Title: It Could Be Worse

Synopsis: Because apparently the anime decided not to let Loke escape from that mirror thing, he must have been stuck in there for quite some time. This is what he thought as he festered. Based on the Kubler-Ross grief cycle. Comedic, a little Loke/Lucy.

Rating: T

A/N: Oh wow. I don't know why I thought of this. Well, yes, actually. Before I watched episode twenty-eight, I watched this video from 'Robot Chicken' of a giraffe doing this in quicksand… The link to that is on my blog (and the link to that is on my profile). It's freaking hilarious.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Fairy Tail' because if I did, there wouldn't be so many Gerards running around and creating a ruckus.

Stage One: Denial

I am not going to spend the rest of my days in a freaking cube of mirrors. Seriously? No. It's not going to happen. I refuse.

You know, probably, I'm not even stuck in here. No, not at all. I've just decided to be in here from some cosmic whim. It's all just an illusion or something.

Have I even tried to get out? Because of course I can break these mirrors. Of course I can.

Well, maybe I just need to recharge for a while, get my head back into the game. There's no way that I'm really trapped in here. I'm just biding my time, waiting for the right moment to make my daring escape…

Stage Two: Anger

GOD DAMN IT GOD DAMN IT GOD DAMN IT.

What is with this damn thing!

It's like, I kick, I scream, I throw my shoes at it, but the damn thing won't budge. I've done everything in my power, but for some reason I can't find a way to get out of this thing!

You know, this is not my fault. Not one bit. Nope. Not at all. This is all… IT'S ALL LUCY'S FAULT. Wait no, that's not it. Of course it's not Lucy's fault, it's ridiculous to blame her. It's just…

It's fat ass's fault over there. Yeah. Right. You, sitting there unconscious, doing nothing. It's your fault that I'm in this damn mess. GET UP OFF OF YOUR FAT ASS AND SAVE ME, YOU WORTHLESS SACK OF HORSE SHIT. I mean, if you were a half-decent mage than you would have been able to protect Lucy better and then I wouldn't have even felt the need to come over. I don't even know why Mirajane told you to try to protect her, you're so freaking worthless. We all knew that you couldn't do anything and would just end up unconscious.

Or here's a scenario that would have worked well, I would have still come but you would have been able to beat that ass hat's lackeys and I'd have been able to focus on him and save Lucy and she would have swooned and called me her hero and I could have smiled and returned her to the guild and we could let the dead carcass of that dragon slayer rot in the grass for all I care. THERE WE GO, HAPPILY EVER AFTER FOR ALL OF US. It'd be just like a real God damned fairy tale.

But no. BUT NO. Instead I'm stuck in a freaking polygonal vortex of mirrors with the ghost of a screwed-up mage who liked to abuse me and my friends standing behind me, staring at me, even though she's as dead as a freaking doornail and has been for years!

GOD. This day couldn't get any worse.

Stage Three: Bargaining

God? Speaking of God, I think you and I should have a chat. You see, if you let me out of here, I'll promise that I'll never run from a Stellar Spirit Mage again.

In fact, I'll tell Lucy what I am. How about that, big man? I'd tell her all about it and what I did and everything. I'd even tell her about what I feel about her…

And I'd stop cheating on all of my girlfriends, too! I'd be a one-man sort of guy if you'd just let me out of here alive. I'd just go explain everything to Lucy and spend the rest of my days as a clean-cut, good mage and be a model citizen! How does that sound God? Is that enough?

No?

And I'd feed orphans. I'd feed a lot of orphans if you'd please, please, please let me get out of this place soon.

Stage Four: Depression

None of this was worth it. None of this was ever worth it. I don't just mean trying to save Lucy, in fact, that may have been the only thing that I've ever done that was worth it. No, I mean that living, itself, wasn't worth it.

What was the point of living through this hellish life of remorse and despair just to end it here? I don't want to die like this, trapped with nothing but my own beautiful reflection to keep me company. But here I am, trapped, and I cannot help it.

I guess that I deserve this as well; I was, and still am, the worst of the worst.

This is just the culmination of my sins, the breaking point at which they tipped over the scale and judgment was to be put upon me for my crimes. There was no joy for me in life, and nor will there be any in death. Forever I will be lost and trapped within this hell, remembering only my mistakes and hurt.

I am, at essence, a person who has deserved the fate that he has been assigned to. I shall just sit here until the end of my time and be lost into the dark void of whatever awaits a Stellar Spirit that has disobeyed the orders that it was given.

I am, at essence, a person who never deserved the good that he received. It is a shame that those in Fairy Tail wasted their precious time on me, a sinner, unworthy and horrid. They all deserve better, especially Lucy.

I am an untouchable and deserve to die.

Stage Five: Acceptance

You know, it's probably a good thing to go like this. I'll just be a casualty of this battle between Phantom Lord, and us and because of that no one will miss me. I'm sure other people will get hurt, and maybe even die (but of course, I'd never wish for that), so it'll be easier to forget about me quickly, if anyone cares in the first place.

Anyways, this saves me the trouble of breaking up with all of my girlfriends, too. That's a load off of my mind. 'Killed in duty!' they'll all say, squealing, excited that they have a cool story to go with the fact that they dated such a cool guy. In the future using this as a story to get sympathy will help them get more guys if they know how to spin it right. Actually, it sounds like the sort of thing that I'd say to get girls… Anyways, having me go like this… It'll make them happy, and since they're not that bright, happiness is all that they have. Once their looks are gone, happiness will be the one thing that they cling to, so I'm just doing the best thing possible for them!

See, I'm not such a bad guy, after all!

And Natsu will probably save Lucy, like always, and she was barely conscious when I came over here, so she probably never noticed me in the first place and she'll always just think of me as a guy who ran off whenever she was in the room. So she and Natsu will live happily ever after with one another and that'll be great because she'll be happy too and I'll just be the guy who spread happiness wherever he went… after he was dead.

… Maybe I could carve a message in the mirrors here, telling everyone how they shouldn't be upset, or anything. The last thing I'd want is for anyone to be upset over someone like me.

But still; this isn't so bad. There are worse ways to die. Here, I'll die of starvation whereas I'd die pretty soon anyway from being away from the Stellar Spirit World too long! This'll probably be a lot less painful and embarrassing in the long run.

See, things could be worse. Much, much worse.

I mean, there are a million and one things that could be worse about this situation..

…

…

Someone could be singing show tunes and tap dancing.

Yep. Things could be much worse, so I'm glad that things will end as good as they will.

Fin