I want to thoroughly apologize to all Shakespeare lovers out there, only I'm not actually that sorry for this. Take none of this seriously; Lord knows, I didn't. Just a quick dialogue between Hamlet and Horatio. Mild swear toward the end, but copious amounts of awkwardness throughout.
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of–"
"What, Biblically?"
"What?"
"Did you know him Biblically?"
"What? No! Not Biblically! I just knew him!"
"Yeah, well, you knew Ophelia, too, if you know what I mean."
"I did not–Look, I knew Yorick the same way I know you."
"Whoa, whoa! I didn't know you felt that way about me."
"When have we known each other Biblically? Why would you even think that?"
"I don't, I'm just saying, if you want to know me the same way you knew Yorick–"
"It's like you're not even listening to me! I didn't know him like that. I mean, we were just friends."
"With benefits?"
"No, no benefits! Look, he was a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times–"
"Whoa! Too much information, there, Hammie!"
"Not like that, you perverted–! Look, he was the jester! I was the prince! It was his job to entertain me!"
"Right, well, if that's what you want to call it, I mean–"
"That's not 'what I'm calling it', it's–Look, he gave me piggy-back rides around the castle when I was, like, five!"
"Dude, you were five? That's just messed up!"
"Oh my God, what is wrong with you, Horatio? That's not even close to what I meant! Now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it."
"Again, way too much information, bro! I mean, seriously, we're friends and all, but I do not want to know what 'rises your gorge'."
"Horatio! That's not–It's like you don't even understand a word I'm saying."
"Yeah, I think I do, bro. Your 'gorge' is rising at the thoughts of piggy-back rides from a creepy old jester when you were five. Damn, man, I mean, no wonder Ophelia went crazy after dealing with you and your issues. You didn't ask her to do any weird jester shit, did you?"
"I–You know what? Forget we ever had this conversation! Just...forget we're even friends, man."
"I don't even want to look at you anymore."
"That's fine. Go...go hang out with Rozencrantz and Guildenstern or something. I just...I can't even deal with you right now."