Stuff I pulled from the back of my head.
Ugh. I have no life.
After an argument with Cao Pi, Zhenji was about to storm out of the room.
"Come on, Zhen. This is stupid." Cao Pi says out.
"Wizards of Waverly goodbye, Cao Pi!" Zhenji blurts back. She turns back when she was in the doorway.
"Oh yeah. We will never..." The instant Zhenji said that, Cao Pi gasped.
"...never..." Cao Pi starts getting angry.
"...never..." He gets even angrier.
"ever, ever getting back toge..." Before she could finish, Cao Pi shoots Zhenji with a pistol.
"Never say never." he says dramatically before he puts on shades, leaves to the other direction and a CGI explosion happens behind him.
Ma Chao was in a dark forest with nothing but a flashlight. He was visibly shaking scared.
"Why didn't I just wait until daytime to search for some stupid pages?" he asked himself.
He heard a sound from his right. There was nothing. But when he turned to his left, Slenderman was behind him.
"AHHHH!" The Shu officer runs for dear life. Slenderman then speaks in Pang De's voice,
"I just wanted to be your friend!"
Ma Dai suddenly pops out of nowhere.
"We'll bang, okay?" he said.
Slenderman gives it a thumbs up. (Hold on. Let me clear my head.)
"Did they send me daughters?"
Zhao Yun was singing, shirtless and with a staff.
"When I asked...for sons?"
Sun Shangxiang says out.
"Uh, excuse me?"
Following her is Wang Yi.
"What did he just say?"
"What?" Zhao Yun asked.
Wang Yuanji pops out of nowhere and says out, "You wanted sons instead of daughters?"
Zhao Yun was trying to reason out.
"No. I didn't mean like tha..."
"What are you? A sexist?!" Shangxiang blurts out.
Ma Chao's voice is heard. Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang are shown, very excited.
"Which one of these houses will Zhao Yun and Shangxiang pick?"
Scene cuts to a crudely made house.
"The wartime Haitian bungalow?"
Scene cuts to a cabin near the water.
"The murder cabin with a beautiful lake view?"
Scene cuts to a burning house.
"Or the house from Breaking Bad, which is still on fire?"
Back to ZY and SSX, who look visibly shaken.
"Can we go see some other houses?" Shangxiang asks.
From behind the camera, Ma Chao shoots her with a handgun.
"No way! Choose now or die." he threatens. After a second, Zhao Yun looks positive and says out,
"Well, I'm a big fan of Breaking Bad so I'll go with that one."
Back to the burning house. Zhao Yun's voice is heard.
"Oh my god, Walter White, I'm your biggest fa- OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE!"
Zhuge Dan was holding a tape. Sima Zhao sat on another chair while saying ominously,
"They say that after you watch this tape, someone calls your house and says 'Seven Days' then, a little girl crawls out of your TV and kills you, seven days later."
After much silence, Zhuge Dan finally speaks,
"I gotta tell you...this entire legend sounds really outdated." he said, confusing Sima Zhao. Zhuge Dan then starts talking like a nerd, saying,
"I have to watch this tape, how am I even gonna do that? I don't have a VCR. Nobody watches tapes anymore. This little girl should upgrade to like a DVD or at least like a Blu-ray. And you said somebody calls my house, nobody can call my house. I don't have a landline. And if she's going to call through my cellphone, I'm not going to answer some random number. And she's going to crawl out of my TV? Nobody watches TV's anymore and if she's going to crawl out of my laptop then that's a fifteen-inch screen. And if a little girl that big would kill me..."
Before he could say anything else, Sima Zhao injects a syringe's content at Zhuge Dan's neck.
"Ow! What the hell, dude?"
Sima Zhao angrily says out,
"There, Ebola. Now you really have seven days. I don't know why I even told you."
He then takes the tape and leaves the room.
Ma Dai was standing in front of Diaochan.
"Commander, we have to act fast. The Reapers are coming. What should we do?" she asks.
Two options show up: "Save Galaxy" and "Bang Her". After a while, "Bang Her" was chosen.
"We'll bang, okay?"
Spiderman was hanging from the rooftop. A drunk Lianshi is right in front of him. Spidey then speaks in Sun Quan's voice,
"You have a knack for getting yourself into trouble."
"You have a knack for saving my life. I'm gonna go kiss your spider mouth now."
Before that could happen though, Lianshi pukes on Spiderman, causing him to scream.
Ma Chao was wearing a gray suit and holding palletes of shades of gray. Wang Yi was chained up through her arms in front of him.
"Okay, we've been through like 49 shades. Please tell me this one works." he said.
"It's perfect!" she replied.
"Okay, now on to the creepy stuff!" (This will scar me for life.)
The "Cao Pi shoots Zhenji" part, the "Zhao Yun as Li Sheng" and the "Zhuge Dan, Sima Zhao and the tape" part are all based on videos by Ryan Higa. Everything else is based on Smosh.
If I had 7: Empires or 8: Empires, I would go mess with character relationships, ESPECIALLY Ma Chao and Wang Yi.