A/N; Hey people. I'm so sorry about my other stories. I know that I need to get them going again. The thing is that I already had the next chapters written up but my flashdrive got stepped on and all of my chapters are now lost. I have to rewrite everything. Again, I'm soooo sorry. I hope you'll forgive me. For now here is a story that has been stirring in the back of my head lately and the voices won't shut up. I hope you like it.

Failing to Admit

Chapter one

Edward's POV

I was stubborn, could this really be the right choice for everyone. Bella didn't seem to think so. Perhaps she was right. Maybe I was wrong. It's just that I couldn't think of another solution. If I changed her then I would ruin her soul forever. There was no way in Hell that I was going to risk that. Her soul was too precious, too pure, to even come close to ruining, but either way I wasn't going to take the chance.

Because I wasn't willing to risk it I could feel my heart cracking at this moment. It was ripping apart at the seams and coming apart. Unable to beat but able to feel. It was unbearable. It swelled as a monster tried to escape. The monster was going to give immortality to Bella. It was going to ruin everything I had been working for all of these years.

It had been about 70 years since I first met Bella. I knew that she was somewhat disgusted with herself. It was unfair that I could just show her how beautiful she was in my eyes. I couldn't fathom how she saw herself as common. She wouldn't hesitate to tell me that I was a beautiful creature, but how could she miss the she, herself, was the most exquisite thing in the known universe. She always told me that I was melodramatic, and yet she ignored the fact that for years, men chased after her. Always trailing long, I was at the back of the crowds, a silent protector that would take no greater pleasure than to rip all of their heads of in less than five seconds.

Of course Bella would never allow it.

To the females of her species the only thing that lured them to me was my beauty. Even now, seventy years later, all that they saw was the beauty that immortality had given me. I saw a monster, they saw an angel. I saw horror, they saw beauty. I saw blood, they saw…nothing. They saw absolutely nothing. They couldn't look past they surgically transformed noses long enough to get the real picture. I was dangerous.

In the beginning she had been furious, she still was- there was no denying that. She was upset and hurt that I wouldn't change her. She didn't understand why I wouldn't give her the immortality that she so desperately craved. She wouldn't. She didn't now of the sacrifices that Rose and Alice went through everyday. It was always shopping with Alice, and with Rosalie it was her vanity. Both were things that kept the pain away. Esme had the "children", us, those she had taken care of for so many years. It was their way of blocking out the pain, the pain of not being able to conceive children. The pain that ate away at Esme, the pain that Alice ignored. The pain that Rosalie tried to block out but couldn't.

Everyday I had to hear that pain, and everyday, I would feel guilty for ever thinking of taking that chance away from Bella. That was my reasoning for this day.

Seventy years, five months, and eighteen days. That was how long I had known Bella, and today I was going to let her go. Alice had warned me ahead of time. It was the only reason I was still sane, and that Bella was still human.

~Flashback~

"Edward there is no denying the fact that you've given up." Alice had said. It was as if she was trying to kill me.

"Bella will die-soon." Her statement shocked me, and more than that I was horrified. I jumped up out of the seat I was sitting in. A feral snarl rose from my chest.

"No." I barked. This would not happen. I had only had a few decades with her. I should have realized sooner. Bella had changed physically, yes. But mentally, Bella was the same. Not that I could hear her mind. No. that privilege was kept from me. Unfortunately, time had passed and, to me, around Bella time didn't matter.

"It is happening before your very eyes," Alice stated, "everyday it becomes clear and it is almost certain at this point unless of course someone were to change that." Alice eyed me hopefully, but my look of disgust at her implication immediately wiped it off of her face. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella losing her soul to a blood-sucking demon. I wouldn't allow it.

"You only have five more years with her, Edward, if you are to be this stubborn; I hope you make the best of your allotted time." Alice was furious with me, of course. She viewed this as losing a sister and a friend. She couldn't see the desperate attempt I was making at trying to keep Bella's humanity intact.

It was then that the realization of her words hit me.

"Years…five…until-NO!" My words came out half strangled. It was a good thing that Jasper never left Alice's side or it is very likely that I would have ripped her head off. He had to hold me back as I leapt.

"That's impossible Alice!" I shouted, frantically going over dates in my head.

"It certainly isn't. Bella has lasted longer than the average human today. Most only live until the age of seventy or eighty. She will live to be very nearly ninety." Alice stated calmly, as if the manner of deliverance made the news less mortifying.

"It has been decided. Make the most of these next few years, brother." Alice said, walking out of the room.

~End Flashback~

From that day on I had spent every moment with Bella. I never left her side for the next five years. We couldn't be separated. Now she was 88 years old, and according to Alice's predictions, it was her dying day. I shivered as the thought ran through my mind. I didn't want this to be her fate, but I wouldn't damn her to an eternity as a monster, no matter how much she wanted it would never end out right.

I looked at her face now, as she lay on the bed in front of me. Her hands were pale and wrinkled. I never minded the fact that Bella had gotten old. She was the most pure being that had ever been known. There weren't enough words to describe her. The only problem was that by telling myself this I lost bit by bit of the little self control I had. It was the only thing that was keeping me from biting her at this very moment.

Well, that and the fact that I loved her.

All those years ago, when Alice had gotten her first vision, I was truly terrified of taking someone's life; she had been my own personal demon from hell. I was almost sure of it. Now I could only think of what an angel she was.

It was at that moment that she opened her eyes. You could tell that she was weak. She had been getting weaker for the past couple of months. Her body was giving out. There just wasn't enough in her system to keep her going. Humans weren't meant to go on forever, for what reason I can't imagine.

Her eyes peered straight into mine, with a depth that only she could achieve.

"Edward," she said in a whisper. She communicated everything to me, at that moment, that she could never say. She was about to leave me. I went closer to her. With the last breath that she could manage she mumbled to me, "It is meant to be, we will find a way."

With that her eyes closed and her chest stopped its slow movement upward, and came to a sudden halt.

It was then that I saw nothing.

A/N; Yes, I know that it seems completely pointless to have Bella die, and yes, it actually happened- this is not a dream sequence for Edward. Anyways, it seriously does get better, you'll just have to trust me. =)

-Morgan Brooke