I woke up without the need of an alarm, full of joy and ready to start the day. I was especially excited that day, as it was the day of the festival. It had finally arrived. But that wasn't the only reason. My memory flashed the events of yesterday and the question Sayori had asked me, and of my own response. I needed to see her again. I raced out of my house and looked for Sayori up and down the street. She wasn't there. Strange… I thought. She must've gone to school already. That makes sense, considering how important today is… Without any further thought I headed off to the school. As I walked into the classroom, I was stopped by Monika. She looked even happier than I did somehow, and her eyes sparkled brightly coupled with an even brighter smile. I looked around the class frantically but Sayori and the others weren't there. It was Just Monika.
"Hey Monika, have you seen Sayori?" Monika's smile flickered at the mention of her name, but it came back immediately.
"I think she stayed home. Maybe you should go see her. You don't want to leave her hanging." There was something slightly menacing in her tone but I brushed it off. Who wouldn't be mad that Sayori upstanded us on the most important day in a while?
"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm gonna go back and see if she's home. I'm just worried about her."
Monika's eyes blazed with a silent fury but she made no mention of it. "Why would you be worried? There is nothing to be worried about."
I breathed in and tried to speak in a calm voice despite how nervous I felt. "I think I know why she stayed home."
Monika looked at me quizzically. "Oh?"
"She asked me yesterday if I loved her and I said yes. And now she's not here the next day? I bet she just wanted to see my true feelings but she didn't really return them. I don't know. I hope she doesn't hate me…" Monika's smile flickered and fell, and she turned away from me.
"Trust me. It isn't you." She sounded scared.
I kept talking. "I just don't want to mess up anything. I love this group and I love my friends. We had so many fun times together and I don't want to destroy that."
Monika still didn't turn to me. She stayed where she was and dropped her gaze to the ground. I heard her mutter "What am I doing…?" I didn't know what was going on and couldn't find the courage to ask what was happening. Finally she regained her composure but didn't turn around still. "You really do love her, huh?" Her voice was shaking...
"Yeah, I guess I do. I'd be devastated if we never talked anymore. Dammit, why did I do this? I told her I loved her but that wasn't what she needed from me…" Monika turned around, still with that ever present smile but the light in her eyes didn't shine.
"Go to her. Quickly. Tell her you love her and I'm sure everything will be fine." Monika looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown, probably because she had been so angry at Sayori a few seconds ago. But more than that she looked… ashamed. I turned to leave and Monika started speaking again. "And for what it's worth… I'm sorry."
In that instant I understood everything. I saw it all unfold in my head. I felt my eyes well up with tears and saw Monika crying herself. "I know you are. And for what it's worth… I forgive you." I ran down the hall and out the school doors, wiping tears from my face and feeling confused. I didn't understand why Monika apologized, but it felt like I had suddenly forgotten something important. I also didn't understand why I was sprinting towards Sayori's house but something deep inside me didn't let me stop until I was at her door and ready to throw up.
I didn't knock. I threw open the door and saw Sayori standing on a chair putting a rope on the ceiling. I knew what it was immediately. She picked up her pace and put the rope around her neck. She kicked out the chair. I felt the panic burst from me.
"NO!" I ran to her side in a flash and supported her weight on my shoulders. She tried to kick me but couldn't get any power behind her kicks. I took off the rope and set her gently down. My eyes were filled with tears and questions. "Why… why would you…?" I couldn't form the sentence between my sobs.
She began sobbing as well and put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry… I can't... I can't…"
I stopped her with a hug. I sat there for what must've been hours just holding her in my arms and the both of us crying.
"I love you… I love you…" I kept shipering those words to her. She started saying it back.
"Please don't do this. W-we can get you help. Just don't leave the club. Just don't leave me."
I couldn't stay there forever, as much as I wanted to. Eventually I left and she went to the hospital. Yuri and Natsuki constantly visited and brought her gifts, usually being cupcakes and fantasy novels. I brought stuffed animals. I went to see her everyday, but Monika never did. Somehow that didn't surprise me. I went back to class after a couple days but I didn't see Monika again. She hadn't come to school in several days. I found a piece of paper tucked away in the back of the classroom that looked hurriedly made.
"I did something bad.
I almost hurt someone.
I don't know how to live with myself.
If this is even living.
But if this is all fake then I don't care.
Because love is love.
And love is real.
No one can force it.
Not even me."
Sayori came back after a while, and the sight of her in her school uniform made my heart melt. The literature club had finally resumed with its 4th member, and Sayori was now acting president. Every day I walked into the class was a treasure. Natsuki and Yuri would fight over this or that but I almost never took notice. All I could see was Sayori. Just Sayori.