After iGoodbye, do you know what hurt me the most, well read … :P
The years went by.
They have all moved on.
They all went their separate ways.
But even now and then they sometimes still wonder...
She was my first crush and she looked so beautiful.
I loved her but just as a sister... or more?
Was there maybe more?
There was.
A little tiny feeling, still after the years of rejection, I still loved her a little tiny bit this way.
Even still now.
And then there was She.
She was the one that completely drove my crazy.
And she pushed my buttons like no one else could do it.
She messed with me.
A lot.
A hated her.
And I loved her.
We had an odd dynamic.
And at some point I thought we were meant to be.
But we were not.
It just didn't fit.
But sometimes after all these years I still wonder what it would be like to be married to her...
And sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if we could have made this thing work.
Our messed up relationship.
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Sometimes I still think of him.
In that way.
He was kind and sweet and the perfect gentleman.
The perfect boyfriend.
But I didn't love him that way.
Or did I?
I think that he constantly ran after me, declared his love for me, stopped me from seeing him this way.
The way he wanted to be seen.
But once he was gone, I realised what I had missed.
But there has to be a reason I didn't go out with him in all these years.
Maybe we could have had something.
I we tried.
But love should not been forced.
It should happen naturally.
Like with her.
They have beaten the odds.
She liked him.
And it seemed like he liked her to for some reason.
And there was something about them.
And energy.
But I don't know if it was good or bad.
They were constantly fighting.
That couldn't go well.
And it didn't.
For a fact I know that she cried all night long.
I think she loved him.
Because she couldn't even tell me about her feelings.
Me her best friend.
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He drove me mad.
Really mad.
His drooling over her.
His nerd speeches.
His whole appearance.
He drove me mad.
He really did.
I thought I hated him.
But I didn't.
Now I can admit to myself that I really loved him.
I fell for him so hart.
It started slowly.
But the feeling kept growing.
It was not just desire and hormones.
Because after we broke up and after I moved away, the thing I missed most about him was just 'himself'.
His talking about stuff I didn't understand.
His ability to make me laugh.
His kind and honest personality.
The way he looked at me.
I just missed being around him.
So bad.
But I moved on eventually.
Because I think our relationship was one-sided.
I don't doubt that he didn't love me like he said.
But more as his friend.
Because he went after her again.
But I don't think he liked he that way any more.
He just tried to move on.
It didn't made me mad.
It just hurt.
Because I don't think he liked me that way any more either.
Neither of us.
He didn't love us in that way.
We were just his best friends I think.
No, I know we were best friends.
And that was above everything.
Above every love-triangle-hate-love-drama, screaming and shouting, insulting and pranking.
We remained friends.
And that's what mattered.
Because that is what we're good at.
That's how we love each other the most.
Friends.
Best friends.
Seddie, Creddie, Sibby, Cibby, Cam, Spam, … we don't how it's going to turn out.
Because we can't look into Dan's mind.
But does it really matter? ( Hell yes it does! I want Seddie! I AM a Seddie shipper and I ship them soooooo bad! :P)
But it was not only Seddie what I loved most about the show.
It was their friendship. The friendship of the three of them. And I cried because of the friendship, that is was over. Not because Seddie was over to be honest. I think in that moment, all shippings beside, they were friends. No arguing, no lying or pretending. Because they know each other and that moment was honest, a true platonic 'I love you' moment between best friends. Well at least that was how I felt :D