Hi, this is Izzy and Lexie in our newest fanfiction spotlighting on ... juvenile delinquent Claire! loud applause and catcalls.
If you happen to be of the religious type, this might not be the best fanfic for you. I warned you. No flames, please.
Hope you all like it. : ) In future chapters, this is a Graire fanfic.
DiSCLAIMER: I do not own Harvest Moon.
-Izzy and Lexie
Claire's snores rattled her cottage's wood walls. Her oversized dog slept next her and his snores almost rivaled his master's. Quite suddenly, they ceased, and Claire woke up with a jolt. She opened her eyes and rubbed the crust forming around them. She looked down at her hands which had a thin layer of yellow goo covering them.
"Ew!" She said and scanned the room for something to wipe them on. Finding nothing else, she shrugged, turned around, and slid them down the chubby back of her dog, Butch.
"That's better!" She looked in the mirror and gave an award-winning smile, "Sorry, Butch." She said the reflection of her dog.
Claire yawned and shuffled over to the kitchen, about to make some breakfast. No, scratch that, heat up some frozen breakfast. She believed that she might have some eggs. But, of course, she had used up the last of the provisions. She vaguely remembered it had something to do with Barely's prices being too high and her sneaking out with an armful of eggs. Ah, well, the chickens were bound to have some. Claire threw open the door and made her way to the chicken coop. It was so far away, gosh darn it. She opened the door.
"Tofu, baby, come to mama!" She called. The feathery lump on the floor did not so much as cluck.
"Tofie! Tofu! Mommy needs her eggs! I know you got one! Come on, Tofie! For meeeeeeee? Tofu! Tofie! Come on, now."
"Okay, young man, wait, aren't you a woman? Oh, I dunno! Whatever you are, you are in big, deep doodoo. Now, I'll give you five seconds to clean up your act. One...Two...Three...Four...FIVE!
She grabbed the chicken by it's legs and hoisted it into the air. It didn't stir.
"Oh, dear. It seems to have died."Pronounced Claire neutrally. "Maybe Carter would appreciate a fine, "passed over" chicken like yourself, Tofu."
Knowing that this rope could not hurt a dead chicken, she tied it messily around the neck and hauled the it out of the coop. Her dog, who had finally woken up, and not bothered to get off the eye snot on his back, looked out the window and barked happily. He seemed to say 'for me? for me?'
"No, no, no, silly! It's for Carter!" She cried happily and began to skip, chicken bouncing and dragging behind her. If she were to have looked from the back, it would not have been a pretty sight. She kept on skipping, for she had not looked from the back, and ignored the horrified screams and gasps of the Mineral Town residents. She assumed that she looked extremely beautiful that day.
"Wow, Tofu! They're all gasping at my gorgeousness!" She said.
Finally, she came to the church an stopped at the two front doors. She put on a large grin, ready to receive much praise, and knocked on the door. Almost instantly, they were thrown open and an aghast Carter stood in front of her.
"He's for you. He died. You're welcome!!" She smiled joyously and dropped the chicken, rope and all into his unsuspecting arms.
"Woah woah woah." He said, "You can't just go off like that. We must have a funeral."
"Do we have to?" Claire asked.
"I have some plans." She winked. "You know what I'm talking about."
"Not with a dead chicken, you don't." Carter told her."But if you like, I can do it now."
"Okay, then." Agreed Claire, shrugging.
Carter stood, prayer book in hand, by a small, uninscribed gravestone.
"Now, we mourn the death of Tofu, who was a good chicken." He paused, and allowed Rick to take a tissue to his eyes. "She/he will always have a special place in our hearts." Rick let out a huge, obscene wail.
"Non-existant God." Said Claire under her breath, "You weren't the one who took care of her/him."
This only made Rick's sobs louder. "I raised him from an egg!" He cried, "We had a bond!"
Claire stared.
"And we hope, with our souls that, Tofu finds the golden chicken coop in the sky. Amen." Carter finished.
"A WOMEN!" Added Claire. "And Tofu better find that golden chicken coop, 'cause I paid 3000 g for that gravestone."
Carter looked at her as if she was insane.
"I can't stand all these sexist men." She announced.
Carter sighed. "Okay, Claire," He said once Rick had stumbled away, crying, "This is a warning. I can't have you killing off all the animals. One more time and I will have to think of a punishment."
"Whevs." Said Claire and stalked off.
So, it was fair to say that she did not really take Carter's advice to heart, for the next day, when she got up, accidently siting on her unsuspecting pooch. She wandered into the barn, hoping that her sheep was okay. She realized, then, that she had not been in there for nearly a month. And waddaya know. Her sheep lay in a heap in the corner.
"Damn." Claire whispered.
She wondered if Carter would like a sheep, too. But then she slowly remembered the warning Carter had given her only a day ago. Cursing, she took the legs of the sheep and dragged it across her property, to the river. There was nothing else for her to do. She gave a salut and said;
"Au revoir, sheepy." With that, she gave one large kick, and her sheep fell unceremoniously into the river, drifting downstream, like a furry barge. (With eyes, legs, a mouth and a nose. All, completely and utterly dead.)
Cliff was fishing. He never got anything good, but he felt that today was a new day, full of fishy opertunities. He cast his fishing rod and after a few minutes, felt a pull. He got excited. He began to reel in the line. Man, this fish was heavy. Finally, when it came to the surface, he realized that it was not a fish at all. But, in fact, a waterlogged sheep. He dragged it up, out of the river and noticed a small, gleaming tag. It read :Sheepy Weepy, Property of Claire, the one and only.
"Wow." He said, eyes widened. He should tell someone.
Unfortunately, he hadn't many people to tell. As much as he tried to hide it, he only had one friend, Carter.
"CLAIRE!!" Carter cried, face red with anger, and stomping onto her field, "That it IT!"
"What?" Asked Claire, innocently.
"This it WHAT!" He pointed at Cliff, who was next to him, holding up Sheepy Weepy.
"Sheepy Weep!" Claire cried. She realized all to soon that that was a mistake. SHe covered her mouth.
"Oh, so you know this sheep." Said Carter.
"No, no." Said Claire. " That just looks like a sheep that is resting, belly full, in my barn, right at this very minute." She sounded convincing, she thought.
Apparently not. "Well, how is it that it has a tag that says your name and 'Sheepy Weepy'?" Carter demanded.
"I dunno. Coincidence?" She said, almost hopefully.
"You have gone too far, Claire. I have thought of your punishment. It's a new installment in Mineral Town." He paused dramatically. "I condemn you to four seasons of ... CHURCH SCHOOL!"
Please R & R! Thanks! More soon!