Hurt Me

Meredith Grey walked along the sidewalk one cold, winter evening, Derek Sheppard right beside her.

Tears were streaming down her face. She was so emotional. Even though her hair was in a ponytail, it was a mess still.

She wrapped her arms around her to warm her body as the wind slammed into her.

"I'm standing at the fork in the road, and I don't really know which way to go. It's like 12 years ago all over again, and I'm a little girl lost alone. And, yes, I wanna know what lies ahead; and, yeah, my feet are planted & I don't wanna take a step."

"Meredith, why are you rambling?? What's wrong?" he asked, looking at her at he fixed his scarf around his neck.

"No,no, Derek. I'm not rambling….I'm trying to tell you something….I won't make it any further with you on my back---
carrying your burden---I can't do it this time. I don't want to say that this is a goodbye, but then again, do I listen to my heart, or your cry for help?"

He stopped walking and turned to her. "WHAT?!?! Meredith…I-I've never asked you to carry my burdens. They things I go through are for ME to handle! Y-You don't have to."

"I keep second guessing myself. Why does it have to be so hard to let you go?" Meredith stopped walking and the wind rustled her clothing and her hair. They'd been walking for over an hour, talking, and the pain of this conversation was resting on her chest, making it hard for her to breath.

She looked up to the sky, the tears shining on her face. "It's almost sun down and, I've gotta put my foot down. And I know if I do, it's gonna hurt me, more than it hurts you." She reached out and cupped his face with her cold hands. "Derek…I love you so much! I know how much you need me. This is breaking my heart, believe me, but I've got to do this for ME!"

He looked at her, astonished. "Why now, Meredith? Why now? After ALL that we've done to make it work??"

She shook her head. "Ordinarily I wouldn't give up, I'm no quitter,
but under the circumstance, I think it's better that I wash my hands of you, for the moment, until you're stronger. I love you, Derek, but I can't allow you to pull me down with you in this downward spiral. I've stuck with you through it all, but I'm thinking that I can't live with you like this. And I know I can't live without you. There's something about you that makes me want to stick around and stay settled down… even if it kills me, but I can't do this anymore.….This is going to be so hard for me…as it will you. "

"Meredith, please, I never beg, but…please….I can't do this alone. With all these deaths, mostly because of me, I-I---"

She put a finger to his lips to silence him. A lone tear escaped his eye. She slowly reached forward and kissed his cheek softly, closing her eyes as she did so.

Then, she turned and walked off, trying her best to hold herself together. She pushed through the tears that threatened to break her down. It hurt her, so much to leave the man that she'd come to call the love of her life.

But for her own good, it was something she needed to do.

It's hurting me already, she thought to herself as she walked onward, heading through the streets of Seattle.

Derek stood where she'd left him, shocked, his jaw dropped at something that he still hadn't comprehended. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a little black box.

As he raised it to his face, he opened it, revealing a diamond ring that would make celebrities melt. He looked at the engagement ring then watched as Meredith moved further and further away, and in turn, further and further out of his life….