A Kiss from Me to Him
The person I hate the most is the person I love the most. How can anyone explain that to me? I know it is true. It has been true for hundreds of years now, a very long time. But not once in these hundreds of years have I told him, have I the one person I supposedly hate with all my heart that I do hate him only because I love him.
Being a half-demon, I have cried in the corner of my room. I have cursed all that surrounded me, humans and demons alike. They say I'm a half-breed and don't deserve anything. No one cared for me but my mother. I didn't even know my father. He was hardly around for me. But then my mother died. I was left with no company, no anything. I was alone. I didn't want to be alone. I still don't want to be alone.
And the worst thing is even my own brother despises me. He, being a full demon, has never suffered what I have. I knew that he disliked me from the start. Because I was a hanyou? I have cried over that, but no one saw. I never let anyone see my tears.
My brother, Sesshomaru, he is the best demon I have ever known, I admit to that. Even though I have tried numerous times to defeat him, I knew that I cannot. I keep trying because I hate him, I hate him with all my heart, which means I don't.
When I was younger, all the other demons never liked me either. They never played with me, only bullied me. My brother, he never seemed to care. He was cold like he is today. He has no warmth, I swear he does not. His eyes were ice like they are now. His expression was that of nothing like it is now. He hasn't changed, my brother. His looks hardly changed, it only grew more beautiful. He is the most gorgeous demon I have ever seen, his looks are so deceiving for he has the appearance of an angel but the heart of a devil; I am sure.
Now, I'm not alone. I have friends—Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, and Kagome. They are my friends. I swear I will protect them. They are the ones who showed me kindness and care after such a long time after Kikyo. Kikyo, now she was a person I have met out of pure accident. I was trying to get the jewel, the shikon no tama, so I can become a full demon. I didn't want people to look down on me anymore. I wanted to kill whoever did. But meeting Kikyo, she cared for me and thus, I cared for her back. I guess it was called love. I loved her like I do Kagome now. They both care for me. They took the loneliness away, so I love them. But it's not the same. I will die for Kagome, really I would. But that isn't the same as what I feel for that half-brother of mine.
Sometimes, I want to be like him. He is deprived of feelings and emotions that he declares makes me weak. I know deep down that I am weak. He doesn't know what it's like. I only want someone to care for me. He is my only relative yet he does not care. I want him to, I really do.
Sometimes, I wish he'd kill me. He tortures me, and he haunts me. Why must he continually make me feel like I am nothing? I don't want be nothing. I wanted to be something to him, so that is another reason why I fight him. Fighting him, I am his enemy, I am something. But God knows that the last thing I really want to be is his enemy.
I can't begin to explain or imagine why I feel this way. He has never been kind to me, so why in the world do I want him to? He is incapable of emotions so why do I want him to care for me? It doesn't make any sense. Why do I even hope that he will return what I feel for him? He will never, but I keep hoping. Why? Why do I keep hoping?
I'm far below him. He is so out of reach. I can never reach him. But I keep hoping, I hope that someday I can get closer to him.
Who am I kidding though! He would never let me get close to him. He despises me like I supposedly hate him.
Sesshomaru, he is a curse. He is my heart's curse. I hate him, but there is no one I'd rather love.
I look down from the tree I am sitting in. My friends are below me. I see them preparing for lunch. Kagome sees me and smiles at me. I return some kind of smile back. I jump down. Kagome walks over to me and hugs me. I am happy to be cared for, really. It's just that I would be even happier if it is him.
Kagome then leans forward and kisses me, her lips soft and light on mine. I kiss back only imagining that it is not Kagome I am kissing but him, his lips instead of hers and his hands around me instead of hers.
Onii-chan, Sesshomaru, this is the only way I will ever be remotely close to sharing a kiss from me to you.