Professional Girlfriend

By: RosexKnight

Prompt: "i need a date so i'm hiring you off criagslist, please don't be a serial killer"

Chapter One

Sometimes, Gold hated his status.

It was true that while owning the sleepy town of Storybrooke in middle of nowhere Maine might not have been an impressive feat, being the second half of one of the best lawfirms on the easy coast was. Back in the day, Midas and Gold were a force to be reckoned with. With Gold and his team in Custody and Divorce and Midas and his team in Small Claims and Federal, they were nigh unstoppable. Everyone either wanted to be them or be the one to take them down. Now, it was just Midas running things, with Gold having retired to a small-town pawn shop years ago.

And yet, he still had to make an appearance every now and then at a business party or two, which was all fine and dandy, until he had to bring a date. A date. That was a laugh. Milah had left him and their young son years ago, and he shuddered at the thought of even inching a toe towards Cora. The problem was, when he looked back at things, those were his only options. He barely talked to any other women, unless one counted Granny at her diner (he didn't) and Madame Mayor (ew) he simply didn't talk to any other women.

Good lord he was hopeless. But image was everything, and Gold simply could not afford to look the way he felt. He'd spent years building up his reputation and he'd be damned if he was going to let going stag to a party tear it down.

But what on Earth did people even do in this occasion? Perhaps one of his friends knew someone. Then again any woman Jefferson knew was bound to be as eccentric as he was. He could always hire someone. But ordering and Escort was far too expensive for one appearance at a party, and he'd rather not go through the awkwardness of explaining that no he in fact did not want sex. What he needed, then, was a professional fake girlfriend.

Completely hopeless.

In a fit of rare desperation that he vowed would never happen again, he turned his attention to the one place he knew would get results. Craigslist. "Single man seeks fake girlfriend to use as arm candy for high-end business party" didn't seem like the right way to start it, and it was an entire hour (and multiple glasses of brandy) before the ad was complete and up.

It only took him fifteen minutes to get a response. Gold gave her the details. A place to meet, time, and wardrobe guidelines. He couldn't have her showing up looking as if she wasn't his girlfriend after all. It was only after the email was sent that he realized he'd given her his home address.

"You've lost your bloody mind, old man." He muttered to himself that night as he tied his usual Windsor knot. "Completely lost it."

He'd given his home address to a complete stranger. A complete stranger he'd hired over Craigslist. While it was true that there were rarely reports of men falling victim to the predators of that site, he was a wealthy man with no family nearby or any besides his son. No one would really think to look for him. Hell, there were a few people in Storybrooke that would no doubt love to look the other way if it meant he was harmed.

That was it then. This was how it would end. Dressed in a personally-tailored suit in his house with a tie that was too tight and a wrinkled jacket. He simply had to accept that fact and move on with his night. He was vaguely wondering if it would be inappropriate to send Neal a few last words when the doorbell rang.

Too late then.

Cursing under his breath, he limped to the door, completely prepared to find a gun barrel staring him down on the other side. Instead, a petite brunette stood on his porch, her brilliant blue eyes looking him over expectantly.

"Hello Mr. Gold." She said with a grin. "I'm Lacey French."

Well she was certainly the most beautiful serial killer he'd ever seen.

"I know I'm early but I wanted to go over a few things before we left. See how far we're going with this."

Gold blinked. He hadn't accidentally hired an Escort after all had he? "How far…?"

"Yes. How far back the relationship we're fabricating is? We'll need to be on the same page if we're to fool anyone. Did we meet a week ago? Do we pass on the street? What was our first date like? That kind of thing."

"You're certainly thorough."

"I've learned a thing or two. Is the dress appropriate?" She turned for him, giving him a good view of it. "I brought a few options."

The dress she wore was a black that hugged her figure nicely, and came to an appropriate length. In the back, however, there was a low-cut red bow that added a hint of romance to it. She'd worn flats, making him the perfect height for him. She'd certainly met his wardrobe standards, and looked like someone he'd date.

"No. That-that one's perf–fine. It's fine. Come in and we can talk before we leave."

He sounded like a schoolboy, but she didn't seem to mind as she stepped into his home, hovering around the entrance before walking into his living room and plopping herself on the couch, making herself right at home. He tried to ignore how much he liked her there. This was fake. For one night.

Well then, he might as well make the most of it.

"Now, Miss French…Perhaps we can, uh, pretend that we've been together for some time?"

Lacey tilted her head. "How long?"

Gold shrugged. "A few months? We could have…met in the library. Pass on the street on our way to work. Sit beside each other when we both happen to go for morning coffee…"

She giggled. "Well, a bit cliche but that works well. We can iron out the details later, but if I can pretend that you've been trying to go to the diner to time it so that you could coincidentally sit beside me or walk the same route that passes me even though it's a longer one, I'm sure I can make it work."

"And you called me cliche?"

This time, it was Lacey that shrugged. "A girl has to dream, Mr. Gold. Do we have a deal?"

"We do." Gold said, reaching out to shake her hand. He'd have to get used to touching her if tonight was ever going to play out. "And please, call me Ruben."

"Ruben." She smiled, and somehow the whole world suddenly seemed brighter. "And you can call me Belle. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

Even if she was a serial killer, Gold really didn't care anymore.