Happily Ever After (ONE-SHOT)

A/N: Hi! This is probably my one and only Napoleon Dynamite story. This is also one of my first Fanfictions so DON'T KILL ME PLEASE, thanks. Yeah and I don't own Napoleon, cause if I did, I would be rich. The only thing that belongs to me is the character Pennie Dess.

Napoleon Dynamite awoke Monday morning to the sound of his grandma yelling at him from the small kitchen.

"Napoleon, go feed Tina and get up already! You've been dang well sleeping for a long time and you should be up and about already!"

Napoleon purposely sighed loudly and got out from under his warm covers.

"Freakin' IDIOT. Why the heck do I always have to feed that retarded llama?"

Napoleon sighed loudly once again and put on his favorite outfit: a blue Endurance T-shirt and neon orange shorts. He slipped on his brown glasses and went into the kitchen.

"About darn time."

His grandma handed him some mashed up white stuff in a container while she munched on some steak. Napoleon did not even ask what it was, he just took it sighed loudly again and walked outside.

"Hey Tina! You fat piece of crap, come eat your flippin' food!"

Napoleon dumped the mysterious contents of the container over the fence for Tina to eat and went back inside. He put the container in the sink and grabbed his binder for school.

The bus came soon. Napoleon closed his binder and put away the picture of Deb that he started drawing. Yes, he did have a crush on Deb. Ever since he and Deb shared a dance…at the dance. He thought Deb perfect to be "his woman". He momentarily opened his eyes when the bus came, then went back to squinting. Napoleon got on the bus and walked to the back, next to Lyle. He took out his drawing and started to shade Deb's side ponytail.

"Ooh, who's that? Got a crush on a girl Napoleon?"

Lyle started laughing.

"No I don't! Shut up! Frickin' idiot…"

"Then who's that?"

"What the heck? It's just a girl I'm drawing; it doesn't have to be anyone! Gosh!"

"Ok, sure. Whatever Napoleon."

Napoleon sighed loudly for the third time that day and it wasn't even lunch. Little did he know he would be doing a lot of sighing that day for multiple reasons.

"Napoleon, please come up and tell your story to the class."

Napoleon was in Literature class and his class had to think up a story and memorize it for the class. Napoleon, of course, did not really care for literature and did not think up a story. It was a frickin' waste of his time. He told the first thing that came to his mind.

"Once upon a time there was this really pretty girl named Zeb…she was pretty. She met this guy named Nat, and, and he was nice. They really liked each other so they got married. And they…had sex… and babies. And lived happily ever after by…Loch Ness Lake…with a pet liger."

Most of the class looked amused and some even smirked. Mrs. Rupert grimaced and raised her eyebrows while her mouth was slightly ajar. Deb was in that class and also another girl, Pennie Dess. Penni smiled while Deb remained emotionless. Napoleon walked back to his desk in the back.

"Ok…Trisha… please share your story... now."

During gym, Napoleon was by the tetherball pole again and hitting the ball so that the string attached to the volleyball kept getting tangled around the metal pole.

"Oww! What the flip?"

Napoleon rubbed his nose where the volleyball just hit him.

Napoleon looked behind the pole to find Pennie Dess smiling at him, her hands behind her back. She had her auburn hair spread out on the front of her shoulder. Her green eyes sparkled and would look like diamonds to anybody, but not Napoleon. Her smile was creepy. It seemed as if she wanted something from him.

"Hi Napoleon. Sorry about that, I thought you might want someone to join you? Oh, by the way, your story in Literature was best. I loved it."

Her voice was soft and quiet. It was as if she spoke any louder, she would trigger an earthquake that would destroy humanity.

"Are you retarded or something! You almost broke my nose!"

Pennie looked shocked and crestfallen. Soon, a look of disbelief started to form on her face.

"But…I...I'm sorry, Napoleon, I thought you would hit it back!"

"You had better be sorry…idiot…"

Napoleon sighed loudly and walked away from the tetherball pole, leaving Pennie standing there.

"Can I have some of you tots?"

Napoleon's mouth hung agape, as usual and his eyes squinted, focusing on Pedro's lunch. He was almost drooling.

"Sure."

At the sound of his friend's monotone voice, Napoleon grabbed the pyramid of tater tots and stuffed all of the tots into his mouth, munching on them greedily.

Pedro stared at Napoleon with his eyebrows up and mouth also opened slightly. Deb's old wig was still on Pedro's head and would probably be staying there for a while.

"What happened to your nose?" Pedro asked in his Mexican accent.

Napoleon's nose was red and looked swollen.

"Oh this girl hit it. During gym." Napoleon answered with his mouth full of tots,

"Does it hurt?"

Napoleon swallowed the rest of the tots.

"Heck yes! I need my chap stick too, my lips hurt real bad."

"Maybe you should go to the nurse."

"For a chap stick? I'm not gonna use some already-used chap stick. That's gross. And I don't think my grandma will come down here to give me one."

"No, I mean your nose."

Napoleon saw Deb coming over to the table.

"Na, I'll just stay here…"

Deb sat down across from Napoleon. She had whole milk and a ham sandwich. To Napoleon, she looked like the most beautiful thing in the world. He also thought that she could drink all the whole milk she wanted to, and she would still be pretty. He tried not to stare.

"Hey guys."

"Hey." Napoleon greeted her.

"Hi." Pedro soon followed.

"Hey Napoleon."

Pennie sat down next to Napoleon and smiled. Deb looked glared slightly at her and sat quietly.

Pennie slid her arm around Napoleon's shoulders and smiled at him.

"Umm…could you please get your arm off my shoulders?" Napoleon blinked.

"Oh come off it, Napoleon, I know that story you told in Literature was what you want to happened in the future. You know, with me, and you, and kids…"

"Heck no! Are you retarded or something? Why can't you just go away? And for your info, it was what I wanted it to be with Deb, not with you!" Napoleon sputtered the words out quickly, desperately trying to get Deb to think that Pennie was lying. He was so desperate that he forgot that he said that last sentence.

Pedro looked at his best friend. He was stunned that Napoleon thought such things. But then again, he couldn't blame him. He felt the same was for Summer, his opponent for the past School Election, but he knew she did not feel the same way.

Deb, on the other hand, looked calm and tranquil, and smiled at Napoleon. Pennie looked hurt and angry. She grabbed the half-full carton of whole milk and poured it on top of Deb's head. Deb looked up horrified at what Pennie had just done. Pennie smiled.

"Napoleon was wrong for once," Pennie said.

"…You should drink one percent. You are kinda fat."

The whole cafeteria was now watching the scene unfold. Most of the room started laughing.

Deb ran out of the cafeteria, with some milk dripping from her side-ponytail.

Napoleon sighed loudly

"Napoleon go feed the dang llama!"

The doorbell rang. Napoleon heard the door open and then some muffled noises.

"Napoleon! Get your butt down here, now! You have a guest! And you have to feed Tina!"

His grandmother sounded very aggravated now.

Napoleon sighed again.

When Napoleon finally got downstairs, he saw that his guest was Deb.

"Uhh…hi Deb."

"Hi."

Silence. Everybody hated when this kind of thing happened.

"Was all the stuff you said really true?"

Deb asked as if she was scared that Napoleon would say no and that he really just wanted to be with Pennie. Why she still thinks that, I do not know.

"Yes."

Deb smiled.

"Napoleon! Go feed the llama! I won't ask you again! And if you don't I'll give Rico your serving of steak!"

"He would eat it anyway. He eats all the steak he can find now."

Napoleon decided it be better to obey his grandma though. She had just broken her coccyx a while ago so it was best she was here to take care of him and not his Uncle Rico.

"Eww, what is that?" Deb asked as she stood behind Napoleon. They were in the backyard and Napoleon was standing in front of Tina.

"It's Tina's food. It's gross, I know."

"Hi Napoleon! It's so nice to see you again!" Pennie strode onto Napoleon's front lawn and flipped her hair over her shoulder. She seemed to have lost all of her timidity from before and seemed very confident.

Deb glared at her and stood behind Napoleon as if he would protect her.

"Get off of my frickin' lawn."

"Oh come on now, Nap-"

"Get off of my frickin' lawn."

"Napoleon…"

Napoleon went up to Pennie and dumped Tina's food on Pennie's head.

"NAPOLEON!" Pennie screamed and froze in place, looking terrified. The liquidy llama food was dripping from her hair and she looked almost the same as Deb did before at lunch.

Napoleon then opened Tina's gate. Tina, of course, was very hungry that day. Tina went up to Pennie and started licking the food off her.

"Sweet." Deb said.

"Yea, I know. I thought it was only fair."

Deb looked up at Napoleon and smiled.

"Come on, let's go get some tots. I'm sure they have some at the dinner." Deb said. She reached out and took Napoleon's hand.

The two walked hand in hand to the dinner.

And they lived "happily ever after". As you might say. Well, maybe not. They went back to being teased and everything. They were happy though. Oh, and eventually Summer and Pedro got together. But that's another story.