Legal stuff: I do not own DeGrassi, I own nothing but the idea.
Important stuff to know before reading:
Trigger warning!
Clare never got back together with Eli at prom and never got sick
There was no summer trip to Paris
Adam is not dead (because I refuse to acknowledge that they killed him)
Owen is going to U of T
I Went For You
"Clare?" Alli calls into my house as my front door opens.
"Hey what are you doing here and why do you have a bag?" I ask my long time best girl friend.
"I told my parents I was staying over, I just didn't tell them that your parents were out of town visiting Jake," Alli tells me setting her bag down.
"Uh okay," I reply.
I'd actually been looking forward to a quiet lazy night in, I'd been just about ready to order in some Indian and watch movies when Alli showed up. Oh well I'm not going to kick her out and a girls night could be fun too.
"I met the hottest guy today, like a zillion times hotter than Dave. His name is Dean, he was wearing a suit and we bumped into each other as he was leaving his job," Alli squeals.
"Suit? Job? Alli how old is this guy?" I question.
"Twenty-seven, he's older and sophisticated, he invited me to come hang out at his loft tonight and I knew my parents wouldn't let me go so I came over here." She informs me pulling a skimpy red dress from her bag.
"Alli are you insane you can't go to some guys loft that you just met, especially some guy that's ten years older than you! Do you even know this guy's last name?" I inquire flabbergasted that my friend thinks this okay.
"Walton, relax Clare we won't be alone he said he was having some friends over. Besides you moved in with people you had just met after you and Jake broke up," she reminds me.
"Yeah and they turned out to be pot dealers, I nearly got arrested and Jake came to get me," I point out.
"Clare you worry too much Dean is really nice and very hot, I haven't had a boyfriend since Dave broke my heart at your party," she says.
"What about Dallas?" I ask.
"He doesn't have time for me he's got his kid and the DeGrassi camp and the Torres brothers. I want something real Clare, something exciting, you can toil over the broken heart Eli gave you for the rest of your life but I want to live," she says with a determined chipper tone.
"Fine but I'm going with you, I'm not just letting you go off to some random guy's house, especially when that guy is nearing 30," I assert.
"Fine but you'll have to change you can't come like that," she says scrunching her face at my sweats and Adam's flannel shirt, that he left here last week, over my blue tank top.
She goes upstairs to my washroom to change and I go into my room. I have no interest in looking hot for guys in their late twenties so I pick out jeans and a red top. I start to change when Alli bursts into my room; I shriek and cover my chest.
"Clare you can't wear that," Alli says in an admonishing tone.
She picks out a navy blue dress and white heels for me, I start to argue but she tells me to put it on or I'm not coming. My conscience and my instinct simply won't allow my friend to go to an apartment with a bunch of people she doesn't know, so I sigh and grab the dress. I change in the washroom and find her putting on a pound of makeup at my vanity when I get out. I slip on the heels but I'm not going to put on makeup. Alli brought black six inch stilettos and she puts them on downstairs so she doesn't fall. I lock up and we get in her car, she enters the address into the GPS on her phone and starts driving. I spend most of the drive trying to talk Alli out of going, suggesting everything I can think of, even shopping but it doesn't work. I'm looking at Alli, not paying much attention to where we're going as I plead with my friend not to do something I know is stupid. The closer we get the more my stomach ties it's self in knots, I consider texting Adam and Drew to tell them so they know where we are but just as I get out my phone Alli abruptly steps on her brakes and I drop the phone between the seats.
"We're here," she says.
"I dropped my phone," I tell her as she gets out of the car.
"Clare you don't need your phone come on," she demands.
I turn a breath in my mouth before I get out of the car, Alli locks it and we go into the building. We get in the elevator and Alli presses the button for the third floor. The ding on Dean's floor sounds like a foreboding chime to me but Alli is grinning wide in excitement and looks like a brown eyed Cheshire cat. She walks as fast as she can in her heels to Dean's door and knocks. Okay he's hot, very hot but that doesn't make this whole thing any better.
"Hey Alli," he grins at her and then looks my way, "who's your friend?"
"This is Clare I hope you don't mind that she came along," Alli says.
"Not at all, the more the merrier," he says stepping aside so that we can get in.
In the apartment are four other boys, excuse me men, they all appear to be in their mid to late twenties and each has a beer in their hand. Dean is definitely the most attractive but I want nothing to do with any of them. Dean's loft has a sofa, two bean bag chairs and an enormous TV hooked up to video game consoles, he has a neon bar sign on one wall and posters of half-naked women splattered on the walls. Dean introduces us to the others but I forget their names as soon as I hear them I don't want to be here, every sinew in me is telling me to run but I will not abandon my friend.
"You chicks want to watch a movie?" Dean asks.
"I love movies," Alli coos in a flirty voice and I just nod.
"Why don't you girls take the sofa it's the most comfortable," Dean tells us as he turns on the TV, he apparently had a movie already cued up.
I sit on one end of the sofa, leaning against the arm and curling my legs up next to me so no one else can sit there. Alli sits next to my feet and Dean presses play, he tells Alli to scoot over and she does so know he's sitting between us. Interview with a Vampire starts playing, normally I love this movie right now it's just making me feel sick like everything else in this place. The other men in the room find a place to sit and keep glancing at me and Alli. I try very hard to concentrate on the movie and tune out everything else but when Alli makes a flirty giggle I look over at her. Dean has an arm around her and he's squeezing her breast, I feel like I should say something or hit him but she's enjoying it and if I speak out she'll just get mad at me.
"Why don't we go somewhere a little more private," Alli suggests in a purring lascivious tone.
"God how could that turn her on? Doesn't she realize how stupid this situation is? How dangerous?"
"No I want to watch the movie," Dean replies and then puts his hand on my leg!
I remove it, dropping it roughly into his lap and standing up quickly. "I'm thirsty," I announce.
"Then I'll get you a drink," Dean says.
"No that's okay I'll get it myself," I respond quickly and walk to the kitchen.
After a little searching I find a glass and fill it with water because that is all he has besides beer. When I walk back the living room Dean has moved, he sits farther into my space and Alli is leaning against him with his arm around her. He pats the space next to him indicating I should sit down but I don't want to sit next to him and I don't want his arm around me. So I sit on the floor and lean against the sofa. I hear Alli make an interesting noise and I look back at her, Dean has his hand down her shirt and under her bra. Alli seems to be in heaven, I want to vomit. I turn around again and sip at my water trying very very hard to watch the movie. The other men don't say a word about the fact that he's groping Alli; on the contrary they seems to be enjoying it.
"I'm going to freshen up in the washroom," Alli says after a few minutes.
"It's in my bedroom," Dean tells her.
I down the rest of my water and get up quickly catching her at the doorway to Dean's room.
"Alli let's just go," I beg in a whisper so no one else hears.
"I don't want to go Clare I'm having fun," she counters narrowing her eyes at me for suggesting such a thing.
"Alli he's groping you in front of all of us," I point out.
"So he's an exhibitionist, I don't care I like him and by the end of the night he'll be my boyfriend," she tells me and walks into Dean's bedroom.
I sigh and put my cup in the kitchen, resuming my spot on the floor. I'm only sitting for about three seconds when Dean shoves his hand down my shirt!
"Stop!" I choke out in a tone that tries to be determined but comes out frightened and pathetic.
Dean's friends start laughing as I pull his hand from my shirt and throw it back at him.
"I like your big boobs Clare, they're soft and plump," Dean's lecherous voice slithers into my ear.
I shiver and feel bile rising in my throat a few tears brim at my eyes. Alli comes out of the washroom and I get up quickly.
"I have to use the washroom," I say in a shaky whisper.
I walk quickly to the washroom closing and locking the door behind me. I'm taking quick shallow breaths, trembling ever so slightly; the disgusting feel of his hand lingers on my skin. After a few deep breaths and splashing water on my face I'm ready to go back out there, I'll get through this night for Alli's sake because I'm sure if I leave her they'll pounce on her like a pack of starving wolves on a dying deer. When I open the washroom door I see the bedroom door is closed. Dean is standing in front of me leaning with one hand on the dresser, half is mouth is drawn into lewd smirk, his eyes narrowed slightly and clouded by lust. This look gives me the shivers and I want to be away from him as fast as possible.
"Excuse me," I say timidly.
He grabs my arm and pushes me onto his bed, I bounce off the bed and try to run for the door but he grabs me, swinging me around and my head collides with the dresser! I feel nauseas and then everything goes black!
I have no idea how long I was out but I wake up to grunting noises and the bed shaking. An odd smell hangs heavy in the air and I feel Dean's weight on me. As my senses begin to come back to me I realize that he's raping me! I burst into tears, deep sobs making my breaths heavy and labored. I try to push him off but I'm moving slow, still woozy from getting knocked out, and he pins my wrists down. Only my panties and shoes have been removed, my dress is still on and he still has all his clothes on, only his jeans and boxers have been pulled down.
"Stop! Please!" I beg the words choking out on tears.
"Beg some more, I like it," he replies in a husky whisper.
I feel sick, disgusted and disgusting, I try and move my body but his weight is too much so all I can do is cry. Thankfully he finishes up in a couple of minutes and gets off me. It's not until he's out of me that I realize how much pain I'm in, not only is my head throbbing but my whole pelvic area burns like it's the dying embers of a once roaring fire and at the same time is shooting sharp pains around my belly and vagina. I curl up and start sobbing even more, vaguely aware that he's removing a condom; in the back of my mind I take a comfort that he wore a condom.
"You were great," he tells me slapping my ass really hard forcing a yelp from my lips. "Now go clean up in the shower," he commands.
When I don't move he roughly picks me up by the arms and walks me to the washroom shoving me down. I fall onto the washroom floor while he turns on the shower, I'm beside myself in hysterics, all I can think is that I was raped, just like Darcy I was raped and all because I was trying to protect a friend. Dean picks me up from the floor getting my dress and bra off before he picks me up and puts me up in the shower, oddly enough my thought when he does this is, "At least he didn't push me in." The water is very hot but I sink to the floor and let the very hot water wash over me, running down my body with my tears. Neither the water nor my tears can wash away this feeling, this gross sickening feeling that's enveloping me entirely. I see some blood in the water, swirling around the drain in a crimson vortex.
"Clean up real good with the body wash, get your tight little vagina and pubes real good or I'll have to do it for you," he threatens. Not wanting him to ever touch me again I start washing up. "Don't tell anyone about this ever. Just in case you're thinking about talking think about what will happen if you do. First you'll have to repeat your story to the cops at least two or three times and then tell a lawyer. Then you'll have to do it again for my lawyer at your deposition. Then during trial where every little piece of your story will be picked apart, you'll have to describe everything that happened, everything we did and how it felt. Every part of your life will be dug into and picked apart, every relationship you've ever had. Your family and all your friends will find out and they'll all think you're dirty because you are. I've gotten away with rape before Clare, several times, I even raped another girl at DeGrassi ten years ago and she wasn't my first but she had spirit."
He's now bragging about getting away with rape before and it just makes me feel more ill. I vomit into the shower and the water takes it to the drain. As sick as I feel he's right, Darcy's rapist was never even caught, I don't know of any other girls that were raped at DeGrassi but I was seven at the time. I stay in the shower about ten minutes trying to get clean, although I'm not sure I will ever feel clean again, and the whole time Dean just keeps reminding me what I'll be put through if I tell anyone. He turns the shower off and tells me to get dressed before he leaves the room. I'm shaking, feel like collapsing and vomiting again but I want out of here, I want to be far away from this loft and Dean Walton. I dress as quickly as I can and find my shoes, I see some blood on his sheets too and I absentmindedly wonder how many blood stains mine makes, how many other girls he's raped on that bed. Now that I'm dressed I go out to the living room only to be greeted by a chorus of whistles from Dean and his friends.
"Is it my turn now?" One of them asks.
"I just want to motorboat her breasts," says another.
They continue making remarks like this and I look for Alli but don't see her or her purse for that matter.
"Where's Alli?" I ask wiping my tears.
"She left and said you could find your own way home," one of them tells me.
"Looks like you're sleeping over," Dean comments.
There's not chance in hell of that happening, I grab my purse and run out, I run all the way down the stairs, out the building and down the block. I lost my phone in Alli's car but I see a cab coming and hail it. He stops and I compose myself long enough to give him my address. I can't stop my tears all together but I manage to keep from sobbing uncontrollably.
"Bad breakup?" Asks the cabbie.
I nod because I simply don't know what else to tell him, he parks at my house, I pay the fee and get into my house as fast as I can. After making sure every door and window in my house is locked tight I collapse on my bed, bawling like a baby and trembling in a frenzy. My mind and body torn apart and drowned in a darkness, now I finally understand what Darcy felt all those years ago, what was tearing her up inside and why she began to destruct. Eventually I cry myself to sleep. I wake up late the next morning finding a bump on my throbbing head, I feel terrible and dirty, very dirty. The act of sitting up causes me to nearly pass out again as I feel horribly woozy. I manage to get downstairs and get some ice for my head. Then I return to my room with the house phone to call Alli, I try calling six times, leaving six voicemails but she never picks up and after two hours hasn't returned my call so I call the Bhandari's house phone.
"Hello?" Mrs. Bhandari says.
"Hi it's Clare can I talk to Alli please?" I request.
"I'm sorry Clare Alli isn't here she's visiting her brother for the next two weeks and won't return until just before school starts," Mrs. Bhandari informs me.
"Okay thanks," I reply in a soft voice and hang up.
I'm overwhelmed by everything again and feel ready to break into hysterics once more when I hear my parents come home. I hide the ice get in bed and cover the bump on my head with my hair. When Mom comes into my room I tell her I'm having terrible cramps and just want to lie down. She doesn't bother me for the rest of the day and Glen doesn't even peek in.
I spend the next two weeks confined to the safety of my room, barely venturing out to the rest of the house. When Mom makes a remark about it I tell her I think I'm coming down with the flu and she keeps her distance. I had to tell her I lost my phone which she wasn't happy about but she did get me another one, same number and everything. Every time Adam called I had an excuse as to why I couldn't hang out. I barely even replied to Jenna's e-mails, the only time she mentions Alli in her e-mails is to say that Alli is having fun visiting Sav and they are both therefor enjoying their visits with their brothers.
While I've lived in the seclusion of my room for the last two weeks and done everything I could to forget the rape it's all I've been able to think about. The bump on my head has healed, my physical pain has gone away but the deeper pain remains, the mental and emotional scarring is not so easily healed.
Today is the first day of school, the first day I will have seen Alli or anyone since that night. I take the truck Jake left with me and drive to school nervously. Seeing all the faces at school I realize I have to put up a mask, I can't let anyone know. A smile plasters its self across my lips and I walk across the courtyard and into school. Alli is talking to Jenna but when Jenna sees me she waves and smiles, Alli waves too but there is no smile, she hardly acknowledges me in fact, it looks more like she's batting away a fly than greeting her best friend. Feeling tears beginning to fill my eyes I walk away quickly, rounding a corner and nearly bumping into Luke and Dallas.
"Whoa!" Dallas says reaching out to grab me but I flinch away. "You okay?" He asks and I nod. "Okay well the assembly is going to start and Drew was looking for you," Dallas says.
"Assembly?" I question.
"The welcome assembly to introduce student council to the students," Dallas reminds me.
"Oh," I respond and walk in the direction of the gym. Dallas follows me and we go in the back of the gym together. Drew, Adam, Jenna and Connor are back there but Alli is not. "Where's Alli?" I inquire.
"She quit I'm taking over as social chair," Becky's chirpy voice behind me is startling.
"I'm co-chairing," Adam tells me.
"Okay Veep you ready to do this?" Drew asks.
"Huh?"
"Are you alright? We didn't see you for the last two weeks and you seem out of it," Adam comments.
It's enough for me to mentally slap myself and pull it together; I take a deep breath, clear my throat and paint another smile on my lips.
"Let's do this, you're on Mr. President," I say pulling Drew by the shirt toward the stage.
I make it through the assembly and the rest of school keeping on my mask of normalcy. Of course I didn't hear a word any of my teachers said; don't know what I have for homework and I ate lunch alone behind the school, under the bleachers for the soccer field. Still I make it through the day without any tears or my friends asking anymore questions, however Alli will hardly look at me let alone speak to me. When classes let out for the day I stow my backpack in my locker then I grab Alli near her locker pulling her into the memorial garden so we can talk.
"What's going on Alli? Why won't you look at me? Or talk to me? I'm one of your best friends and you're acting like I don't exist!" I tell her angrily but with a sorrowful edge in my tone.
"You are not my best friend; we are not friend at anymore!" She spits back with such a venomous tone that I flinch.
"Why?" I ask on the brink of tears.
"I LIKED DEAN! I WANTED TO DATE HIM AND YOU WENT AND FUCKED HIM! YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND YOU'RE A BACKSTABBING SLUT!" She screams at me.
No one can hear us in here but they can see us fighting. I'm stunned, angry, hurt and upset all at once.
"I DIDN'T STEAL HIM ALLI HE RAPED ME!" I scream at her. "I only went to keep you safe, I went for you I didn't want Dean!"
"Don't lie to me you conniving cunt you stole him and you are dead to me!"
With this hurtful decree Alli goes out of the garden. I'm left there bewildered, Alli thinks I stole him, she doesn't believe that I was raped; she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I feel like screaming and crying, like hurting someone or hurting myself. There is so much going on in my mind and my body that I feel that I will explode! Instead I take off running, out of the garden, out of school, through the ravine, forgetting that I have a car at the school. Doesn't matter I'm in no state to drive anyway, eventually running becomes walking and I begin to cry. I wander along the ravine for quite a while, the afternoon grows later and by the time the sun begins to set I'm tired of wandering. I'm no longer in the ravine I'm near U of T and there is a college bar across the street. I got tipsy after one beer with Dallas, tipsy made me numb and giggly. Numb and giggly sounds a million times better than what I feel now so I go across to the bar, sitting on a bar stool between a couple of guys. I'm too young to order a drink myself but I'm sure I can persuade of these gentleman to buy me one.
"Hey there hot stuff," says the guy sitting to my left, he gives me a once over and lingers on my chest.
"Hey wanna buy me a drink?" I question.
"Bartender give me a long island ice tea," he orders.
He pays for the drink, the bartender makes it and sets in front of him, he picks it up from the bar and offers me his hand. We walk to a table near the corner, I sit down and he gives me the drink. I find out that his name is Pierce and he goes to U of T but hasn't yet decided on his major. I smile like I care and sip at my drink as he talks, it's a lot stronger than a beer and I feel myself getting tipsy rather quickly. I know that Pierce only wants one thing from me; the funny thing, or really sad thing, is I don't care anymore. What does it matter now? My chastity vow was broken, I was already raped and I still don't feel clean I don't think I'll ever feel clean again. At least this time I'll be drunk and numb. My best friend hates me and thinks I'm a slut what's the point in trying to be the old me if the old me has been broken.
"More," I say with a giggle pushing my empty glass toward him.
He grins and gets up to go get me another drink. I sit there looking around the bar at all the college kids until one comes over and sits across from me.
"Clare? What in the hell are you doing at a bar?" Owen inquires.
"Hi Owen, I know you," I giggle.
"Are you drunk?" He asks.
"Not yet but that guys getting me another drink," I tell him then lean on the table and crook my finger at him to get him to lean in. "He wants to have sex with me," I whisper in Owen's ear.
"Okay that's it we're leaving," he says standing up and walking over to me.
He grabs my arm and tries to pull me up but I push at him, "No I want to be drunk this time."
"Hey leave the girl alone!" Pierce says setting down my drink and taking a swing at Owen.
"Go to hell," Owen replies ducking Pierce's punch and swinging one of his own.
Owen lands his swing, Pierce falls back to the ground; Owen bends down and picks me up over his shoulder.
"Hey you made the world go upside down," I complain as Owen walks out of the bar.
He puts me in his SUV and drives a few blocks going through a drive through coffee shop and ordering 2 large coffees as well as a cup of ice water. He tells me to drink it all and parks down the street from the coffee shop.
"Alright talk," Owen commands.
My drunken response is to stick my tongue out at him and cross my arms with a, "Humph!"
"I'm not letting you out of this car until you talk, drink the damn coffee until you sober up," he orders again.
"You're awfully bossy," I complain.
"You're awfully tipsy," he retorts.
"It's not like I've never been tipsy before," I shoot back.
"Yeah I know Dallas gave you a beer in the storage room," he says handing me one of the cups of coffee.
"How'd you know about that?" I question taking a sip of the coffee; at least he got it with cream and sugar.
"Dallas was bragging about kissing you in the locker room the next day," Owen tells me.
"Well that's no big accomplishment; half of DeGrassi's kissed me."
Owen cocks an eyebrow at me for this last comment; he unbuckles his seatbelt and turns toward me. I guess we're going to be here a while so I do the same.
"If half of DeGrassi had kissed you then I'd be on that list now why the hell were you getting drunk at all? Why'd you even come to a college bar and what the fuck did you mean when you said you wanted to be drunk this time?" Owen inquires.
I bite my lip, turning the paper cup between my hands, I've been trying very hard to block it out for two weeks but it won't go away. I haven't talked about it and the only time I said it out load was screaming it at Alli after she called me a slut and accused me of stealing Dean. Suddenly it's like it all becomes too much and I burst, despite the fact that I never want anyone to know I find myself babbling the whole thing to Owen.
"I didn't even want to go but I couldn't let Alli go alone I knew it was a dangerous situation. There were five of them and when he started touching Alli she actually liked it! I couldn't understand that, he's ten years older than her! I tried to get away, to sit on the floor, to watch the movie but he put his hand down my shirt! I told him to stop and they all laughed at me! I went to the washroom and he was waiting for me, he tried to get me on the bed but I bounced off. He grabbed me and swung me around; I hit the dresser and blacked out! When I woke up he was…" I hesitate to say the word and quickly move on, "he used a condom and made me clean up in the shower, there was some blood, in the shower and on his sheets. The whole time I was in the shower he was telling me I couldn't tell anyone. That he's gotten away with it before, more than once and if I told I'd have to repeat the story again and again. That his lawyer and the cops would dig into my life and rip it all apart and everyone would know I was dirty. And I am dirty; I'll never feel clean again! When I went out of the room his friends all laughed and Alli was gone, she hates me now, she thinks I stole him but I didn't even want to go!"
I hardly take a breath while spouting all of that to Owen and now that I'm done I'm shaking and crying hysterically. I don't want to be, I'm sure Owen thinks I'm insane but I can't get myself to stop. Owen takes the cup from my hand setting it back in the cup holder; he moves over a little and puts an arm around me. I lean on his chest and just cry, everything I've been holding in for the last two weeks pours out in a deluge. His shirt becomes soaked by my tears, my breathing becomes labored because of the heavy sobbing and Owen hasn't said a word yet, he simply sits there with his arm around me, his other hand softly strokes my arm and he lets me cry. It takes a while but finally my tears are all cried out, I sniffle in what's left although his shirt is already covered in my tears and snot. Owen opens the glove box and hands me a tissue, I take it and look out the window because now that he knows everything I can't bring myself to look at him.
"Who was it Clare?" He asks in a calm voice but it's laced with a deep hardness, a hatred but not a hatred directed at me.
"This guy Alli bumped into, Dean Walton is his name and he's twenty-seven," I tell Owen still looking out the window.
"Do you know where he lives?" Owen asks.
"Terrace Garden apartments, he's in apartment 312," I nod.
"Have you been checked out at a hospital?" He queries.
"No it's been two weeks they won't find anything and I…I don't want to press charges. My sister was raped, she was drugged and doesn't really remember but my mom wasn't exactly helpful in letting her heal. Anyway Dean's gotten away with it before, he said he even raped a girl at DeGrassi ten years ago," I inform Owen.
"Pressing charges is up to you but you should be checked out at a hospital, even if he used a condom there could still be injuries and a risk of pregnancy and disease," Owen points out.
I bite my lip as tears begin dropping from my eyes again, getting an exam at a hospital sounds nearly as bad. I shake my head again and Owen sighs telling me to buckle up. Part of me thinks he's taking me to the hospital anyway and he'll just drag me in like he dragged me out of the bar. Soon however I realize we're headed in the direction of DeGrassi as well as my house. Mom will be home from work soon, she'll want to know what's going on if she sees some strange guy bringing me home and me with tears in my eyes. We don't go to my house however or to the school, he has another destination in mind.
"Why'd you bring me here?" I ask when he parks at Adam's house.
"Because I know you'll be looked after and cared for here, anyway I need some help and a new shirt," he says getting out of the car.
"Help for what?" I ask opening my car door.
Owen doesn't answer; instead he reaches over me and unbuckles my seatbelt. Taking my hand he helps me out of the SUV and then walks with his hand on my shoulder to the basement door. Dallas and the Torres brothers were all doing homework but look up at us when we come in. They all have the same look of confused shock on their face because Owen and I are walking in together.
"What are you doing with Clare?" Drew inquires.
"What did you do to her it looks like she's been crying?" Adam asks getting up from his seat.
"You two stay with her, Dallas you got her tipsy and kissed her come with me oh and I need to borrow a shirt," Owen orders.
Dallas goes back to his dresser gets out a shirt and tosses it at Owen. Owen takes off his shirt dropping it to the floor and puts on the black one Dallas gave him.
"You're not going to hit me for something stupid I did last year are you? Because you know the two of them already hit me for getting her tipsy and kissing her," Dallas says pointing at the brothers.
"No we have to go kill a guy, kill him a lot, maybe two or three times" Owen responds just as Adam puts an arm around my shoulders.
"Owen no you'll get in trouble, you'll get arrested, what if he has other people there and you two get hurt?" I ask frantically.
"We'll be fine, stay here," Owen orders then he grabs Dallas by the shirt and pulls him out the door.
When they're gone I look at Drew and Adam, I can see the questions in their eyes and I'm not sure what to tell them. Adam takes me to the sofa and we sit down with me between the brothers.
"So who are they going to kill and why?" Drew asks.
"Does this have something to do with the fight you and Alli had today?" Adam questions and I look at him because I didn't know he was aware of the fight. "Connor saw you guys and told me," he explains.
"Yeah, she met this older guy, much too old for her and she thinks I stole him," I tell them.
"Why would she think that?" Adam inquires.
"Because…uh…I should call my mom," I say quickly not wanting to tell them and then realize my phone, and everything else, are in my backpack in my locker. "Can I borrow your phone Adam?" I request.
He shrugs leans over and gets his phone, handing it to me. I call home and tell Glen I'm spending the night at Adam's because we have student council stuff. Glen says he'll tell my mom and asks if I need them to bring me clothes and stuff. I tell him no and hang up, I have no clothes here but I can borrow something, Audra has held onto some of Gracie's clothes and Bianca left a few clothes here. After hanging up with Glen we just sit on the sofa in silence for a while, eventually Drew turns the TV on and they get back to their homework. The more time passes without Owen and Dallas returning the more nervous I get.
"They should be back by now," I comment when an hour has passed.
"Owen and Dallas can handle themselves don't worry. You want to tell us what's going on now?" Drew asks.
I shake my head and rub my hands together nervously. I was able to spout everything off to Owen but I can't even begin to tell Adam and Drew. Maybe because in spite of going to school together for three years Owen and I did not run in the same circles, we'd said maybe three words to each other in all that time and I barely knew him. Owen was hardly an acquaintance so what he thinks of me is not that important. Adam on the other hand is my best friend, I love him like a brother, actually I love him more than Jake, he knows me, he knows all about me and the thought of him thinking I'm dirty is frightening. I feel ashamed just at the thought of him finding out. Drew and I are not best friends, however because I've been best friends with his brother for the last two years we've become comfortable around each other. Over the summer, working at the DeGrassi day camp and getting ready to run student council together this year, we've become pretty close. I consider him to be a true friend now and don't want him finding out either.
"Clare when did you get here and where's Dallas?" Audra's voice makes me jump and I look at the stairs.
"Owen brought her over, she's staying the night and Dallas went to do something with Owen they should be back soon," Drew tells his mom.
"Is everything okay?" Audra questions.
"I don't think so," Adam replies.
Audra doesn't press she simply returns upstairs. A short while later she calls that dinner's ready but I'm not at all hungry, I've barely eaten at all these last couple weeks and I certainly don't feel like food now. So Adam and Drew bring their plates downstairs to eat and keep an eye on me. Finally after being gone for nearly two hours, and while the brothers are in the middle of dinner, Owen and Dallas return.
"What happened? Are you two okay? Are you going to get in trouble?" I ask rapidly when they come in, standing up to look them over for injury but they both appear unscathed.
"No he wouldn't dare call the cops, we beat him up real good and with the help of a nice size cucumber I found in his fridge gave him a taste of his own medicine," Owen replies.
Now Drew and Adam are very confused, at least until Dallas speaks, either he figured it out or Owen told him.
"Yeah the way he was screaming I doubt he'll ever try to rape anyone again," Dallas says with a grin that conveys just a bit of evil pleasure.
"Rape?!" Adam exclaims sounding ill.
"Clare why didn't you tell us?" Drew asks.
My lip trembles and I bite down hard on it to keep from crying as I sink back onto the sofa.
"Because she was scared," Owen answers for me.
"What the hell happened?" Drew questions sounding like he might throw up at the thought.
"By who?" Adam asks in a voice that sounds like he might cry.
"By this twenty-seven year old asshole that Alli met," Dallas tells them.
"I think I want to lie down," I say quietly knowing Owen and Dallas are about to tell them everything they know.
"You can use my room," Adam tells me trying to give me one of his smiles but he can't seem to smile all the way.
Audra and Omar are cleaning the kitchen and don't notice me slinking up the stairs to Adam's room. I take one of Adam's shirts to sleep in and get in his bed. Dean deserved what he got and I feel somewhat better now that the secrets out but I still cry myself to sleep. At least I sleep all the way through the night when I finally get to sleep and wake up early the next morning since I went to bed so early. I put on Adam's bathrobe to wear until I get some clothes to wear to school and go downstairs.
"I need something to wear to school," I announce when I get to the bottom of the stairs.
"Oh sure, Bianca left a pink shirt and black hoodie in Drew's room, they might be a bit tight but they'll fit okay. There's also that box of Gracie's clothes in the garage I keep meaning to give to charity. Or I could run you home," Audra offers.
"The shirts of Bianca's and I'll look through the box of Gracie's clothes," I reply.
Audra retrieves both for me and after some digging I find a black skirt that fits me pretty good. By the time I'm dressed and ready to go all the boys are up and dressed as well. Adam must've gotten dressed while I was in the washroom and it appears that Owen spent the night as well.
"I have to get to my dorm and change for school but I'll pick you up after school," Owen tells me.
"Okay," I nod.
He hugs me and then leaves, the guys scarf down some breakfast but I nibble at a granola bar and only because Audra was insistent that I eat. Drew drives us all to school and I get a few looks for the clothes I'm wearing. At least until Dallas or Drew glares at them or tells them to stop looking. Adam goes off on Alli for being a bitch and a bad friend, he, Drew and Dallas are with me all day, all of my classes are with at least one of them and they stay with me between classes. We spend break together and lunch, around lunch Luke starts sticking close to me too, even though he has no idea what's going on. Alli starts spreading lies about me to the school but the guys quickly squash them. Still the school becomes divided between my side and hers, most of the school backs me up even though they have no clue why we're fighting. By the end of the school day and without me even realizing it I start to feel better. I still have a very very very long way to go before I even begin to heal but I don't feel quite so disgusted with myself now that I know I have so much support. For the first time in two weeks I think I can get past this, that one day I'll heal, I will never be the same but one day I will be okay.
"You ready to go?" Owen asks when I come down the steps with Drew, Adam, Dallas, Luke, Becky, Maya, Tris, Miles and Winston.
"Why are you picking up Clare?" Tris asks his brother, I don't blame him for his confusion.
"We have somewhere to go," Owen replies extending his hand to me.
"Call me later," Adam says as I take Owen's hand, I nod and get in Owen's SUV.
"So where exactly are we going?" I ask when he starts driving.
"The women's clinic, you don't have to tell them you were raped, they don't even have to do an exam if you don't want. But you need to be tested for pregnancy and STI's just to be safe," Owen tells me and I twist my mouth at this thought. "And then I'll take you for ice cream for being brave," he says with a joking tone and it makes me giggle a little bit.
"I think I could use some ice cream I actually feel hungry, I haven't felt hungry since…" my sentence trails off as I'm still unwilling to say the word.
"Maybe I should take you for an early dinner then," he offers and I smile.
"Hey Owen thanks," I say after a few minutes of silence, "for everything. Getting me out of the bar, saving me from another mistake, making me talk, taking me to Adam's and especially for serving some justice on Dean. I would have kept destructing if you hadn't; it means a lot to me that you did."
Owen doesn't say word but he lets go of the steering wheel with his right hand, reaches over and takes my left hand from my lap. Interlacing our fingers as he sets our hands together on the arm rest between us and I see his lips curl up in a happy grin.