Honestly, I'm not really sure if it was OK for me to be there.

Yes, for more than five years I wished for it to happen. It was my dream, only goal in life.

Funny, isn't it?

That someone as me - who is usually always for something long-termed - marked for a peak of its existence a concert lasting merely two hours.

Now, after almost a year, I feel empty.

There is no warmth and flame left - just some blur memories of before and after.

No, wait!

That was a lie.

In my mind I still hold one image.

When I close my eyes and remember that day I can see it.

I'm in a dark room, some dark space. No one is there. I even can't feel myself; I'm just a shapeless presence - like in some dream.

I see a hand - is it mine? - reaching towards one warm yellow light. The hand moves as I want and with it I try to hide my eyes but I know it is wrong.

So slowly, as wanted, the fingers stretch and I can clearly see it.

In that one moment my heart stops and combusts into flames.

My eyes are watery and I can't breathe. There's no air.

With panic, I try to grab onto one thing I see.

Light, come near. I'm begging, please.

Please... - then it stops, and there is nothing.

How can that be?

How could I let myself forget my most precious memory?

It's not enough to say that I will never forgive myself.

I feel repentance and grief, but still I know it's not enough of a punishment for forgetting.

The real penalty is (or so I think) that vacant spot where once that dream laid.

It's also the main reason why it is still - or always or will - be empty.

Right now I'm terrified of words that I have once said:

"After being there, on that day, I could now die with no regret."

Genuine fear came after realizing that it is true. Every single vocable of that sentence was true.

Really, I was ready to die; even though I didn't experience much of life leaving it was acceptable.

But, if I don't remember the time worth dying for, does that mean I will live forever?

Sora watched me long after she finished reading those few santances scribbled on a napkin. My hands were still shaking but I was proud of myself - I've finally got that out of my system. No more sleepless nights, despair or pointless living.

I've really felt like it was a new beginning for me, and I shamelessly showed that. Instead of a heavy make-up and cigarette, that day all I wore on my face was a smile.

"Are you feeling OK?"

"Yes!"

"You sure? Has someone offered you colorful candy on the street and you decided to buy it? You know that's drugs they're selling," she said, last sentence with low and sarcastic voice.

"Yea… Today I'm on happiness," I said that just to piss her off. It worked.

"Ohhh… Is that a new brand or dealers got bored with the name 'happy dust'," she continued to fume watching me taking a long sip from my cup.

"C'mon, Sora, don't beat around the bush. Tell me what did you mean by 'are you ok'? Do I look bad this way?"

"No. You look great, it's just that… You've never opened up to me like this. Not to me or anyone else. It freaked me out."

"It wasn't my intention to scare-"

I was interrupted by a loud noise from inside of the bar.

"Oi, kid, do I have to wear panties to get some bear here?"

"No, but I would appreciate if you could behave like you're not on PMS! Sorry, I'll be back," she said to me using Schwarzenegger voice before going inside.

I unexpectedly laughed to a joke that was expected from her before taking another sip. Sora was one of my best friends since middle school and is one of my best friends even today. We understood each other very good due to our similar life philosophies.

During this summer she decided to work in her father's bar to earn some money and travel before going to college. I supported her in that by coming as often as I could (and afford), but I knew her too good. I knew she was going to quit soon and give up on everything. Very soon she'll get some new insane idea like making a penguin ranch with her tuition money or going into military service so she could meet hot guys. I think she actually mentioned something like t-

I was interrupted in train of thoughts by commotion coming from the bar. I stood up and quickly walked across summer garden to the door through Sora just went in.

As soon as I crossed the doorstep I noticed alarming silence and terrified looks on faces turned towards me.

No.. They weren't looking at me. The floor. Something was on the floor between me and them. I've braced myself, knowing I'll see her there… Only she was missing.

I still looked down, knowing I'll see Sora there.

But, on the floor where Sora should have been, all that was left was a pile of light orange sand….