Once in a Blue Moon
Prologue
When Usagi was born, she cried louder and harder than any child Kenji and Ikuko had ever heard-and it worried them immediately.
At first, they brushed off their concerns. Though they had friends with children of their own, they were still new parents and when the doctor informed them that they had a perfectly healthy baby girl, they moved on. Besides, their daughter had slept peacefully since then, interspersed only by hourly periods of wakefulness where she would sleepily attend to her parent's cooing. The couple restrained their swelling sense of pride, but they couldn't help but take every friendly congratulations with beaming smiles. Kenji managed to secure a picture of his little girl after her Omiyamairi and he would nonchalantly show it off whenever he was asked. Ikuko giggled furiously over his fawning, but was no less overjoyed to show their baby off to their friends.
The change crept over them slowly, surreptitiously.
Roughly four months in, Usagi became fussier. Her crying, once a signal for Ikuko to feed or change her, came in short bursts at seemingly random intervals; and no matter what her parents did to try and soothe her, the tears would end only when she exhausted herself, returning to a fitful slumber. They suspected her teeth had started coming in and prepared appropriately, swiping cold cloth over the baby's gums and offering up a teething ring-but if anything things got worse. She slept poorly, tiny limbs flailing in her sleep and threatening to smack against the sides of her crib. Instead of short bursts her crying stretched on, slowly but surely eating up short time the infant remained awake for. As if from far away, the concern they'd had when she was born echoed back to them, returning full force as the situation escalated. They needed help.
At first they asked for advice, Kenji surreptitiously speaking with some of his senior coworkers while Ikuko pulled friends aside; each time, they found the same replies. Teething, then moving up from that to constipation or fever along with an assortment of ailments that could plague an infant. When their inner circle failed them they moved onto medicine only for the couple to find that they had stepped into a repetitive cycle: questions, suggestions, and then no decisive answer. Usagi was, for all intents and purposes a perfectly healthy child and her discomfort and tears didn't come from any perceivable source. The only danger to her at the moment was the strain her constant crying put on her vocal chords as well as how little sleep she got as her fits slowly but surely interrupted every nap. And still, they had nothing to show for their efforts-nothing to help their daughter.
The constant crying took its toll. Kenji watched despair creep over his wife like a shadow, draining her of vibrancy-of the ferocious, can-do attitude that he had fallen in love with. Ikuko attended to Usagi without hesitation, but a sort of emptiness had begun to occupy her, a blank sort of panic that blackened her thoughts. Not that he was doing any better. It took everything he had to get out of bed, sometimes. But he made it, he forced himself because there was no one else to stave off the darkness nipping at their heels, trying to fill their home.
When Usagi cried he was the first up, taking her out of her crib and out into the living room where he could rock her gently, soothing her as best he could. Let Ikuko sleep a while, he thought, he could at least do this much. He would be away at work later, let him do this much.
"We love you, Usagi. We love you so, so much." He repeated these words constantly, hoping that something in his voice would convey the fullness of his love for his little girl. She was blonde-haired and dark-eyed and she looks so tired and so small and just as absolutely drained as her parents feel. No child should look so small and desperate, so ill-fitted in her pajamas like she'll sink into them and crumble into nothing in his arms. Her cries are always hoarse, spoken with a voice that can't help but scream, trying desperately to find release. It made his heart twist in his chest and he cradled her closer, whispering fervently. "Usagi-chan we love you. We love you. We love you."
He won't give up on trying. They won't give up on trying. He peppers her hair with gentle kisses until she falls asleep. And each night, when she woke up screaming, he would do the same thing. Every second of every hospital stay. Always, always, always-
Usagi, we love you.
When Usagi Tsukino stopped crying, Ikuko felt not relief but terror.
She was certain something had happened when time slipped her by, one hour fading into two and not a peep from Usagi. But when she stumbled to the crib in their room, lurching forward to grab it because no, she won't let anything bad happen to her-
Usagi opened sleepy eyes, looked up at her mother and smiled a small, gummy smile.
The day Usagi Tsukino stopped crying, Ikuko sank to the ground with her baby in her arms, crying and thanking a god she didn't know the name of.
When I died I was afraid. When I was born I was afraid. But they loved me and it was enough.
I don't doubt that you've heard this story a hundred times before in a hundred different ways. I have nothing to offer you so I'll say it frankly: this is for me.
My name is Usagi Tsukino. I was born into a world I thought I understood into a time and place I didn't. My name is Usagi Tsukino. I was born thinking the only I had left ahead of me was to excel.
My name is Usagi Tsukino. I am not the moon princess you are looking for.
I suppose that a dying god can make a mistake like this—once in a blue moon.
A/N: Cheers, dears. I'm back, sort of. I decided to try out putting author's notes at the ends of my tales.
I don't have much to explain except this: I'm in the middle of a bet with one of my dear friends, trying to see if we can consistently publish a chapter biweekly for the stories we've plotted out thus far. The prize? Free lunch at our favorite café.
This will be the only story I'll be writing for right now, but I haven't abandoned any of my other works. All of them require a lot of planning and I wanted to try doing something a bit more on the fly. Serialized publishing seems to be the only way to get me to consistently do something anyway.
Please keep in mind that over the course of this I may go back and edit chapters—but I'll always alert you all if anything major changes as a result and I'll leave the editing date here as well as the old author's notes. Wish me luck!
~TwiDawnLight