Snapshots of a Love Lost: Remus looks back on his relationship with Lily as she walks down the aisle. Songfic.
Unbetaed
A/N: Changes POV a few times. Sorry for the confusion. I tried to keep it in either Remus' or 3rd person.
Summary: Remus Lupin remembers a lot things, probably more than he would like. Nothing more than the love that he lost.
On December 25, 1978 Lily Marie Evans became Lily Marie Potter nee Evans. I, Remus John Lupin, was there to witness this event along with a few other friends and family. However, I knew that girl before she even knew who she was. This is our unfortunate story.
A nervous red-headed girl introduces herself to the tawny haired boy. They become instant friends for they share a special love of books and a thirst for knowledge. 'Please don't let me mess this up.' The boy thinks to himself.
Soon the train reaches Hogwarts and they are in the Great Hall in no time. The girl's name is called. He thinks no one could ever have a prettier name than hers. Lily Marie Evans, it just had a perfect ring to it. The hat cries out Gryffindor and knows that is where he has to be.
When it is his turn to go up, Lily hopes and prays that he will be in her house. It takes a little while before the hat seems to reluctantly call out Gryffindor as well. Remus rushed over to his new friend before glancing up at the Head table to find Dumbledore smiling at him. Remus was able to give a weak smile back before Lily pulled him back into the conversation she was having with the other new first years.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
Remus knew it was wrong. Oh Merlin did he know it was wrong but how could something that seemed so right be bad?
'Oh yeah, you are making out with Lily Evans; otherwise known as the girl your best friend is in love with.'
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
We sat in the Room of Requirements. One of the few short chances for us to be alone. I never told the guys that I could play piano but it was one of the few things that I was exceedingly passionate about. Lily loved sitting in the warmth of the fire's glow and listen to me play. How I wish we could go back to those days…when everything seemed so carefree.
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
As I sit at the piano waiting you to walk down the aisle, I think back on when you told me were getting married to my best friend. Your face lit up and I knew I couldn't say anything. Now you've broken my heart by asking me to play our song during the wedding. But, of course, you know that I could never say no to you.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
It's not long now. You will be walking down that aisle and away from me. I know you promised we would be close even after you got married but I see the way you look at him and I know nothing will ever be the same.
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I knew from the first time you gave into him our seventh year that it was all over. You said, 'Remus, don't be silly. I will never fall in love with James Potter and once he realizes that, then there will be no more hiding.' When you came back from Hogsmeade your face glowing, I knew that I had lost you forever.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
We were still so young back then. Halloween had always been a special time down in Hogsmeade and boy did we find that out in our fifth year. Celebrations and parties were everywhere we looked. We danced and laughed until we could no longer stand it. I never thought I could love anyone more than I did at that moment. I just didn't realize that it would be ever worse when you left.
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images
The day you broke my heart will stay with me forever though someday I know I will come to forgive you, in fact I think I already have. I just gotten back from a small mission for Dumbledore and you were waiting for me. You and James invited Sirius and I over for dinner. I knew it was partly because we hadn't been together as group in so long but I also saw the way you looked at James. When you guys announced your engagement, it came as no surprise. Sirius was overjoyed and yet, I still felt more reserved. Of course I was happy, who wouldn't be watching the two of you and yet I felt somewhat nostalgic.
I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Lily walks up to Remus from across the Common Room. As she flopped down into the chair beside him, he knew something was up.
"Remus?"
"Yes, Lily?"
"We'll be friends forever right? Cause I can't stand the thought of losing you." She said, thinking of another.
"Forever and ever Lily." He replied, though he knew she was talking about the recent problems she had been having with Severus. "Nothing could come between us."
She leaned over and looked him straight in the eye. "Good. Cause if you do…."
"I could never hurt you Lily." He said back and he meant it.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
I begin to play and everyone in the room stands. Everyone has always been drawn to you Lily and today that feel that presence even more. I know the song by heart so I turn and look at you too. You give me a slight wink and I know I'm going to be just fine.
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
As you and James say 'I do', I watch you glow from my position next to Sirius. Sirius looks at me and I look back at him. I swear we all have never been closer as a group of friends than we had in that moment.
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
When we would visit Hogsmeade in the following years, it would still hurt me just a little to look at all the little spots that had made this town special to us. However, I knew those memories would always be with me. Even when thoughts were running through my mind, I knew I could never hate you.
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
During our seventh year, I used to watch you and James when I thought you were not looking. I saw the way he looked at you with such adoration and I saw you giving the same look back. I wondered if you even remembered what we had had. Then you would look at me and give me that special smile I knew so well. I knew it hurt you too but it could never amount to the pain I felt.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
As I look at you now, saying 'I do' to my best friend, I know that you are still the best friend I have ever had and I will be forever grateful for that fact.