Song-Fic: Rejection by Henry Rollins
Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C., I just live there.
A/N: I'm a fan of S/S, however this fic is not :)
*I had it wrong for so long in my head
I was walking around like I was dead
All the time my mind was stuck on you*
Seth wandered the halls aimlessly. Anna had gone back to Pittsburgh and Summer just wanted to be friends. Now he didn't have a girlfriend (Summer) or a girl friend (Anna). After all Summer had put him through, what with losing her virginity to him and then ignoring him, he still loved her.
He checked his watch. 4th period Chemistry didn't start for another 5 minutes. The halls were filled with Summer's friends. Pretty much everyone was Summer's friend. At least the popular jocks and bitches were. Which made up the majority of Harbor High's student population.
Bitchy as Summer was, Seth thought she loved him. They were meant for each other, even though Summer had chosen popularity over him. Seth was so immersed in his thoughts that he walked right into one of the jocks, George Matthews. Before Seth could stutter a "sorry", George had pushed him up against the lockers. "Watch where you're going, loser," George said, roughly shoving Seth aside and walking back down the hall.
Seth blinked back tears as he tried not to see Summer laughing and high-fiving George. She had regained her rung on the popularity ladder within days. Now she hung out with the best and the brightest.
*I crawled while you stalled
I was a fool to think we were involved
I guess I needed to believe it so bad*
Flashback........................
"Seth, look at me," Summer pleaded, as Seth walked away from her.
Seth turned around. "What?" he asked dully. The girl of his dreams had just told him she loved him, but that they couldn't be together.
"I--I need some time to think about it. Maybe…we can be," Summer blurted out. As Seth nodded and walked away, a small glimmer of hope resurfaced. He wanted to believe Summer, needed to believe her.
Back at the Cohens...
Seth was trying to concentrate on his homework when someone knocked on the door to his room. "Come in," he yelled.
Ryan entered, eating an apple. "Hey, man, you were quiet today. What's up?"
"Nothing," Seth snapped. "I just have a shitload of homework."
Ryan threw his hands up. "Fine." He knew that Seth would come to him when he was ready.
Seth shut his math book and closed his eyes. Bad idea. Images of Summer overflowed his brain. He thought about the first time she had kissed him, on Caleb's boat. The kisses, the playful bantering, it was all coming back to him. The first time they had sex. And the second time. Seth hoped there would be a third time.
Summer was a pathological liar, Seth decided, but she would come through. He knew she would. She had to. Okay, so the pathological liar part wasn't exactly close to the truth, but Seth was a very imaginative boy. Seth sighed. What would he do if Summer left him alone? She was almost a part of him, it was scary. Seth didn't know what would happen if their ties were broken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Rejection never felt so good*
Seth slammed his locker shut. He had gotten detention for zoning out in history. He heard someone wearing high heels come clacking down the hall. Yeah, Seth knew those high heels all too well. They belonged to Summer.
"Can I talk to you?" Summer asked, biting her lip.
Seth shrugged. "Aren't you afraid one of your 'friends' will see you talking to me?" The words sunk deep into Summer's skin, giving her the chills.
"Look, Coh--I mean Seth. This isn't going to work. Us, I mean. It never was, you know that," Summer pleaded with Seth to understand. She needed him to agree, to act as though everything was okay.
"I know," Seth said, but he really meant it. He had known all along. It was just a sad truth that he didn't want to recognize.
"Bye, Seth," Summer turned on her heel and walked briskly down the hall. She needed to get away from him. Before she could change her mind. Yet again.
*All the things unclear are now
So well understood*
Seth wondered why Summer had even given him a chance. A certain blond-haired girl popped up in his head. Ohh. Summer Roberts wanted whatever she *couldn't* get. And for a while, that thing had been Seth Cohen. One the pixie bitch was out of the way, Summer wanted nothing to do with the comic-book geek.
It was really just the principle. As soon as Anna Stern had realized the boyfriend potential in Seth, Summer's eyes had been opened to. Now that nobody was pursuing him, Summer didn't want to pursue him either.
*At first I didn't see it as kind
But you did me a favor
When you left me behind*
Seth's heart was broken. It had been the first time Summer kissed him, now that he thought about it. Since deep down in his heart, he had known that he and Summer would never be.
Seth felt like singing the song "I Will Survive." After the better part of his 16 years, Seth was finally turning over a new leaf. No more obsessing over Summer Roberts. It had taken a while, but she had finally made him realize he had to grow up and get over her. He owed it all to her, actually. Now, he could focus on other girls that wouldn't take him for granted.
Power to the Cohen!
*You might not believe it but it's true*
Summer gave a half-smile to Seth as she sat down in the only open seat in chemistry. Which happened to be next to him. She expected him to turn away with a distant look in his eyes. Instead, he smiled back at her.
What had gotten into him?
Why wasn't he upset to see her?
When had he become confident and free from her tangled web?
Who was responsible for this?
Much as she wanted to believe that Seth Cohen still had an insanely large crush on her, she knew that he didn't. Not anymore. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the whole truth. But he was obviously getting over her.
*It's all the things that you never said that told me
All about you*
Ryan grabbed a controller and sat next to Seth on the floor. He leaned his back against the couch.
"Get ready to get your skinny Jewish ass kicked," Ryan muttered, as Seth popped Mortal Kombat into the PS2.
"Not today, Chino-boy," Seth retorted. Ryan rolled his eyes. They both knew what a lame comeback "Chino-boy" was, but that was Seth for you.
Ryan had noticed a change in Seth over the last week or so. He hadn't prodded Seth for details, knowing what it felt like to be bombarded with questions you didn't want to answer. He had a feeling that it had something to do with Summer, because Seth never talked about her anymore. At all. Except occasionally.
"You know, I don't love Summer as much anymore," Seth said as they waited for the game to load.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Well, for one, she never told me she loved me. So I was just thinking that she loved me. Seeing as how she came on to me so often. And I lost my virginity to her," Seth began, carefully omitting the words "just like she lost it to me." He would take that secret to the grave, like Summer had requested.
"True," Ryan turned most of his attention to the game, which had started.
"And she wouldn't talk to me in public. Like not even a 'Hey Cohen', or 'How are you', or, well you get the picture," Seth continued.
*It's things you try to conceal that get revealed*
"She tried to keep our friendship a secret. And all of those kisses, she made me swear not to tell anyone," Seth added. "I guess she scared off by my charm."
"Seth, you deserve so much better than her," Ryan stated. It was the truth.
"Thanks, man. And when everyone found out that we were kind of into each other, she totally ditched me. What does that tell you?" Seth, apparently, had decided to ramble. Nothing new there.
Ryan didn't answer. Seth was famous for his rhetorical questions.
"If she really loved me, she wouldn't have tried to keep us a secret."
*I had to get it wrong before I got it right
I'm not the kind to argue
I'm not the kind to fight
By the time I got to the truth
I had reached the end*
Well, Seth had pretty much wasted 8 years or so pining over who he thought was the girl of his dreams. At least he had realized how wrong he had been before his teenage years were over. He had reached a new fork in the road and decided to take the one marked "Get a life", instead of "Languish over Summer."
*Now I see how you are
Now I see how it is
Now I see what you do*
Seth walked down the hall during another monotonous school day. He had taken on the tradition of marking the days on his calendar until spring break, and until school let out. There was Summer, laughing and gossiping with a group of girls. Seth wasn't going to lie. Summer still took his breath away when he saw her. But he could easily say that about certain other girls at school…
His eyes met Summer's, and for a brief second they locked together. Then Summer turned away, likely getting ready to crack a joke about Seth the loser. Yeah, that was how it was.
As Seth walked by Summer, he kept his head high. And he wasn't trying. It came naturally now. A girl whispered something in Summer's ear, and she laughed. Loudly. She stuck out her foot as Seth walked by. Seth tripped and fell flat on his face. Seth's hands stung and his chin ached. But things were different now. He still had his pride and dignity. Well, as much as he'd had before. His eyes met Summer's again as she walked away. He was proud to see the confusion in her eyes when she saw the indifference in his.
*I watch them line up
I watch them fall down
I see your smile grow and grow
I think to myself
It could've been me*
To date, Summer had gone through four guys. Seth saw them being hypnotized under the powerful spell that was Summer Roberts. He also felt their pain as they were dropped on their asses. He knew it all too well; the brief glory and fame, then the cruel plummet back to reality. And Seth hadn't even gone through the full cycle. A part of him laughed at those guys. Suckers.
*Now I'm alone and I'm burning
I'm hurting like hell but I'm learning*
A 22-year old Seth sat drinking orange juice by himself. Normally, this was a morning ritual shared with his girlfriend, Tara. But Tara had broken up with him yesterday. So there would be no more orange juice for two. At least not the two being Seth and Tara.
But Seth was getting better with girls. His relationship with Tara had lasted almost a year and a half. And before that, there was Cynthia. Cynthia and Seth went out for 7 months. Not too shabby for a guy who spent the first 16 years of his life naïve in the ways of women.
Seth had learned to look for signs that a girl was or wasn't into him. And he owed it all to Summer, the first girl to break his heart.
*The scars will take me far like they always do*
26 year old Seth smiled as his secretary, Julia, brought the day's newspaper to him. He flipped through the paper, discarding all the sections except for the local section. Today was the day he would find out if the rumors were true. His eyes scanned the paper for the "Engagements" heading.
Mr. And Mrs. Frank Roberts of Newport Beach
and Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Sutton of Greenwich, Connecticut
are proud to announce the engagement of their children,
Summer Roberts and Daniel Sutton.
A July wedding is planned.
All of Seth's Summer memories overwhelmed him. He was happy for her though. Seth just prayed for this Daniel Sutton. He hoped Summer was no longer the wild child of her teenage years. Hopefully no more hearts would be broken by her. Seth made a note to send a Congratulations card if he wasn't invited to the wedding. He assumed he would be; his parents were friends with the Roberts. And Seth planned to invite Summer, or should he say, the future Mrs. Daniel Sutton, to his wedding. If he ever had a wedding.
*Somehow I'm alright
I do believe that I'm alright*
Later that day, Seth took one last look at contents of the box marked, "Summer." In it were pictures and mementos of their fragile relationship. The way Seth saw it, Seth-Summer had been a flower that never had the opportunity to fully bloom. That's the way life went.
Seth had "accepted" this a long time ago. Now he could start believing.
Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C., I just live there.
A/N: I'm a fan of S/S, however this fic is not :)
*I had it wrong for so long in my head
I was walking around like I was dead
All the time my mind was stuck on you*
Seth wandered the halls aimlessly. Anna had gone back to Pittsburgh and Summer just wanted to be friends. Now he didn't have a girlfriend (Summer) or a girl friend (Anna). After all Summer had put him through, what with losing her virginity to him and then ignoring him, he still loved her.
He checked his watch. 4th period Chemistry didn't start for another 5 minutes. The halls were filled with Summer's friends. Pretty much everyone was Summer's friend. At least the popular jocks and bitches were. Which made up the majority of Harbor High's student population.
Bitchy as Summer was, Seth thought she loved him. They were meant for each other, even though Summer had chosen popularity over him. Seth was so immersed in his thoughts that he walked right into one of the jocks, George Matthews. Before Seth could stutter a "sorry", George had pushed him up against the lockers. "Watch where you're going, loser," George said, roughly shoving Seth aside and walking back down the hall.
Seth blinked back tears as he tried not to see Summer laughing and high-fiving George. She had regained her rung on the popularity ladder within days. Now she hung out with the best and the brightest.
*I crawled while you stalled
I was a fool to think we were involved
I guess I needed to believe it so bad*
Flashback........................
"Seth, look at me," Summer pleaded, as Seth walked away from her.
Seth turned around. "What?" he asked dully. The girl of his dreams had just told him she loved him, but that they couldn't be together.
"I--I need some time to think about it. Maybe…we can be," Summer blurted out. As Seth nodded and walked away, a small glimmer of hope resurfaced. He wanted to believe Summer, needed to believe her.
Back at the Cohens...
Seth was trying to concentrate on his homework when someone knocked on the door to his room. "Come in," he yelled.
Ryan entered, eating an apple. "Hey, man, you were quiet today. What's up?"
"Nothing," Seth snapped. "I just have a shitload of homework."
Ryan threw his hands up. "Fine." He knew that Seth would come to him when he was ready.
Seth shut his math book and closed his eyes. Bad idea. Images of Summer overflowed his brain. He thought about the first time she had kissed him, on Caleb's boat. The kisses, the playful bantering, it was all coming back to him. The first time they had sex. And the second time. Seth hoped there would be a third time.
Summer was a pathological liar, Seth decided, but she would come through. He knew she would. She had to. Okay, so the pathological liar part wasn't exactly close to the truth, but Seth was a very imaginative boy. Seth sighed. What would he do if Summer left him alone? She was almost a part of him, it was scary. Seth didn't know what would happen if their ties were broken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Rejection never felt so good*
Seth slammed his locker shut. He had gotten detention for zoning out in history. He heard someone wearing high heels come clacking down the hall. Yeah, Seth knew those high heels all too well. They belonged to Summer.
"Can I talk to you?" Summer asked, biting her lip.
Seth shrugged. "Aren't you afraid one of your 'friends' will see you talking to me?" The words sunk deep into Summer's skin, giving her the chills.
"Look, Coh--I mean Seth. This isn't going to work. Us, I mean. It never was, you know that," Summer pleaded with Seth to understand. She needed him to agree, to act as though everything was okay.
"I know," Seth said, but he really meant it. He had known all along. It was just a sad truth that he didn't want to recognize.
"Bye, Seth," Summer turned on her heel and walked briskly down the hall. She needed to get away from him. Before she could change her mind. Yet again.
*All the things unclear are now
So well understood*
Seth wondered why Summer had even given him a chance. A certain blond-haired girl popped up in his head. Ohh. Summer Roberts wanted whatever she *couldn't* get. And for a while, that thing had been Seth Cohen. One the pixie bitch was out of the way, Summer wanted nothing to do with the comic-book geek.
It was really just the principle. As soon as Anna Stern had realized the boyfriend potential in Seth, Summer's eyes had been opened to. Now that nobody was pursuing him, Summer didn't want to pursue him either.
*At first I didn't see it as kind
But you did me a favor
When you left me behind*
Seth's heart was broken. It had been the first time Summer kissed him, now that he thought about it. Since deep down in his heart, he had known that he and Summer would never be.
Seth felt like singing the song "I Will Survive." After the better part of his 16 years, Seth was finally turning over a new leaf. No more obsessing over Summer Roberts. It had taken a while, but she had finally made him realize he had to grow up and get over her. He owed it all to her, actually. Now, he could focus on other girls that wouldn't take him for granted.
Power to the Cohen!
*You might not believe it but it's true*
Summer gave a half-smile to Seth as she sat down in the only open seat in chemistry. Which happened to be next to him. She expected him to turn away with a distant look in his eyes. Instead, he smiled back at her.
What had gotten into him?
Why wasn't he upset to see her?
When had he become confident and free from her tangled web?
Who was responsible for this?
Much as she wanted to believe that Seth Cohen still had an insanely large crush on her, she knew that he didn't. Not anymore. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the whole truth. But he was obviously getting over her.
*It's all the things that you never said that told me
All about you*
Ryan grabbed a controller and sat next to Seth on the floor. He leaned his back against the couch.
"Get ready to get your skinny Jewish ass kicked," Ryan muttered, as Seth popped Mortal Kombat into the PS2.
"Not today, Chino-boy," Seth retorted. Ryan rolled his eyes. They both knew what a lame comeback "Chino-boy" was, but that was Seth for you.
Ryan had noticed a change in Seth over the last week or so. He hadn't prodded Seth for details, knowing what it felt like to be bombarded with questions you didn't want to answer. He had a feeling that it had something to do with Summer, because Seth never talked about her anymore. At all. Except occasionally.
"You know, I don't love Summer as much anymore," Seth said as they waited for the game to load.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Well, for one, she never told me she loved me. So I was just thinking that she loved me. Seeing as how she came on to me so often. And I lost my virginity to her," Seth began, carefully omitting the words "just like she lost it to me." He would take that secret to the grave, like Summer had requested.
"True," Ryan turned most of his attention to the game, which had started.
"And she wouldn't talk to me in public. Like not even a 'Hey Cohen', or 'How are you', or, well you get the picture," Seth continued.
*It's things you try to conceal that get revealed*
"She tried to keep our friendship a secret. And all of those kisses, she made me swear not to tell anyone," Seth added. "I guess she scared off by my charm."
"Seth, you deserve so much better than her," Ryan stated. It was the truth.
"Thanks, man. And when everyone found out that we were kind of into each other, she totally ditched me. What does that tell you?" Seth, apparently, had decided to ramble. Nothing new there.
Ryan didn't answer. Seth was famous for his rhetorical questions.
"If she really loved me, she wouldn't have tried to keep us a secret."
*I had to get it wrong before I got it right
I'm not the kind to argue
I'm not the kind to fight
By the time I got to the truth
I had reached the end*
Well, Seth had pretty much wasted 8 years or so pining over who he thought was the girl of his dreams. At least he had realized how wrong he had been before his teenage years were over. He had reached a new fork in the road and decided to take the one marked "Get a life", instead of "Languish over Summer."
*Now I see how you are
Now I see how it is
Now I see what you do*
Seth walked down the hall during another monotonous school day. He had taken on the tradition of marking the days on his calendar until spring break, and until school let out. There was Summer, laughing and gossiping with a group of girls. Seth wasn't going to lie. Summer still took his breath away when he saw her. But he could easily say that about certain other girls at school…
His eyes met Summer's, and for a brief second they locked together. Then Summer turned away, likely getting ready to crack a joke about Seth the loser. Yeah, that was how it was.
As Seth walked by Summer, he kept his head high. And he wasn't trying. It came naturally now. A girl whispered something in Summer's ear, and she laughed. Loudly. She stuck out her foot as Seth walked by. Seth tripped and fell flat on his face. Seth's hands stung and his chin ached. But things were different now. He still had his pride and dignity. Well, as much as he'd had before. His eyes met Summer's again as she walked away. He was proud to see the confusion in her eyes when she saw the indifference in his.
*I watch them line up
I watch them fall down
I see your smile grow and grow
I think to myself
It could've been me*
To date, Summer had gone through four guys. Seth saw them being hypnotized under the powerful spell that was Summer Roberts. He also felt their pain as they were dropped on their asses. He knew it all too well; the brief glory and fame, then the cruel plummet back to reality. And Seth hadn't even gone through the full cycle. A part of him laughed at those guys. Suckers.
*Now I'm alone and I'm burning
I'm hurting like hell but I'm learning*
A 22-year old Seth sat drinking orange juice by himself. Normally, this was a morning ritual shared with his girlfriend, Tara. But Tara had broken up with him yesterday. So there would be no more orange juice for two. At least not the two being Seth and Tara.
But Seth was getting better with girls. His relationship with Tara had lasted almost a year and a half. And before that, there was Cynthia. Cynthia and Seth went out for 7 months. Not too shabby for a guy who spent the first 16 years of his life naïve in the ways of women.
Seth had learned to look for signs that a girl was or wasn't into him. And he owed it all to Summer, the first girl to break his heart.
*The scars will take me far like they always do*
26 year old Seth smiled as his secretary, Julia, brought the day's newspaper to him. He flipped through the paper, discarding all the sections except for the local section. Today was the day he would find out if the rumors were true. His eyes scanned the paper for the "Engagements" heading.
Mr. And Mrs. Frank Roberts of Newport Beach
and Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Sutton of Greenwich, Connecticut
are proud to announce the engagement of their children,
Summer Roberts and Daniel Sutton.
A July wedding is planned.
All of Seth's Summer memories overwhelmed him. He was happy for her though. Seth just prayed for this Daniel Sutton. He hoped Summer was no longer the wild child of her teenage years. Hopefully no more hearts would be broken by her. Seth made a note to send a Congratulations card if he wasn't invited to the wedding. He assumed he would be; his parents were friends with the Roberts. And Seth planned to invite Summer, or should he say, the future Mrs. Daniel Sutton, to his wedding. If he ever had a wedding.
*Somehow I'm alright
I do believe that I'm alright*
Later that day, Seth took one last look at contents of the box marked, "Summer." In it were pictures and mementos of their fragile relationship. The way Seth saw it, Seth-Summer had been a flower that never had the opportunity to fully bloom. That's the way life went.
Seth had "accepted" this a long time ago. Now he could start believing.