Note: Takes place after the events of Boyz Crazy'
The thunderous crashes of bowling balls colliding with white pins filled the air at the Gravity Falls Bowling Alley. The noise pollution from the falling pins and the hip beats of Little Big Dawg's Straight Blanchin' playing from the speakers made it nearly impossible to hear the heavy rain pour outside. Despite the loud environment, Dipper believed that playing a couple rounds of bowling with his Grunkle Stan was a nice way to spend time on a rainy summer's day.
The adventurous boy decided to take another break from his investigations into the many mysteries of Gravity Falls. Since Mabel was currently hanging out with Candy and Grenda, Dipper planned to spend the day watching a special TV marathon of the Star Trek: The Original Series. Halfway through an episode, an undershirt and boxer-clad Stan told the boy that he was going to follow through on his promise of taking him to the local bowling. Dipper was immediately on board with Stan's plan.
Grunkle Stan even took it upon himself to purchase custom-made bowling uniforms for the niblings and him, much like how he made the twins fishing hats earlier in the summer. They were red and black button-up, short-sleeved jerseys with Stan's fez symbol stitched on the back. From the impressive embroidery, Dipper assumed that Stan had to pay a pretty penny for these high quality jerseys. But judging from Stan's positive mood, something told Dipper that the normally frugal cheapskate didn't mind spending the extra money if it meant spending time with his family.
Stan walked back to his seat "Alright, you're up kiddo."
Dipper hopped up from his seat and nodded before grabbing the blue bowling ball from the ball return. Placing his fingers in the holes of the ball, the boy mentally calculated the speed he could bowl the ball and how he could knock down the ten pins.
"Welp, here goes nothing…" He sighed.
Dipper took two long strides while winding his arm backwards. Once his right foot approached the line, he released the ball from his grip. The ball quickly sped down the lane, knocking the pins with a thunderous crack within seconds.
"Sweet Moses! That's one heck of a bowl!" Stan shouted joyfully, grinning at his nephew. Dipper beamed back at his Grunkle for the positive support. The boy looked back to the lane, but his smile vanished the moment the remaining two pins standing on opposite sides.
"Ooh, the dreaded seven-ten split." The elder Pines commentated. Dipper let out an exasperated sigh, not wanting to hear his Grunkle's astute observation. "So what's your strategy kiddo?"
"Honestly, I'm not entirely sure." Dipper spoke truthfully as he shrugged. "At this point, I guess I have no other choice but to wing it."
After retrieving his ball from the return, Dipper narrowed his eyes on the two pins standing horizontally from each other. The boy mentally played the only possible way to successfully knock both pins down. If he were to bowl the ball too quickly or too slowly, it would result in either knocking down one pin or none at all.
Dipper took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled from his mouth, feeling determined.
With the ball in hand, the boy wound his arm backwards and with one controlled throw released the ball, landing it on the wooden floor. The ball rolled dangerously close to the right hand gutter, smoothly traveling down the lane before hitting the ten pin. Once the ball reached contact with the pin, the white target slid over towards the left and knocked down the other pin.
Dipper was ecstatic once he saw both pins fall to the ground. It seemed so unreal that he managed to successfully convert the infamous split. "I actually did it!"
The boy turned to his Grunkle, who grinned at him while clapping with great enthusiasm.
"Great job squirt!" He cheered, giving Dipper a celebratory high five.
Dipper smiled at Stan. Though his gruff Grunkle can be cynical and act annoyed, the old man wouldn't hesitate to display affection him and his sister in the privacy of the Mystery Shack.
"Thanks Grunkle Stan!"
"No problem. Now you sit back and watch the pro here work his magic!" Stan boasted as he proudly gestured to himself. He took the red ball from the ball return. The old man brought the bowling ball to his chest, performed an almost ritualistic booty shake before extending the ball backwards and throwing it down the lane. The bowling ball, however, steered itself towards the left side gutter. The confidence in Stan's face dropped as he watched his ball glide down the semi cylindrical channel in shame.
The old man's ears perked up when he heard youthful laughter from behind. He turned around to find his nephew stifling his snickering.
"I didn't realize that you were a pro at making gutter-balls." Dipper commented sarcastically, still wearing an amused smile.
Stan frowned at the boy, furrowing his bushy brows. Despite the affront, he was secretly proud of his nephew's snarky attitude and dry sense of humor. It was a defining trait the two shared.
However, the elder Pines kept his gruff appearance. "Oh you just laugh now Dipper, but you'll eat your words when I knock down every last one of those bowling pins." Stan took the other red ball and threw it in frustration. The ball rolled down the alley only to knock down two of the ten pins. He facepalmed at his less than stellar bowl.
The old business man turned around saw his nephew smiling at him.
"Can we go grab a snack, since I can't really eat my words and all."
Stan chortled at Dipper's joke. For all of his nephew's shenanigans, the elder Pines knew that he could never stay mad at the boy for long, even if it was over something as petty as his mediocre bowling.
"Sure thing kiddo." Stan happily agreed. He smiled back at Dipper before playfully pushing the tip of his hat down, causing the youngster to chuckle. The boy fixed his hat and immediately followed his Grunkle towards the snack bar.
The two each ordered a can of Pitt Cola and split plate of french fries. Once they settled at their table, the speakers blasted a slick guitar riff followed by a set of upbeat brass instruments. Once the song's melody kicked in, followed by a cheerful 'Yeah-Hoo!' and a low 'It's a celebration', Dipper immediately recognized the tune. It was none other than the party classic Celebration by Kool and the Gang.
"Hey, it's the song they're gonna play at my funeral." Dipper mentioned humorously, thinking no one else would hear his self-deprecating joke.
But he was gravely mistaken.
Dipper looked up at Stan and was surprised by the horrified look on his face. The old man's eyes widened with shock and his jaw dropped, a look that was foreign to the boy. Dipper was almost expecting Stan to share the same reaction as Mabel would in this situation; to remedy his self-loathing with kind words, trying to steer him away from such negative emotions. Even though the boy appreciated his sister's concern, that nagging voice in his head told him that he wasn't worth the comfort. Dipper's self-esteem was incredibly low as it was, so the only way to cope was to incorporate self-deprecating humor.
"No way Dipper!" Stan bellowed. The boy stared at his Grunkle, who was now frowning. "That's my funeral song!"
Dipper was puzzled by his relative's bold statement. "What?"
"You heard me, it's my funeral song." Stan argued, gesturing to himself with his thumb before crossing his arms. "I already claimed it over twenty years ago, so you can't have it! Try finding another song that better suits you, something more dramatic."
Dipper simply gazed at Grunkle Stan after hearing his rebuttal. Why would Stan even believe that people would be celebrating over his death? He thought in disbelief.
"Come on, you can't call dibs on something before I even existed!"
"Sorry kiddo, but that's the way the world works." Stan spoke with a hint of playfulness in his voice.
"But why would you even assume that people would be happy during your funeral?" Dipper questioned, sounding almost upset.
Stan's face softened upon seeing his nephew's concerned expression. The old man sighed as tapped his fingers on the was hard to make a personal confession to his nephew, but the boy wouldn't hear the end of it until the old man spilled the beans. Stan decided to cut to the chase.
"Look Dipper, I have to admit something: Despite my charming nature and magnetic persona, I have absolutely no friends."
Dipper cocked his brow, almost shocked to hear such a bold statement. "Seriously? Like no one at all?"
"Nada." Stan reaffirmed.
Dipper couldn't believe the con man. "That can't be true. I mean you must of had at least one friend Grunkle Stan."
The elder Pines cringed at the boy's response. But he couldn't tell him the entire truth, not yet at least.
"Well I did have one friend growin' up, but we had a huge fight and we never spoke to each other since. But I really don't like talking about it." He admitted despite being awfully vague about it.
Dipper nodded, understanding how touchy the topic must be for Stan.
"And makin' friends isn't exactly my forte Dipper. I mean I've tried several times. I even attempted to get all buddy-buddy with the people over at the lodge, but they either laugh at my face or ignore me altogether. "
Unfortunately, that didn't make the difficult question even harder to reiterate. "But why do you think that people would be happy if you passed away?"
"Because, I'm not the kinda guy who's worth missing. Heck, I makin' a living as a professional con man, ripping people off left and right. And I'm not much of an outstanding citizen. So once I kick the bucket, I bet the people around here will be tap dancing on top of my grave."
Dipper frowned at the old businessman. "Grunkle Stan, you may say that you have no friends, but that's not true at all."
Stan was about to argue, but Dipper held his hand up. "Let me finish. You have me, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy. We like you despite all of your obvious character flaws. And I know that Waddles want to be your friend too."
Stan stood up to protest. "Come on kid, Soos and Wendy work for me, Waddles is a pig that isn't capable of rational thinking, and you and Mabel are family."
"But who says that you're family members can't also be your friends? The same goes for employees and pets too."
Stan stood in shock. He remembered a certain brother of his being his best friend. But after an accident and ten years of separation only to reunite with another falling out, Stan promised himself to never get too attached to anyone, especially his family. Now his nephew reminded him that friends and family aren't mutually exclusive to each other.
"Grunkle Stan, you might take what I say with a grain of salt, but Mabel and I enjoy hanging out with you. Whether we're watching a movie together or engaging in some criminal activity. Sure the two of us got on the wrong foot earlier this summer, but I've grown to like you a lot. And it makes me upset when you say that you have no friends because, well, I want to be friends with you. So the next time you feel like people don't care about you, then Mabel, myself, Soos, Wendy and Waddles will prove you otherwise."
"Huh." Stan muttered as he absorbed Dipper's reasoning. He was touched that the boy went great lengths just to make him feel better. Of course Dipper didn't know the whole extent of Stan's self-loathing, but he was grateful that his nephew truly cared for him. Stanley tearfully smiled at his nephew as he sat back down.
"Thanks kiddo." He said with sincerity.
"Hey, it's no problem Grunkle Stan." Dipper responded.
Stan decided to take over the reigns in the interrogation. "Okay, now it's my turn to be askin' the big questions. So what makes you think that 'Celebration' would be your preferred funeral song?"
Dipper blinked at his Grunkle's inquiry. This was the first time anyone bothered to talk to him about his self-loathing without trying to sound pitiful, which he was silently grateful for. The boy took a few moments to gather his thoughts before giving his answer.
"I just...well, let me put it this way: I never assumed myself to be anyone special, you know? I'm just kind of there. Kids at school make fun of me and most of the adults I know don't even take me seriously. Even though I work hard to try to become somebody who people can rely on, there's this annoying voice in my head that's telling me otherwise. Sure I laugh at myself as a coping mechanism, but when other people mock me, it kind of proves my point that I'm just some worthless nobody. And let's be honest, who would miss a weird, noodle-armed kid like me."
Stan listened to Dipper's explanation with great intent, and he can already empathize with the boy's plight.
"Your sister would, your parents would, I would, Soos would, and I'm definitely certain that Wendy would miss you as well." Stan argued. And a certain poindexter would too...
Dipper looked at his Grunkle with suspicion. He was used to people telling him one too many trite phrases to temporarily remedy his cynical side. All of the it's going to be fines and every cloud has a silver linings irritated Dipper to no end. Worst of all were the denial phrases; whenever someone argues no you're not terrible or you're not weak when he obviously feels that way was never even remotely helpful. If anything, it made him feel worse about himself. The last thing Dipper wanted was Grunkle Stan to give him superficial advice out of pity.
"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to say, but I know that you're just trying to be nice to me." Dipper said bluntly.
"Why would you assume that I was trying to be nice? I'm only telling you the truth."
Any skepticism in Dipper was erased as he looked back at Stan in shock.
"I can relate with what you're going through Dipper. It's difficult living with low self-worth. You're trying to get through this crazy game called life but feeling like a complete burden to your loved ones and thinkin' that they're better off without you." Stan spoke, projecting his own feelings of worthlessness.
"That's exactly how I feel." Dipper piped up. He was surprised that Stan was able to successfully describe how Dipper felt whenever he delved into his self-hatred.
Stan reached out and gently held Dipper's hand into his own.
"It's completely human to have moments of doubting yourself. However, I think the idea that no one will miss you is complete malarkey." He said as he gave the boy's hand a reassuring squeeze. "You're a great kid with a bright mind, growing muscles and big heart who is dedicated to his friends and family. And you have close-knit support group that appreciates you: Mabel loves you very much, Soos enjoys hanging out with ya, and I know that you and Wendy will reconcile from the whole CD fiasco. And you have definitely grown on me in the best possible way. My point is, even in you have moments of self-loathing, you have people who care about you and will not hesitate to help you out. You've got more goin' for you than you realize Dipper. And if you if that nagging voice in your head tries to bring you down, you can always talk to me about it. I'm more than happy to listen."
"Wow…" Dipper voiced with astonishment. He never assumed that Stan of all people would be able to empathize with his feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. At the same time, he was grateful that Stan was being honest with his encouragements.
"And that's why you can't use 'Celebration' as your funeral song." Stan concluded in a dramatic tone. He let go of his nephew's hand and slammed his other fist onto the table.
Dipper chuckled as he smiled at Stan. After calming down, the boy spoke up. "Thanks Grunkle Stan."
"Sure thing kiddo."
Dipper was glad that he and Stan found some common ground, even if it was something as terrible as low self-esteem. All of a sudden, a bright idea popped into the boy's head.
"Alright, I picked the perfect dirge for my funeral that'll blow the few people there away! So during the mass, I'll have the person I bribed money for cut the lights out, resulting in a blackout." He explained animatedly. "Then I'll have a hologram of myself projected above the altar as the theme song from The X-Files will play from the speakers. The fog machine will turn on, surrounding my casket with mist and a crazy laser-light show will ensue. And everyone will be so freaked out that they'll run from the church screaming. I'm telling you Grunkle Stan, it's going to be the funeral of the century!"
Stan grabbed his gut as he laughed heartily at his nephew's humorous scheme. "Sounds really ambitious kid, I love it!" He praised while wiping a tear from his eye.
Dipper beamed at his Grunkle Stan. "You know, I never really talked to anyone about all of my negative emotions, but I'm glad you were willing to listen and speak with me about it."
"Of course kiddo. I'm glad we had this discussion too."
A/N: There is a severe lack of Stan and Dipper bonding fics out there and I am here to help remedy this problem. The two have more similarities than they seem to realize: They're both stubborn, insecure, super protective of their family, snarky, and have absolutely no problem with physically fighting their enemies. So I wanted to write a fic in which they bond over their low self-esteem issues.
The second and final chapter, in which Dipper and Wendy will meet up and reconcile over the CD fiasco, will be uploaded soon!