Nightmares
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"Which is the true nightmare; the horrific dream you have in your sleep, or the dissatisfied reality that awaits you when you awake?"
- Justin Alcala
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Emily Prentiss already knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep on the plane back from their recent case.
Every night in her hotel room she would awake screaming, her body encased in a thin sheet of a cold sweat, as she shook. She initially thought it was because she was under so much stress, and it was taking a toll on her physically.
But as she recalls her nightmares, it usually links to a case that had affected her personally or significantly. She would see dead bodies of young women and children, lying dead under a tree or shoved into the brush.
She would awake with the feeling of blood on her hands, or her body physically beaten. It was to the point where she couldn't close her eyes for 5 minutes without seeing the torn figures.
But she was exhausted, and had fallen asleep on the couch on the jet, listening to Hotch and the team murmuring.
"When do we go in?"
Emily glanced to Hotch and Morgan, as they adjusted the earpieces around their necks. Hotch loaded his gun, before looking behind him at her.
"I'll give a signal."
She nodded once, following the two males as they carefully and quietly opened the doors to the old apartment building. She was careful with her feet; to avoid making noise and drawing out their UNSUB.
Hotch stopped at the door at the end of the hall, pressing a finger to his lips, before tilting his head toward the door.
He held up three fingers, ticking them down until he mouthed, "now!" Morgan kicked down the door, as Emily took place behind him, her gun pointed in front of her.
Something was off; but she couldn't place it. Before she could even take two more steps, something under her FBI vest felt warm and wet. She frantically dropped her gun, unstrapping her vest.
Hotch was behind her, seemingly frozen in time. Morgan had stopped and turned, just staring at her. She was confused, but her fingers were flying, as she ripped the bulletproof vest off and threw it to the ground.
Her white button up shirt had a crimson splotch on her abdomen, spreading like wildfire. Blood seeped onto her hands as she frantically tried to stop the bleeding, but it wasn't working.
It burned, like she had a thousand matches burning inside her. Tears pricked her eyes as her two colleagues and friends just stared at her. The blood came faster as she clenched her teeth.
"Help me! Hotch! Make it stop!" she screamed, tears falling off her eyelashes. They just stood, blinking as she fell to her knees, desperately trying to patch the sudden wound.
"Make it stop! Help me, Hotch!" she was sobbing now, the pain unbearable. "Help me! Make it stop!"
"Make it stop! Hotch, please! It burns, make it stop!"
She opened her eyes to see Hotch looking down at her, his eyes wild. Her cheeks were wet, as her body shook. She kicked her blankets off, her hands pulling at her cotton tee shirt, her chest squeezing.
"Emily! You're fine, you're fine-" he said assuringly, as his hands grasped her shoulders. She met his eyes, her body shaking as she inhaled deeply.
The whole team was staring at her, concern written all over their faces. The feeling of blood on her hands made her bring them to her face, inspecting them.
Perfectly clean.
"But I was bleeding all over the place, you - you and Morgan were just standing there, watching me writhe and sob in pain-" Emily stuttered, sitting up. She braced a hand to her forehead with a sigh.
At that, Morgan looked to her, his eyebrows knitted. "Em, it was only a nightmare. Hotch nor I would just let you suffer in pain-" he murmured and she nodded. "I know that-" she said, glancing out the window.
It was pitch black, seemingly around 1 or 2 am. "Sorry I startled you all, its just, I've been having these nightmares lately. Its no big deal-" she muttered, her cheeks still damp.
Hotch was sitting beside her, his hand still braced on her shoulder reassuringly. "What are they about, if you don't mind me asking?" Reid asks, intrigued.
"Uncontrollable pain, dead bodies of children we couldn't save, one of you guys getting hurt. Really, everything-" Emily says, her heart still pounding. "Interesting. The part of your brain that controls your dreams seems to have been corrupted, or overridden by fear, guilt and remorse-" Reid says and she just sighs.
"Do you need a couple days off, Prentiss?" Hotch asks and she shakes her head. "Oh no, I'm fine. Really, I just need my own bed-" she says and they all just meet each other's gaze. "Alright." Hotch rubs her back a little, before standing up. He takes his seat by Reid, turning his attention back to the paper work on the table.
She laid back, resting her head on the top of the couch. Her heart still relentlessly pounded against her rib cage, as she tried easing the shakiness in her hands.
It wasn't long before they touched back down into Quantico, as Emily rubbed her face with a heavy hand. She would be lying if she said she wasnt exhausted.
She gathered all her things, before following the rest of her team into the bureaus elevator. It was a silent ride, until they reached their floor.
As she put her things away into her desk, she saw Hotch walking toward her. "Do you mind staying a little later?" he asks and she shakes her head. "I'll be in my office when you're finished."
She put the files away, and made sure her go bag was packed, before walking up the steps into his office. He was situated at his desk, his face unreadable.
"You wanted me, sir?" she asks and he nods, motioning to the chair in front of his desk. "Are you okay?" he asks, and she nods. "I'm fine."
He gives her a look, before closing the file on his desk. "Nightmares mean you're struggling internally. And I need to make sure you're emotionally able to do this job without a clouded judgement, Prentiss-"
She only sighs, nodding. "I know. But trust me, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me-" Emily says and he nods, crossing his thumbs over each other on his clasped fist.
"Good. Now that business is taken care of, I'm asking you as a colleague, as a friend. What's wrong?"
She conflicts with herself on how to answer his question. She nibbles on her cheek, before meeting his gaze. It softens when she meets it.
"I don't know. With all of the horrible things that have happened, like Reid being abducted by Tobias, you being blown up by your own SUV, Garcia being shot, and even myself getting trapped in a church and being beat by a looney, I guess its taken its toll. But I have it under control-" Emily says and he nods.
"I know you're strong, Prentiss. You wouldn't have a spot on this team if you weren't. I believe you when you say you're fine-" Hotch says and she nods.
"Go get some sleep. I'll see you at 7 am tomorrow." Hotch says and she gets up, nodding. "Goodnight, Hotch."
"Goodnight, Prentiss."
Once she had her go bag in her hands and she unlocked her car, she finally felt her exhaustion blanket over her.
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"Every night her thoughts weighed heavily on her soul, but every morning she would get up to fight another day. Every night she survived.
- R.H Sin
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