Enlightenment

~ A Wicked Fanfiction ~

~ Sequel to 'Apologies' ~

~ By Heatqueen ~

A/N: Last one, hope you enjoy.

It would have been easy to give Galinda what she wanted, purely because she wanted it. Fortunately, Elphie knew better.

Had she been one of Galinda's superficial, shallow, airheaded cronies, she might have jumped recklessly into a relationship. However, Elphie respected Galinda too much to lead her on. There was no logic in her passionate devotion. She was far too easily swept off her feet and would be completely blind to the idea that Elphie was only doing it to please her.

So Elphie didn't. Because she had no idea how she felt.

In Elphie's life, love was simple: Everyone deserved love except the green girl. Rationally, Elphie knew it was stupid, but her mentality had been so affected by the lack of love in her childhood, that she was thoroughly convinced of it.

Now that Galinda was showing her love, Elphie spent a lot of time considering the idea that anyone could love her at all. She cursed herself for being trapped in such a negative vicious cycle. Why – she often asked herself – was it so difficult to believe someone could love her? Why did logic so easily buckle under the years of wounded emotions? Why couldn't it be as easy as flicking a switch and suddenly believing that Galinda loved her?

On the flip side of things, Elphie was certain that she had no idea how to love someone. For years she'd rolled her eyes at the many girls she had watched succumb to a crush. They went red in the cheeks and stole shy glances and took extra care with their make-up and clothes. They gushed and drooled and stalked the object of their affection. Elphie had seen it in Galinda's reactions towards her. The puppy eyes; the beaming smile; the slightly hilarious attempts at maintaining an intellectual conversation. All for her.

She wondered if those were things she ought be doing. If such behaviours were a sign of love, then how true were her feelings towards her roommate? Could she love Galinda without the gushing and drooling? Was it love if she didn't shower the girl in praise, instead shooting her with bitter words and sarcasm? Did she love her even if she didn't care to offer her touches of affection? Weren't all of those things the signs of love? Why did Elphie lack them?

There was only one way to find out, and that was to ask Galinda herself.

'How do you love someone?' she asked. 'What do you do?'

Galinda couldn't help a goofy grin. 'Finally,' she said. 'A subject that I know more about than you.' Elphie snorted. 'Dearest Elphie, I am highly amused at your proposition that in matters of the heart, anything particular must be done, when the reality is that love exists, whether you do anything about it or not. It implies that there is a list of rules that one must follow when one has fallen for somebody – but then the question would be, who makes those rules? Love, after all, has existed far longer than any of us. The only rules are the ones that we invent. Truth be told, we would all be far better off letting go of any and all rules, and listening to the heart instead.'

It was the most profound thing Elphie had ever heard her say, and her jaw dropped in candid surprise.

'Be that as it may,' Galinda continued, who was on a roll, 'I am intrigued to hear that you require such advice at all – now, why should matters of love be playing on your mind?'

The mood in the room suddenly shifted. Elphie was all too aware of Galinda's intense feelings towards her, but how was she to explain that she was pondering the idea of reciprocating them? She had no wish to imply that it might be possible, only for it to turn out not to be true. What if she only thought she might like Galinda in that way, because Galinda was the only person who'd ever cared for her?

'Curiosity,' she stated. 'I have never been in love and wondered what it was like.'

'Of course you haven't,' Galinda mumbled tersely, and Elphie realised too late that she had said the wrong thing. Such a statement was bound to be interpreted as a sign of decidedly not-loving Galinda.

'I didn't mean…' Elphie began.

'It's fine,' Galinda cut her off.

Ever since Galinda's confession, situations like this had become more and more common. The matter of Elphie reciprocating those feelings was an elephant in the room. Both girls tried to get by as usual, acting as though they were merely friends, but at the same time knowing it wasn't true, at least not for Galinda.

With nothing more to say to each other, Elphie spent the rest of the night considering Galinda's heartfelt speech on the matter of love. She was unsure of how one was supposed to listen to their heart – the only impression she had was that it was something a doctor did when one was unwell. The metaphorical heart, on the other hand, was something she had no experience with.

She considered her feelings. When she thought of Galinda, she felt happy at least. That was a positive start. But weren't all friends happy to see each other? When did it turn from friendship into a more romantic love?

Physically, she had not thought of being with Galinda in such a way. There was no passionate desire to kiss her, no lustful thoughts. There was, however, a distinct desire to be close to the girl, and to treat her like a treasured possession. To protect her.

Furthermore, she knew she wanted to do everything to ensure Galinda's happiness. She feared that she might end up unintentionally hurting Galinda with this whole situation. It all seemed a bit precarious – if it transpired that she didn't love Galinda, Galinda would get hurt. On the other hand, if she tried to reciprocate those feelings but later decided she was not able to, Galinda would also get hurt. The only way to make Galinda truly happy would be to reciprocate those feelings fully – but it was as Galinda herself said: the heart didn't follow any rules, and she couldn't force those feelings to happen.

What a mess.

And so, the two girls continued as they were.

As they continued, the situation became tenser. Galinda gradually grew unhappier that Elphie was holding out on her. Elphie knew Galinda wanted answers, answers that she was unable to give. On many occasions, Galinda's frustration spilled over, causing petty fights that left both girls in a cold silence.

'You're never around,' Galinda huffed, even though Elphie felt that she was giving more time than she would normally care to offer.

'My library hours are being cut short because I am choosing to be around, for your sake,' Elphie responded icily.

'Oh for pity's sake! Staying in the library until ten o'clock is plenty enough time to hide away with your books!'

'It is the only way to get any work done in peace.'

'So my presence is a distraction to you? Is that all it is?'

'No, Galinda, and I do not appreciate you accusing me of putting aside our friendship. What do you take me for? My life does not revolve around you!'

'That much is clear,' Galinda snapped. 'It's like you don't care for me at all.'

'Oh drop it!' Elphie growled angrily. Then took off to the library to spend yet more time studying.

Elphie was assaulted with memories of the early days of their friendship. They had thrown harsh words, yelled at each other and eventually formed a tentative truce, which had led to them overcoming their many differences. But their original hatred of each other had been less emotionally draining than their current impasse. Curse Galinda for falling for her - and curse herself for not giving in.

As time passed, she missed her friend yet more. They were so tense that it was hard to even act like friends. Mostly, their attempts at conversation turned into arguments that eventually fell into silence. Each time, Elphie looked for something to say and found herself speechless. What in Oz's name were they supposed to do to overcome this barrier? And with each ticking day, Elphie feared that they might drift too far, and their friendship might be irreparable.

During one particularly chilly and wet day, Elphie was forced to her room by the fact that the library ceiling had a leak. She was writing an essay by her lamplight, shivering with cold, when Galinda came and put a shawl around her shoulders. Elphie took it appreciatively, her hand grasping Galinda's in the process.

'Thank you,' she murmured, and returned to her essay. In moments like this, she could feel the spark of warmth that meant their friendship wasn't completely lost. It was these little moments that confused her. Even when they were at odds, they still managed to treat each other with such huge amounts of respect. Later on, when they bade each other goodnight, Elphie took Galinda into her arms and hoped that the situation would work itself out. When Galinda pulled away with a solemn expression in her eyes, Elphie made a silent apology.

Then – as if to make matters worse – Galinda began to invade her dreams. Not of the romantic fantasy variety, but the nightmare variety. Her nights were spent with visions of Galinda being ripped away from her and thrown onto the pinnacle of social hierarchy, while Elphie remained exactly as she was – an outcast. The dreams ate away at her sleep, and she gradually grew drained and exhausted.

'Glin,' she said, on an evening that her tiredness cost her time in the library.

'Yes Elphie?'

'I don't want to lose you,' she admitted.

'You won't lose me,' said Galinda. 'Not even when things are – tense.'

But still, they lapsed into silence, and Elphie found herself not quite believing it.

The next morning, Elphie emerged from an early morning class. The university was alive with the buzzing of the students who had awoken at a more reasonable hour. While Elphie was already in full study mode, these students were about ready for breakfast. She had half an hour before her next class, and it wasn't too cold, so she decided to go outside and read.

There were benches on the pathways that connected Crage Hall to the rest of the university. Settling herself on one, Elphie tuned out everyone else. She read for ten minutes before being distracted by the distinct high pitched squeal that could only belong to Galinda. Glancing up from her book, she saw her roommate bounding down the pathway with that playboy prince, Fiyero Tigelaar.

When Galinda noticed her, she stopped in her tracks. She glanced uneasily between Fiyero and Elphie. She muttered a few words to Fiyero, who turned around and walked off. Then, Galinda came and sat by Elphie with a look of apology in her eyes.

'I thought you two broke up,' Elphie snapped.

'We did. But we're allowed to be friends.'

Elphie was furious. The two had been a pair very early on, but she had no idea they still associated with each other.

Friends indeed. He had been far too close for comfort.

The moment stirred up a feeling that was unfamiliar to Elphie. Not one to bother herself with other people's relationships, she was baffled that the presence of the playboy prince should be an issue. He'd always been in the picture, though somewhat in the background, but this time Elphie noticed his presence. The arm around the waist and charming smile looked too much like the old days, back when Fiyero turned on the charm to woo pretty girls.

'I'll stop talking to him if it makes you happy,' she said later, through glassy eyes and a wry smile.

'No. It's okay, my pretty. You keep talking to him.' After all, there was nothing truly wrong. Not really. Or so Elphie told herself.

She decided to keep an eye on their friendship. Why, she wasn't sure, just that she felt compelled to watch them whenever they were in the vicinity. She marvelled that it was so easy for them to be friends. There was no tension, no hard feelings, no spats or arguments. She noticed that Galinda behaved especially carefully in Elphie's presence: She kept herself at a safe distance from Fiyero, as though to make a point that they really weren't anything more than friends.

Still, Elphie felt as though she'd been punched in the gut whenever the two made contact. Why was it Fiyero who got to put his arm around Galinda, and laugh and joke with her, and exchange stories with her?

It should be me.

The thought hit her one sleepless night after she'd awoken from a nightmare. It caused her to sit straight up in her bed, her heart thumping. Suddenly, tears burst through her eyes. How could she be so stupid? It was never about all those signs she'd been looking for. Those superficial things had been a distraction from the real signals. Never mind blushing and stuttering and acting like an all-round fool. It was Galinda, for Oz's sake, the best girl she'd ever met in her life.

And Elphie wanted her all to herself. Come what may.

Sweet Oz.

Drying her eyes, she slipped over to Galinda's side of the room. Galinda was curled up in a tight ball, her lips lined with a cute smile. Elphie climbed into the bed with her, positioning herself so that one arm was draped around Galinda's shoulder. Galinda shifted ever so slightly, so that she fitted into Elphie's form. All the anxiety of the last few weeks melted.

This was how things should be, Elphie thought, as the sweet scent of roses carried her off to sleep.