DANGER MOUSE:
ADDED LAYERS
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC.
Note: In case you get slightly confused, everything in between the quotes from the characters is meant to be the narrator talking. Cheers. -Zarius
London, the heart of the British people...and the lungs, and the brain stem, and the spleen, and quite a lot of bits and bobs that make up the human body...OF THE BRITISH PEOPLE. Of which there are many thousands. We focus on one such person this day. A person born for one role: Science.
Oh, you were perhaps expecting something a bit more...dangerous?
"Give me five seconds Professor, I need to pinpoint exactly where to drop this" said Danger Mouse as he carefully raised the knife upwards.
"For the love of Mike Post man, watch yer fingers" uttered Squawkencluck in mild panic as the five seconds passed and the knife came down across the chopper board. It steadily, and quickly, began to dice through the layers of onions that were spread across it.
"Careful now, careful" she cautioned, before steadily lowering a large series of bulky needle-shaped bulbs, "Let me get those ion emitters in place"
"Squawkers are you absolutely certain of this?" asked Danger Mouse.
"Are you absolutely certain of anything Danger Mouse?" replied Squawkencluck in return
"Of course I am, otherwise I would be certainly dead" Danger Mouse expressed with frank confidence.
"It's just the last week or so you exhibited the height of arrogance...taking down almost all of London"
"And then proceeding to take down Greenback" Danger Mouse countered
"Aye, aye, that too, but that came after, when the chips were down..." she replied.
"Speaking of chips, couldn't we have laid down some potatoes when we were at this too?"
"Stick to the experiment" ordered Squawkencluck. "If we get this right, we'll be able to supply the entire contingent of the Secret Service with tear-free onions"
"A pity, I've always found onions to be the poetry of vegetables" remarked Danger Mouse, "Since they move you to tears"
"The pungent nature of onions is down entirely to enzymes, that's what the purpose of the emitters are for; the radiation will weaken those enzymes and reduce the pungency in touch and taste"
Squawkencluck looked at the device high above her as a small trigger switch lowered from it and gently fell into her hand.
"How come you're not crying right now?" she said as she wiped a few small tears from her own eyes.
Danger Mouse looked into her powerful...
"Excuse me?"
What?
"Do you mind not adding layers?"
But you're talking about onions. It fits the theme.
"Romance isn't really what we're pursuing here"
"I'm good with it" said Squawkencluck
"You are?" asked Danger Mouse.
"I'm a girl; we're always good with it. Besides, it's just a fanfic; it's not exactly going to make it to open air now is it? Just ask me lad...why aren't you crying NOW?"
Go on D.M.
(He's sighing by the way)
"Ok, Squawk, I'm not crying because...I reserve that for the inside. When I left London in ruin, when they took away my name badge, when they placed more trust in that toad hunchback and his henchman's army of safety mice, left me trudging through jobs that were unbecoming of me...that was almost too much for my heart to take. That I was perceived as this one-eyed monster whose prior conquests were put to bed so people could pin the blame on what had worked in the past and wake up to a new face...a new kind of assurance. And when that new day proved a false dawn, I cried within for the world without. "
D.M noticed the device had been turned on, the onion layers had been successfully irradiated, Sqauwkencluck was still crying.
"Oh I can't remain impartial tae this, I'm crying for real, and by your story's indication, you're prepared to rarely emote if ever. We're gonna have to get your man in to road test this for us"
"Penfold" Danger Mouse yelled.
I'll just go check in on him...
...Oh erm, D.M?
"What?"
He's fast asleep.
"Then I'll have to use my patented hum"
Patented hum?
"Yes, it works quite well in these circumstances, it's a high pitched sound that is very easy to pick up on"
Let's hear it then.
"Ok then"
He's clearing his throat
"PENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNFOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLDDDD"
Ah, I think he's getting up now DM
DM?!
He's collapsed in a heap!
Squawkencluck, check on him will you?
"Right on. Danger Mouse, are you alright? You look a right state you do"
"I told you it was very easy to pick up, it's just I need a pick-me-up after I'm done with it. Takes a lot out of me"
Squawkencluck knelt down besides D.M and took his hand in her left hand; she gently pressed her right hand on his chest and then his forehead
"Palpitations fine, head temperature normal...oh, you're fine lad, I'll get you an aspirin or something...and Danger Mouse?"
"Yes Professor?"
"Thanks for sharing that with me, it really adds layers to you"
Penfold slowly walked into the room, having overheard the last couple of sentences.
"I did not" said Penfold.
Check the last couple of paragraphs and catch up then
"You're not the most articulate at Prowse narration are you?" said a most rude Danger Mouse.
"I wasn't being rude, don't take it like that"
I'm not going to partake any further in this.
"No wait, come back, I..."
I've worked in this industry for several years, I try to add some layers and take a very early stab at the DM/Squawkencluck 'ship and I get this kind of treatment. Well, don't come crawling back to me for gratitude when you become a hen pecked husband.
"Cor chief, are you really going to take everything he says to you lying down?"
"Penfold...shush"