A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. The are the property and creation of the wonderful Charlaine Harris.
"Are you mad at me?"
"No!"
"Then why are you walking so fast? Sookie! Slow down, please."
I yell back at him as I start to jog away, "I figured I'd put some distance between us so that you can have the room you need to cater to your adoring fans."
"Sookie!" He gets close enough to grab my arm and turns me to face him. I drop my head to hide the tears forming in my eyes.
"You know its not like that. It's just my job. These people, none of this means anything to me. You are what matters."
"Yeah, well I don't feel like I fit into your life anymore. I feel like maybe it's time for me to go home. I'm thinking of going back to Louisiana, Eric."
"Sookie, please don't do this. Please don't leave."
"I have to Eric. It's the only way I'll have any semblance of sanity. These past few months have been difficult for me. I've been trying to cope but I can't deal with this anymore. I thought I was strong enough to handle your lifestyle. I'm not. I don't want to be here anymore. I love you but I just can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't compete. I'm a small town girl and I can't compete with these city women. They're beautiful, much more beautiful than I'll ever be. I don't know why you even bother with me."
"Now you're being ridiculous. I'm in love with you. Don't you know that, can't you see that?"
"I know, I do. I just…"
"Sookie, is there nothing I can do, nothing I can say to convince you to stay with me? I love you."
"I love you too Eric, and I want to be with you, just not like this." I finally look up at him and am ashamed of myself. His dark blue eyes plead with me, "don't break my heart." I turn away as the tears I fought so hard to hold back fall down my face.
"Let's go back to my place and talk about this." Eric steps closer to me, placing a finger under my chin, tilting my face up to his. He leans down enough that our foreheads touch.
He wipes away my tears with his thumb, tracing their fading path down my cheek. I'm about to agree to go home with him when three girls run up to us, waving autograph books frantically at him. He mouths, sorry, to me as they surround him, jumping up and down, grabbing at his arms. I step away, shaking my head, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow me whole. I have no such luck.
This is exactly the problem I'm having being with Eric. I can't deal with the horde of girls, women, and men who vie for his attention. He can't ignore his fans because they are the foundation for his career. I get it, I do but I don't have to like it. I'm not being selfish; its just that I want him. The Eric I grew up with in Bon Temps. The Eric I fell in love with all those years ago. He's still the same Eric but everyone else wants a piece of him. I just want him.
"I'll see you back at the apartment. I'm going to get a cab." I can't be sure if he heard me and I don't really care. I am too far gone into my personal pity party and I just want to go home.
"Sookie, wait!"
I run to the other side of the street and hail a cab. I don't bother looking back as I know Eric is still surrounded by those screaming girls. Ugh! The cab pulls away just as Eric is freed from his bevy of fans.
As soon as I reach Eric's apartment, I grab my little suitcase and throw all of my things into it. I scribble a note on a piece of paper I find on the coffee table and make my way to the airport.
The flight to Shreveport is uneventful. I turned off my cell so that I wouldn't get any calls from Eric. I'm sure he's called because it's what I would do. Once I claim my luggage, I use a payphone to call my brother Jason. I know he's always around and can give me a ride to Bon Temps.
Gran will be surprised to see me home so soon. I didn't think I'd be coming back to Bon Temps at all. I had the feeling that Eric was going to propose to me and knowing that, knowing the way I felt about everything, I couldn't stay in LA. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.
So why do I feel like shit? Because I'm an insecure mess. I miss Eric already. It's only been a few hours and my body craves his touch. I miss the warmth from his hands caressing my hips, his fingers ghosting across the small of my back when we cuddle. I didn't even kiss him goodbye. I ran like the coward that I am and now I'm miserable.
I see my brother walking toward me with a goofy grin on his face.
"Well lookie here. My sister's come back from the big city. How you doing girl?"
"Hey Jase. I'm not doing so great."
"Why, what's wrong?"
"I left Eric."
"WHAT? Did he do something to you Sook? I need to make a trip to LA with Sam and Alcide? 'Cause you know we got your back." I love my big brother. Automatically he assumes its ass-kicking time. I laugh, smacking him on the shoulder.
"No, no. He didn't do anything. It's all me. I couldn't handle his celebrity status. He's famous now and is known all over the world. We can't go anywhere without someone wanting an autograph or a picture. I mean, I love him but I didn't think it was fair for me to try and compete for his attention. Why I'm telling you all this I don't know but, thanks for listening."
"Hey, I get it. You're just not used to the way his life is now. But Sook, you know none of that shit matters. As long as he treats you good and loves you, everything else will work itself out. You don't have to compete for his love. His fans don't love him in the way that counts. You do."
"It's not that simple Jason. I wish it were but…"
"No buts. You running away from your problems only makes things worse. They'll still be there when you go back to him. You are going back to him?"
"I don't know. I love him but I can't be with him. Do you know what I mean?"
"I know what you mean but again, I'm sure you can work something out. Go places where nobody knows him, stay in, or just ignore what's going on around you. I've seen the way he is with you Sook. He doesn't pay attention to anyone or anything else when you're in the room. It can't be all bad. You need to call him and talk to him. Now, I've said my piece. You're a big girl and I know you can handle it. Just don't take too long cause Eric's a good guy and you don't want to lose him over something so insignificant."
"It's not insignificant to me, but I do appreciate the words of wisdom from my goofy big brother, who's probably never had a girlfriend for longer than two weeks. Thanks Jase." I knew he was right but I wasn't going to admit that to him.
"Anytime. You're my baby sister and I'll always be here for you. So, come on. Let's get you home. Gran sure will be excited to see ya." He gives me a much needed hug and I relax a little.
The rest of the ride home Jason tells me all about Hoyt and his girlfriend Jessica finally 'going all the way'. He's such a kid. Like I really care about any of his friends' sex lives. Granted, Hoyt is my age, still living at home with his momma, and a virgin-well used to be a virgin. I'm not really one to talk though. I lost my virginity to Eric about a year ago. I always knew he was the one but I was terrified to take that next step with him. His penis scared me half to death. I'd never seen one as big as his and I just…
I can laugh about it now but I wasn't laughing so much the first time I saw him naked. I was speechless. We were at a friend's house for a pool party our senior year of high school. I'd walked in on him as he was changing out of his swim trunks. I wanted to ask him how he walked around with an extra arm between his legs, but thought better of it. Yeah…he was that big.
Thinking back on that embarrassing time makes me think about how sexy Eric is and I get a tingling sensation in my nether regions. He has the most perfect body, which everyone sees once a week on my favorite television show, If Looks Could Kill. The writers must have a thing for Eric too, as he's almost always shirtless in every scene.
Why did I leave him again?
I sigh thinking about his warm body pressed against mine, the thrumming of his heart under my ear as we lay together in bed, running my fingers through his shoulder length hair. It's times like this when I wish that we could just go back to the way things used to be. Before his show became a big hit, before every director wanted him to star in their next film, before he was recognized by every passerby on the street.
I was always in love with Eric and it seems he was with me. We just didn't know it until we ran into each other last year. I hadn't seen him in at least two years since he'd moved to LA. It was as if he'd never left Bon Temps…
"Well if it isn't Miss Sookie Stackhouse. Wow, you look amazing." He pulled in me for a hug. He smelled so good. I didn't want to let him go. I almost forgot how good he looked in person. Television did not do him justice.
"Thanks Eric, so do you. But I'm sure you already knew that; you don't need me to tell you."
"Nonsense. I like hearing it from you because yours is the only opinion that matters to me."
"You're just being sweet. I'm nothing special." I batted my eyelashes like a loon. I was so caught off guard that I'm surprised I wasn't squealing like a school girl. At that point he could have asked me to do anything and I would have said yes.
"Well then you don't see yourself the way I do."
He asked me out to dinner and we had a really great time catching up. He told me about a movie he'd just finished and that it'd be out in theatres soon. He wanted me to accompany him to the movie's premiere. Of course, I said I would go. How could I pass that up? I wanted to spend as much time with Eric as I could. It didn't matter to me what we did as long as we were together. I didn't know how long he'd be around and I didn't want to miss out on anything.
We had to fly to New York City for the premiere. It was a wonderful night and nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. There were photographers, reporters, screaming fans and publicists, but Eric made me feel like I was the only person there.
He took me back to his condo, which his parents left to him when they moved back to Sweden. I took a brief moment to look around while Eric went to flip on the lights. The place was impeccably decorated and huge.
The wall-to-wall carpet in the living room was the plushest carpet I'd ever set foot on. Dark hardwood floors stretched the length of the hall back toward what I assumed were the bedrooms. I snuck a glance into the kitchen, which looked like it was built for a professional chef. Everything was in immaculate condition. You could tell no one lived there or if they did, they didn't cook.
I was nervous as I'd never been in that situation before-alone with a guy that I loved. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My libido was doing back flips after having seen the love scene in his movie. I had no idea how sexy Eric could look while making love.
He had just walked back into the living room when he turned to me, taking both of my hands in his and squeezing them tightly. He was nervous.
"Sookie Stackhouse, I'm in love with you. I have been since the first moment I laid eyes on you. Do you remember that?" I nodded. "We were both ten years old. I'd just moved into the neighborhood and your Gran had invited my family over for dinner. I sat across from you and couldn't take my eyes off you. I didn't know it then but I know now that you are and always will be the love of my life."
He leaned closer to me, taking my face in his large hands, running his thumb across my lips. I was so stunned by his revelation that I just nodded and gulped for air.
"I love you too, Eric Northman. I think I've always known it. Why did we wait so long to tell one another again?" He laughed a laugh that always calmed me and brushed his lips across mine. I groaned at the loss when he pulled back to look into my eyes.
"I don't know but I'd rather we not waste another minute. I want to make love to you."
He pulled me close, squeezing me for a brief moment before claiming my mouth in one long, hard, passionate kiss. His hands trailed down my sides to my hips. He reached around, caressing and massaging my ass, causing me to moan into his mouth. It must have driven him crazy because he'd lifted me up, wrapped my legs around his waist, and backed us into the nearest wall.
His erection ground up against my center, sending a tingle down to my toes. My body was yearning to be touched by him in every way possible. His hands slid up my thighs, to my hips. His fingers tugged at my panties hastily. A rush of cool air smacked my bottom as Eric ripped the tiny garment from my body.
I could feel his thick, warm fingers searching out my core. They glided through my folds down to the heat escaping my sex. Eric plunged one, then another finger into me. He pumped them in and out of my center while simultaneously flicking my nub with his thumb.
My hips had a mind of their own and bucked wildly against him. My movements drove his fingers deeper into me, causing me to cry out in pleasure. It didn't take long for an increasing pressure to build in my abdomen and branch out through to my limbs. I arched my back and screamed out in delight as I'd just experienced my first orgasm. I wanted more.
"More, Eric, please…" I begged. He made a trail of open mouthed kisses down my jaw, to my neck. He stopped and sucked at the delicate skin there before moving on to my breasts. He bit at my nipple through the fabric of my dress and bra. The moist heat from his mouth madethe tiny bud perk up at his attentions.
He kept one hand on my hip while the other massaged my left breast. His tongue continued teasing and flicking the nipple of my right breast. He had me so on-edge; I was ready to be pushed over.
My hands threaded through his hair, pulling on the strands gently as he worked my breasts with his talented fingers and tongue. My thighs squeezed against his hips tightly, as he walked us to his bedroom. He laid me on the bed before he placed himself between my legs.
Resting on his forearms he continued his assault on my breasts, working his way up to my neck. He sucked and nibbled and licked my throat down to the valley between my breasts, and back up again. He feathered kisses all along my jaw line before gazing into my eyes. He wanted my attention and he had it.
He pulled away to remove his clothing. I lay there watching him, my mouth agape. I may have drooled once he removed his shirt. He was absolutely mouth-watering. His broad shoulders rolled as he pulled his shirt down his toned arms. My eyes traveled the length of his torso admiring every dip, ripple and contour of his well defined abs. I licked my lips in anticipation.
He slid his hands down to his belt slowly, teasing me with the movement of his hips. They swayed back and forth a little as he pulled on his belt, unbuckling the snap of his pants and pushing them down his legs. He was wearing boxer briefs that fit so snugly I could see the result of our previous fooling around. My eyes bugged out of my head at the size, width and girth of his burgeoning member as he removed his underwear.
It would be my first time and I knew it would hurt. But I was willing with Eric and that made it all the more special. The glimpse I'd caught of Eric naked before was nothing compared to what I saw that night. He'd definitely grown since high school.
Once completely naked, he crawled up my body, pushing my dress up to my waist, then over my head. I was nervous and told him so. He calmed me by telling me we'd take it slow and that he wouldn't hurt me. I snorted because I thought he didn't realize just how big his dick was. I trusted Eric though, and felt myself relax at his words.
He stopped for a moment, looking to his bedside table. When I realized what he was looking for, I told him that I was on the pill so we didn't have to worry about condoms, unless he was sexually active with someone else.
To my surprise, he told me he hadn't been with anyone in over a year. I audibly gasped at his words, covering my mouth in shock. He roared with laughter, throwing his head back, his long blonde hair washing over his shoulders in waves, exposing his beautiful neck to me. I sat up to run my tongue along his throat, over his Adam's apple, up to the dimple in his chin. I bit a little, relishing in his moans as I teased his nipples with my fingers. He moved to place his tip at my entrance and I froze.
"Relax älskare, look at me and relax." His husky voice eased my trepidations.
He shifted his hips entering me slowly, stopping briefly to allow me to adjust to his size. I was a little uncomfortable at first, but enjoyed the sensation of him filling me. I felt whole, complete once we were connected. My walls clenched down on him and he trembled. He began to rock his hips back and forth slowly. He pulled out most of the way before easing back in. I liked the tempo but was ready for more.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and he managed to go deeper. We both moaned, moving together in an easy rhythm. I dug my heels into Eric's ass, forcing him to move faster, harder. He sped up his thrusts in time with my bucking hips. The sound of our bodies colliding filled the room. His groans and grunts made me crazy and I wanted him to move even faster.
The thought of me giving him pleasure drove my hips to move faster against him. The combination of our movements put me closer and closer to reaching my release. I came harder than I thought I ever could. Eric continued moving inside of me until he screamed out my name, his hips jerking wildly as he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm. We cuddled together in post coital bliss for a few moments until he was ready to go again. It was definitely a good night.
We were so lost in one another that we were oblivious to the outside world. Eric made love to me like a man on a mission. He taught me many things that night, one of them being he could make me come with a flick of his tongue as well as his finger.
After that night we were inseparable. I moved out to LA to be closer to him. I hadn't planned on staying as long as I did but he always knew what to say to convince me to stay just one more month. It didn't take much to persuade me. I wanted to stay with Eric. He was my world and I was his.
His publicist Pam was a bit of an annoyance but she was only doing her job. We'd actually become really good friends. Now his assistant, Felicia, I had a serious problem with her. She was always so bitchy toward me. I had no idea why. I asked Eric about it one night as I'd had enough of her attitude.
"Eric, I know that you need her and she's been with you so long that she knows you inside and out but Felicia rubs me the wrong way."
"What's happened now?" This wasn't the first time I'd brought it up.
"She doesn't like me. I'm not sure why but she looks at me as if she wants to smash my face in. You two were never involved, right?"
"No Sookie, how could you ask me that?"
"Well, I wasn't sure. I thought, maybe she'd had a thing for you or something and you blew her off. Maybe she's pissed at me because I'm with you."
"I don't know if she has feelings for me or not but you know I've only loved you. You know that."
"Of course, I know that but, you are a man. You've had sex before me so I know you've…"
"Sookie, you have nothing to worry about as far as Felicia is concerned. I will talk to her and make sure she knows to show you the same respect she shows me."
"I appreciate that and I'm sorry for mentioning it again, but I don't want there to be any issues between us."
"Hey, don't be sorry. You can mention, bring up, or discuss whatever with me. I want us to be able to talk to one another and resolve any issues that may come up."
"Here's the thing, if Felicia doesn't change her attitude toward me, I don't know where that will leave us. You're not going to get rid of her. You can't and I understand that. I just want you to know that if she continues to be a bitch to me I'm going to avoid her. And that may mean missing some of your events and…"
"No, I won't allow that. I'll get rid of her before I let her come between us. You mean more to me than my assistant Sookie. Don't sell yourself short. Felicia doesn't make or break my career."
"But she's been your assistant for a while now. She knows things about you that she could use against you."
"And I'd take care of it. Don't worry about me. Besides, I have nothing to hide. No secrets."
"If you say so."
"Now, why don't you come here and show me how much you love me, my petit chou."
I did love it when he pulled out the French. Eric is the only man I know that can speak multiple languages but only chooses to do so during sex. He's said so many things to me in Swedish, French, even Spanish that I've tried to get him to repeat in English. He would laugh and tell me that he'd teach me one day. I doubted it because it would ruin his fun.
We were happy and I knew that he loved me more than anything.
So that brings me back here to Bon Temps, pulling up to my childhood home, without the love of my life. Jason has been prattling on about who knows what for the past forty minutes. Sometimes he gets so excited about whatever he's talking about he doesn't notice when you've tuned him out. I've gotten pretty good at it. I'm not really into sports and being his only sibling, the sports talks would fall on my ears. I'm so glad he has friends now. I chuckle to myself and Jason looks over at me. I shake my head and move to get out of the truck.
Gran appears at the door with open arms and I run straight into her embrace. She holds me so tightly I can't breathe, but I don't say a word. I love Gran's hugs. They always make me feel better and I need that right now. A lone tear slips down my cheek and I discreetly brush it away with my thumb.
"Well let me get a look at my special girl. Oh Sookie you look wonderful. You're nicely tanned; you been getting a lot of sun out there in California?"
"Yes, Gran. Lots of sun. Eric's apartment is just off the beach. We'd go there just about every day."
"Oh, I see. So where is he? Didn't he come with you dear?" Oh boy…
"Um, no Gran, it's just me. I kind of needed to come back home. Get myself grounded in reality for a bit."
"Trouble? He didn't hurt you did he?"
"You sound just like Jason. No Gran, Eric didn't do anything to hurt me. I just needed a break and decided to come home. So, what's cooking? It sure does smell good in there."
"You are in for a treat. Come on in and set your bags down. We can talk some more over dinner."
I always know how to change the subject with Gran. I talk about food or her stories (those horrid soap operas she watches). Gets her every time. As I place my bags down in the living room, I think about calling Eric. Jason's booming voice shakes me from my thoughts and I shrug it off. I'm here to forget about him and calling him won't do me any good.
A/N: Trying something new here. Let me know what you think. Thanks to my beta hearttorn for helping me get this in order. I bugged her quite a bit. Love you lovie! xoxo