AN: This was inspired by a bit (that doesn't even include Dave in person!) in TheFirstMrsHummel's story "Barista Confessions," mainly because I like to assume that Kurt helped Dave off-screen in S3, and I'd never written anything that assumes the contrary. I thought I'd take a shot at doing so.

I don't think you need to read "Barista Confessions" to understand this (although I'm sure TheFirstMrsHummel would much appreciate it, especially if you like Kurt and Sebastian together), but it would give you some more context.

"And how does that make you feel?"

Dave sometimes wondered if Dr. Taylor took actual sadistic pleasure in using psychiatric cliches so unironically. He'd actually asked her once about it. She replied that she asked what she wanted to ask, what she thought would help her patient, cliche be damned. It helped that it actually sounded like she wanted a response, and would listen to it, rather than letting the question sound rote or automatic. She even managed to say "tell me about your mother" in a tone that didn't make Dave laugh.

"I dunno... I mean, it's Kurt, so it has to be complicated, right? On one hand, I'm pissed. He promised he'd help me through... things, and then he just, like, drops me, like I never existed. Then he just e-mails me out of the blue, in the middle of summer, and wants to talk? Like he's giving me some kinda consolation prize? On the other hand... It's not like we were best friends even before. And I know from personal experience how crazy that glee club is. Being around Rachel Berry alone makes enough drama to drown a killer whale. And I saw on his Facebook how he didn't get into that school he wanted to get into, so I understand how life just kinda slipped away with him..."

"You follow him on Facebook." Dr. Taylor grinned a little; it was a statement, not a question.

Dave flushed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Like I said, it's complicated."

Dr. Taylor scribbled something on her notepad. Five months of therapy, and he still had that juvenile urge to see what she was writing about him. "You seem eager to defend him."

"It's not that. I just... I don't know what I expected from him, or should have expected from him, with everything I did to him the last couple of years. Hell, if I were him, I wouldn't even have come to visit me at the hospital. I hate blaming him for this, like I somehow expected him to take me by the hand and personally drag me back to sanity."

"Sometimes we blame others when we should be blaming ourselves. Sometimes we blame ourselves when we should be blaming others. And sometimes... we assign blame when what we should be doing is moving forward."

Dave nodded. "I know. I mean, that's why I started bullying him in the first place: because I blamed him for 'making' me feel the way I did. I'm like the last person on Earth who should be judging him."

Dr. Taylor tapped her pen on her pad. "Here comes a hard question."

Dave's stomach clenched, but he nodded. "Fire away, doc."

"Do you still love him?"

A hard question indeed. Dave licked his lips nervously before starting to answer. "I guess. I dunno. Maybe I never did. I mean, if I really loved him, I wouldn't have assumed he'd broken up with his boyfriend and put him on the spot the way I did, would I?"

"Maybe not. But love isn't a rational emotion. Everyone knows that."

Dave laughed. "You fucking said it."

When he'd first started seeing Dr. Taylor, he bit back a lot of expletives. But she quickly stopped him from doing so. Once you start censoring yourself for language, she said, you start censoring all sorts of things, because you're constantly thinking ahead about what you want to say, and avoiding more than just curse words. "I'd rather listen to a few four letter words than not get the full picture of what you're feeling and thinking. So say 'shit' all you want, if it's what you'd normally say. I'm not going to shatter."

"I asked," the present day Dr. Taylor continued, "because you seem to want to absolve Kurt of any blame for not following up on his promise."

"That's not what..."

"As you said, he had reasons. But reasons aren't excuses, and vice versa. I'm not saying he's a bad person, or that he doesn't care what happens to you. But at the same time, in my personal opinion, he made a mistake in not at least trying to contact you before now. And you have every right to be angry at him."

Dave shook his head. "No, I don't. Not after what I..."

"David." Uh oh, there it was; that tone of voice. The firm, no nonsense, "you are going to listen to me whether you want to or not" tone. "We've been over this. I know you're internalizing what we've been discussing, but I'm not going to let you backslide. You did some terrible things. We both know that, and you acknowledge that. But as much as you should work to keep yourself from doing such things again, you also can't hide behind those events as an excuse not to move forward. I'm not saying to forget what you did, but wallowing in guilt isn't going to do you any good either, except to keep making you doubt your worth as a human being." She exhaled a long breath. "This is why I'm going to suggest that you don't talk or meet with Kurt. At least not right now."

Dave blinked. He wasn't quite as startled as he felt like he should've been at the suggestion; he wasn't sure why. "Why's that?"

"To put it in its most basic fashion: as you said, things between you and him are complicated, and frankly, I think you need simplicity right now. You've been making some terrific progress these past few months, but these kinds of results are fragile. They need some time to take hold. I'm afraid that seeing him right now will..."

"Make me backslide?" Dave interrupted with a humorless grin. "Make me go all psycho again?"

Dr. Taylor shook her head. "I know you're joking, but I also know you're just serious enough that I'm going to answer your question seriously. No, I don't think that'll happen, and I don't think you were ever 'psycho' - at least, not in the way you mean. But at the same time, you can't deny the two of you have a history, and that you don't really know how you feel about him. I think you need a stronger foundation before you walk back into a situation like that. And given what you've told me, I believe it could do just as much harm to him as it does to you."

Dave was still turning the words over in his head when he got home. He still wasn't sure what he thought about it. What danger was there in just talking?

Then he tried to picture their meeting: what would he say? What could he say? Well, he could tell Kurt that it wasn't a big deal that they hadn't spoken...

But... it was. At least a little. And Dave realized in that moment that he had no idea how he could say that, or if he even had the right to.

That was also the moment he made up his mind. He still wasn't sure that Dr. Taylor was right (and God, did he want to see Kurt), but he'd had enough of not being honest. Someday, hopefully soon, he'd be on a more even keel, and be able to have a talk with Kurt without fear, without lies. But it was pretty clear that time wasn't now. Besides, if there was the tiniest possibility that he could somehow hurt Kurt by seeing him now... He couldn't take that chance. He'd also had enough of hurting others for no good reason.

Dave picked up his phone and turned it over in his hand. The voice mail message was still there (and there it would remain, for many many days after, for no reason - or perhaps too many), but... He shook his head. He put down the phone, opened up Gmail, and began to write.

Kurt: I got your voice mail. Thanks for giving me a call. But I'm afraid I've got something I need to say...