Summary:Begins two months after 'Back in the Saddle'. Mac is still with Webb - or is she?
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: This is my fist fanfic ever, so don't be too hard on me! Oh -and I'm just warning you, English is not my 1. language!
They would look like any other couple eating lunch together as they sat on the café laughing and teasing each. What made them stand out from the crowd were the uniforms they both wore and the covers resting on the table between them. She was a marine lieutenant colonel and he a navy commander. Only problem was - she was already dating a CIA agent named Clayton Webb… Or was she?
"So, how did last night with Webb go?" he asked taking the last bite of his salad, changing the subject from work to private life.
"None of your business…" she said in a neutral tone, startled by the question.
"Touchy subject?" he said mockingly with a much known flyboy grin.
Blushing, she looked down. She hated that smile so much! It made her knees go all jelly on her, luckily for her she was sitting down right now.
"Harm, my love life is none of your concern!" She smiled. "For example, I never ask you how your dates go!"
"First of all, I'm not dating! Second, that was a lousy example Mackenzie!" he said a bit amused.
"How's that my problem!" Mac asked teasingly looking up again.
"Okay, if you don't want to tell me, I won't ask…" he said, pretending to pout about it.
"Good!" she answered, smiling from getting it her way. She wasn't ready to tell him that Clay and she had broken it off last night, at least not like this.
"I only asked because I care about you… What if he acted like jerk, I wouldn't want you to date jerks now would I?" he was as surprised as she was over what he just said. Where did that come from? He thought, but it made Mac feel a little guilty about not telling how last night actually went.
She knew this man cared about her. They had worked together for what, 8 years or so? Still, this was also the man who never made up his mind about how he felt about her. He had taken it hard when he found out about Clay, but he didn't seem crushed or heartbroken. The reason why she didn't go after him was because he didn't go after her. Well, that wasn't exactly true either. They'd both gone after each other, on different and inappropriate times for the other person. Still, the man sitting across the table from her had a very special place in her heart, she just supplanted it.
"Harm… Discussing Clay with you is like discussing you with him, hopeless!" It was exactly how it was. They couldn't stand each other, and it wasn't a bit better after Paraguay. Still, Clay helped Harm when he needed it and the other way around, Mac never understood those two together.
"Fine…" He said distantly. He didn't really want to talk about it, knowing Mac was with Webb hurt bad enough, he was just too stubborn to let it show. He brought it on himself too. It wasn't like she was unattractive, so no wonder she had a boyfriend. But why Webb? He had had many years to confess what he felt for her, but she always seemed to be involved with someone else when he made up his mind. That might be because he got frustrated with jealously each and every time she was with someone which forced him to really think about how he felt, but again, he wouldn't admit that to anyone - especially not to her.
"Besides, you would think of him as a jerk no matter how good he treated me!" she said in a cheerful voice, trying to make him smile again.
"True…" he said, just as distant as last time.
There was an uncomfortably long silence between them.
"Harm?" They both looked up into Catherine Gale's face.
"Catherine! Hi, good to see you!" He stood up and hugged her, smiling again.
"Mac…" she shook her hand and smiled.
"Catherine, or should I say Mrs. Rabb?" Mac said sarcastically but her smile still remaining. Glancing at her she noticed her pregnant belly. "Congratulations on the baby! How far are you along?"
"About 7 months!" Catherine said with a smile.
Mac's smile quickly faded. It was 7 months since Harm went to Paraguay to find her, meaning 7 months since he "married" the now pregnant woman standing in front of her. He never actually went into details about that and Catherine did show up at his apartment a couple of months ago when she went over with Imes' files. Was Harm…? A sudden wave of jealousy struck her.
She saw Harm noticing her expression but gave him an 'I don't want you to ask about it' look. Not in front of Catherine, as none of them would be comfortable with it.
Catherine on the other hand turned her full attention towards Harm again.
"I was actually about to call you, you know!" she said.
"You were?" Harm managed to get out, still eyeing Mac in concern.
"Yeah, I though a repeat of that dinner we had wouldn't be bad." She said with the brightest grin Mac had ever seen. This didn't sound right to her ears at all.
"Oh… Yeah, I don't see why not…? Why don't I call you later, and we'll figure something out?" he said with a short smile.
"I should get going." Mac blurted out as she paid her lunch and picked up her cover. She just needed some time by herself to digest this.
"Mac…" Harm started.
"I'll see you at the office" she said briefly before she took off completely ignoring Catherine.
She took a detour back to JAG, trying to put all the bits and pieces together. Was this making any sense at all? Was he the father of Catherine's baby? Why haven't he told her the whole story behind the fake marriage? And why the heck was she jealous!
Both Harm and Catherine watched her go.
"Harm, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to chase her off or anything…" Catherine said a bit put out by the whole thing.
He sighted. "Don't worry about it, I'll talk to her later, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you" he lied. Or was he? He wasn't really sure.
"I guess that dinner was inappropriate then, with you two involved now and everything…" she said before he cut her off.
"Oh no! No, no, no! She's still with Webb…" He insured her.
She laughed. "Really? Without your approval I guess?" She teased him.
"I'll call you about that dinner, okay?" He reminded her, avoiding the question.
"Looking forward to it" She smiled.
Catherine was a very attractive woman, any man would be blind not to think so, but she was right when she commented Harm about him wanting an instant family last time he saw her. Even if she would have agreed, it wouldn't have worked out. Catherine Gale was a beautiful, smart and loving woman, but still, she wasn't Sarah Mackenzie. Put out by his own thoughts he thought to himself 'Get a grip Hammer, she's with someone else, besides, you have Mattie now.' Noticing that Catherine was still there he looked at his watch.
"I have to get back to work, it was good seeing you again Catherine" he smiled while paying his lunch and putting on his cover.
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Back at the office Harm headed directly to Mac's closed door and knocked.
No response.
"Mac?"
He knocked again, and when no one responded he carefully opened the door to find an empty office.
"The Colonel hasn't come back from her lunch yet sir" PO Coates said, walking past me with a document to Turner. She stopped and turned.
"Wasn't the Colonel having lunch with you sir?" She said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but…" he stopped talking as he saw Mac walking through the entrance door and the bullpen nodding to PO Coates, and walking directly past him and into her office.
"I guess lunch didn't go as expected, huh Commander?" She said with a comforting smile before she headed over to Turner's office.
"No, I guess not…" he said to himself as he again knocked on the door.
"Yeah?" He opened the door and looked into a pair of chocolate brown eyes that could melt anyone's heart. She sighted and looked down into a file again. "What?"
"Would you mind telling me what happened at lunch?" Harm said calmly while he seated himself in one of her chairs crossing his arms, waiting for an answer.
She sighted again.
"Harm… I really don't want to start this here…"
She was so relaxed and calm it almost worried him, besides that, she looked… sad.
"I really think we need to talk…" he said in a low voice.
"Yeah… I guess you're right…" she asked in a voice even lower than his. "You free tonight?"
"For you? Always…" After realizing what he just said he tried to figure out some kind of excuse, but my mind went blank.
"I'll take that as a yes. Your place at 1900?"
Relieved that she didn't make a big deal out of what he had said he nodded. For a while he actually thought he saw a smile creeping upon her face. He got up and walked to the door, turning around to find her lost in her file again. Sighting, he turned and closed the door behind him as he walked towards his own office.
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After working on a case and meeting a client she finally got into her car and drove home. The drive seemed to take hours, but she knew from her internal clock that it took just as long as it always took. As she closed the door behind her, she kicked of her shoes, put the files she brought home on her coffee table and started to unbutton her uniform jacket as she saw the red light on her answering machine blinking. She pressed the button and wasn't surprised to hear Clay's voice.
"Hi, it's me… Just wanted to check in on you… Um, about yesterday, it all went so fast! Are you sure about all of this? I mean, we did have some pretty good times together… Maybe we just need to sort things out? Anyway, I have to go… Company business… Call me Sarah… Take care! Bye!"
She sighted. Things didn't go to fast yesterday, and yeah, sure they had shared plenty of good times together. He worked for the CIA, he was gone more than he was in D.C., and they had too many secrets which they kept from each other. She respected that he couldn't tell her about classified information, where he went or what he was doing, but the fact that she felt that she couldn't talk to him about her past bothered her. Sure, she was in love with him, at least before, but she never truly loved him.
She went into the bathroom and started filling up the tub and got undressed. As she sunk in her thoughts went back to what happened at lunch. She was glad she was talking to Harm later as she really wanted them to be as good friends as they were before Webb and she ever happened. Maybe it could be like that now that he was out of her life or at least out of her love life. As she relaxed lying in the tub with bubbles surrounding her, she started to think back on a similar situation in Paraguay. Harm came in with her gun as someone knocked on the door to their hotel room. Before he went out he stated: I'd forgotten how beautiful you are. She smiled to herself. He probably never knew how flattering those words were to her. The moment she got up the phone rang.
It better not be Clay! She wasn't in the mood to talk to him at all.
"Mackenzie?" she barked.
"… Mac?" it was indeed not Clay.
"Harm! Sorry, I thought you were someone else…"
"That's okay… Do you want something to eat when you come over or have you already eaten?"
"I ate before I left JAG, but you know my appetite!" she said with a laugh.
"Yeah, always hungry aren't you Marine?" He was happy to actually hear her laugh again. It brought a smile to his face.
"So, pizza okay? I just got home so I don't think I have the time to start on anything" he said, already knowing pizza was just fine with her, as long as she got her half with stuff he would never put into his mouth.
"Pizza's excellent Harm, you know how I like it!"
"Yeah, dead animal it is" he said teasingly. "I'll see you in an hour or so"
"58 minutes and 44 seconds actually! Bye Harm"
He had to laugh when he hung up. If any other woman than Mac had known the exact numbers of minutes and seconds until they would see him, he would probably freak out more than he would be flattered. Even though it was quite annoying to him at first when she would comment on how late he was, which he almost always were, it was useful from time to time, and now he would just smile at her when she made a comment about it.
58 minutes later, Harm was just finished dressing as he heard a knock on the door.
He opened it and was defiantly pleased by the sight in front of him.
She was wearing a white coat, a tight violet top which didn't reveal too much, and a black pair of pants. Every curve on her body was hugged in the right way, not to Harm's disapproval.
"You look good, come in!" He said, making room for her to do so.
"Thanks, you don't look to bad yourself!" She said with a grin. It was absolutely true. The not-to-tight, not-to-loose white shirt he wore reviled the muscles the navy uniform hid and she actually missed seeing him in jeans, which he was now wearing. She also noticed that his hair was still damp from showering.
"The pizza will be here any minute. Anything to drink?"
"Water will be just fine thank you…" She said, making her way to his dining table where he already had set out plates. God, had she missed hanging out with him here.
He went over to his fridge and took out one bottle of water for each of them, giving one to Mac as he sat down.
"What…" "So…" They both started to talk.
"You first" she said.
He sighted "What happened during lunch Mac? One minute you seem totally happy, the next, you just ran out on me" he said with a stern look.
"Well, it wasn't like you were alone or anything" she tried with a smile, before she got all serious.
"I don't know… When Catherine showed up, a lot of stuff came back to me…" she looked down as she started to fiddle with the seam on her jumper.
"Like what?"
"I don't know… A lot… Us… What happened in Paraguay, you… Everything really"
"Let's start with the 'us' part then…" he said.
She gazed at him for a moment before fixing her look on her bottle of water as she started to talk.
"You and I both know that a lot of things have gone unsaid between us since we came back from Paraguay…" She stopped to take a deep breath. "We haven't even talked about what happened over there and I'm still confused about you resigning your commission to find me." She looked into his eyes. He immediately broke the contact.
"Mac… I already told you, I think you know the reason why… You were already with Webb, so there's nothing more to say. Besides, I couldn't just sit here waiting for you to come back when you went missing, and I had to do something! Hell, you know how much I care for you… You're my best friend…" he said looking into her eyes again.
"Am I?" she almost whispered. The look got so intense neither of them knew what to say or do next. What finally broke it was the delivery man knocking on the door. Harm got up, paid him and put the pizza on the table. None of them touched it.
He bit his lower lip and looked at his hands which were now resting on the table.
"Look, I know we didn't talk much after we came back. We're both to blame for that, but you were busy with Webb and I didn't even work at JAG anymore. I guess I tried to 'move on' or something, but don't ever think I didn't consider you as my closest friend during those months." He looked back at her. "Did it answer some of your questions?" he tried with a smile.
"Yeah… I guess… But how come you didn't tell me the whole story behind Catherine Gale?" she said, trying hard to ignore that smile of his.
"Is that what this is all about? Catherine?" he said shocked.
"You say that as if it's surprising. All we talked about was you two faking the whole marriage thing to find me, now, 7 months later she turns up 7 months pregnant!"
He smiled "And you think I have something to do with that?"
"Well, its logical thinking isn't it?" she said back.
"Mac, all she told me was that I wasn't the father and that it happened before I met her…" he looked into her eyes and thought he saw a sign of relief in them but something was still bothering her.
"So… You did sleep with her…" she said looking down, wondering to her self if it was a statement more than a question. Looking up again she saw him raising an eyebrow and opening his mouth to say something.
"Don't answer that…" she quickly added. When she came to think about it, she didn't want to know and it wasn't any of her business.
"Why do you even care, you're with Webb!" he said, not knowing what else to say.
"About that… I'm not, it's over…" she looked away again.
"What? When… why?" he was glad to hear, but he felt more sorry for her, she had been pretty happy with him, even though he would gladly be the one who made her that happy.
She sighted. "Yesterday. We got to an agreement… He wasn't the kind of man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and with me knowing that, he deserved better…" she smiled with her mouth, but her eyes were kept emotionless.
"I'm sorry to hear that…" he said taking her hand.
"Are you?" she looked at their hands and into his deep blue eyes. She could sit there and stare into them forever.
"Honestly? Both yes and no… I never really liked the man, but my respect for him grew when I saw how happy he made you… Let's just say, he was better than Bugme!" They both laughed. Glad to see her smile an actual smile, his thumb automatically started to stroke her palm gently. She enjoyed it and looked into his eyes again.
"So… What about Catherine?" Mac said, wanting the whole story this time.
"I and Catherine are just friends…" he started. He told her the whole story about what happened after she went to Paraguay with Webb, never letting go of neither her hand nor her eyes.
"So, what happened when she came over here a couple of months ago?" she asked just out of plain curiosity.
He laughed at that. "Am I witnessing a prying marine?" he said with his best flyboy grin.
She looked down blushing but soon found a decent comment to tease back with.
"Why, can't you handle it sailor?" She smiled on of her dazzling smiles back.
"Oh, I'll live!" he said but his mind thinking that what he couldn't handle was that smile of hers.
"Harm, you're stalling the question!" she giggled.
"Nothing happened. We talked, that's it. I made a fool out of myself talking before thinking, but she made the funniest remark just as you left!" he said thinking back.
"Really?" she couldn't think of what.
"Yeah, something about you giving her a 'get away from my man' look..?" he said with a smirk.
"Oh… I can't seem to remember that… Must be about… Clay or something? You know, both of them working for the Company and everything" she managed to get out, embarrassed about the whole thing.
"Well, if you say so…" he said with the smirk still remaining in his face.
"So, what about you talking before thinking?" she pried again.
"I…" he hesitated. "I sort of wanted to start fresh with her, seeing if we could have worked it out. But she voiced my thoughts, which were me wanting an instant family, and to be honest, she was right…" he said, still wondering if he should have kept his mouth closed.
"Is that what you want, a family?" she asked.
"I don't know. It just feels like something's missing you know?"
"Believe me, I know the feeling! What's worrying me is that I'm not getting any younger by the days!" she said. That reminded Harm that her birthday was coming up soon.
"Look, it's getting late… I should be heading home…" she said. Her internal clock told her it was over 2200 already. 2203 to be exact.
Harm sighted as he took a glance at his watch. As much as he wanted her to stay longer he got up and grabbed her coat for her. After helping her getting it on they stood by the door. She looked up into those heavenly blue eyes of his.
"I've missed this you know… I've missed you…" she said almost whispering.
He pulled her close and embraced her.
"I've missed you too" he said muffled against her hair.
As they finally broke apart he opened the door for her. On her way out she turned and gave him a look he'd only seen once before, many years ago out on the admiral's porch. Feeling the tension between them she sighted and smiled.
"'Night Harm" she said before she turned around and walked further and further away from him.
Closing the door he said barley audible "Goodnight Sarah…"