"Relish Please!"
Author: Shibby Gungirl
Rating: PG-13 (Hey, they're grown men ^_- They're allowed to swear!)
Summary: Jimmy and his hot dog suit get into a sticky situation…With help from his "friends". It's goofy, so deal with it.
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The day had started out usual enough. Langly clacking away at the computer keys, attempting to hack into the Ticketmaster site to get free tickets to any show he pleased…Byers was off in the bathroom, neatly trimming his facial hair and washing the oatmeal out of it from breakfast that morning…And Frohike happened to be admiring his Kung Fu techniques in a nearby mirror. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Yet.
For they had yet to be encountered with their friend Jimmy Bond, who gives blondes a worse name than they already have. He wasn't stupid per say, just a tad slow in the head. Lord only knew why, but he had a job…which consisted of wearing a giant hot dog suit. Which, in many ways, applied to his personality.
Today, Jimmy was rapping at the Gunmen HQ's secret door, one of many.
Langly eyed Frohike for a few moments, who seemed to have completely ignored the knock at the door. Sighing, he got up, opening it, Jimmy, hot dog suit and all, bounding in.
"Jesus…Must you always show up here in that? People are gonna start talking, man…" Langly rolled his eyes, closing the door behind Jimmy.
Jimmy grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't have time to change."
"Well for god's sake, man, do it now!" Langly said, shoving him towards the bathroom.
Byers inspected his handiwork in the medicine cabinet mirror. Feeling satisfied enough, he opened the cabinet, placing his electric trimmer in it, then shutting it, to find Jimmy standing behind him. Needless to say, Byers jumped a mile.
"Jimmy! What're you doing?!"
"Langly told me to change…I didn't know you were in here!"
Byers sighed, draping his towel over the rack near the sink. "It's all right…I guess that suit can't be too comfortable and all…" He smiled a little, then walked out, shutting the door behind him.
"He's not using my clothes again if he's just in his boxers, Johnny," Langly said, not once taking his gaze from his work.
Byers frowned. "I'm not comfortable sharing my clothes with a guy who struts around in a hot dog suit, Ringo…"
"Don't be such a baby, Byers," Frohike grinned, still admiring his moves.
"If you had normal sized clothes, you wouldn't be saying that…" Byers muttered, sitting down next to Langly.
A few minutes passed, Byers watching Langly shake the monitor in frustration, while Frohike attempted a karate chop…which of course ended in him landing flat on his behind. After the "thud" of his posterior hitting the ground, the opening of a door was heard, and Jimmy's head popped out from the small opening in the bathroom door.
"Um…Guys…?"
The three Gunmen looked over to him. "What is it, Jimmy?" Langly asked, still rather irritated at his computer.
"…The zipper's stuck on my suit…"
Byers placed his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth warily. Langly just rolled his eyes, spinning around in his chair, facing back to the computer from Hell. And Frohike just started to laugh.
Jimmy pouted, narrowing his gaze. "It's not funny! I need help here!"
Langly smirked. "That's the first step in the healing process. Admitting you have a problem."
Byers grinned slightly, standing up. "I'll help you Jimmy…Please just say you have underwear on…"
Jimmy stuck his tongue out, saying mockingly, "Yes I have underwear on!"
He then followed Jimmy back into the bathroom, shutting the door. Frohike sat on the ground, looking at the door, raising an eyebrow as grunts emulated from the commode. "…You sure he's just helping him get out of that suit?"
Langly shot Frohike a cold glare. "Shut up, Melvin, that's not even funny."
Frohike smirked at him. "Touchy touchy…" He then got up, going over to the bathroom door and knocking. "…Jimmy? …Byers? Need any help in there?"
Byers opened the door, his face red, panting. "That thing's really stuck…I don't know what to do…"
Frohike cracked his knuckles, shoving Byers aside. "Let a man do it, kid."
Langly started to laugh, getting up from his work and leaning against the doorway to the bathroom. "This I gotta see."
Byers frowned a bit, looking to Langly, who just grinned at him. Frohike grabbed a hold of the zipper, which wasn't exactly in a very.. "appropriate place". He pulled up on it, jumping up and down as he tried to force it to unzip.
"I'm astounded by your power," Byers said dryly.
"Oh man! He's too strong for us, John!" Langly snickered, he and Byers exchanging a low-five.
"I don't see you trying, Richard!" Frohike glared, standing aside.
"Guys…This is giving me the worst wedgie…" Jimmy whined.
Langly crossed his arms. "I've been hacking all day, my arms and hands are weak from typing. Not to mention the fact that I have a cold, don't want Jimmy getting sick right, man?"
Frohike snorted. "I'll bet…"
"Instead of arguing…Shouldn't we be figuring out a way to help Jimmy?" Byers asked, the hot dog man leaning against the sink, pouting.
Frohike darted out of the room, coming back a few moments later with some Crisco. "We just gotta grease this sucker up and it'll come loose!"
"How the hell do you plan on getting a grip on it if you have grease all over?" Langly asked.
"I'm not stupid, Ringo. I'm gonna wipe it off!"
Byers and Langly simultaneously slapped their foreheads. "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?" Byers asked, sighing.
Frohike blinked a few times before glaring at the two. "Respect your elders!"
"Since when?!" Langly laughed.
"Since now, that's when!" Frohike growled, rubbing some grease all along the zipper.
"Guys…I'm really getting hot in this thing…" Jimmy pouted more than before.
"Great, so now we're gonna have a half naked, smelly guy running around. Beautiful," Langly sighed, leaning back against the doorframe.
Frohike grabbed a hold of the zipper, licking his lips. "Ready Jimmy?"
Jimmy nodded, preparing himself for the ultimate wedgie. "…Ready…" he squeaked.
Frohike used all his might to try and unzip it…but only ended up losing his grip, again, falling on his rear. "Ow…" he groaned, rubbing his butt. "This is not a good day for my ass…at all."
"Hey…here's a wacky idea…Let's just cut the thing open!" Langly said, smirking.
Jimmy shot him a glare. "You can't! What kind of sick freak are you?!"
"…I would suggest looking in the mirror before making any comments about others being sick freaks, Jimmy," Langly grinned, enjoying this much more than getting free concert tickets.
Byers sighed. "Okay…I'll get some pliers…maybe we can get it open that way…but if not, I think we may have to do what Langly said." And with that, he went off in search of the pliers.
Jimmy whimpered, hugging himself. "I won't let you…"
"So you wanna be in that suit forever then?" Langly asked.
"No…"
"Well then quit being such a whiny baby! You'll just get a new suit anyway, it's no big deal, man!"
"This suit has so many memories though!"
"Like you getting your ass kicked by a little girl?" Langly grinned.
"Yeah! Like that!" Jimmy smiled.
Langly exchanged a glance with Frohike, who then promptly used his position on the floor of the bathroom to kick Jimmy in the shin.
"Ow! Frohike!" Jimmy whined.
"Hot dogs everywhere thank you, my man," Langly grinned.
Byers then returned, bearing some needle nose pliers. "I hope this works Jimmy…"
"Me too," Jimmy frowned, looking into the mirror.
Byers placed the pliers where he thought it would do the most good, trying to get it unstuck. He grunted and groaned, looking to Langly and Frohike. "Come on, help me here."
Langly put his arms around Byers' waist, Frohike putting his arms around Langly's as the three tugged their hardest at the zipper. Finally, they managed to get it undone, the outfit falling to the floor. Jimmy now just standing there in his Teletubbie boxers.
"Thanks, guys!" Jimmy grinned happily, picking up his suit.
The Gunmen just smiled nervously, blushing slightly. "Not a problem, man…" Langly said.
"…Do I even want to know?" Yves asked, crossing her arms as she stood in the doorway to the bathroom.
They all looked towards her at once, their eyes wide. All four men began to talk at once, trying desperately to explain themselves.
Yves put her hand up. "Please. I've really been through quite enough, I don't think even therapy would help me after this horrifying moment." She then turned around, sitting down at Langly's computer.
They exchanged glances, then ran out, again trying to explain themselves.
"Yves, Jimmy's zipper got stuck and -- !"
"I was just trying to get tickets!"
"I was practicing my moves, honest!"
"I was hot, Yves! It's not what you think!!"
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Feedback always loved ^_- This is my first real LGM fic o.o So, tell me if I should do more! ^.^/