Disclaimer: Really? The streets of this mostly residential section of DC were relatively quiet, save for the lone young couple out for a stroll on this lovely spring evening. Suddenly, the quiet was disrupted by a voice in their ears.
"He's on his way out. You're up," Leroy Jethro Gibbs instructed his team via their Comm-links.
"On it," murmured McGee, as he and Ziva fell into step about a half block behind a dark-haired man. The man came out of one of the doors ahead of them, looking around him surreptitiously, then heading right at a moderate pace. He glanced at his watch every so often, and eyed the street ahead intently. The two agents moved into position far enough behind him to keep him covered, but hopefully not arouse suspicion.
"Any sign of the truck?" Gibbs addressed Tony, who was monitoring traffic cams and a special camera imbedded in McGee's glasses from an unmarked van several blocks away.
The sound of a congested cough ripped through the silence, as Tony cleared his throat to respond. "Not yet. Scheduled to be here in less than 5 minutes," he rasped. "Anyway, boss, I still think McTechie should be here doing all this computer nerd stuff...not me!"
"No way, DiNozzo. You're hacking up a lung, and I can't afford to lose this guy because I let a sick agent out on the street to announce our presence."
Another paroxysm of coughing could be heard in the earwigs. "At least I wouldn't look as sketchy as McGee. I mean, really! Who goes out for a walk with a girl and keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets?"
"Shut up, DiNozzo. I'm out for a walk with a girl. It doesn't have to be a romantic walk, we could be just friends.
" "Friends," Tony scoffed. "No wonder you're still single, McVirgin.
" "Yeah, well what's your excuse, lover boy?".
"Hey! Focus! McGee, at least look like you aren't afraid of her!" Gibbs growled.
McGee glanced at Ziva nervously. "I kinda am a little afraid of her..."
Ziva narrowed her eyes. "I do not bite, McGee. You are undercover. You do what you have to in order to sell it." She eased into his side and linked her arm through his. "Now, was that so bad?"
McGee shifted uncomfortably as she nestled into his side. "Um...no?"
"Enough yabba-yabba!" scolded Gibbs. "Now, he's onto you!"
Sure enough, the dark-haired man had slowed his pace and was glancing at them over his shoulder. He started to cross the street to the corner where he was supposed to meet his contact, when he stopped and turned to face the two agents.
Ziva, who had been watching him in her peripheral vision, noticed his change in direction just milliseconds before he made his move. Quickly, she realized a diversion was needed in order for the plan to work. A sign for a toy store nearby caught her eye, and she had an idea.
She pulled on McGee's arm, effectively stopping him, and turned him towards her. "Tim, I am pregnant. " she stated loudly enough for the man to overhear.
"Wha...what?" a truly confused McGee questioned uneasily.
Ziva beamed beatifically. "In nine months, we are going to have a little McGee," she replied, while meaningfully catching his eye.
McGee paled and swayed a little on his feet. "Oh my God..."
Through the earwigs, sounds of coughing and sputtering could be heard.
That was enough for McGee to finally register what, exactly, Ziva was trying to do. He realized with a start that he would need to play along to keep the mark on track to meet his contact.
"Oh! A little McGee..." he smiled as he glanced toward the man. "A baby! We're having a baby!" he shouted, as he lifted Ziva to her feet, spinning her in a little circle before carefully depositing her on the ground and taking the stunned Israeli in his arms for an impassioned kiss.
More spluttering could be heard as Tony watched the events unfold from the van.
Ziva stared at Tim, dumbfounded, as he whispered in her ear, "He took the bait," smirking triumphantly. It had worked.
The man turned away from the 'happy couple' and proceeded to the rendezvous point. Just as he reached the corner, Gibbs boomed, "Truck's coming! Everybody in position!"
Ziva and McGee resumed their side by side stance and slowly began to walk toward the corner, as a white panel truck pulled up opposite them. The man leaned in the window and he and the driver spoke briefly. The driver got out and rounded to the back of the truck. He opened it carefully, letting the other man see the contents.
"Boss, it's all there," Tony croaked from his spot in the van. "Got 'em on camera."
"All right, let's move! NCIS! Get your hands in the air!" he yelled to the two men as the group of armed Federal agents surrounded the truck.
The doors of the elevator opened into the bullpen with a 'ding'.
"I mean, who would believe you could even get a girl like Ziva, much less get her knocked up?" Tony asked, incredulously, as they made their way to their desks.
"Why, Tony? Don't you think smart guys can get hot chicks?
" "Hey! Standing right here!" Ziva pointed out, preparing to launch her stapler.
"All I'm saying, Probie, is that it should have been me who had the fake baby with Ziva. If I didn't have bad lungs from having the plague, which makes me more susceptible to colds, it would have been me out there today," Tony garbled before he was seized with another coughing fit.
McGee shook his head. "No way, Tony! You got to have fake sex with her! I get to have the fake baby with her!"
They felt the head slaps before they even knew Gibbs was around.
"That's for having fake sex with Ziver!" he glared at Tony. He then turned to McGee. "That's for getting her fake pregnant, and kissing her on my stakeout!"
Ziva smirked happily at the other agents, until Gibbs rounded on her and gave her a slightly less painful version of the 'Gibbs slap'. "Thought you were smarter than to get knocked up, David."
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Ziva's knocked up?" Abby squealed as she raced into the bullpen as fast as her platform boots could carry her. "Who's the baby daddy?"
Tony grinned wickedly and pointed to Tim. "McGee!"
Abby stopped dead in her tracks, eyes narrowed at first Ziva, then McGee. "What? Timmy! Is this true?"
McGee's face went a deep shade of crimson and his voice rose an octave as he stammered in reply, "No, Abbs, of course not! It's a fake baby!"
Becoming even more confused and irritated, Abby stabbed a finger in his face. "I can't believe it! You had sex with Ziva, got her pregnant, and now you're in denial? I don't know you!". She whirled around, pigtails flying, and began to storm back toward the lab.
"No, Abby, you've got it all wrong! Abbs...Abby...wait up... Let me explain..." McGee's voice trailed off as he raced after her.
Ziva and Tony, who had been silent during this entire exchange, gave each other a look, then dissolved into hysterical laughter.
"Poor Probie!" Tony wheezed. "He'll spend the next month cleaning the lab and fetching Caf-Pows to make up for this one! Hope your fake baby was worth it!"
"I do not know about the fake baby, but the kiss definitely was," Ziva stated mischievously.
Tony froze for a moment, then flashed her his trademark grin. "You're kidding... right?"
Ziva wiped the tears that were running down her cheeks and gathered her things, moving from her desk to Tony's.
"Come on Tony," she patted his arm. "I'll make you a pot of my Bubbe David's special chicken and matzo ball soup."
Tony quickly rose, triggering another coughing episode. "Mmmm...chicken soup. Almost as good as fake sex," he winked at her as they headed for the elevator.