Title: Lonely Hearts
Author: Pixie
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them.
Distribution: You want it? Go ahead, tell me where it's going.
Spoilers: um....IWRY
AN: This is set in the future, Riley and Buffy never slept together, or Parker, Riley had already left but Buffy didn't chase after him. Angel isn't slipping and he's got his Shanshu after the End of Days fight. Buffy has regained her memories of the forgotten day as well as her....oops! too much already!
AN2: The Oracles peoples are alive, lets just say they were brought back by the PTB
AN3: ***blah*** means a persons thoughts. ~blah~ means the location
Ratings: PG?
Summary: Nope, can't tell you. Read it and tell me what you think.
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Angel hunched over in pain as he felt a searing fire go through him. Angel was in the sewers, coming back from the latest and hopefully last fight. He had just fought the End of Days and good had prevailed over evil.
Angel screamed as the wave of pain got more intense. As soon as the pain had started, it was gone.
Angel sat on his ankles, gasping for breath.
***Wait a minute. I don't need to breathe.*** Angel used one of his hands to feel the rise and fall of his chest when he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time.
His heartbeat.
*****
~Back in Sunnydale~
Buffy sat upright from her bed, gasping for air as she tried to calm down. It was after the End of Days fight and she had gone home, taking a hot bath and falling asleep.
Buffy had had the weirdest dream. She dreamt that Angel was human and that she and Angel spent the whole day together, *being* together.
Only in her dreams did that ever happen. It had been a very long time since Buffy had ever thought, dreamt, or uttered his name.
She wondered why, right now of all times, she would be dreaming about him. Dreaming of her long last fantasy.
Sighing, Buffy got up to wash her face when a bright light engulfed the room.
***
Part Two
*****
Buffy was in her pajamas, standing before two people or beings. From the aura that radiated off of them, she could tell that they were a major part in everything.
'Greetings, warrior.' The female said, her voice echoed off of the white walls.
'Um....okay. Can you guys please tell me where my bathroom is? Cause I seem to have lost it on my way to it.' Buffy quipped, she was curious as to why these two beings were here.
***I must be dreaming.*** she thought.
'We have called upon you for a special reason. Let's not waste our time, shall we?' the male asked.
'Okay, why am I here?' Buffy asked them.
'We have brought you here to reveal the truth, to give you something that you deserved to know but that choice was not given to you.' the women replied cryptically.
'Okay, nice. Now, if you don't mind, I *really* have to get going now.'
'You are not to leave unless the time is right. You must be here until you have discovered the truth.' the male yelled at her.
'Come with us and we shall show you what would have been.' the female extended her hand towards Buffy.
Buffy, a bit cautiously, took hold of her hand and immediately the scenes changed.
Suddenly, flashes of what were her lost memories were appearing right behind her eyes. Most of them had seem to be from her dreams. Holding her head as it was engulfed in yet more memories, Buffy fell to her knees.
Images of her and Angel flashed through her overloaded brain. The mohra demon, the ice-cream, everything. She could remember now.
Now she knew what that feeling had been when she had left his office, feeling like something was missing.
Angel had taken her memories from her. And her child as well.
***
Part Three
As soon as the memories were gone, Buffy stood up on her shaky feet. Staring at them through disbelieving eyes.
'Did that all happen? Was I really pregnant?' She asked, hating Angel if the answer was yes. Knowing that he had taken away her child, *their* child that they've made together.
'Yes, but we were able to save your child's soul. Since the End of Days fight has ended, we were able to return her soul to it's rightful place. She is yours. Protect her with your life. She has everything to do with the survival of our Earth as we know it.' With that, they disappeared.
Buffy still stood there, still in shock.
***Did she mean that I'm pregnant again?*** She asked to herself.
She hoped so. For a very long time, although sometimes subconsciously, she had hoped that she had become pregnant with Angel's child. She wanted to know that he still loved her, that he still cared for her.
Her feelings for him had never hazed. It was always there, deep within her heart. What she didn't know was that Angel might not love her.
***What if he's already moved on? What if he doesn't want me anymore?*** she asked herself, fearing the answer as much as she longed to hear those three, simple but hard to utter words from his lips again. And hopefully, it would be she who was receiving his devotion, his love.
Shaking her head of thoughts, Buffy went into the bathroom to wash her face.
*****
From above, the Powers That Be watched Buffy as she washed her face. They could see that she was trying desperately to deny what was obviously the truth.
They secretly hoped that the two star-crossed lovers would soon find peace in each other's arms.
***
Part Four.
****
Angel had made his way back to his place on shaky feet. He was still surprised that he had become human again.
***Shanshu. Of course, I remember now.* **
In all the years that had passed on, he had begun to think that he would never get his 'Shanshu' and when he had, it was still a shock for him.
He still think that he didn't deserve it, but being human was better than being a vampire in ways.
***If I'm human, doesn't that mean that the Powers That Be has lost another warrior?*** He asked himself. He was afraid that without him being there to fight the good fight, there might not be a world to live in.
Deciding to test if he had any strength left, he went into the basement.
*Five minutes later*
Angel was in shock. He hadn't known he was that powerful. He had been punching a punching bag when he lost patience and punched it really hard.
Needless to say he was very surprised that the bag flew all the way across the room.
***Guess that proves I still have my strength.***
Angel was happy. His dreams came true. He had become human and he had been able to retain his vampire strength.
Picking up his duster, Angel left for one of the nearest LA clubs.
*****
*Back in Sunnydale*
Buffy was fuming. She was so mad at Angel for doing what he had done.
***He had no right to do that! I should have deserved that choice!*** And to think that he had done it, unknowingly killing his own child, disgusted her. She still loved-love-him but she still didn't understand how he could just give up.
Just like every other time.
Buffy knew that when things got rough with their relationship, he would run away from the problems. Letting her deal with it herself, although she knew that he had gone through the same pain as her. She still didn't understand his reasoning.
It maddened her that he would do something like that.
Taking deep, calming breaths, Buffy went back to bed. Refusing to tell Angel about her child because he had let her memories slip by her.
***
Part Five.
******
*2 Months Later*
Angel had found her. The perfect girl, or so he thought. She had dark brown hair and brown eyes that looked like it was black more than brown.
Her name was Lina. Angel had found her while he was on his nightly routine to the club.
He could tell that Lina had a thing for Angel and although he didn't want anything between them, they had started going out. And soon, they began kissing but they had never gone over the edge. At least not yet. He didn't want that so soon in a relationship. He didn't want to get serious with Lina. To relieve himself of the turmoil he felt when he was near Lina.
He felt like he was betraying her by loving another. He still loved Buffy, but he wasn't about to go and grovel at her feet like he would've done for her forgiveness.
No, only pride kept him from going to her.
When all of this seemed to be too much for Angel, he did something that he would never have done. He had sex with Lina.
*****
*Buffy Summer's home*
Two months had past since she had the dreams. She had told the gang about her dreams and Giles had found a prophecy dealing with her unborn child.
It appeared that they had been right, those who had been sent with the message to her. Her child, daughter, had to do with some great balance that would make a huge difference in this world.
Willow had persuaded her to go see Angel and she had slipped to her about Angel's current condition.
Willow and Cordy would once in a while call each other to see what was going on. During one of their routine session, Cordy had spilled that Angel was human with vampire strength.
Willow was made to promise not to tell Buffy, but it had slipped to her.
So now she was packing up her bags, ready for a confrontation with her ex-lover. Not really ready because she didn't know how he'll take her presence in his town, again.
She hoped that he would not be mad at her. For intruding in his life once again, but she had to tell him before it was too late.
***What if he doesn't want to hear it? What if he thinks I'm lying? What if....?*** There were to many 'what ifs' floating around her already cluttered brain.
***What will he think of me? Will he even listen? What if he'd moved on? Oh god, please don't let that happen. He can't have moved on.*** She knew that was unfair for Angel, if he had moved on so had she. Although that relationship didn't last very long.
Come to think of it, she had felt relieved when he had left her. Left her heart and her life because now she was free without any restrictions from a boyfriend. At least a normal boyfriend. Riley had never been able to keep up with her, she had to slow down her pace so that she wouldn't hurt his ego.
She knew that a man's ego was fragile and she didn't want to hurt him in that stage of relationship.
***Oh god, why the hell am I thinking of that jerk? Dumb Riley, I hate him so much.***
Sighing, Buffy picked up her bag and headed out of her house. Once in her car, she sat for a minute giving herself a little pep talk so that she had enough courage to at least start the car.
Finally, after ten minutes she had enough courage to move her hand to start the car and five more minutes to leave her driveway.
***
Part Six.
*two hours later*
Buffy had finally arrived at the Hyperion Hotel. She was now parked in front of it, nervous about what might happen. She was afraid something bad was going to happen there, and it might not be for her own good as well.
It had taken her a lot to not turn her car around and drive back to Sunnydale, pretend that she had not tried to see Angel. But she had managed and now she was right in front of her destination.
Taking deep calming breaths, Buffy opened her car door and made her way slowly to the front steps.
Stopping right before the door, Buffy hesitantly reached out for the handle. Pulling the door open, she stepped inside.
She was amazed at what she saw. The building was huge! Buffy stood in awe, looking at her surrondings.
Snapping out of her daze, Buffy walked slowly inside. Her heels clicking softly on the marble. Buffy could see the front desk, seeing that no one was there, she made her way further in until she was at another office.
Buffy could tell that Angel was behind the door without even trying. She had felt his presence as soon as she had stepped into the building.
The door was half way open and, not wanting to disturb him if he was busy, she peeked in. What she saw made her heart stop beating, her breathing stopped.
She felt her heart break once more.
***
Part Seven.
Angel had been doing papers when Lina stopped by his office. He knew that he wasn't suppose to be doing this. It wasn't fair to anybody, not him, not her, that he was with Lina. But he was.
He had made a huge mistake when he had slept with Lina. He had wanted to break up with her but he didn't want to hurt Lina or make it seem like he was using her for sex, so he had stayed with her. Because of guilt.
He didn't love her and he would never love her, that he was sure of. But he didn't want to have to end this relationship because of his feelings.
So he stayed and will stay with her until he felt the time was right that she learned of his feelings, or lack of, for her.
So here he was, in his office, embracing and kissing her with no emotion behind it.
But he was trying, he was trying really hard to pretend that he cared deeply for her, which he did. Just not as deeply as Lina would've wanted.
***
Buffy stood in shock. She should've known he wasn't going to wait for her. Should've known that he had no longer loved her, that his feelings had died when he had turned back that day. She should've seen this coming and yet she had never doubted, in her heart, that he would always be there for her. Be hers.
She was wrong and that hurt even worse. He didn't love her, he never had.
Some where along the line of their seperation, he had fallen out of love for her while she was in love with him.
She was a fool to beleive that their 'love' would last, it had only been on her side.
Backtracking her steps, still in shock, Buffy didn't see where she was going until she banged into the front desk, knocking off the things with a huge noise.
Buffy stared at the things at her feet, not comprehending what they were or what had happened, when Angel ran out of the office to find her.
'Buffy.' Angel said, she finally looked up to see his handsome face. Behind him was a girl, looking much like him. She was beautiful.
***No wonder he didn't want me. I'm not beautiful enough for him.***
'Buffy, what are you doing here?' he asked her coldly, wrapping a protective arm around Lina's slim waist.
***She's even skinnier than me too.***
'Buffy, are you listening to me?' he asked in the same cold, unfeeling tone and she felt her heart break into a million pieces.
***So he doesn't care. He doesn't care.***
'I...I'm sorry. I needed to talk to you.....' she didn't even get a chance to finish her sentence when Angel broke in.
'If you need to talk to me, you'll have to schedule an appointment with Cordelia. I'm very busy.'
Buffy's head snapped up, hurt apparent in her eyes.
'You know what? I won't even tell you. There were two things that I was going to tell you today. Two very important things that you will *never* find out if I had the choice. Good-bye, Angelus. Hope we don't see each other again.' She told him coldy, hurt, and left the building.
Turning away from him, closing another chapter of her life.
Angel was never going to enter her life again. He was never going to see her face again if she could help it. She wouldn't want to even see his, knowing that he wouldn't have cared, except maybe if she was on a business trip.
***
Angel knew that he would never see Buffy again when she turned her back on him and left the building.
Only when she had left did he ponder on what she had said.
***What was she going to tell me?***
He couldn't help but wonder.
'Angel, are you okay, honey?' a voice broke in. Lina's. He had forgotten she was there.
Sighing, 'I'm fine.' he answered and went upstairs to his bedroom to think.
***
Part Eight.
Buffy ran as soon as her face was hit with fresh air. She ran, leaving her car on the driveway, until she was too tired.
Tears went unchecked down her miserable face, her breath coming in little hitches, and her hands were balled into fists so hard that she was bleeding.
Raising her hands to her face, she saw the blood but couldn't feel the pain.
Buffy was hurt, emotionally hurt. She had thought that Angel was someone she could confide in, someone that would always be there for her without the need to schedule an appointment.
***I hate him. Stupid Angel, no Angelus. They're no different. One in the same. Asshole.***
She thought bitterly.
***Men. Who needs 'em? I'll raise this baby by myself. He'll never see his daughter ever again. Not if I can help it.***
She hated men, they were all the same. No difference between them at all. All the men in her life had betrayed her in one way or another.
Hank, Ford, Angel, Xander, Giles, Parker, Riley....She could go on and on, listing all the names of the men who had deceived her.
She took several deep calming breaths and turned around, heading back towards her car.
She never even glanced at the building as she neared. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't care.
Doing a hair flip, so that her hair blew in the wind, she got inside her car and drove off to the farthest hotel from here.
***
Angel watched Buffy from his bedroom. He watched as he saw her do those hair flip thingy's that she always did.
He was curious as to why she had came to him, but he didn't want to go after her. Pride kept him away.
He watched as she drove off to the other direction, seeing her drive away from his office and out of his life.
He knew that was going to be the last time he would ever see her again.
Now he was filled with panic.
The thought of never seeing her again drove him mad, but he didn't want to act on his panic.
***If she doesn't want to tell me, I won't ask. If I see her again, it will be as a customer.***
He thought and he could feel his heart breaking.
Part Nine
***
~Rockets Diner~
'Thank you, Anne Summers. You've got the job. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to. You may start as soon as you like and I will ask Lily to show you your uniform.' Mr. Pickard stood up and called out to Lily.
A few seconds passed as Buffy-Anne-waited for Lily to give her her uniform. When she saw Lily, she was surprised.
Standing up, she walked over to Lily.
'Lily? Is that you?' She asked, Lily looked up and saw Buffy looking at her and her faced brightened up.
'Buffy? Is that really you? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Sunnydale?' Lily asked her as she embraced her friend that had saved her life.
'It's Anne now. I'm working here now, actually, and I moved to LA a couple of days ago.' Buffy answered.
'Really? Did something happen down there?' Lily asked, worried that her friend had brought some unfinshed problems up here again.
'Not really, the problem's here actually, but it's not anything demonic. So, don't worry.' Buffy assured her.
'That's great! Um...Do you want me to show you around the restaurant so that you can get used to it? When are you starting to work anyway?' Lily asked her, she was glad that she had found herself someone she knew.
'Yea, sure. I live in a hotel not far from here, what about you?' Buffy asked.
'I live in the Holiday Inn, not very far from here as well.'
'You do? That's where I'm staying! Which floor are you on?' she asked.
'Third, you?'
'Fourth'
'Oh wow! Maybe we could, you know, move into each other's appartment. You know, only if you want to...' Lily suggested.
Buffy was glad she was the one who had suggested it because she too had been thinking the same thing.
'That would be great! Where do you want to meet?'
The girls set up a date while Lily gave her tour of Rokets Diner.
Lily was to move in in a couple of days, together they could pay rent.
Buffy was glad she had found a roommate to share her appartment with.
She didn't want to be lonely. She had been lonely for a long time and it had scared her.
Angel had once told her that lonliness was the scariest thing there was, and it was.
She never wanted to be lonely again and with Lily being her roommate and her friend, she didn't have to worry.
***Lonliness, kiss my ass.***
She thought sweetly to herself.
***
Part Ten
Lily moved in a week after they had set there 'date.' Buffy and Lily became best friends immediately and they were inseperable.
Lily found out that Buffy was pregnant. To who, she didn't know. She was really curious why Buffy would always seem to avoid the subject when she would approach it.
***Must be sensitive stuff. I would be too if I was pregnant.***
So, Lily didn't question her. She didn't want to lose a friend. She stuck by her while Buffy overcame her morning sickness that came with being pregnant and her weird, off the charts, cravings.
The food that Buffy was eating disgusted her. She would eat pickles with peanut butter and yogurt. Not a very good combo if you asked her.
Buffy was now three months pregnant, she wasn't showing but the bags under her eyes showed that being a soon to be mother was wearing her out.
Lily doubled her efforts, she worked harder, stayed later, went to work earlier so that Buffy didn't have to work so hard.
Soon, Lily got a second job. She was doing all this for her best friend and she was glad to know that she was helping her.
Buffy had asked her not to do all of this for her, she had practically begged her to quit her second job. Buffy didn't want Lily to worry about her and she felt guilty that the money that was going to go to her child came mostly from her friend.
She had insisted that she at least help, repaying Buffy for saving her life more than once.
Reluctantly, Buffy had allowed Lily to help her.
***
Angel was miserable. He still felt so guilty for what he had done. He had broken her heart because of his feelings for another.
It was a month since their fight. He had said things that had hurt her feelings, but at the moment he hadn't cared because he had been hurt from the previous encounter.
And now she was gone. He sure was going to miss Lina.
***
Part Eleven.
Months pasts and still no sign of Angel. She had secretly hoped that he would find her and they would get back together again.
Her dream was dashed when another month past and still no sign. Not even a word.
Buffy was beginning to show. Although you'd have to look hard to see it, but it was unmistakable.
She wished that Angel was here for her. That he would be the one to hold her hair back while she got rid of her meals in the morning. That he was the one there for here, that she was by his side. That he would always love her.
With every passing day that Buffy had not seen Angel, she felt her heart break. At times it would hurt so much that she didn't think there was a reason why she continued, but remembering that she had to live for her child to live.
For the faith of the world, but not for her. She already loved her child, even if she had never laid eyes on her, but she could feel her growing inside of herself. Everyday, every minute, she would always be reminded of the miracle of her love for Angel.
And what once was Angel's love for her.
She had been foolished. She had been naive to beleive anything a man ever said. She had made that mistake more than once and she had never learned.
She wasn't going to make that same mistake anymore.
If Angel did come, she wouldn't let him touch her or her child. He would've been by her side, but he had turned her away and she was no longer facing him.
Several months later and her heart no longer broke. You couldn't break something that was already permanently broken. Unable to be fixed or repaired in any way, shape, or form. No amount of love would heal her heart.
Her heart had learned a lesson. It had felt what it was like to finally be lonely. Without no one to be by your side, no one to be there when you woke up, no one to love.
But Buffy no longer wept, it wasn't right for her to cry. It was better for her if she never give herself that satisfaction, that relief that crying would bring.
Because she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop once she started.
***
Part Twelve.
Angel knew he should have been looking for her. Check to see if she was alright.
And he had. He had looked around, asked around, but he couldn't find her. It seemed that she didn't want to be found.
On the day that she had left, the day that Lina also left, he had called the gang in Sunnydale to check on her.
He had asked if she was there. She wasn't.
He had also asked what she had wanted to talk to him about. They wouldn't tell him. They said that Buffy had the right and that if she didn't tell him, they wouldn't.
So he didn't know about her child, he didn't know about her memories, he didn't know where she was!
He guessed that he wasn't searching hard enough or that she was hiding too well for him.
He didn't want to give up, he couldn't. He wouldn't until he knew that she was alright.
He had made a mistake, brushing her off. And it was too late that he had realize it.
Right now she could be lying dead somewhere for all he knew. And that scared him. That terrified him.
Knowing that he could've helped her but instead he had brushed her off. Leading her to her possible death.
God, he hoped, prayed, wished, anything! that his worst nightmare would never come true.
He would die if it did. He would've died knowing that he had led his beloved to her death, because of his mistake. Because of him.
Part Thirteen
*****
'Have you taken care of our problem?' A booming voice asked. He could smell fear in the darkness of the night. He gazed at the trembling heap of a demon at his foot. He could sense that the demon was scared for his life, knowing that he had failed the mission.
He had been unsuccessful and as a punishment for his mistake, he was going to get killed. By the all powerful master himself.
'N-n-not yet, master.' He replied, his voice shaking.
'Why not?' the demon could sense the anger in his masters voice. It was bad to have a powerful master, but it was worse to have a powerful and angry master. The combonation was surely a deadly force.
Before he could answer, he was dead.
'I'll just do it myself. Nothing ever gets done unless I do it.' the demon sighed.
He looked at the dead demon, it's neck at a weird angle, and chuckled.
It had felt wonderful to kill the stupid minion.
The master demon walked off into the endless night. Searching for his reason he was here in the first place. He had been among the few who had survived the End of Days. There were others, only idiots who knew nothing.
Walking until he stopped at an abandoned factory, kicking a can as he made his way towards the broken door.
***Soon, the slayer will get what she deserves. Her child will die by my hands, then my name will be the sacred name among the demons of hell.***
He thought gleefully. An eerie smile spread across his face.
*****
Buffy stood in front of a mirror, gazing at her naked body. She was five months pregnant and so far it was hell. But no matter how hard it was for her to carry a child, she loved every minute of it. Knowing that inside her was a child she and Angel had created together.
But that thought alone could bring tears to her tearless eyes. She had spent endless nights, weeping for someone she knew didn't love her the way she loved him.
It was painful to go on with that sad and bitter thought, but knowing that if she didn't, her child and the world would not survive. If she went, she took her child and the fate of the world with her.
It wasn't fair.
She had longed for a moment's peace. When there was nothing for her to worry about, no child, no ex-lover, no prophecy.
But NO, her life had to be so complicated.
Sighing, she ran her chubby fingers across her enormous stomach.
No matter how much she didn't want to pregnant, she loved it nevertheless. She had become attached to her unseen child.
Clasping both of her hands in front of her stomach, Buffy wished with all of her heart that Angel would have been by her side as she went through her pregnancy.
Buffy closed her eyes and wished so hard tears were dribbling down her chubby face.
Never had her life went the way she had wanted it to.
It was fruitless to wish. It would never come true. All she ever wanted was a life not filled with darkness and demon and to have Angel by her side.
But here she was. Alone and hurt. Darkness having long taken over her life.
Oh no, her life wasn't that complicated.
She remembered a time when she had dreams. But now, when she really needed those dreams, they were taken from her. Dreams were nothing to her anymore. She would never get what she most wanted.
Angel. He wasn't even hers anymore while she was always his.
Forever and always.
Buffy broke down, finall,y after a month of holding back the tears. Collapsing on the bed and pulling the blankets around her naked body.
*****
Part Fourteen
Cordelia watched as her boss shuffled through files with a sad look across her face. He had been so sad ever since he had brushed Buffy off. Now he was endlessly brooding.
God, it was so annoying! Watching him go through the same routine every single day. She could see what he was doing with her eyes closed.
She felt sorry for him, although a part of her said that he deserved to be sad since he was the reason why Buffy had ran away from him.
She wanted nothing more than to see her best friend happy, smiling so hard that it hurt his face. But she knew that the only person who can ever give him that kind of happiness was no longer here.
Amazing how a person's happiness lay within one being. The whole world depended on her. If it wasn't for her, the world as she knew it would be plunged in endless darkness.
Hell on earth for sure. Not only did she save the world, she had taught so many people that it was worth living.
Namely Angel and her. Before Buffy, she had always been a selfish snob. Not caring about anyone except for herself, but after learning about Buffy and what goes bump in the night, it had helped her realise that she was really worth something. That she wasn't as cold hearted as she made everyone believe.
She was about to get off of her chair and talk to her boss when she felt a mind-numbing pain.
Grabbing her head, she didn't even feel herself fall off of the chair and into Wesley's arms.
Closing her eyes at the pain, gasping for breath, she watched as she saw the pregnant woman run in an alley. She could see in the victim's eyes. She was being chased by a demon.
Cordelia could feel the fear and panic of the woman. It was a horrible feeling. She felt as though she could hear what the woman was thinking.
All she cared about was to bring her child into the world, not caring if her life was the price.
Cordelia knew that if they were a minute late, it would be too late for the child and its mother.
Opening her eyes, she answered Angels and Wesleys frantic questions.
Looking up at them with hope that they would be able to save her.
After a few minutes, Angel led the gang outside and towards the alley.
*****
Author: Pixie
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them.
Distribution: You want it? Go ahead, tell me where it's going.
Spoilers: um....IWRY
AN: This is set in the future, Riley and Buffy never slept together, or Parker, Riley had already left but Buffy didn't chase after him. Angel isn't slipping and he's got his Shanshu after the End of Days fight. Buffy has regained her memories of the forgotten day as well as her....oops! too much already!
AN2: The Oracles peoples are alive, lets just say they were brought back by the PTB
AN3: ***blah*** means a persons thoughts. ~blah~ means the location
Ratings: PG?
Summary: Nope, can't tell you. Read it and tell me what you think.
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Angel hunched over in pain as he felt a searing fire go through him. Angel was in the sewers, coming back from the latest and hopefully last fight. He had just fought the End of Days and good had prevailed over evil.
Angel screamed as the wave of pain got more intense. As soon as the pain had started, it was gone.
Angel sat on his ankles, gasping for breath.
***Wait a minute. I don't need to breathe.*** Angel used one of his hands to feel the rise and fall of his chest when he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time.
His heartbeat.
*****
~Back in Sunnydale~
Buffy sat upright from her bed, gasping for air as she tried to calm down. It was after the End of Days fight and she had gone home, taking a hot bath and falling asleep.
Buffy had had the weirdest dream. She dreamt that Angel was human and that she and Angel spent the whole day together, *being* together.
Only in her dreams did that ever happen. It had been a very long time since Buffy had ever thought, dreamt, or uttered his name.
She wondered why, right now of all times, she would be dreaming about him. Dreaming of her long last fantasy.
Sighing, Buffy got up to wash her face when a bright light engulfed the room.
***
Part Two
*****
Buffy was in her pajamas, standing before two people or beings. From the aura that radiated off of them, she could tell that they were a major part in everything.
'Greetings, warrior.' The female said, her voice echoed off of the white walls.
'Um....okay. Can you guys please tell me where my bathroom is? Cause I seem to have lost it on my way to it.' Buffy quipped, she was curious as to why these two beings were here.
***I must be dreaming.*** she thought.
'We have called upon you for a special reason. Let's not waste our time, shall we?' the male asked.
'Okay, why am I here?' Buffy asked them.
'We have brought you here to reveal the truth, to give you something that you deserved to know but that choice was not given to you.' the women replied cryptically.
'Okay, nice. Now, if you don't mind, I *really* have to get going now.'
'You are not to leave unless the time is right. You must be here until you have discovered the truth.' the male yelled at her.
'Come with us and we shall show you what would have been.' the female extended her hand towards Buffy.
Buffy, a bit cautiously, took hold of her hand and immediately the scenes changed.
Suddenly, flashes of what were her lost memories were appearing right behind her eyes. Most of them had seem to be from her dreams. Holding her head as it was engulfed in yet more memories, Buffy fell to her knees.
Images of her and Angel flashed through her overloaded brain. The mohra demon, the ice-cream, everything. She could remember now.
Now she knew what that feeling had been when she had left his office, feeling like something was missing.
Angel had taken her memories from her. And her child as well.
***
Part Three
As soon as the memories were gone, Buffy stood up on her shaky feet. Staring at them through disbelieving eyes.
'Did that all happen? Was I really pregnant?' She asked, hating Angel if the answer was yes. Knowing that he had taken away her child, *their* child that they've made together.
'Yes, but we were able to save your child's soul. Since the End of Days fight has ended, we were able to return her soul to it's rightful place. She is yours. Protect her with your life. She has everything to do with the survival of our Earth as we know it.' With that, they disappeared.
Buffy still stood there, still in shock.
***Did she mean that I'm pregnant again?*** She asked to herself.
She hoped so. For a very long time, although sometimes subconsciously, she had hoped that she had become pregnant with Angel's child. She wanted to know that he still loved her, that he still cared for her.
Her feelings for him had never hazed. It was always there, deep within her heart. What she didn't know was that Angel might not love her.
***What if he's already moved on? What if he doesn't want me anymore?*** she asked herself, fearing the answer as much as she longed to hear those three, simple but hard to utter words from his lips again. And hopefully, it would be she who was receiving his devotion, his love.
Shaking her head of thoughts, Buffy went into the bathroom to wash her face.
*****
From above, the Powers That Be watched Buffy as she washed her face. They could see that she was trying desperately to deny what was obviously the truth.
They secretly hoped that the two star-crossed lovers would soon find peace in each other's arms.
***
Part Four.
****
Angel had made his way back to his place on shaky feet. He was still surprised that he had become human again.
***Shanshu. Of course, I remember now.* **
In all the years that had passed on, he had begun to think that he would never get his 'Shanshu' and when he had, it was still a shock for him.
He still think that he didn't deserve it, but being human was better than being a vampire in ways.
***If I'm human, doesn't that mean that the Powers That Be has lost another warrior?*** He asked himself. He was afraid that without him being there to fight the good fight, there might not be a world to live in.
Deciding to test if he had any strength left, he went into the basement.
*Five minutes later*
Angel was in shock. He hadn't known he was that powerful. He had been punching a punching bag when he lost patience and punched it really hard.
Needless to say he was very surprised that the bag flew all the way across the room.
***Guess that proves I still have my strength.***
Angel was happy. His dreams came true. He had become human and he had been able to retain his vampire strength.
Picking up his duster, Angel left for one of the nearest LA clubs.
*****
*Back in Sunnydale*
Buffy was fuming. She was so mad at Angel for doing what he had done.
***He had no right to do that! I should have deserved that choice!*** And to think that he had done it, unknowingly killing his own child, disgusted her. She still loved-love-him but she still didn't understand how he could just give up.
Just like every other time.
Buffy knew that when things got rough with their relationship, he would run away from the problems. Letting her deal with it herself, although she knew that he had gone through the same pain as her. She still didn't understand his reasoning.
It maddened her that he would do something like that.
Taking deep, calming breaths, Buffy went back to bed. Refusing to tell Angel about her child because he had let her memories slip by her.
***
Part Five.
******
*2 Months Later*
Angel had found her. The perfect girl, or so he thought. She had dark brown hair and brown eyes that looked like it was black more than brown.
Her name was Lina. Angel had found her while he was on his nightly routine to the club.
He could tell that Lina had a thing for Angel and although he didn't want anything between them, they had started going out. And soon, they began kissing but they had never gone over the edge. At least not yet. He didn't want that so soon in a relationship. He didn't want to get serious with Lina. To relieve himself of the turmoil he felt when he was near Lina.
He felt like he was betraying her by loving another. He still loved Buffy, but he wasn't about to go and grovel at her feet like he would've done for her forgiveness.
No, only pride kept him from going to her.
When all of this seemed to be too much for Angel, he did something that he would never have done. He had sex with Lina.
*****
*Buffy Summer's home*
Two months had past since she had the dreams. She had told the gang about her dreams and Giles had found a prophecy dealing with her unborn child.
It appeared that they had been right, those who had been sent with the message to her. Her child, daughter, had to do with some great balance that would make a huge difference in this world.
Willow had persuaded her to go see Angel and she had slipped to her about Angel's current condition.
Willow and Cordy would once in a while call each other to see what was going on. During one of their routine session, Cordy had spilled that Angel was human with vampire strength.
Willow was made to promise not to tell Buffy, but it had slipped to her.
So now she was packing up her bags, ready for a confrontation with her ex-lover. Not really ready because she didn't know how he'll take her presence in his town, again.
She hoped that he would not be mad at her. For intruding in his life once again, but she had to tell him before it was too late.
***What if he doesn't want to hear it? What if he thinks I'm lying? What if....?*** There were to many 'what ifs' floating around her already cluttered brain.
***What will he think of me? Will he even listen? What if he'd moved on? Oh god, please don't let that happen. He can't have moved on.*** She knew that was unfair for Angel, if he had moved on so had she. Although that relationship didn't last very long.
Come to think of it, she had felt relieved when he had left her. Left her heart and her life because now she was free without any restrictions from a boyfriend. At least a normal boyfriend. Riley had never been able to keep up with her, she had to slow down her pace so that she wouldn't hurt his ego.
She knew that a man's ego was fragile and she didn't want to hurt him in that stage of relationship.
***Oh god, why the hell am I thinking of that jerk? Dumb Riley, I hate him so much.***
Sighing, Buffy picked up her bag and headed out of her house. Once in her car, she sat for a minute giving herself a little pep talk so that she had enough courage to at least start the car.
Finally, after ten minutes she had enough courage to move her hand to start the car and five more minutes to leave her driveway.
***
Part Six.
*two hours later*
Buffy had finally arrived at the Hyperion Hotel. She was now parked in front of it, nervous about what might happen. She was afraid something bad was going to happen there, and it might not be for her own good as well.
It had taken her a lot to not turn her car around and drive back to Sunnydale, pretend that she had not tried to see Angel. But she had managed and now she was right in front of her destination.
Taking deep calming breaths, Buffy opened her car door and made her way slowly to the front steps.
Stopping right before the door, Buffy hesitantly reached out for the handle. Pulling the door open, she stepped inside.
She was amazed at what she saw. The building was huge! Buffy stood in awe, looking at her surrondings.
Snapping out of her daze, Buffy walked slowly inside. Her heels clicking softly on the marble. Buffy could see the front desk, seeing that no one was there, she made her way further in until she was at another office.
Buffy could tell that Angel was behind the door without even trying. She had felt his presence as soon as she had stepped into the building.
The door was half way open and, not wanting to disturb him if he was busy, she peeked in. What she saw made her heart stop beating, her breathing stopped.
She felt her heart break once more.
***
Part Seven.
Angel had been doing papers when Lina stopped by his office. He knew that he wasn't suppose to be doing this. It wasn't fair to anybody, not him, not her, that he was with Lina. But he was.
He had made a huge mistake when he had slept with Lina. He had wanted to break up with her but he didn't want to hurt Lina or make it seem like he was using her for sex, so he had stayed with her. Because of guilt.
He didn't love her and he would never love her, that he was sure of. But he didn't want to have to end this relationship because of his feelings.
So he stayed and will stay with her until he felt the time was right that she learned of his feelings, or lack of, for her.
So here he was, in his office, embracing and kissing her with no emotion behind it.
But he was trying, he was trying really hard to pretend that he cared deeply for her, which he did. Just not as deeply as Lina would've wanted.
***
Buffy stood in shock. She should've known he wasn't going to wait for her. Should've known that he had no longer loved her, that his feelings had died when he had turned back that day. She should've seen this coming and yet she had never doubted, in her heart, that he would always be there for her. Be hers.
She was wrong and that hurt even worse. He didn't love her, he never had.
Some where along the line of their seperation, he had fallen out of love for her while she was in love with him.
She was a fool to beleive that their 'love' would last, it had only been on her side.
Backtracking her steps, still in shock, Buffy didn't see where she was going until she banged into the front desk, knocking off the things with a huge noise.
Buffy stared at the things at her feet, not comprehending what they were or what had happened, when Angel ran out of the office to find her.
'Buffy.' Angel said, she finally looked up to see his handsome face. Behind him was a girl, looking much like him. She was beautiful.
***No wonder he didn't want me. I'm not beautiful enough for him.***
'Buffy, what are you doing here?' he asked her coldly, wrapping a protective arm around Lina's slim waist.
***She's even skinnier than me too.***
'Buffy, are you listening to me?' he asked in the same cold, unfeeling tone and she felt her heart break into a million pieces.
***So he doesn't care. He doesn't care.***
'I...I'm sorry. I needed to talk to you.....' she didn't even get a chance to finish her sentence when Angel broke in.
'If you need to talk to me, you'll have to schedule an appointment with Cordelia. I'm very busy.'
Buffy's head snapped up, hurt apparent in her eyes.
'You know what? I won't even tell you. There were two things that I was going to tell you today. Two very important things that you will *never* find out if I had the choice. Good-bye, Angelus. Hope we don't see each other again.' She told him coldy, hurt, and left the building.
Turning away from him, closing another chapter of her life.
Angel was never going to enter her life again. He was never going to see her face again if she could help it. She wouldn't want to even see his, knowing that he wouldn't have cared, except maybe if she was on a business trip.
***
Angel knew that he would never see Buffy again when she turned her back on him and left the building.
Only when she had left did he ponder on what she had said.
***What was she going to tell me?***
He couldn't help but wonder.
'Angel, are you okay, honey?' a voice broke in. Lina's. He had forgotten she was there.
Sighing, 'I'm fine.' he answered and went upstairs to his bedroom to think.
***
Part Eight.
Buffy ran as soon as her face was hit with fresh air. She ran, leaving her car on the driveway, until she was too tired.
Tears went unchecked down her miserable face, her breath coming in little hitches, and her hands were balled into fists so hard that she was bleeding.
Raising her hands to her face, she saw the blood but couldn't feel the pain.
Buffy was hurt, emotionally hurt. She had thought that Angel was someone she could confide in, someone that would always be there for her without the need to schedule an appointment.
***I hate him. Stupid Angel, no Angelus. They're no different. One in the same. Asshole.***
She thought bitterly.
***Men. Who needs 'em? I'll raise this baby by myself. He'll never see his daughter ever again. Not if I can help it.***
She hated men, they were all the same. No difference between them at all. All the men in her life had betrayed her in one way or another.
Hank, Ford, Angel, Xander, Giles, Parker, Riley....She could go on and on, listing all the names of the men who had deceived her.
She took several deep calming breaths and turned around, heading back towards her car.
She never even glanced at the building as she neared. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't care.
Doing a hair flip, so that her hair blew in the wind, she got inside her car and drove off to the farthest hotel from here.
***
Angel watched Buffy from his bedroom. He watched as he saw her do those hair flip thingy's that she always did.
He was curious as to why she had came to him, but he didn't want to go after her. Pride kept him away.
He watched as she drove off to the other direction, seeing her drive away from his office and out of his life.
He knew that was going to be the last time he would ever see her again.
Now he was filled with panic.
The thought of never seeing her again drove him mad, but he didn't want to act on his panic.
***If she doesn't want to tell me, I won't ask. If I see her again, it will be as a customer.***
He thought and he could feel his heart breaking.
Part Nine
***
~Rockets Diner~
'Thank you, Anne Summers. You've got the job. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to. You may start as soon as you like and I will ask Lily to show you your uniform.' Mr. Pickard stood up and called out to Lily.
A few seconds passed as Buffy-Anne-waited for Lily to give her her uniform. When she saw Lily, she was surprised.
Standing up, she walked over to Lily.
'Lily? Is that you?' She asked, Lily looked up and saw Buffy looking at her and her faced brightened up.
'Buffy? Is that really you? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Sunnydale?' Lily asked her as she embraced her friend that had saved her life.
'It's Anne now. I'm working here now, actually, and I moved to LA a couple of days ago.' Buffy answered.
'Really? Did something happen down there?' Lily asked, worried that her friend had brought some unfinshed problems up here again.
'Not really, the problem's here actually, but it's not anything demonic. So, don't worry.' Buffy assured her.
'That's great! Um...Do you want me to show you around the restaurant so that you can get used to it? When are you starting to work anyway?' Lily asked her, she was glad that she had found herself someone she knew.
'Yea, sure. I live in a hotel not far from here, what about you?' Buffy asked.
'I live in the Holiday Inn, not very far from here as well.'
'You do? That's where I'm staying! Which floor are you on?' she asked.
'Third, you?'
'Fourth'
'Oh wow! Maybe we could, you know, move into each other's appartment. You know, only if you want to...' Lily suggested.
Buffy was glad she was the one who had suggested it because she too had been thinking the same thing.
'That would be great! Where do you want to meet?'
The girls set up a date while Lily gave her tour of Rokets Diner.
Lily was to move in in a couple of days, together they could pay rent.
Buffy was glad she had found a roommate to share her appartment with.
She didn't want to be lonely. She had been lonely for a long time and it had scared her.
Angel had once told her that lonliness was the scariest thing there was, and it was.
She never wanted to be lonely again and with Lily being her roommate and her friend, she didn't have to worry.
***Lonliness, kiss my ass.***
She thought sweetly to herself.
***
Part Ten
Lily moved in a week after they had set there 'date.' Buffy and Lily became best friends immediately and they were inseperable.
Lily found out that Buffy was pregnant. To who, she didn't know. She was really curious why Buffy would always seem to avoid the subject when she would approach it.
***Must be sensitive stuff. I would be too if I was pregnant.***
So, Lily didn't question her. She didn't want to lose a friend. She stuck by her while Buffy overcame her morning sickness that came with being pregnant and her weird, off the charts, cravings.
The food that Buffy was eating disgusted her. She would eat pickles with peanut butter and yogurt. Not a very good combo if you asked her.
Buffy was now three months pregnant, she wasn't showing but the bags under her eyes showed that being a soon to be mother was wearing her out.
Lily doubled her efforts, she worked harder, stayed later, went to work earlier so that Buffy didn't have to work so hard.
Soon, Lily got a second job. She was doing all this for her best friend and she was glad to know that she was helping her.
Buffy had asked her not to do all of this for her, she had practically begged her to quit her second job. Buffy didn't want Lily to worry about her and she felt guilty that the money that was going to go to her child came mostly from her friend.
She had insisted that she at least help, repaying Buffy for saving her life more than once.
Reluctantly, Buffy had allowed Lily to help her.
***
Angel was miserable. He still felt so guilty for what he had done. He had broken her heart because of his feelings for another.
It was a month since their fight. He had said things that had hurt her feelings, but at the moment he hadn't cared because he had been hurt from the previous encounter.
And now she was gone. He sure was going to miss Lina.
***
Part Eleven.
Months pasts and still no sign of Angel. She had secretly hoped that he would find her and they would get back together again.
Her dream was dashed when another month past and still no sign. Not even a word.
Buffy was beginning to show. Although you'd have to look hard to see it, but it was unmistakable.
She wished that Angel was here for her. That he would be the one to hold her hair back while she got rid of her meals in the morning. That he was the one there for here, that she was by his side. That he would always love her.
With every passing day that Buffy had not seen Angel, she felt her heart break. At times it would hurt so much that she didn't think there was a reason why she continued, but remembering that she had to live for her child to live.
For the faith of the world, but not for her. She already loved her child, even if she had never laid eyes on her, but she could feel her growing inside of herself. Everyday, every minute, she would always be reminded of the miracle of her love for Angel.
And what once was Angel's love for her.
She had been foolished. She had been naive to beleive anything a man ever said. She had made that mistake more than once and she had never learned.
She wasn't going to make that same mistake anymore.
If Angel did come, she wouldn't let him touch her or her child. He would've been by her side, but he had turned her away and she was no longer facing him.
Several months later and her heart no longer broke. You couldn't break something that was already permanently broken. Unable to be fixed or repaired in any way, shape, or form. No amount of love would heal her heart.
Her heart had learned a lesson. It had felt what it was like to finally be lonely. Without no one to be by your side, no one to be there when you woke up, no one to love.
But Buffy no longer wept, it wasn't right for her to cry. It was better for her if she never give herself that satisfaction, that relief that crying would bring.
Because she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop once she started.
***
Part Twelve.
Angel knew he should have been looking for her. Check to see if she was alright.
And he had. He had looked around, asked around, but he couldn't find her. It seemed that she didn't want to be found.
On the day that she had left, the day that Lina also left, he had called the gang in Sunnydale to check on her.
He had asked if she was there. She wasn't.
He had also asked what she had wanted to talk to him about. They wouldn't tell him. They said that Buffy had the right and that if she didn't tell him, they wouldn't.
So he didn't know about her child, he didn't know about her memories, he didn't know where she was!
He guessed that he wasn't searching hard enough or that she was hiding too well for him.
He didn't want to give up, he couldn't. He wouldn't until he knew that she was alright.
He had made a mistake, brushing her off. And it was too late that he had realize it.
Right now she could be lying dead somewhere for all he knew. And that scared him. That terrified him.
Knowing that he could've helped her but instead he had brushed her off. Leading her to her possible death.
God, he hoped, prayed, wished, anything! that his worst nightmare would never come true.
He would die if it did. He would've died knowing that he had led his beloved to her death, because of his mistake. Because of him.
Part Thirteen
*****
'Have you taken care of our problem?' A booming voice asked. He could smell fear in the darkness of the night. He gazed at the trembling heap of a demon at his foot. He could sense that the demon was scared for his life, knowing that he had failed the mission.
He had been unsuccessful and as a punishment for his mistake, he was going to get killed. By the all powerful master himself.
'N-n-not yet, master.' He replied, his voice shaking.
'Why not?' the demon could sense the anger in his masters voice. It was bad to have a powerful master, but it was worse to have a powerful and angry master. The combonation was surely a deadly force.
Before he could answer, he was dead.
'I'll just do it myself. Nothing ever gets done unless I do it.' the demon sighed.
He looked at the dead demon, it's neck at a weird angle, and chuckled.
It had felt wonderful to kill the stupid minion.
The master demon walked off into the endless night. Searching for his reason he was here in the first place. He had been among the few who had survived the End of Days. There were others, only idiots who knew nothing.
Walking until he stopped at an abandoned factory, kicking a can as he made his way towards the broken door.
***Soon, the slayer will get what she deserves. Her child will die by my hands, then my name will be the sacred name among the demons of hell.***
He thought gleefully. An eerie smile spread across his face.
*****
Buffy stood in front of a mirror, gazing at her naked body. She was five months pregnant and so far it was hell. But no matter how hard it was for her to carry a child, she loved every minute of it. Knowing that inside her was a child she and Angel had created together.
But that thought alone could bring tears to her tearless eyes. She had spent endless nights, weeping for someone she knew didn't love her the way she loved him.
It was painful to go on with that sad and bitter thought, but knowing that if she didn't, her child and the world would not survive. If she went, she took her child and the fate of the world with her.
It wasn't fair.
She had longed for a moment's peace. When there was nothing for her to worry about, no child, no ex-lover, no prophecy.
But NO, her life had to be so complicated.
Sighing, she ran her chubby fingers across her enormous stomach.
No matter how much she didn't want to pregnant, she loved it nevertheless. She had become attached to her unseen child.
Clasping both of her hands in front of her stomach, Buffy wished with all of her heart that Angel would have been by her side as she went through her pregnancy.
Buffy closed her eyes and wished so hard tears were dribbling down her chubby face.
Never had her life went the way she had wanted it to.
It was fruitless to wish. It would never come true. All she ever wanted was a life not filled with darkness and demon and to have Angel by her side.
But here she was. Alone and hurt. Darkness having long taken over her life.
Oh no, her life wasn't that complicated.
She remembered a time when she had dreams. But now, when she really needed those dreams, they were taken from her. Dreams were nothing to her anymore. She would never get what she most wanted.
Angel. He wasn't even hers anymore while she was always his.
Forever and always.
Buffy broke down, finall,y after a month of holding back the tears. Collapsing on the bed and pulling the blankets around her naked body.
*****
Part Fourteen
Cordelia watched as her boss shuffled through files with a sad look across her face. He had been so sad ever since he had brushed Buffy off. Now he was endlessly brooding.
God, it was so annoying! Watching him go through the same routine every single day. She could see what he was doing with her eyes closed.
She felt sorry for him, although a part of her said that he deserved to be sad since he was the reason why Buffy had ran away from him.
She wanted nothing more than to see her best friend happy, smiling so hard that it hurt his face. But she knew that the only person who can ever give him that kind of happiness was no longer here.
Amazing how a person's happiness lay within one being. The whole world depended on her. If it wasn't for her, the world as she knew it would be plunged in endless darkness.
Hell on earth for sure. Not only did she save the world, she had taught so many people that it was worth living.
Namely Angel and her. Before Buffy, she had always been a selfish snob. Not caring about anyone except for herself, but after learning about Buffy and what goes bump in the night, it had helped her realise that she was really worth something. That she wasn't as cold hearted as she made everyone believe.
She was about to get off of her chair and talk to her boss when she felt a mind-numbing pain.
Grabbing her head, she didn't even feel herself fall off of the chair and into Wesley's arms.
Closing her eyes at the pain, gasping for breath, she watched as she saw the pregnant woman run in an alley. She could see in the victim's eyes. She was being chased by a demon.
Cordelia could feel the fear and panic of the woman. It was a horrible feeling. She felt as though she could hear what the woman was thinking.
All she cared about was to bring her child into the world, not caring if her life was the price.
Cordelia knew that if they were a minute late, it would be too late for the child and its mother.
Opening her eyes, she answered Angels and Wesleys frantic questions.
Looking up at them with hope that they would be able to save her.
After a few minutes, Angel led the gang outside and towards the alley.
*****