Authors Note: As always I own nothing but my brain which comes up with these fictional stories. Be warned there's no actual dialogue this time around just John thinking on his trip back to New York from Rome about the four C's that consume him now. Hope you enjoy and any spelling mistakes are my own me and spelling don't really get along well.
Carter. When John first met her she was Carter and remained Carter until one day he realized she was a natural detective who never let a puzzle remain unfinished. On the way back to New York from Rome John realized in the years since he started his "job" her name was something he rarely used. Jocelyn sounded too formal and Joss seemed too intimate for their work relationship and they never spent too much personal time together. Yet it changed the first time he saw her get shot and every day his feelings for her got stronger. He missed her there was no denying that and flying clear across the country didn't make it any better, but he didn't know what to do about it.
Caring. It wasn't hard for John to care about her, she was the first person to look at him like a human... she even offered to help. Joss was the first sign to John that maybe there was light in this dark world and Finch, who he met later that day confirmed that thought. John knew without a doubt he would've meet Finch but would Finch save him from himself without him first meeting this beautiful detective first? Hell would John even be alive today without her? He couldn't help questioning and wondering about the different paths their lives could've taken even if he knew deep down he wouldn't change much of anything. Joss reminded him that caring for others were important and he was cared about in return. He really did miss her. John hoped she would understand why he had to leave.
Conscious. Joss had this was of making John conscious of his actions. She never did like it when he outright killed someone and down right disagreed on the way he found his information from unwilling suspects. John could even admit to himself that Joss even made him conscious of her as a person, a detective, a friend and as a women. John knew since he met her that he had to watch her but never really watched her from his male sense of mind until she dated Cal Beecher then it increased more when she became Officer Carter with more time on her hand then before and the dress and that fake date happened. John was normally not a jealous man, jealously couldn't even begin to describe the way he felt watching her flirt with another man. He was sure that the many ways he imagined killing Ian from the time he kissed Joss to the time they had him safe in the safe house weren't excatly normal for a friend, but he couldn't help it. Watching her then made John only watch her even more getting turned on by her anger, frustated in her distance and a mixture pride and scared at her tenacity. HR never stood a chance against her but damn did John miss her.
Crucial. John knew that Joss doubted her place with the team at times. Joss always saw herself as an asset someone that was kept around for the information she provided while that was somewhat true it wasn't 100% a fact though. Joss was the moral compass of the bunch the one to reminded them there was better ways. However she never shyed away from having John's back infact she looked quite comfortable and sexy whenever she held his sniper rifle she was his type of woman. John understood how she didn't see her importance though he simply never told her not until he had to, not before their relationship bearly existed... not till the fear of death consumed him. Joss was crucial and he couldn't see himself getting as far as he had without her. What would the world be like with Jocelyn Carter? The woman was a force of nature, the Army veteran was a hero, the mom was extraordinary, the detective was fearless, the friend was cruicial. No matter how much time passed, how much she scared him or how mad she got John missed her it felt like months ago things changed when it's only been weeks. John hadn't lied when he told Finch he missed his job he did, he mised New York too but most of all he missed her he missed his Carter.