the time, or trying to touch them no matter what, or making things up just to talk to them. You have to show him that you are not like those ladies, that you are not after him because he is... because of what he... because of his...' I put my palms flat on the ground. There was no easy way of saying this. 'Why do you like him so much, Lothíriel? Do you like him, or... his title?'

'I will choose to disregard that question, Erchirion.'

'Forgive me, but we had to know.'

'We? You and who else?' She made a sound like an angered grunt and tightened her fists. So much for keeping Amrothos' cover.

'Rothos has been very worried about you.' Her look was hard, but began to soften as I continued. 'He says he has been watching how quiet you have become. "Sullen" was the word he used, and then I became worried, too. It is not like you to be anything but happy. He says he notices how you look up wistfully at the King of Rohan, and then you look away as if fearful that he'll see you. He says that for a while you tried too hard to dress as beautifully as you could and do your hair as though every day was a coronation; but of late you do not seem to care so much about any of that. He was certain that you had set your eyes upon the King, but could not understand the sudden change in your behavior. Amrothos wanted to make sure this was for real and not some fancy of yours that was taking you away... Is it your desire to become the Queen of Rohan?'

She took a deep breath. 'No. I would help it if I could, but it comes with the man, so what's there to be done about it? I cannot separate one from the other, can I? No, I do not think it is fancy...' she said, clasping her hands in a tight knot as she held the blanket close. 'And if it is, I hope it will go away soon! I cannot bear to see him every day for as long as he chooses to remain here, and have to think that he is here so close to me, and yet isn't. If I could forget all about him, I would.'

But, I knew she wouldn't.

'Poor Thiri,' I whispered, bringing her close. 'Rather, poor us! You have grown now and are soon to be away from us for good, and Edoras is such a long ways away...'

'The way it is all going, I shall never leave this house at all!'

'Ah, do not be so sure. I do not see how he can resist you, or how we will, after you show him just who you are.'

'And, pray, how will I do that?'

I turned her so that we were looking straight into each other's face, and leaned a bit closer. 'Listen. This is what Amrothos thinks: so far, all you have done is try too hard to please him, and that has not been working very well, has it?' She pouted, but nodded. 'If I were you, I would try to turn things the other way around. Look, I seriously cannot believe that he comes here all the time just to be with Father. Who would do that? You have to let him know that he keeps coming here just for you, only he has not realized that yet.'

'If this is Amrothos' plan, it will be much harder put into practice than explained. What do you have in mind?'

'Well, Rothos... err... suggested that you ought to enjoy yourself more, and let him see how pleasant you are, even if you enjoy yourself without him- particularly without him. He said that it was about time you started seeing our other friends, doing other things, you know, outside the house. Ask for his help with your horse in the morning and then leave without telling him whither you are going. Of course, you will have to tell us first, only to make sure-'

'Yes, yes, I know. That should be easy, he is at the stables every morning.'

'I know. I mean, Amrothos knows, he is the one who told me. Anyway, the trick is, you will have pricked his curiosity. He will stay here all day thinking about you and what you are doing.' I could tell that the very thought of it was extremely appealing to her. 'When you come home, you appear amused and happy, but say nothing of it to him. Be assured that the next morning he'll be at the stables saddling his horse as well. That is how it works.'

She smiled rather evilly, for which I was glad, and shook her head. 'I have known this man for over a year and one day's ride will get him to think about me? Are you certain that is a plan?'

'We are men, we should know of these matters. At least more than you appear to,' I added with a wink. 'Men like Éomer who are used to their freedom and having things as it suits them best fix more readily upon objects they cannot easily attain, just because it is easier to give them up. Nay, do not look at me like that, but think of this. Do you think it is easy for him to have people reminding him all the time that he is the last of his line and he needs to produce an heir soon? This is not a situation he wanted, I am sure. It is easier to say that no one has caught his eye yet and that he cannot possibly marry where there is no love, and such like.'

'I suppose so. He rolls his eyes whenever something of the like is mentioned at court, but I can understand why he has not married at all. He is yet young and I can see why marriage should be a hindrance to his duties.'

'That is what he thinks, but I do not think that is how he feels. He is obviously lonely.' I was surprised at my own sharpness in this matter. So much for those who thought Amrothos was the clever one! 'Otherwise he would not wish to travel so frequently as he does, or be away with his men.'

'And his house is so empty and big!' She sighed. 'It is pretty, yes, but it is cold. Yes, I also believe he is lonely.'

'And then he comes here and finds how well he feels among friends and people who care for him. He comes here because he needs something he does not get anywhere else.' I bit my lips hard, because what I was about to say was by no means pleasant to me, but it was the truth. 'I know he needs just a little nudge to realize it and if he would make you happy, I'd help you, even if it means that you would have to go away...'

'Thank you, Erchirion,' she said as she fastened her arms around my neck.

'But after that, it is all in your hands. You have to charm him, tease him out of his wits, be playful with him in that subtle manner. You know how to do it, you do it all the time with us! That should make him go mad,' I could not help but chuckle. I had been victim of that playfulness too many times in the past. If that did not make Éomer send her back, I did not know what would.

'That will not be difficult. Who wouldn't want to make him happy?' She was grinning like a fool, but then suddenly leaned forward and kissed my cheek. 'I never knew having brothers could be so useful, you know.'

'And wonderful.'

'Yes, yes. I love you, and I am glad you came home safe, and I am glad you woke me, and I am glad you care enough about me to make you share all this. I never knew...'

'Oh, but that is not possible. How could you not have known that I loved you when I tried to burn your braids, or fed you with the sour cake instead of the sweet, or hid your blue shawl just before the dance, or...'

'Better not to think of it, is it?' She said, trying very hard to keep her smile straight. 'I love you. Period.'

'And I love you,' I said, and rested my forehead against hers like Mother used to do with us. 'I suppose it is too late for that star shower, is it not?'

'Most likely, but it does not matter anymore. My brother just came home.'

I sighed and smiled. Yes, I was home, and there was no other place like it.