a/n: Hi guys. I'm starting a new series of one shots called Song Beneath a Song. (That's the title of a Grey's Anatomy episode, if it sounds familiar). Each will be a separate story titled Song Beneath a Song: (insert song title here).
I've just been listening to music on Spotify a lot and I have a Swan Queen playlist….and so these stories were born from this. The stories won't be related to each other, unless it says that they are.
I recommend looking up these songs after or before you read the fics. They are some great songs by incredible bands.
Enjoy! and please review :)
xoxo
I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
but with this beast inside
there's nowhere we can hide
when you feel my heat
look into my eyes
it's where my demons hide
it's where my demons hide
Emma Swan was not one to cower away from criticism. She had learned at a young age not to be sensitive to the hurtful words and judgements of others, so that others could not target her insecurities, or worse, so that she wouldn't be seen as weak. However, in her attempts to desensitize herself from the teasing of the other foster children, the verbal and sometimes physical abuse of the foster parents, and the judgements from countless others throughout her life, she might have closed herself off completely.
Emma knew how to box her emotions up inside her head, storing the painful memories and hateful words away in the back of her mind, to be dealt with when she was alone. She would never break down in public, never yell, never scream, and most definitely never cry. Her displays of emotion in public were mostly fake positives. She wouldn't allow herself too much of a good thing, fearing that if she enjoyed too much it would be taken away. So, she kept her walls up and guarded, and carried on with her life as best she could.
But today, she had displayed more emotion than she ever had allowed before. She had yelled, she had screamed, and she had cried. The three things she vowed never to do. And she had done them. More than once. In more than one place. To more than one person. And it wasn't just a 'person.' It was Regina. Regina fucking Mills. Mayor, mother of Henry, and her supposed worst enemy.
Seeing Regina distressed over Henry had made Emma want to fling her arms around the beautiful woman, and take away all her pain. She shouldn't want that. She couldn't want that. It was way too complicate. The Savior and the Evil Queen? Please point out one scenario where that would work. Where that wouldn't be completely fucked up.
"Fuck." That seemed to be the only word she could thing of. "Fuck. Fuck fuck. Shit. God damn." Apparently there were two more she could say.
"Emma?" Mary Margaret called out, carefully, afraid of the state her room mate was in. For the whole evening, late into the night, since she had left Regina and Henry at the mines, Emma had been in her room, talking to herself, well mostly swearing, slamming things, and blasting Eminem. Mary Margaret wasn't sure what things Emma had been slamming, but it wasn't her toaster, so really, it was okay.
Mary Margaret cautiously approached the door, and reached her hand for the door knob, as if it were flaming hot, and the slightest touch would send burning red pains through her nerves. She turned the knob and pulled open the door, like she was ripping off a bandage. What she saw surprised her.
"What do you want?" Emma mumbled, her back to Mary Margaret. Emma was rummaging through the dresser in the makeshift bedroom that had become Emma's room in the attic of Mary Margaret's apartment.
"Emma, what are you doing?" Mary Margaret asked confused. Clothes were scattered all throughout the room and the dresser drawers were all wide open and empty. "Are you leaving?"
"No," Emma scoffed, "I'm just reorganizing." She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"But uh, why?" Mary Margaret asked, still not understanding.
"Because I don't know what else to do!" Emma exploded, all the pent up emotions finally bursting. "Shit. God damn shit," Emma muttered, throwing the clothing in her hands onto the ground.
"And what's with all the colorful language?" Mary Margaret wondered, moving a pile of clothes, to sit on Emma's bed.
"I pride myself in not being an emotional whack job. And today at the mines I let myself be vulnerable and emotional, but what's worse is that I did it in front of Regina. But fuck, I was so worried about Henry. And God, do you know what that woman does to me? She gets under my skin, makes me so angry, and she drives me nuts. It's infuriating!" Emma yelled in frustration.
"And the problem is?" Mary Margaret asked, narrowing her eyes, knowing she had struck a nerve with Emma.
"I should hate her. She has literally tried to run me out of this town, she has threatened me, and she insults me constantly. But I don't hate her. I lo-" Emma stopped herself.
"You what?" Mary Margaret pushed, hoping to pry just a little more to get Emma to admit her feelings for Regina out loud.
Mary Margaret knew that Emma had been pushing away her feelings for the mayor ever since she had first arrived in Storybrooke. Her blonde room mate would come home and eat her feelings and watch action movies with Mary Margaret rather than admit that she wanted to be with Regina. And if Mary Margaret wasn't there to sulk with, she would becoming good friends with a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
"I love her!" Emma screamed, and immediately slapped her hands over her mouth. "FUCK!" Emma exploded.
"Emma you really should watch your lan-" Mary Margaret teased, but was cut off by Emma's abrupt exit from the bedroom.
"Emma where are you going?" Mary Margaret called, following the blonde down the stairs.
"I have to tell her," Emma called to the small woman chasing her around the apartment. Emma grabbed her keys, and through a sweater on, running out the door. The door closed with a gentle slam.
Mary Margaret chuckled, proud of herself, and made her way into Emma's room to put away the array of clothing Emma had left everywhere.
Don't want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't want to hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
"C'mon Regina, open your damn door," Emma muttered impatiently, wrapping her knuckles on the large, white front door to the Mayoral Mansion.
Regina swung open the door just before Emma could knock again. Regina rubbed her eyes tiredly, and adjusted her silk robe so that it covered everything that shouldn't be seen by the Sheriff.
"Ms. Swan, do you have any idea what time it is?" Regina asked irritatedly leaning against the door, though she would never admit that she didn't mind seeing Emma. Really, it didn't matter what time it was, because she did enjoy Emma's company, even if she didn't show it.
"Yeah, it's wicked late, I know. Sorry," Emma muttered, fussing with the chain around her neck, to avoid eye contact with the mayor.
Regina took this opportunity to take in the blonde's state. She was in yoga pants and a tank top, with a sweater thrown on, haphazardly hanging off one shoulder. Her contacts had been removed and were replaced with thick rimmed glasses, similar to the ones Regina was wearing presently.
Feeling Regina's eyes raking over her, she spoke up, uncomfortable being under Regina's scrutiny, "I shouldn't have come here. Sorry again," Emma said, biting her lip. She turned to leave, but stopped when she felt a hand gently reach out and grab her right shoulder. She turned around.
"Why did you come?" Regina asked quietly. "If it's to check on Henry, I assure you, he is alright. He's upstairs sleeping, and I don't think he'd like to be woken up now. He's had a long and exhausting day and-" Emma cut her off.
"I'm not here about Henry," Emma said, shaking her head as she walked past Regina into the mansion.
"Come on in," Regina murmured sarcastically, shutting the door behind them. "Then why are you here?"
"I reorganize my clothing drawers when I feel like I can't control the situation I'm in. No matter what hectic life I'm living, I'm in control of where my clothes go, and I like that," Emma stated, and then realizing what she had just said, sighed, feeling like an idiot.
"I reorganized my clothing drawers tonight when I got home from the mines," Emma added dumbly, but Regina was still confused.
"I felt anxious and out of control today," Emma clarified.
"Well I think everyone did, with Henry trapped in the mines," Regina said, narrowing her eyes at Emma, "But I don't know what that has to do with-"
"I didn't feel like that because of Henry. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified for him, but that's not why I felt anxious."
"So if it doesn't have to do with what happened today, why are you telling me about where you put your socks, Ms. Swan?" Regina asked with a irritated sigh.
"Because today at the mines I wasn't in control of my emotions. I screamed, I yelled, I cried and god damnit Regina I wanted to kiss you!" Emma yelled. "There I said it okay? I wanted to grab your face and kiss you senseless. I wanted to" this time, it was Emma being cut off.
Regina cupped Emma's cheeks and closed the gap between the two, kissing Emma fiercely. Emma's arms found their way around Regina's waist, pulling them impossibly closer as she deepened the kiss. When they finally pulled away because the need for oxygen was too great, Emma was speechless.
When you feel my heat
look into my eyes
it's where my demons hide
it's where my demons hide.
don't get too close
it's dark inside
it's where my demons hide
it's where my demons hide.
"I have wanted to do that for a long time," Regina admitted quietly.
" I have too," Emma breathed out, "But I've been scared."
"Scared of me?" Regina asked, trying not to show the hurt she was feeling. It was all too possible that Emma hadn't expressed her feelings because she was afraid of the Evil Queen side to Regina.
"No. Scared of me…well more, I was scared of what you would think of me." "If I opened myself up to you, that is," she added, looking down at her feet. "I never care what people think of me. Everywhere I go, I walk around like I own the place and I don't give a damn. But with you, I care so much. I care too much. I'm afraid if you saw the real me, you wouldn't want me. You would want the Savior, because who doesn't want a white knight in shining armor to rescue them and save their happiness? I'd love one. But the truth is, I'm no white knight.
"I'm like the scrawny guy in a rusty chinked up suit who wants more than anything to be the knight, be the hero, but isn't made for that job. I'm damaged goods…and I have way too many scars," Emma explained sheepishly. She hated admitting her faults, but she had just kissed Regina, so you can say it was the adrenaline that got her talking.
"I have them too, Emma. I have more scars and more dark secrets than anyone would like to admit," Regina said with a shrug. She lifted Emma's chin so that they would be eye to eye. Regina stared into the glimmering green orbs, and seeing the fear in Emma's eyes, she placed a gentle kiss on the blonde's lips.
"I'm a mess, Regina," Emma whispered, feeling Regina wrap her arms around herself. "You hate me…why are you holding me?"
"Maybe because I don't hate you as much as you think," Regina whispered, holding Emma tighter still.
"We've all got our shitty pasts, Emma. You know, someone really strong taught me that if we never let ourselves work through our rough pasts, and never let ourselves know happiness, we'll be trapped in the past forever."
Emma scoffed, "Who taught you that shit?"
"You." Regina let go of Emma, and they both instantly missed the contact. Regina tucked a loose curl of blonde behind Emma's ear, and offered her a gentle smile.
"I want to find happiness. I don't want to live in my past. Why don't you find yours too? And maybe we can find some together?" Regina asked, cautious not to push the blonde into something she didn't want or would regret.
"Yeah…okay," Emma agreed hesitantly. She had come here feeling a lot more confident than she was now. Now all she felt was fear, and she was acutely aware of the weakness in her knees.
Regina stretched out her arm with an open hand at the end, offering it to Emma.
"Come upstairs with me," Regina requested quietly.
"Oh, no…no Regina…I didn't come here for-" Emma began, instantly feeling apprehensive.
"I know you didn't. You came here to be loved. And I plan on holding you tonight until you feel loved," Regina told her. She left her hand out, waiting for Emma to take it- praying for Emma to take it, so she didn't look completely stupid.
And God answered her prayers, because Emma took it gladly. Regina clasped her hand around Emma's and led her up to the master bedroom. The room was decorated very well- everything matching, with lots of neutral and chic colors, just as Emma had expected it too. The bed was huge, and there was a pang in Emma's heart when she realized that Regina didn't have any one to share it with.
That sadness turned to one of joy and gratitude as she realized that she would be the one in the bed. She would be feeling safe and loved, and possibly be making Regina feel the same way.
Regina let go of Emma's hand and slid under the sheets and the fluffy brown duvet. She pulled back the blanks on the empty side to allow Emma to get in as well.
Emma crawled in carefully, and turned her back to Regina, and was secretly very happy to feeling Regina's arm being draped over her waist, as Regina pressed hot kisses to the back of Emma's shoulder.
"Goodnight, Ms. Swan," Regina murmured. Emma chuckled at the formality.
"Goodnight, Madame Mayor," Emma said with a soft laugh. "Oh, and Regina?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Thank you."
"My pleasure." Regina continued to kiss Emma's soft skin until she felt her breathing steady as sleep took over Emma's body.
"My pleasure," she murmured again, as sleep overwhelmed her senses as well, and she drifted off to sleep, with only wonderful, happy thoughts of the blonde woman currently in her bed. And she couldn't help but hope this would continue for a while, not matter how marred their pasts were with demons. They would be each other's protectors. They would be each other's guardians. They would be each other's saviors.
hope you enjoyed this!