Disclaimer: I don't own them I simply borrow them to play with, I didn't ask but I'm sure David Shore won't miss them, I'll put them back where I found them when I'm done. I make no money from this so please, no suing the poor college student!
A/N: This takes place mid season 5 when Wilson and House's friendship is already on the mend, ignoring Kutner's death and Cuddy's adoption so sometime after `Birthmarks' and before `Joy to the world'.
OoOoOo
Redux
OoOoOo
Chapter one- Careful what you wish for
OoOoOo
"HOUSE!! HOUSE!!" Cuddy yelled marching over, surprisingly quickly given the height of her heels, to him, smoke nearly coming out of her ears.
House stopped and blinked large blue eyes at her staring right at her breasts as per usual, till he felt a vice like grip on his ear and a, none to gentle yank of said ear.
"Good God Women! That does not come off!" He said loudly with false bravado trying desperately not to flinch. He did in fact flinch though when she yanked again.
Wilson, who was sitting on the floor, where he had landed when Cuddy came barreling into the room sending him stumbling backwards in his hast to get out of her way, stared up at them with wide innocent brown eyes, hoping, as he so often did when it came to House and feeling Cuddy's wrath, that he wasn't next.
"Give it to me!" She demanded holding her left hand out to him his ear still pinched tightly in her right.
"Help me Wilson help me! The Cuddy bitch from hell has got me in her pointy nailed big boobed clutches!" House cried in Wilson's direction flailing in fruitless attempt to free his ear from Cuddy's vice like grip.
Wilson had just gotten up on his knees in order to stand when he was pinned with an icy administrative glare causing him to plop right back onto his bottom. He gave House a helpless shrug and apologetic smile.
It was Cuddy's `don't you dare' glare and one that, in this particular situation, Wilson simply wasn't able to bring himself to disobey.
Lisa snapped her finger when House still hadn't handed forth what she had demanded.
House tried to wriggle away so Lisa pinched his ear harder, pulling him close she reached into the pocket of his jeans to retrieve the lighter. She shook her head and sighed.
How had she gotten into this mess…?
House walked into the lab and stood before Wilson twirling his cane and peering at him with impossibly wide blue eyes, all innocent and puppy like… this of course set Wilson's trouble senses tingling.
"Wilson I'm Hungry lets go get lunch!" he demanded pulling Wilson by his arm nearly making him drop the slide he had been preparing.
"House, I'm busy, go buy your own lunch for a change." Wilson brushed him off shrugging his arm out of House's grip.
"Come on Wilson take a break. You've been working on this stuff nonstop for weeks." House complained making sure to make his voice as grading as a whining toddler, he was surprisingly good at that.
"Listen, House, this is a big deal. You know it's a big deal. It could mean huge publicity for the hospital and huge publicity for the hospital means more donations for the hospital, more donations for the hospital means a happy Cuddy and happy Cuddy means happy us." Wilson repeated the same speech he had given to House countless times the past few weeks when he had come by to pester him for his attention.
"Like you needed more little bald kids." House grumbled pouting and banging his cane against the floor impatiently.
More little bald kids meaning the 30 or so children that had come to PPTH from around the world, these children of course were not afflicted with Cancer as the rest of James Wilsons patients were, instead they had a rare, 1 in 8 million births, disease.
Progeria was a rare disease that caused the children's cells to age much faster than normal, at a rate of about 10-1. By the time these children turned 7 they had the bodies, respiratory system and heart of a 70 year old, most dying before the age 13 of stroke or heart attack.
It had been found out that, FTI's, originally developed for cancer were capable of reversing the nuclear abnormalities in the cells of these children. This being the case, experimental treatments had started to be conducted. PPTH still had a rather large experimental department left behind in Vogler's wake thus it had taken on the project.
Wilson, being a prestigious Oncologist, well versed in FTI's had been called in for some help in trying to alter the FTI's into something that could someday be a cure for the horrid, debilitating disease. He was no scientist but there was plenty he could do in the lab not to mention a ludicrous amount of consulting and paper work. More than enough to keep him insanely busy and out of commission to play with House for the last few weeks on top of what looked like even more weeks to come.
With so few children actually living with the disease research for it was few and far between, there was no money to be made in curing a disease that only affected about 45 people worldwide at any given time. However, hospital administration had been offered a large amount of money by a pharmaceutical company to do the research. The company's hope was that if they found a treatment that proved to be successful in treating these children's accelerated aging that it would also be a treatment that could help reverse natural aging and THAT had huge profit margins written all over it!
"House, please, just… get Chase to buy you lunch." Wilson said in exasperation.
"He doesn't let me get an extra pudding," House whined "or steal his fries when I finish mine." He added as if that last bit of information about Chase's egregious lunch practices would be all it took to bring about a change in Wilson's mind…
It didn't which in turn caused House to pout and sulk…
A pouting, sulking House was a dangerous House and really Wilson ought to have known that by now.
Looking back on it later Wilson would wish he had taken the 45 minutes away from his work to feed House. But then again, hind sight was always 20/20.
"Then buy your own lunch and you can have as many fries and puddings as you want." Wilson nearly growled. He was quickly losing patients with his ever increasingly juvenile friend.
House didn't say anything and for a moment Wilson was actually stupid enough to think he had won this round.
Silly Wilson and his wishful thinking!
He turned back to the slide he had been preparing, carefully sliding the little glass square over the sample of cells, lowering it down slowly at a diagonal to prevent trapping any air bubbles between it and the glass of the slide. He then placed the side under the microscope, peering into it to take a look.
He really should have known better then to take his eyes off House. He knew from experience that the only thing more dangerous than a pouting, sulking House was a pouting, sulking and quiet House. But he was busy and often times when he got that absorbed in his work he forgot other important things such as what he had pain stakingly learned in Gregory House 101.
House grinned mischievously… Fine if Wilson didn't want to buy him lunch, AGAIN, then the least he could do was make sure he'd damn well wish he had…
Perusing the different equipment laid out in the lab, House stopped at the table directly behind Wilson where there resided a collection of test tubes with various samples neatly organized yet unlabeled, at least not labeled in a manor House could decode.
House wondered how much time it would set Wilson back if he mixed these two vials together… really they should be labeled legibly, at least so he would know he wasn't mixing anything that would produce a caustic reaction… then again he was the same man that stuck a knife in a wall socket so really, what did he care?
He shrugged, it would probably be way more cool and piss Wilson off way more if there was some sort of bad reaction between the two… Bonus!
Throwing caution to the wind… not that House possessed an abundance of caution to throw, he poured the contents of the slightly off color clearish yellowish test tube into another test tube with completely clear liquid with some sort of congealed matter separated at the bottom that, even being a doctor, House couldn't identify.
He was immeasurably disappointed when, at first nothing at all happened.
It was totally anti climatic and…
The test tube started to bubble and fizz, becoming uncomfortably hot in his hand causing him to drop it on the floor right between him and Wilson. The kinetic energy of the fall and subsequent impact into the ground seemed to be all the energy needed to produce a rather spectacular explosion.
Wilson hadn't had any time to react. The time between hearing the shattering of glass directly behind him and subsequent explosion had barely been long enough for him to spin around and catch the horrified look on House's face.
Later they would find out that they had been very lucky, the explosion had been loud and rather bright but not powerful, an all around spectacular show without any real kick. It had just enough force to knock the men onto their asses. The real damage to the two inhabitants of the room had come from the inhalation of the gas fumes given off by the chemical mixture which the explosion had sent into the air in the form of a large green cloud which had engulfed them both.
Emergency detectors had gone off alerting the proper people to the accident and the fail safe in the room had kicked in sealing the air locked doors tight keeping the possible bio hazard contained till personnel with hazmat suits came to assess the situation, one of those people being Dr. Lisa Cuddy herself.
When she got there emergency personnel were already making their way through the outer locked chamber in their brightly colored self contained suits one of which she herself was also wearing.
She quickly made her way over to her two department heads, still flat on their asses on the ground both holding their heads.
"What the hell happened here?" She demanded tersely.
"Explain… later" House panted out, it was apparent he was barely holding on to consciousness, though whether it was from head trauma or the inhalation of whatever gas the mixture had produced, which still hung somewhat thick in the air, Cuddy wouldn't know until she examined him.
Turning to Wilson she realized she was just as likely to get an answer from him right now as she had been from House, he too seemed to be barely hanging on to the waking world.
Whatever they had done this time, they had really done it!
Getting both men into their own hazmat suits had proved to be a challenge in and of itself but there was no way she would take a chance that they could be contagious. It was simply easier to contain them in the suits so if they were they could not infect anyone else on their way to the quarantine room where she could examine them both.
With the help of two of her larger collogues Lisa had managed to maneuver them into the intricate suits then the same two men had half carried half dragged the injured doctors out of the room, into the outer room where they were sanitized while the airlock re-engaged before they were let out into the hallway where they were then dragged to a quarantine room which had a similar outer chamber and air lock system.
Once Both men were situated in the quarantine room, Cuddy and Cameron, who had donned her own bio suit and joined Cuddy upon her request for help, stripped the two recalcitrant doctors of both hazmat suit and clothing which were disposed of in sealed bio hazard bins.
Wilson would have been embarrassed about being naked and House would have made some sexual innuendo about Cuddy finely getting him out of his pants before suggesting she take off her shirt so he could play with her fun bags, but both men were too out of it to do much more then blink.
Giving both men a thorough examination, Cuddy examining House, Cameron taking on Wilson, the women then dressed them in clean green scrubs. They had both started to nod off and since neither one seemed to have head trauma, or trauma to any part of their body for that matter (save their bottoms which were both looking as if they would soon sport nice bruises from contact with the cement floor of the lab), Cameron and Cuddy were forced to assume that whatever was effecting them was due to the gas and thus tucked them in and left them alone to sleep it off.
Cameron sat herself in a chair in between both beds and Cuddy, though she had wanted to stay, left to wrap up things with the emergency bio hazard crew.
Still in her bio suit, Cameron had settled in for the long hole, she didn't want to leave them alone and she didn't know when Cuddy would be able to get back.
She had, had a hard time finding a comfortable way to sit in the big bulky suit, but eventually she was able to settle down in a decent position and had actually drifted off for a bit only to be woken up by Cuddy's surprised scream.
Dr. Cuddy had re-entered the quarantine room sans bio hazard suit, she had been stopping by to check on her two injured doctors and to tell Cameron that there was no contagion. The effect on both House and Wilson had been caused by direct exposure to the gas and had been determined based on analysis of the remaining liquid on the floor and gas still present in the air that it could not be spread from person to person.
She had just taken care of her busyness with the bio hazard crew and made sure the lab was sectioned off while the air filters worked on clearing out the gas. The room would be checked once a week till the air proved completely clear of all remnants of contamination.
They had managed to salvage most of the research to be moved to another lab but progress would be set back weeks. She wasn't looking forward to explaining that to the pharmaceutical company that was backing the research.
All that, however, was pushed out of her mind when she entered the quarantine room and found in the beds, instead of the two grown doctors she had left, two small still sleeping, boys that bore a frighteningly striking resemblance to the men whom had once resided there…
Oh yeah… that's right…
Cuddy shook her head to clear the memory and fixed House with an angry glare. Pulling him by the ear she led him over to the corner and deposited him there… House spent a lot of time in the corner…
"Stay!" She ordered in a voice House new better, at this point, then to argue with.
She then went to her desk and cleared off the burned up and charred tampons, sweeping them into the garbage bin before looking in her purse hoping House hadn't burned them all. She sighed in relief and sunk down into her desk chair her purse in her lap, her remaining two tampons clutched in her hand.
Placing them back in her purse and her purse into her bottom draw which she then locked, she crooked a finger at Wilson and beckoned him over.
Wilson scampered to his feet and scurried over. "I didn't help him!" he said in a rush as he approached.
"James…" She said warningly causing the little boy to drop his gaze. She knew these two too well to buy what he was selling.
"M-Maybe I burned one…" he whispered staring at his feet which he was scuffing against the floor. It was really odd hearing her call him 'James' he was just usually always 'Wilson' but she had explained it just wouldn't sound right for them to be calling two children by their last names, had to keep up appearances in the hospital and all, and thus they had all tried to adopt the use of their first, save for when House was doing something stupid, Cuddy usually slipped back into bellowing 'HOUSE' then.
"Mhmm…." Cuddy nodded pointing to the corner opposite House.
Wilson pouted at her and dragged his feet over, planting his nose in the corner… He found, as far as Cuddy's punishments went, corner time was much worse than clinic duty.
She couldn't help a small smile as she looked at the two little trouble makers inhabiting her office corners. She still couldn't believe this had happened.
She had always wanted to be a mother and was crushed when time and time again the in vitro implants had failed to work… She glanced at House's back. Even with his back to her she could see the stubbornness in his features… Well she always wanted to be a mom... She really should be careful what she wishes for!
OoOoOo
A/N: FC (Sparx) dared me to de age House and Wilson and sick them on Cuddy and the ducklings. I said I would if she would and so a challenge was born. It was really tricky to come up with a way to get them small that wouldn't be a complete twist of reality and totally out of the realm of House MD, it's a little sci-fi but I think I made it really plausible (in a fiction sort of way) … That was always so much easier in Harry Potter… magic makes fan fiction writing so much easier! LOL! But hey I think I found a justifiable way to de age them and I think, in the process I came up with a really cool universe! Everyone feel free to play in it!
I invite you all in to this challenge, it's hard but really a lot of fun!