Disclaimer for the story: Sadly, I do not own Strange Magic, although I do have the DVD that I play once a week.
This is not supposed to be taken seriously with even the smallest amount of measure. If I have not made you laugh even the tiniest then I didn't write this right. Constructive advice is appreciated but please refrain from criticism. Enjoy!
"Requirements to be an official Disney Princess.
The character must have a primary role in an animated Disney/Pixar film or another division owned by Disney...Check.
The character must be human or human-like...Racist humans but check.
The character should not have been introduced into a sequel...Like we'd be willing to put up with that whole mess again. Check.
The character should be born royal, married royal, or has performed an act of heroism...I can check all three actually.
The overall critical and box office success of the film can be seen as the deciding factor...," Marianne throws the parchment on the table. "How is that our fault? I mean seriously! Our movie trailer was horrible and included things that wasn't even in the movie! That's not even counting their lack of advertising or merchandise."
"Calm down, my queen," Bog murmurs, sipping his blackberry tea.
"Actually, she is right, Bog," Dawn comments, shifting her fussy infant. "I saw them advertising a new movie two years before they even released it and they had merchandise on the shelves months before it opened in the theaters. We still don't have merchandise and it's been how many years since they finally finished editing it."
"Not to mention how many years for that Lucas fellow to even start filming after he propositioned the idea to make a video of the most pivotal moment in our kingdom," Griselda mentions, combing her granddaughter's bushy red hair. "Obviously no human actor could take our place and after all that we had to do to reenact those days ourselves, especially with Marianne being pregnant at the time of filming, you'd think they would be more respectful of us once we allowed those cameras into our world."
"They even left a few crucial things out because it messed with the flow of the movie," Dagda complains, chuckling at the half-elf toddler's attention to his beard. "How could anyone think that I didn't care about my own daughters or that Griselda didn't care about Bog's pain? I'm not surprised that many thought that after seeing the finished work for myself and it's no surprise that humans who did have parents who didn't care about them wouldn't like the movie because those vital scenes of us talking to our children were cut."
"I read a review of several people complaining about the musical aspect being the deciding factor that they didn't like the movie but those same people praised another movie with far more music and some of it didn't even make sense," Sunny remarks. "They claimed the reason is that our music is unoriginal."
"Unoriginal? Don't those idiots even realize that they took most of their music from us," Bog growls before cooing to the upset carapaced-toddler resting on his shoulder. "Daddy's sorry. Everything is alright, Steel, go on back to sleep."
"You know humans are stupid, Bog King. I mean, how could anyone take a goblin's song about being evil and turn it into something that could turn females on," Roland laughs before reaching up to his head? "Be careful, Darling! Don't tear Dada's hair out."
The little golden larva peers through the curls and pats her skinny hand onto his. She giggles at her older brother's envy before burrowing into the hair once more. She was going to relish being small for as long as she could, it's not her fault that Root got too big to be in Dada's hair after his last molt.
"Don't pout, Bog. That Elvis guy had nothing on the real King," Marianne purrs, kissing her husband's chin. "Although, it would be nice for the humans to start giving credit where credit is due. Really, is it too much to ask that they give us the same acknowledgment that they even give animals that perform in their movies?"
"They apparently think so," Jason grumbles, placing his card onto the pile. "They didn't even bother giving our names out."
"Lackeys," Rufus mutters, picking up Jason's card and placing another on the pile. "That's all and we had a bigger role in the whole ordeal than Brutus. No offense, big guy."
"None taken," Brutus comments. "I didn't like how they portrayed goblins as unintelligent. They took one day of our lives and decided that defined us."
"That isn't any worse than their portraying fairies as racist and sexist," Alexander remarks, laughing as he places a card on the pile. "Gin!"
"You guys should be happy that at least none of you was portrayed as crazy and evil just because you loved seeing people in love and happy," Plum gripes, Imp nodding along. "Humans should be grateful that we fae don't play the tricks on them like we used to."
"I'm just glad we managed to get through all that acting," Pare chuckles. "Who cares what humans think of us. They obviously don't really care or they would try to get to know more about our culture. I, for one, am glad to stay away from those silly creatures for the rest of my life."
The informal dining room fills with murmurs of agreement at that.
"Maybe it's a good thing that you and Princess Dawn aren't getting recognized as Disney Princesses, Queen Marianne," Thang offers, trying to keep his triplet toddlers away from the fireplace. "Bad enough having the humans in our world long enough to film us reenacting that fateful event but then they would want sequels and interviews and you'd have to appear for Disney Princess events. "
"That's not the point, Thang," Stuff remarks. "It's a matter of pride."
"Pride's overrated," Marianne mutters, throwing the list of requirements into the fire.
Tea Blend.