Prologue
Castiel fell in love with Lawrence the minute he saw it.
The house was shit, paint peeling away, revealing a dirty grey beneath. The roof had shingles missing and upon closer inspection Castiel seemed to be able to see a few of them littering the weedy grass to the side. It looked dusty, dirty and small but it was a house nonetheless. To the left was a house in similar condition – its windows dark and curtains partly withdrawn. The entire street lay in an eerie silence, the only sound the falling footsteps of Castiel and his younger sister Anna as they trudged across the leaf littered driveway.
"The house looks awful", grumbled Anna. Her bright red hair was mussed in the back from the long car ride and she glared at the offending building as if it were to blame for its poor condition. Castiel wished he could repeat her sentiments but he had learned to be more optimistic. He was used to the constant misgivings, the abandonment and poor conditions, and his little sister deserved a happy life and he was determined to give as much of it to her as he could.
Besides, the minute he saw the property, he fell in love.
To the right side of the house, there stood a huge old oak tree, its thick branches towering over the rooftop beside it. In the late November sky, but a few leaves left fluttering in the soft, cool breeze. Someone not long ago had crudely cut a main branch off, probably where it had interfered with the side window. It was beautiful.
He and Anna cautiously proceeded inside, the old floor boards creaking. It was cramped but would probably be plenty of space for the two of them. To the left was a kitchen and the right was a large room Castiel assumed they would share for a bedroom. Anna did not look pleased
.
"Naomi told me I could have my own room." She frowned, her soft pink lips forming a small pout. Anna had always dreamed of having her own, private space. Castiel's heart hurt at the fact that he could not give it to her. He did not even pause at his little sister's use of their mother's first name. Naomi was not their mom – he was simply the woman who gave birth to them. That was it. He sighed.
"It's not your fault Cassie." Anna looked up at him, her eyes bright. Castiel could not tell but it seemed as though she was close to tears.
Moving every few years was hard enough but coming to a house like this amplified the empty feeling. To struggle every day to fit in, finally making a few decent friends, becoming closer – and then suddenly, they were whisked away, to another town to start over. It was inexplicable – their parents did not even live with them and yet they proclaimed it necessary for Castiel and Anna to move when their work took them away. Castiel shook his head to himself. He should not be complaining. Millions all over probably had it much, much harder than him. He should be grateful that he and Anna had a house to themselves to live in. He plastered a smile on him face.
"I'll tell you what.", he proposed. "I'll attach a rod across from these two beams", he said, pointing at two grooves across from each other on the wall close to the ceiling, "and we can put a curtain divider across. That way, when we want two rooms, we can have them and we can take it off whenever you feel like it." He smiled gently, for real this time, at his sister.
Anna tentatively looked back, her eyes softening at her brother's.
"You're the best Cassie." She wrapped her thin, pale arms around Castiel's body and held him tight. He buried his head in her fiery hair and they stood there for several moments, just holding onto each other. All they had was each other.
In that moment, despite the warmth and comfort from the one person in the world he loved, he felt incredibly sad and worried. Anna's arms were thin, too thin. Lack of money had made it so that they never had enough to eat and it was always cheap takeaway. He could feel her ribs poking out against his own. Oh, how he wished he could feed her something better, give her what she deserved. Would they always stumble across life, barely hanging on to the cusp, awaiting a fall? Each place they stayed felt too short and yet like forever. It was worry upon pain upon worry, never ceasing. Castiel could not remember the last time he felt truly happy. He took a deep breath and told himself what he did every time.
Every time Castiel and Anna arrived at a new location (there had been 11) he would tell himself that this would be it. Lawrence would be the place where he met friends who would stick with him, even when he moved. It would be the place he would get a good enough job that he could properly feed and clothe Anna and himself. It would be the place that would be worth fighting to stay at when the inevitable move happened. It would be it.
Even as he tried to convince himself, it felt as fake as he knew it was. There was no reason why the eleventh place should be better than the tenth or the ninth or the eighth or the first. But he hung onto that thought as if it were the only thing keeping him from drifting away into numbness. He hung on dearly, because admit it or not, Castiel was an optimist, a dreamer and believer.