A/N: Smut and angst ahead, do not read if not in the mood. Inspired and written listening to Florence + The Machine's album Ceremonials so beware. Also angsty, unexplained smut that I'm not so used to writing.

I'm Just Giving In

Kurt was breathing heavy and Blaine could feel their ribcages pressing tightly together. He needed to do this swiftly and precisely or he wasn't going to do this at all. He didn't understand why Kurt had traveled to this hotel room in the middle of the night if he didn't want to. Especially after that fight in Battery Park. He wanted Kurt's full attention now that he was here.

Blaine grabbed a hold of that stupid starched shirt collar and began unbuttoning the shirt with making all his fingertips press painfully on Kurt's chest. Kurt reached out grip Blaine's wrists and began making soothing sounds and running his thumbs along Blaine's palm. Kurt hated everything that meant he wasn't in control or knowing what was coming up next. Black shirt was quickly left crumpled on the floor and next Blaine was shaking Kurt's hands away from his wrists and pulled the undershirt off from his boyfriend. Dragging that thin piece of fabric over his head left Kurt's hair all messed up.

Blaine rushed his body back against Kurt and pressed his mouth over Kurt's lips. He forced his tongue inside and let his hands go for the beltbuckle. He wanted Kurt naked before him. Now. Kurt was making desperate attempts to undress Blaine which he made redundant by squirming and swatting Kurt's hands away. With one swift movement he pulled down Kurt's red pants and black briefs that he left piled up on his ankles. He returned to look Kurt's face and took a firm grip on Kurt's dick and began stroking it. Kurt's eyes were tightly shut as his cheeks were fully red from embarrassment and heat.
"Step out off your pants."
Kurt did as he was told but suddenly stopped and pushed Blaine's hand away from his dick.
"Why are we doing this?"
"Because you need it, because I missed it."
"Can we just talk?"
"No."

Blaine stepped back looking overly offended and sat on the bed. He could see Kurt was beginning to close up on himself: he slouched his shoulders, held his arms around his chest and bit his lower lip with his gaze laid down to the floor. He hated that he made Kurt feel this way but he had to. Release the wild animal with force and all that right?
"Can you come here please?" he tapped the bed next to him.
Kurt walked quickly across the room and sat right beside Blaine and leaned in:
"I don't want you to leave me. I hate to...beg but can we just try until christmas?"

Blaine placed his elbow to his knees and rubbed his temples, this was painful, he didn't want this but he had to.
"No." his shocking tone was made redundant as he leaned to Kurt and took his half hardened dick in his mouth. Kurt winced and instinctively leaned back towards the bed. Blaine took this opportunity to press him down fully and kneel to the floor. He kept speeding up his movements and hollowed his cheeks with scraping his teeth gently against the sensitive skin. Kurt kept making small moans as his hands traced every muscle tensing in Blaine's neck. Taking Kurt fully inside his throat made the boy's back arch off from the bed. Blaine could feel his own pants were making him feel uncomfortable so he stopped and pulled off with saliva running down from the side of his mouth.
"Do you want to go?" he was asking as he wiped his jaw.
Kurt wasn't calm or coherent enough to understand what he was asking so he stood up and pulled his pants and underwear off and straddled now Kurt's oddly placed body.

Blaine's hard cock was pressed between Kurt's chest and his own stomach as he leaned right next Kurt's ear:
"Do you. want to. go. or can I. fuck you?"
Kurt hated calling it fucking. His eyes burst open and his mind was slowly closing on coherent again.
"Do you want me to fuck you now, right here? Just say yes."
Kurt was looking right into his eyes with tears pooling around the edges:
"Yes."
"Say what you want. Say it. Say the word."
He could feel Kurt's dick twich against his asscheeks.
"Just say it."
Kurt caressed Blaine's stubble and he reached it for a kiss. As their mouths were pressed together Kurt mumbled:
"I want you to make love to me Blaine Anderson. Love me."

Blaine growled and pulled Kurt up fully to lay on the bed. He threw his shirt away to the corner and leaned in for a kiss. He viciously traced his tongue over Kurt's teeth and stroked his own painfully hard dick. Kurt kept running his cold hands around his back and sides. Kurt always wanted to touch and to hold and to squeeze and whisper sweet things. Place slow kisses everywhere and hold on. Blaine reached for his bag laying next to the night table.

Had he really come to New York prepared? How long had he thought about this? Kurt noticed his opportunity and unbalanced him and rolled on top but slid down and took Blaine's dick all the way down in one elegant move without making a sound. Fuck! Why did he have to be so perfect. Blaine looked at the ceiling and held his breath. Kurt was sucking slowly and perfectly reaching all the right spots. Blaine felt his lips drying from the excessive panting he was doing.

He reached for his bag again and scrambled for the lube. Fuck where was it? The small tube held tightly in his hand he roughly pulled Kurt off from his dick and forced him to roll on his side. He puffed few times to regain his composure and held Kurt's head between his hands:
"Do you want me to fuck you? Don't make me ask you again."
Kurt nodded: "Love me."

Blaine let out a frustrated groan. He hiked Kurt's leg to rest on his hip as he spread lube to his hand. Pushing one finger inside Kurt and keeping his eyes everywhere but in Kurt made everything better. Kurt was clenching around his finger and his sounds of moaning increased as Blaine added another finger. Kurt's hands traced his face but he still refused to look at the man keening next to him. He kept spreading Kurt rhythmically and with military precision. His other hand was wrapped around Kurt trembling neck. Adding third finger made Kurt convulse against his hip and they both wailed as their cocks were pressed together tightly.

"Say it babe, say it please." Blaine heard himself pleading.
"Fuck. Fuck me!"
Blaine pulled out his fingers. He'd gotten permission. He shut his consciouss mind out off this small pen reserved for an idiot and shithead and began unwrapping a condom while Kurt was still letting his hand trace around everywhere and giving small kisses around his neck and upper chest. As he slathered lube over the condom Kurt took a firm grip from his face and forced his eyes to stop to look at the man underneath. Was he going to let go of this for good?

Before he could wake up that poetry boy hiding deep inside his soul this night he began turning and pushing Kurt around to his stomach. Kurt shook his head and gripped his shoulders:
"I want to see your face."
"No." he could see a look of desperate realisation in Kurt's eyes before he kept on pushing him onto his stomach: "I don't want to see yours."

Without listening the hitched breathing coming from Kurt he started to push in. Unusually rough jerk and hold from Kurt's hips made him go all the way in. Kurt moved forward from the thrust and he let out a high pitched scream. Blaine was staying put and listening his own heart beating in his eardrums. He didn't move but felt Kurt's hands snake to hold his waist. Even now he had to fucking touch! Shit! Kurt's hold tightened and started to push and pull Blaine's hips forwards and back. Blaine lashed out and moved in uncomposed, almost hysterical jerks. Kurt tensed his thighs and pressed his head against the bed but became silent. Blaine was thrusting violently and looked at the striped wallpaper. He leaned in and roughly jerked Kurt under his slightly raised hips.

Blaine could feel his muscles twitching and spazzing. Just as he was coming he felt Kurt release and come with small tremors all over the bed without a sound. Blaine took a hold of Kurt's hips and rolled him away from the wet patch and almost hyperventilated from gasping for more air. Kurt massaged and stretched his neck and then laid relaxed next to Blaine holding his eyes closed one hand still placed on Blaine's hipbone. His very own beautiful creature. Blaine felt his hand was about lift and touch those glowing cheeks and whisper words of love. Instead he scoffed and pulled his arm from under Kurt and sat up facing the other way.

He was not sure why he had come. What in Blaine's voice made him change his mind and leave and meet this man? His neck was hurting but his arm was resting on a familiar hipbone. This was going to work. He could smooth out the rough patches. He kept tracing his fingers around the point where soft skin met hard bone and loved the feeling of stray coarse hairs under his fingertips. Suddenly that skin tightened and moved viciously from reach and his supportive arm was pulling away from underneath.

Blaine was sitting right at the edge of the bed staring at nothing. Kurt felt the light breeze of the air conditioning running across his body or was the thing even on? He needed the heat of Blaine's body to warm him up.
Kurt reached out his hand towards Blaine's curved back:
"Can you hold me...please."

Blaine leaned for Kurt's pants and threw them over Kurt's legs:
"You should leave now. Right now. I have to wake up early and I don't want to ruin your Sunday morning with making you wake up early. My train leaves really, really early."
Kurt sat up and stared at the mans tightly wound up neck. He didn't know what was going on:
"Blaine..."
"Just leave. It's not like you need a shower or a wash. I used a condom if you didn't notice." Blaine stood up and turned toward Kurt and pulled the condom off and threw it towards the waste basket.

He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay and wake up early with Blaine and send him off on that platform waving a white handkerchief. Blaine scoffed and threw Kurt's undershirt at his face which made him startle.
"I thought you understood this was just going to be a fuck. This is what New York is all about isn't it!? Hah? Getting your ass just ready for it!" Blaine's shouting made him tremor.
"What are you talking about? he whined. He hated his sad pathetic tone. "Wha...what is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong with me? We broke up but apparently you still come here like a hungry dog in heat for fun and games!"
"I came here because you asked me to!"
"You're going to be so easy for all the guys in here aren't you?" Blaine's voice was full of tears but none fell.

"You promised you..."
"I fucking regret promising anything." Blaine was now pulling his underwear back on and turned to fetch his pants. "What part of 'Just leave' you have a hard time understanding?"
Kurt was flinching again as his black shirt was hurled towards him. He felt like he didn't understand anything.
"Just talk to me, please and tell..."
"I can't just talk to you anymore."
"We said we would always talk after..."
"There is no we anymore. You are here and I'm in Ohio! Get it to your thick skull!"

"But we...we just had sex. I thought everything..."
"That after a quick fuck everything would be fine again? So this is your idea how this is going to work? Meet every six months for a nice fuck?" Blaine was spitting out the word with such despise it made Kurt dry heave.
"I'm trying to make you realise we..." Blaine banged his hand flat against the desk so that the pens and complementary candies jumped around. Kurt felt his cheeks were wet from tears running down his face and his throat was making pained gasps of choking. He didn't want to understand why his Blaine, his dapper beautiful Blaine was acting like this.
"Please, let me just..." Kurt stood up and without a moments hesitation walked over the room naked to the tense body of Blaine and embraced the shaking man.

At first it was like hugging a tree going through an earthquake that slowly settled into numb existence. Kurt was now bawling his eyes out with shudders as he was holding the naked torso of the man he still loved so hard. His nails left marks as he touched and gripped. Blaine let out an anguished scream. He was pushing Kurt off from him and ran for his bag and shirt.
"I'm so sorry."
Kurt heard the whoosh of the hotel room door opening and closing but he couldn't see anything through his tears. There he was again. Kurt Hummel: The boy that was never allowed to be just happy.