A/N: WARNING: MASSIVE MANGA SPOILERS. Do not read unless you have read the latest chapters of the manga or you do not mind being spoiled. Regardless, I highly recommend catching up to the manga before reading this.

I wanted to write about the twins and this was the result. I do not know if anyone has written something similar to this, but either way, here is my version of how things would have been had Vincent and Rachel not died and had the twins not been kidnapped. At the moment, I do not really have a set plot in mind, so the plot will evolve as time passes. Any inspiration is appreciated. This is just an introductory chapter, so hopefully, it will get better eventually.

As this is still quite early after the reveal that the Two Ciels Theory was right all along, we do not know Our!Ciel's real name, so I will make do with Astre for now as it seems to be the most popular option among the circles I frequent. I will go back and edit every single chapter if his real name is revealed to be something besides Astre, whether this story finishes before the manga reveals his name (if it will ever do so) or not.

All criticisms are welcome. Nice comments, 'please update', tips on how to improve, and everything else: feel free to go ahead and post them! Reviews are like food and water to fanfiction writers: a writer with no reviews will starve to death and/or die of thirst.

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to the amazing Yana Toboso. The cover picture is not mine.

Without further ado, I present you the first chapter of 'If Only'!

Ciel and Astre Phantomhive had always been together. They had a very intimate relationship and could trust each other with everything. Blessed they were, for they truly had an enviable and ideal relationship that some siblings could only dream of and scoff at in disbelief. Astre believed they could not be more different, but in reality, they were each other's mirror in more ways than they thought. Yet, their birth right did not allow them to be equal.

The firstborn inherited everything while the 'spare' had to make his own luck. That was their future, decided by a few mere moments' distance at birth. The younger twin did not mind and already had a plan to open his own toys company, but that did not apply to the older twin as well.

All Ciel wanted was for them to be together forever, from birth to death. If he had to choose between spending a lifetime with Astre or with Lizzie, he would have chosen Astre in a heartbeat. He would also have made the same choice in a life-or-death situation. Yes, his fiancée was a wonderful girl, but she could never top Astre's place in Ciel's heart. His heart was Astre's and Astre's alone. No one could even compare or hope to settle in a fragment of his heart for as long as Astre and any memories of him existed.

Was that an unhealthy feeling? Perhaps. Regular brothers were not emotionally dependent on each other. But Ciel, the overprotective and reliable older brother that he was, did not care and Astre, ever the big brother worshipper of a younger brother, did not dare to question it.

Sometimes, Vincent and Rachel considered separating them. It was normal for siblings of the same age or of similar age to be overly attached to one another in childhood, but the twins had just turned ten years old and they showed no sign of ceasing their co-dependency. Their parents were glad that they got along, but sometimes, they wished they would make an effort to socialise with other children too. Out of them, Ciel was definitely the more sociable one while Astre stayed inside more due to his sickliness. Oddly enough, it seemed that Ciel was the more attached one out of the pair. Either way, Vincent and Rachel were proud of them both.

It was now the end of a beautiful day and evening spent with their family members. Said day had been the twins' tenth birthday and many people, loved ones and nobles, came over to visit and wish them happy birthday. For now, everyone was exhausted, so it was time to call it a day. As such, Vincent and Rachel led their children to their bedroom. Usually, it was the servants who did so, but as it was an exceptional occasion, the parents wanted to wish them goodnight and tuck them in themselves.

'Goodnight, sweeties!' Rachel said joyfully. 'Sweet dreams and sleep well. And once again, happy birthday!'

'Happy birthday and goodnight,' Vincent added after he gazed at the window, a silent smile on his expression. Astre noticed he looked more tired than usual, but chose not to comment on it. He assumed it was simply because of the preparations and multiple interactions required for and over the course of the day.

'Thank you, mother and father!' the twins said and hugged them. The family was now wrapped in a beautiful and warm group hug. Despite the Phantomhives's reputation, they were honestly a downright loving, supportive, and wonderful family. As long as no one upset them or the Queen, that is.

In spite of their bright appearance, the Phantomhives were as duplicitous as they come. They were lovely and great people with an unpleasant side behind their generally positive outward aspect. At first sight, they might not have seemed like opponents to be feared, but everyone who was familiar with their role in relation to the Queen knew not to be fooled by that and to treat them as serious, powerful, and dangerous humans. The twins were no exceptions to this; as much as their mother wanted her babies to be normal and cheerful, she knew that as per their ancestry suggested, they would develop a darker part sometime, if they had not done so already.

Having said their departing lines for the night, the twins crawled into a bed – together.

'Oh, my, aren't you a bit too old to sleep together?' Vincent teased them playfully. Sticking to the stereotype of the differences between mothers and fathers, he was the funnier and more whimsical parent and more likely to say things just to provoke the twins as a joke.

'No!' Ciel swiftly replied in a defensive way and held on to Astre as if he was dear life. Astre was a bit surprised by his act. 'If we want to sleep in the same bed, we will.'

'Don't say things like that!' Rachel told her husband and glared at him. 'Ann and I still slept together when we were ten too.' Ever the kind and indulgent mother, she was quick to take her sons' side in front of everything and everyone.

'I'm just kidding,' the Earl defended himself, his casual smile not leaving his face. 'Now, shall we go?' And on that cue, Rachel got up, wished the twins 'goodnight' again, and left with him.

The boys hid under a blanket and entwined their hands as they often did. It was hard and relatively uncomfortable to sleep while hugging each other, so that had to do as replacement. Just touching each other was enough to make them feel calm and at home. It is said that home is where the heart is, and their home was their twin.

'Astre…' Ciel uttered in an uncommonly bashful way.

'What is it, Ciel?' Astre replied, in spite of the fact that he was half-asleep. Listening to what Ciel had to say was more important than sleep, after all.

'Now that we're ten, what's next for us?'

Astre was confused by the words that came out of his brother's mouth. 'What do you mean?'

'Are we going to split up more and more? Will we continue to be as close as we are?'

'What are you on about? Of course we won't drift apart and that we'll remain as close as ever!' Astre had no idea how Ciel could even consider that such a thing would occur. Sure, they would have to separate at some point, but that time had yet to come. For now, they could stay the way they were, relishing in the last years of their mutual childhood.

Ciel's grip on Astre tightened. 'Promise?'

'Promise. Haven't we promised something similar already?' Astre was perplexed by the constant need for reassurance his twin had begun to display more and more over the past two years or so. Ciel was the strong one, so why was it him who needed a guarantee that they will not forget about each other once they meet other people and have other things to do? Astre had accepted the reality that was their future, but it appeared that Ciel had yet to follow him in doing so. Letting go hurts, but sometimes, it is obligatory.

'We did, but just to make sure.' With just a sentence, Ciel showed more of his veiled fragility and separation anxiety than he wished. Even so, that was fine, Astre would understand like he always did.

And with that, the twins fell into slumber.

The Earl and Countess of Phantomhive positioned two of their covert guards who masqueraded as servants in front of their kids' room and checked that the snipers with view to the window in front of the door kept a watch on it in case they were needed. The snipers who could see the window inside the boys' room were ready too, a fact confirmed by Vincent. They would not allow any harm to befall upon their offspring. Even if they died, that was of no relevance as long as their descendants lived on. And so, Vincent and Rachel marched on to the master bedroom. On the way there, both struggled not to say anything in fear someone might overhear them. They had a lot of things to talk about, but they had to wait until they were surrounded by no one but guards beyond the walls of their room. Finally, after an awkwardly restrained short walk, they got to their destination.

'I'm so grateful that tonight wasn't a disaster,' Rachel sighed with relief after the door was closed. 'I can't believe the nerve some people have…'

'Good thing we were ready to counterattack, though,' Vincent said, a sly and darker tone seeping into his typical light one. Rachel recognised that tone; it was the tone he used as the Earl of Phantomhive, the Queen's Watchdog. 'And God bless our sisters and Diedrich for coming with reinforcements. I don't think we could have survived if not for their help or had they arrived later.'

'Your sister really is quite the figure, isn't she? The way she fended off those people was brutal!'

'Franny is a very tough woman who cares about her family most of all. In addition, she's a Phantomhive. It's only natural that she would defend the manor and her loved ones to the best of her ability whenever she can.' Vincent addressed Frances's actions with a huge brotherly pride that could almost be seen radiating off him. He was genuinely content with the sort of woman his sister became.

'Her husband and Diedrich were no slackers either. It's beautiful to see what strong and amazing people we have on our side!' Rachel uttered these words with glee, her happiness at being able to rely on some people even given the nature of the Phantomhives's work obvious in her voice.

'It is indeed.'

'Speaking of tonight, Ann mentioned that the invitations were altered. Turns out they had the wrong hour stapled on them. Luckily, Ann, the Midfords, and Diedrich agreed the hour on the invitation was too late for a children's birthday party and that it must have been a typographic error or that they should at least help with the arrangements, so they came early in comparison to the time of the invitation.'

'Is that so?' Vincent's pitch changed to a darker one. 'I believe we have to get rid of a mouse problem tonight. Go to sleep first; I will stay awake for a while longer and continue to enforce a lockdown on the manor. Please stay safe at all times and keep your pistol by your side. There has been a leak and no one gets away with leaks when it comes to the Phantomhives.'

'I decline,' Rachel said with an astonishingly strong will and ardour that made it impossible to refuse her. 'Someone's threatening our family and at least one traitor hell-bent on killing everyone roams free in the manor. Do you honestly think I'm safer here, in the first room an assassin would look for us? I'm coming with you. We'll get to the bottom of this, together.' She spoke with boldness in her tone, her sound logic not to be outdone.

'Only if you take your pistol with you.' Vincent was impressed by his wife's determination and falling in love with her all over again. In their times, women were expected to be meek, quiet, and submissive, and while that did describe Rachel most of the time, there was an unmistakable fire in her which attracted Vincent to her. Rachel was usually an extremely soft and mild-mannered lady, but when the situation necessitated it, she could be an unexpectedly strong-minded woman. She was truly a Phantomhive, even if that was her family by marriage rather than birth.

'Don't forget yours!' she responded as she handed him his second pistol and concealed her own.

The couple proceeded to go to the study and start their research on the identity of the traitor. They would make sure no one got away with attempting to exterminate their family.