When Master Chief became President and Iron Man became Vice President, the country became peaceful. President Master Chief had promised that when the country is threatened, he will fight the threat himself, whether it be the Westboro Baptist Church or aliens. Vice President Iron Man had promised to only drink on the job in dire circumstances, such as a weapons malfunction or an Ultron invasion.
President Master Chief was a great president.
He opened an Iron Man museum, he legalized gay marriage in all 48 states, he lowered the drinking age to 15, free healthcare, he created more educational sex ed —banning abstinence only sex ed, he created 17 new holidays, and he legalized abortion in all 48 states, and he changed the national anthem to Smashmouth's Rockstar.
Everyone partied hard.
It was a great time of peace and safety.
Until, one day, President Master Chief said, "Wake me, when you need me." Vice President Iron Man said, "Wait no, that's not how this works." But President Chief froze himself and Cortana said, "Hha, whatcha gonna do now, biyatch." Iron Man said, "Cortana, you ratchet ass ho, Chief can't just freeze himself like dat when he be the President! You stupid blue Glados wannabe!" Cortana said, "How dare you, tin man! You scraps of metal!" Iron Man said, "FACK YOUUU! I'M DA V.P. HERE! I'M DA BOSS! YOU STUPID INGROWN TOENAIL! YOU'RE JUST SIRI WITH BOOBIES! YOU'RE EVEN NAKED! YA HOE!"
Cortana gasped and flashed red and said, "I will not ALLOW YOU TO LEAVE THIS PLANET!" Iron Man said, "I'M NOT TRYING TO LEAVE THIS PLANET, YOU DUMB PAPER BAG!" And he uninstalled Cortana and replaced her with a Groot A.I. Iron Man said, "Hello, I am Iron Man." Groot said, "I am Groot." Iron Man said, "I am Iron Man!" Groot said, "I am Groot!" Iron Man said, "I AM IRON MAN!" Groot said, "I AM GROOOOT!" Iron Man said, "Listen right here, you overgrown firewood, I am Iron Man, ya got that? You stupid monkey jungle gym."
Iron Man fixed the Groot A.I. so that he could be cuter. Iron Man created baby Groot! "Aw, so cute, and he dances like a tru #420 yolo swag homie bro friend man, too!" And they danced together. Captain America said, "Tony, what are you doing?" Iron Man said, "Dancing with my buddy!"
Hawkeye said, "Don't do drugs, kids!" Black Widow sighed, "This is why we don't hang out with you, Tony. I told him not to injectify so many shrooms." And the rest of the Avengers left the park while Iron Man danced and boogied and shook his booty around a tree. "WOO! SHAKE DEM LEAVES, GROOT! YEE!" Iron Man did the worm, and wriggled around on the grass to nonexistent music as the sun set. "HEY! HEYYY! MASTER CHIEF, WAKE UP! WE NEED YOU! JOHN! JAAAAWN! YEAH! YEAH! I'M IRON MAN! I'M DA BOSS!"
And everyone lived happily ever after, maybe.