[Prologue: Behind the Scenes Fanfic BrainStorm]
Satoshi Katsumoto, Taichi Yagami and Sakura Kinomoto are sitting in a meeting room, with Tai kicking things off.
"Alright, after tons of failed projects, plus a few successful ones that ended up in the Great 2004 FanFiction Purge, we have far too many misses for Tai Enterprises to survive 2010. I can personally admit that the Naruto News Show was a great success with 50 chapters, but with the slump in 2009, I had to resort to buying a few cows for Tax Purposes."
"Maybe it's time to get some new talent," Sakura suggests. "Tai Enterprises have been running since 2001 and we could do with a change."
Tai sends a glare at Sakura. "Easy for you and Ash to say, since you two have your own ventures that are still running while I'm running solo on this joint venture that the three owns."
(Background Story: In 2001, Taichi Yagami .aka Tai Kamiya, started a business venture known as Tai Enterprises with Satoshi Katsumoto (.aka Ash Ketchum) and Sakura Kinomoto (.aka Sakura Avalon). Tai Enterprises which acts as an agent to Characters in need for Fanfic roles if their series ended or side jobs, if they are an on-going series with too many fillers. And with the Financial Crisis how things are going, Tai Enterprises have been going downhill.)
Tai crossed his arms. "I guess I have no choice. If we're going to survive, we need someone to research the Anime trends of today or we'll be left behind. We have only one option left..."
Tai looks out the window. "There's only one person who is a know-it-all who can push my business forward and leave everyone else in the dust."
Ash looked at Sakura and silently mouthed to Sakura, 'Ever since he got 'cheated' by the scriptwriters on Digimon 02, Tai's changed from the friendly, courageous character in the series into the egotitistical bastard he is now.'
Sakura agrees and replied. 'But I think I can understand the need for revenge, but at least he has no intentions of harming his ex-girlfriend.'
Tai continues. "And I have decided that we will need to unleash our secret weapon: The Otaku we hired as an intern!"
'I think I can picture this as our worst fanfic ever,' mouthed Ash as he slumped on the meeting table.
Sakura agreed. 'Hear, hear.'
*
A blue-haired Intern is in the Tai Enterprises Lunch Room taking her lunch out of the fridge, consisting of a Chocolate Cornet and a small bottle of flavored milk. The only other person in the room is Ash, who is reading the day's newspaper, so the Intern sits at the table. As the Intern eats her lunch, she decides to start a conversation.
"I know you guys hired me to be your Otaku Expert on your Fanfiction projects, but have you noticed in some Naruto fanfics, the authors turn Sasuke into a male Tsundere otherwise he would be considered OOC?"
Ash continues to read his paper. "Really? I didn't seem to notice that. But then again, if you think about it, it does make sense since Sasuke had a bit of a twisted childhood that turned him into an Emo. "
"When do you suppose our series be joining your lineup of fanfics?"
Ash looks at the Intern. "It's not an easy task. Considering the demographic and the authors who do the fanfics, it will be a tough to survive. But once you get enough experience, trying to cater to the readers will be a piece of cake. But we will allow you to keep the other job we offered you, since it's something that depends on the calendar. After all, we do need someone to go to the different Anime Conventions around the world and report back and the best person to do it is an Otaku. Of course, for tax purposes, we are only allowed to pay for travel, accommodation and entry to the venue."
"That's okay. As long as I get to see what other places in the world thinks if Japanese Anime, I'd be happy to do it."
Ash moved on to the next page of the newspaper. "Don't you think there are too many Anime and Harry Potter crossover fanfics?"
The Intern nods. "Yeah. I can understand how some Anime genres could fit in the Harry Potter Universe, but how does two different worlds with different laws of physics work? I mean, a Negima/Harry Potter Crossover would have a smooth transition because of the theme of Magic. But what about a Pokémon/Harry Potter or Naruto/Harry Potter crossover fanfic?"
Ash scratched his head. "Well, in terms of a Naruto/Harry Potter Crossover Fanfic, it would be a bit of a challenge, considering that one world involves the use of Chakra, or what one wise man explained it as a different version of 'Ki'. And the other is just pure magic. How the author would BS their way through it is what makes their Fanfic unique. As far as I know, the fate of a fanfic has only three outcomes. It's good, bad or obscure. If it's good, you would expect a ton of positive reviews. If it's bad, it will be a ton of negative reviews."
"What about obscure?" asked the Intern.
Ash puts the newspaper down. "If it's obscure, it wouldn't matter if your fanfic is good or bad. The reviews are so little you wonder if you should have turned it into Flamebait just for the publicity."
Once Lunchtime is over, Ash and the Blue-Haired Intern are walking towards Tai's office for the Intern's interview.
"By the way, why is there an Anti-Digimon atmosphere in the office?" asked the Intern.
Ash calmly answered. "Don't read too far into it, but I believe it involves the unfavorable ending of Digimon 02. Tai and lots of Digimon Fans were kinda pissed at how the writers ruined the romantic relationship that began in the first season to the point that a few took the drastic measure of disowning the Ending. But not Tai. He won't disown the ending because he needs a legitimate reason to pick a fight."
The Intern thinks, 'Wow, this is the first time I'm meeting someone holding an eight-year Grudge against the writers an Anime Series. And most flamers don't hold grudges that last a week.'
*
The Intern is now in an interview with Tai.
"Konata Izumi. Things aren't looking too good for Tai Enterprises, so we're going to have to throw you into the world of Fanfiction to distract everyone from our major problems here."
"I think I can handle this with no problems," said Konata in a relax state-of-mind. "When do I start?"
"There will be a trial period where I must preview the first couple chapters of your project. After that, if your project is satisfactory, you'll have full control of the project where I play no part in it."
Konata remained relaxed as she waves her hand. "Well, as long as I don't have to use Recycled Jokes, it will be cool."
Tai frowned. 'I can understand your optimism, but when things go bad, I hope you won't rely on using recycled jokes like we did.'
[End Fanfic Brainstorm]
[Here's where the fanfic really begins...]
A Team PikaFlash Fanfic, working on Fanfictions since 2000
In association with Tai Enterprises
A PikaFlash's World: Season 2010 Project
*
Konata Izumi, Japanese President and Other Stuff
*
Disclaimers: Lucky Star and related characters & series are properties of Kagami Yoshimizu & Lucky Paradise.
Other characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.
This fanfic is for non-profit entertainment purposes only...
[Opening Sequence]
Konata has an evil grin as a Helicopter lands.
A hot-air balloon crash lands in the President's backyard.
Two MMORPG Characters are in a swordfight.
A sniper fires his rifle.
Konata is cheering as she wins a Limited Edition Anime Plushie.
[Starring: Konata Izumi as Konata Izumi]
Among a huge collection of other Limited Edition Anime Plushies Konata had won. The new Plushie is used for spreading the Gospel.
Konata eats a Choco Cornet.
An explosion sends a bunch of bad guys flying.
Kagami has her arms crossed as the automatic doors open.
[With Kagami Hiiragi as Vice-President Kagamin]
Konata gives away free Anime Memorabilia to eagerly awaiting fans...
Vegeta is smirking.
[Special Guest Star: Vegeta as Former Japanese Vice-President Vegetable]
Konata gives a high-five to an Otaku at an Anime Convention.
A deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards fall to the floor...
[Konata Izumi, J.P. - Series 1]
*
[Episode 1: All Hail President Izumi]
Konata's Narration: "The Previous President was run over by an Ice Cream Truck and after a quick election, I'm now the President of one of the greatest countries of the world: Domino City. The home of Freaky Anime Hairstyles, Card Games, Money and the center of Yaoi culture. Meanwhile, at KonaHQ in Saitama, I work on the first order of business as the new President..."
[KonaHQ .aka President Izumi's Office/Home in Saitama]
In the President's office, Konata is sitting at her desk. "Now that I'm President, I have more power than Haruhi! Now how can I abuse my new power?"
Konata switched on the TV in the office to get some ideas. "...in a new US$10 Million contract with potential endorsements in the American Baseball..."
Konata finally gets her idea. "I know what I can do with my new powers. I will use it endorse my favorite Anime Series and spread the gospel!" Konata puts rubs her chin. "Now how can I do that? Maybe I should call my new American buddy, President Derek! If I can convert him, then it will be easy for me to get those endorsements."
Konata dials a few random numbers on her phone.
'Derek': "Hello?"
"Yo, President Derek! It's your new buddy, Japanese President Konata."
'Derek': "Who? My name is not Derek."
"Are you interested in Anime? You can be my first convert. Is that cool with you?"
'Derek' hangs up.
"Hello? Derek?"
Konata puts the phone down. "Well, that didn't work."
*
Konata enters the Vice-President's office, where Kagami is unpacking her desk.
"Kagamin, I need money!"
Kagami refused. "No. We can't spend the government's money! We need it to fund Public Services or the country will go bankrupt. Use your own money for your Otaku needs!"
Konata pouts. "Kagamin, you're the worst Vice-President since Vegeta."
Kagami slams her palms on the desk. "Excuse me! I may be the Third Vice-President of Japan, but I only started this job today, so you have no right to say who the worst Vice-President is yet!"
Konata grinned. "If that's the case, I'll poll the public to see what they think..."
*
Konata is addressing a classroom of Elementary School students. "Pop quiz, Kids: Who is the Worst Vice-President since Vegeta?"
The kids answered: "Kagamin!"
Konata sends the thumbs up to Kagami as she groaned. "But they're kids who can't vote yet, so it doesn't count!"
'But still, she must have bribed those kids with something Anime related to give that answer to my face,' Kagami mentally added.
*
Konata: "Anyway, forget Kagamin. I have a bigger fish to fry. A spiky-haired shorty who used to have Kagamin's job known as Former Vice-President Vegetable."
Former Vice-President Vegeta is in a press conference in front of hundreds of microphones on a podium.
"President Izumi is no more than an Immature Child who simply took over from someone ran over by an Ice Cream Truck."
Konata: "He has stockpiled hundreds of microphones and he is using them against me! I cannot allow that anymore! I will have to take matters into my own hands!"
*
President Konata and Vice-President Kagami are at an Anime Convention, where Konata announces her plan to the Japanese Public and Otakus. "To fight Vegetable and his stockpile of Microphones, Japan needs you, a huge army of Otakus! You're in Konata's Army now!"
Kagami is skeptical of Konata's plan, not that it is well thought, knowing Konata. She pulled Konata to the side and whispered. "You dragged me all the way here so that you could recruit Otakus for your army? I doubt they would have your athletic ability to fight Vegeta."
"Oh, I'm not hiring an Otaku Army to fight," Konata explains. "I need them to build a stockpile of Anime Memorabilia to overwhelm Vegetable's Microphone Stockpile."
Kagami sighed and grumbled. 'Yep, that's our Konata.'
"And it's Kona-tastic!" Konata raised her hand to form the symbol of V for Victory.
[End of Episode 1]
[Written, Directed and Produced by Konata Izumi]
[A Blue Ahoge Production]
Konata: "The President has more power than Haruhi. Go me!"
[Random Post-Fanfic Joke]
Naruto is walking down a beach.
Naruto: "I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was walking down the beach with my father."
Naruto looked back where he was walking to find two sets of footprints.
Naruto: "I looked behind me to see two sets of footprints. One belonged to me and one belonged to my father, Minato Namikaze."
Minato is standing behind Naruto, waiting for Naruto to continue walking forward.
Naruto continued walking. After a while, he turned around and noticed that there is only one set of footprints behind him on the sand.
Naruto: "At one point, I could only see one set of footprints in the sand and it only occurred during the lowest point of my life."
Naruto pulls out a cell phone and makes a call.
Naruto: "I made a phone call to Kishimoto and I ask, 'Why is it that when you promised that my father would be with me all the time, but when I need him the most, he is not there.' Kishimoto's reply: 'The one point where you see only one set of footprints...'"
Minato is in the water, being attacked by a cardboard shark. After a while, Minato's corpse is floating on the water...
"'...is when your father has been taken by a massive shark who is a relative of Kisame.'"
*
Meanwhile in Saitama, Fanfic Reader Konata Izumi angrily closed her Internet Browser after reading this fanfic and opens up her Email program to type up an email...
"Dear PikaFlash,
I wish to complain about your stupid Minato Joke I just read. As a concerned Fanfic Reader, I am horrified to find out that you are implying that Kisame is part-shark and has a family member who attacked the Fourth Hokage at a beach when it is clearly obvious that the shark is a fake. What a waste of FFdotNet's Bandwidth.
Sincerely,
Konata Izumi
Saitama"
Konata sends the email.
[End Post-Fanfic Joke]