Desperate
A/N: Often the things that I chose to write come from a poem, a song or a quote, this story about my favourite character came from the following quote. I hope you enjoy, or maybe not, I didn't intend for this to get so dark.
WARNING: Mention of suicide, self-harm and suggestive content.
"Tu te plais à me voir, sombre et désespéré, / Errer dans mon amour comme en un cimetière!" (I would like you to see me, dark and desperate/ Wandering in my love as in a cemetery)
― Émile Nelligan, Poèmes Choisis
Tweek was a person who was always seen as someone who had no control of himself, had no control of his mind, his body, he was just someone hiding in a shell of person, possessed so it would do whatever it wanted. Tweek was a child that had problems like no one else, he suffered from the constant fear that anxiety and paranoia created for him. They were the puppet masters and he was the puppet, forced to do what they wanted him to do, every spasm, every twitch, he could feel his body doing them but he was unable to stop them himself. He was in every way, hopeless, pathetic, lost. He was stuck in a loop that he couldn't get out of, try as he might, he was in a cycle of fear, embarrassment, humiliation. He couldn't free himself.
When he meet Craig that first time when they were children he remembered being afraid of him. He was a taller child, looming over him, he had a stoic look on his face and boredom in his eyes. Tweek remembered thinking about how if there was anybody that was going to hurt him more than he hurt himself, it would be him. He remembered when Craig kneeled down, held his face in his hand and told him that he would be ok, and that he wouldn't hurt him. It was revealed to Tweek later that his parents had told Craig's that he was a 'fragile' boy who needed lots of 'love and attention', and was one that needed to be treated gently, or else he would break. He remembered Craig telling him that he only was nice on their first meeting because his parents had promised him a bike if was well behaved and made friends with Tweek.
Now the two had grown older, and were in high school, Tweek still felt as if Craig was still just friends him out of that same pity everyone felt for him. Every twitch he made he could see Craig shudder, it killed him everytime, hurt him worse than any insult that had been hurled his way. It hurt him so badly because after all these years of be dependent on Craig he had fallen in love with him. He was now desperate to be touched by him, he would cling himself to Craig, he would hold onto his arm, hug his waist, anything to feel him hug back, or have his arm taken by his.
He got to a point that when he was by himself, or when Craig wasn't there with him when hanging out with others, he would start to wallow in self-pity. He would cry, he would punch the walls, he would be covered in sweat. He had truly lost himself to Craig. He wanted him to be with him always. He couldn't stand the distance that was between them. He wanted to be held by him, to have him call his name out in the dark, to be curled around his body.
Tweek would watch Craig, he would note the kind of girls that caught his interest, the way that they moved, the way they smelled, the way they looked, he tried to mimic them. He would nuzzle Craig's shoulder when he sat next to him, place his hand softly on his thigh, he would smile and shower him with compliments. All to no avail, Craig still would chase girls like Bebe or Red, instead of turning around and acknowledging him.
Craig had noticed the strange behaviour that started incurring within Tweek, he never spoke up about it, remembering the words his parents said to him back when he was younger about Tweek.
"No matter what treat this child as gently as you would a bunny, or your little sister. He is easily broken, and hard to fix. Make it easy on his parents."
Maybe saying something would have been easier to fix than just allowing him to continue on with his strange actions. Maybe saying something would have stopped these events from occurring, maybe they could have talked it out. Instead of Tweek standing his room with lipstick covering his chapped lips, poorly down eye shadow covering his eyelids. Tweek standing there, only wearing a short dress with a flowery pattern, only wearing that and nothing else.
Craig remembered walking in seeing him there, his eyes red, and cheeks tear stained, his arms running red from the cuts he self-inflicted. Torn photos scattered around him, all blood stained and soaked in tears. He remembered how Tweek had just stood there smiling at him. He knew how Tweek was messed up, he knew that, but he hadn't done anything about it. And now he was there, noose around neck, smiling that deranged, demented smile.
Maybe, maybe if he just told him his feelings, told him he saw him only as a friend, this wouldn't have happened, maybe he would have been ok. Maybe he wouldn't have kicked the chair from underneath him. Maybe he could have moved on, found someone to be with that would feel the same way. But he didn't, and that didn't help him.
Craig knew Tweek was fragile.
Craig knew he liked him.
But he never said anything.
A/N: Do you ever start writing something and then out of nowhere, and then something like this happens? I mean, I knew this was going to be dark, but not this dark. Anyway I hoped you like it, sorry if it sounds repetitive, but it is the sort of writing style that got me top marks in English.