He blinked to get his eyes to focus. Where was he again? Oh…right, in the car. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. 4:45am. He needed to go to sleep but there was really no point since he had to be up in two & a half hours. Maybe on the way to work he'd get an energy drink or take a nap during his lunch break.
He glanced down at his hand. His cigarette had completely burnt out, probably long ago. He flicked it out the window & suddenly he wondered what it would be like had the cigarette gotten into the gas tank & blown the car up. Would he feel anything? Like would it hurt? Would he be afraid? Would he have regrets just milliseconds before the explosion, like, "Oh but I have so much to live for!". He didn't think so. He wasn't necessarily ready to die but he'd be ok with it when his time came.
Something warm ran down his cheek but he didn't bother wiping it away. He'd involuntarily began crying some three hours ago. He wasn't really sad…just kinda…lost, for lack of a better word. Maybe fed up was a better word. A few times he felt himself get choked up & let the sobs rack his body, causing thick blobs of snot to seep out of his nose. It was an ugly sight, he already knew. He wiped the snot away but left the tears. It just felt natural.
His hand sought out the bottle of Jack Daniel's in his passenger seat. He found it but he also found that it was empty. Wonderful. Now how was he going to cope at work tomorrow with no alcohol in his system? He didn't get paid for another week; the money he did have was reserved for gas. Ah well it was probably for the bes-
Then the memories of That Night came back: the gin he guzzled, cheered on by Him, grimacing at the awful burn it left but acting like it was nothing, vaguely hearing His brother pausing the game, knowing something bad was about to happ-
His face scrunched up again as tears streamed down his face like rain on a window. Ok so maybe dying wouldn't be so bad right now….
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This is a work in progress so I am almost positive it will not get a scheduled update. Please bear with me