The Early Days

Just a little crappy story I wrote about the early deatheater days while I was bored. Read and Review, my loves! Oh, and I'm just a little avacado, so I'm obviously not JKR.

It was a beautiful spring morning. Voldemort angrily opened his menacing black curtains, revealing bright sunlight.

'Damn that sun!' cried Voldemort in a high-pitched and menacing way as he shut them (menacingly). As he ran his long white fingers through his inexplicably evil and non-existent hair, he thought of a clever plan…

'Bellatrix! Bellatrix! Where are you?' screamed Voldemort with gay abandon.

'Piss off…'

'Bellatrix! I had such a menacing…-What are you doing on the floor!? Is that Firewhiskey dribbling from your mouth?'

'Er…maybe, my lord.'

'Damn this! All I want is to be evil and yet you just…just had to get DRUNK! Are you one of the most evil witches or not? Here you are, behaving like an alcoholic when I-'

'Buggeration!' yelled Lucius Malfoy suddenly, appearing from the doorway. Behind him was Igor Karkaroff, who was clearly pissing himself with laughter.

'D-Don't go through my damn things, Karkaroff! I-It's not what you think!'

'Then what could they be? There aren't many things that give you the "London look". Or a thong. And you know I don't mean the foot kind.'

'Shut up…' hissed Lucius.

'Oh? And what's this? Hair regrowth shampoo? And hair dye!'

'Give them back!'

'Why should I, Lucius? Actually, no. Why don't you persuade me?'

But this was wasted on Lucius, who promptly launched himself in Igor's general direction.

'I'll...kill...you!...You...little...shit!' squealed Lucius, in between biting Karkaroff's head and occasionally getting hat-fur in his mouth.

'Mmph!' replied Igor.

'I'll...send you...back...to Russia...or...Bulgaria...or wherever...the hell you came...from!'

'SILENCE!!!' screamed Voldemort. 'As I was saying...I think that we should kill Harry Potter. What do you think?'

'Ugh...With all due respect, my lord, but...why?'

'Why do you think, Bellatrix? And Lucius, stop trying to eat Igor!'

'She dosen't think, that's why...' muttered Severus, who had been lying under the table.

'WHAT DID YOU SAY?!'

'Whatever are you talking about, Bellatrix? I've been alseep this whole time. And might I add that your plan is excellent, my lord. '

'Anyway, Severus obviously dosen't like the bugger and apart from anything else, he may prevent me from dominating the world. So there. Anyone want to come with me tonight? Peter already told me where they are. Actually Peter, would you like to come? Nothing like a spot of betrayal on a Saturday night. Peter? Peter! You know you want to!'

'I think Peter went to get some groceries. He'll be out for a while, I bet.'

'Oh well. What about you, Severus? You don't have any friends, so I'm sure you're free. It's all good fun!'

'Sorry, my lord. I've got a cold *cough cough*'

'Bellatrix?'

'I'm going dark artifact shopping with Cissy and little Draco, my lord. It's his birthday and-'

'Fine! As everyone is so very busy I shall have to reschedule. I won't even bother asking you two. You'll have to fix your hat, Igor. And Lucius will have to get back his...things, I guess.'

'P-Please. my lord, they're Narcissa's!' pleaded Lucius.

'Surely Cissy's backside wouldn't be that large. Why, she would never fit in that thong! And anyway, those tags say "Lucius".'

'Well, she...she got c-confused, right?'

'Whatever you say, Malfoy.' smirked Igor.

'Shut up!'

Sooooo. What did you think? Absolute brain nonsense, wasn't it? Oh well, review anyway! Just a second of pain for you provides me with happiness for a year! XOXO and a tiny snog (only for boys!) from,

ThatGreenCladMidget.

ps. I am actually a girl. Just in case you're wondering.