The Empty Planet
By Justin Horsey
(The TARDIS materializes in a desert. The Doctor and Donna step out.)
Doctor: Well, here we are.
Donna: Where are we?
Doctor: Question is. Why are we not hot? We're in the middle of the desert, but it's freezing.
Donna: Remember when we first met and you shot that thing from the TARDIS into the sky.
Doctor: Donna you're brilliant!
Donna: Really?
Doctor: Simple atmospheric excitation, to make an inhabitable desert, habitable! Brilliant.
Donna: So, would I be dreaming by asking if there's a town somewhere near here?
Doctor: Well, I'm not sure. But, that might help. (Noticing a pole sticking out of the ground and running to it.)
Donna: What on earth?
Doctor: Looks like a telegraph pole.
Donna: Who's going to want to be ringing people out here?
Doctor: I don't know… (The telegraph pole begins to rise from the ground.)
Donna: Doctor?
Doctor: Jump on! (Jumping on a rung poking out of the pole. Donna jumps on the other side.)
Donna: What is it?
Doctor: (A giant city rises from the sand enclosed in a great glass dome with a telegraph pole protruding from the roof.) It's a city.
Donna: Well, what's a city doing underneath the sand?
Doctor: I don't really know. But tell you what; we might want to get down from here.
Donna: Look! A lift.
Doctor: And the job's just been made easier. (Walks over to the lift and steps inside.)
Donna: (Stepping inside.) Well you don't get this in Chiswick I'll give you that.
Voice: Please state destination.
Doctor: The ground.
Voice: Where on the ground.
Doctor: I don't know, just anywhere. Wait, is there a shop somewhere?
Voice: Affirmative.
Doctor: I love a little shop. Take us there.
Voice: Ok. (The lift lurches down toward the ground.)
Donna: (Holding onto the railing for dear life.) This is rougher than the TARDIS!
Doctor: Tell me about it! (The lift gains speed before suddenly stopping.)
Voice: Destination achieved.
Donna: Destination achieved. Interesting, it's like it doesn't achieve the destination sometimes and ends up somewhere completely different. One thing they never say on Earth is destination achieved.
Doctor: Choice of words Donna, makes all the difference.
Donna: I know I do quite a lot of that.
Doctor: Because you're a temp from Chiswick.
Donna: Yeah. (Steps out of lift to find alarms sounding and the shop covered in a red light.) What is going on?
Doctor: (Stepping out.) The city's on red alert. But don't ask me why.
Voice: Make way for your superiors!
Doctor: Oh I've got no superiors.
(A platoon of humanoids with helmets called Kaffoods march in.)
Donna: What on earth.
Doctor: Kaffoods.
Kaffood Leader: Frossi will surrender.
Doctor: Right Frossi.
Donna: You been here before?
Doctor: No but I read about it in a book.
Kaffood Leader: Begin the harvest.
Donna: Time Lords read books?
Doctor: Yeah!
Kaffood 1: Cease talking!
Doctor: I'd rather not.
Kaffood Leader: What is the meaning of this?
Doctor: Question is, what are you doing here? Kaffoods have lived in harmony for thousands of years.
Kaffood Leader: Order must be changed. We will be supreme.
Doctor: But how, how are you going to do that?
Kaffood Leader: We will convert the population.
Doctor: Yeah, with what?
Kaffood Leader: We will destroy their knowledge and replace it with ours.
Doctor: The only thing is, everyone's gone, there's no one here. Who are you going to convert?
Kaffood Leader: Well, we can start with you. (2 Kaffoods grab hold of the Doctor and another two grab Donna.)
(Inside the Frossi safe room.)
James: Everyone just remain calm! Everything will be just fine! Spies are going up now to investigate.
Daniel: James, they're not listening. We need to think of something different.
James: Alrighty. Everyone! (Something knocks on the door of the Safe Room.)
Sam: (Running toward James and Daniel.) No-one has access here! There's no passage.
Cameron: Please help me! Please! Ahhhh!
DOCTOR WHO THEME MUSIC
Doctor: Now just stop and think. Do we look like Frossians to you?
Kaffood Leader: I don't know what Frossians look like.
Doctor: Take it from me, we don't.
Kaffood 1: Then where are you from?
Donna: Human. Earth, England, Chiswick.
Doctor: Time Lord. Gallifrey, the mountains of Solace and Solitude, the Citadel.
Kaffood Leader: We are compiling an army in order to fight a greater enemy.
Doctor: Really? Who?
Kaffood Leader: The empty children are back, Doctor. This time they've upgraded.
Doctor: How'd they do that?
Kaffood Leader: The enemies of the dark have been upgrading the weaponry of the children.
Doctor: So that means?
Kaffood Leader: The children know full well of their powers.
(Inside Frossi safe room.)
James: Open the door let them in! (Daniel and Sam open the door.)
Cameron: (Wearing a gas mask.) Mummy?
James: Cameron?
Cameron: Mummy?
James: No it's me, James.
Cameron: Where's my mummy? I want my mummy.
Daniel: Stop acting stupid Cam.
Cameron: Are you my mummy?
Daniel: Cameron, stop it. Take of the gas mask and help us here.
Cameron: Are you my mummy?
Daniel: If you won't then I will. (Steps forward and as soon as he touches the gas mask he stops.)
James: Dan?
Daniel: Mummy? (Turning around to reveal that he too is wearing a gas mask.)
James: Oh my gosh!
(Back on the surface.)
Doctor: Where are they?
Kaffood 1: Most probably inside the safe room below the surface.
Doctor: Can we bring them back up?
Kaffood Leader: There is a machine behind the counter but is impossible to operate.
Doctor: Not for me! (Runs and jumps over the counter and jams his sonic screwdriver into the machine.)
(A rumbling as books and souvenirs fall of the shelves and the fragile things shatter. Then it stops.)
Doctor: Right. Best get going then. (Runs over to a door. That he points his sonic screwdriver at before he opens it.) Come on. (Runs through doorway.)
Donna: So, what's going on? (Following.)
Doctor: (Stops.) No. (Cameron and Daniel turn around.)
Cam and Dan: Are you my mummy?
Donna: No, but we can help you find her.
Doctor: Donna, don't.
Donna: Why not?
Doctor: They're not just asking for their mother, they're possessed.
Donna: What are you talking about?
Doctor: They're empty. You touch them and then you become the same.
Donna: So what do we do? (Starting to worry.)
Doctor: We get the Kaffoods for help. (Starts toward door before it slams shut.) No! (Pointing sonic screwdriver at it.) Let us out!
Donna: Oh my gosh!
Doctor: It was you all along wasn't it!
Kaffood Leader: (Over PA.) We lied Doctor. The empty children are our doing. Empty because of us. This is our victory Doctor. Welcome to the empty planet!
Doctor: So that's what you're doing. Making a planet under their command with every inhabitant referring to you as mummy. Ha! Hello mummy!
Kaffood Leader: We will reprogram as daddy.
Doctor: I have one question though. How did you do it?
Kaffood Leader: We constructed genes that do what we want them to do. They don't know their powers, they're just children looking for their mummy.
Doctor: And now you've left us with them.
Kaffood Leader: That is all. (Buzzing on PA.)
Cameron: Are you my mummy?
Doctor: Go to bed.
Cameron: Mu…
Doctor: I mean it, go to bed. It's getting really late. (Cameron and Daniel turn and lie down in a couple of cots it the corner.) Who's in charge here?
James: Me, James.
Doctor: Human name?
James: Yeah, my real name is Jamsoskloperlatious.
Donna: What?
James: Jamsoskloperlatious.
Doctor: I'm the Doctor.
Sam: Sam.
Donna: What's your Frossian name?
Sam: Sadmalopitzachalam
Doctor: Don't do that.
Donna: It's entertaining me.
James: What's entertaining you?
Donna: Your names.
James: Used to human names, I see.
Doctor: Yeah.
Donna: Donna Noble, by the way, and yes I come from Earth.
Doctor: Right, the Kaffoods have turned these people empty, we need to find out how and reverse it.
James: He said did he not? He genetically transformed them.
Doctor: That's relatively easy, but I haven't got anything to do that with.
James: So how do you suggest we get out of here?
Doctor: They've deadlocked the door, which means nothing can get through unless we blow it up.
James: We could make explosives for you.
Doctor: They've got guns, the moment you blast through that door, you get shot.
James: Then what do we do?
Doctor: Does this place have a delivery hatch or something?
James: Yeah, but it's vertical.
Doctor: I'll give it a try.
James: Right over here. (James leads the Doctor and Donna over to a hole in the wall.)
Doctor: Right, James, Donna.
Donna: But Doctor, what about the empty children?
Doctor: Tell them to go to bed. But never, and I mean never, say you're their mother. Say you're their auntie or something.
Donna: Right auntie.
Doctor: I'll come back for you, I promise. (Crawls into the hole and continues to climb up the tube occasionally slipping. He quietly lifts the hatch on the end of the tube and looks around.)
Kaffood Leader: Prepare the device.
Doctor: (Jumping out of the hatch.) 'Allo!
Kaffood Leader: Doctor, how did you get up here?
Doctor: Delivery hatch. And the question is, what is this you've been creating here? (Walking over to a machine and examining it closely.) Looks to me like a master genetic converter. You've got a couple of these I suspect.
Kaffood Leader: Affirmative.
Doctor: And it looks to me like you're turning everyone empty.
Kaffood Leader: Affirmative.
Doctor: But to do that you need a massive glass electrical conductor and a rift annomilizer. Oh, right.
Kaffood Leader: With the citadel's glass dome as a conductor and the telegraph pole as an annomilizer, we have the tools we need to complete the task.
Doctor: One other thing you appear to be missing is everyone's biological code. How many of these do you have? (Referring to the master genetic converter.)
Kaffood Leader: About 21 in all the main citadels on this planet.
Doctor: Do you have every single person's bio code on every single one?
Kaffood Leader: Ah, negative.
Doctor: So how do you intend on rendering them empty?
Kaffood Leader: With this! (Pulls a cover of a much larger machine.)
Doctor: Oh I see.
Kaffood Leader: A bio-dimensional genetic subwave harvester.
Doctor: Yep.
Kaffood Leader: And using the telegraph poles in the 21 main citadels, we will create a subwave over the entire planet. Taking their biological codes and rendering them empty.
Doctor: Right.
Kaffood Leader: You've got nothing Doctor. We are supreme!
(In Frossi safe room.)
Donna: So James was it?
James: Yes and you're Donna.
Donna: How is… (Looking over to the place where Cameron and Daniel are sleeping and noticing they are shaking violently.) What?
James: What's wrong? (Looking around and noticing.)
Donna: What are they doing?
James: They're shaking.
Donna: Thankyou for that! (Cameron and Daniel stop shaking and get up.)
Cameron: Are you my mummy?
Donna: What are you doing up?
Daniel: What?
Donna: What are you doing out of bed?
Daniel: You're not my mummy.
Donna: No she's out, and she left me in charge, so go to bed.
Daniel: Tell me where my mummy is and we'll let you go.
Donna: She's out!
Cameron: Where?
Donna: What?
Cameron: Where is my mummy? (Coming towards Donna.)
Donna: Stop right there! Your mummy put me in charge now get back into bed or there won't be any treats!
Daniel: Oh! (Goes back to bed. Cameron follows.)
James: How'd they learn to speak like that?
Donna: They're upgrading, every word we speak they learn. Getting smarter all the time.
James: So what do we do?
Donna: Anything, just don't speak to each other. We have to stay awake though. They could strike any minute.
James: Alright.
(Up on the surface.)
Doctor: But I don't understand. Why would you want to be their mummy?
Kaffood Leader: We are a superior race. We deserve superiority.
Doctor: Ha! By being mummy! The superiority folder is open now!
Kaffood Leader: Do not disrespect me Doctor.
Doctor: I'm sorry. Mummy!
Kaffood Leader: Shoot him.
Doctor: Well that's not very mum like. You should be sending me to my room.
Kaffood Leader: Take aim.
Doctor: I'll just be taking this, this and oh. This! (Picking up a number of bits and pieces lying about.)
Kaffood Leader: Fire! (Kaffoods shoot at the Doctor.)
Doctor: Bye! (Points sonic screwdriver at the hatch he is standing on and he drops down it.)
Donna: What's that? (Hearing rattling from the delivery hatch. She goes over to investigate as the Doctor pops out.)
Doctor: Donna!
Donna: Shh!
Doctor: Why?
Donna: They're upgrading. Everything we say they learn.
Doctor: Look what I've got!
Donna: What?
Doctor: Stuff! (Sit's down at a table and sets to work connecting circuits and joining stuff together.)
James: Oh good. Stuff! (Sit's down on the other side of the table.)
Donna: So what exactly are you making?
Doctor: A fixing thing.
Donna: Oh I see. That explains everything!
Doctor: It's going to change the empty people back.
Donna: How long is this going to take?
Doctor: Not long. (Puts on glasses and finishes off a number of other circuits.) Right. Let's go.
Donna: Do we put it over near them?
Doctor: Oh yeah! (Runs over, places the device by the sleeping empty children, then runs back and points his sonic screwdriver at the device.)
Donna: How do we know when it's done? (The gas masks vaporize and Daniel and Cameron wake up.) Oh.
Daniel: Righto. Let's get to work.
Doctor: Now, the Kaffoods are planning to make this planet their children. Now if you could help me. I might just have a plan.
Donna: What do you need?
Doctor: The TARDIS.
Donna: I'll go get it.
Doctor: Alright. (Donna starts climbing up the hatch.) And we'll just wait.
(Donna sneaks out of the hatch and makes her way for the exit. She continues to run to the TARDIS opens it and starts to work. She is thrown back and after about a minute of bouncing around the TARDIS stops. Donna stands up and walks out.)
Doctor: Brilliant! Everyone in! (Runs inside. Daniel, Cameron, James and Sam follow. Inside.) Donna! Good job! (Hugs her.) Right. To the surface! (Pushes a button before the TARDIS lurches upwards.)
Donna: Welcome to the TARDIS!
James: Thanks! Rough ride!
Doctor: She's learning!
Donna: Yeah. Smoother than the Doctor's ride anyway.
Doctor: Time travel! This is just transporting to the surface!
James: (The bumping stops.) Have we arrived?
Doctor: Yep! Allons-y. (Runs through the door. Everyone follows.)
Kaffood Leader: Alright Doctor. You can help us, or you and your posse die.
Doctor: Firstly. (Points sonic screwdriver at the subwave harvester which blows.) Secondly, no.
Kaffood Leader: But you will be destroyed!
Doctor: Will I just?
Kaffood Leader: Yep.
Doctor: Yep? Is that it?
Kaffood Leader: Yep.
Doctor: Blimey space is downgrading.
Donna: Alright then. What's all this then? Are you planning on blowing the planet up or something?
Doctor: Question is, how did you know my name?
Kaffood Leader: What?
Doctor: I never told you my name but you've been calling me Doctor since the very beginning.
Kaffood Leader: You are our greatest enemy.
Doctor: Since when?
Kaffood Leader: Since the beginning of time.
Doctor: Then tell me who you are!
Kaffood Leader: I am Commander Sanv, of the 21st Kaffood battalion.
Doctor: What? How are you free?
Donna: Who is he?
Doctor: Leader of the Kaffood empire. Imprisoned 4000 years ago.
Donna: Why?
Doctor: Genocide. On a massive scale.
Commander Sanv: They were dying anyway. I was ending there agony!
Doctor: You destroyed 100 planets!
Commander Sanv: They deserved it!
Doctor: Nobody deserves genocide!
Commander Sanv: What about the Daleks and the Sontarans? Did they deserve it?
Doctor: No, but there was no other option. It was manslaughter.
Commander Sanv: What's the difference?
Doctor: It was an accident.
Commander Sanv: Well after 4000 years in prison, my troops freed me. They wanted superiority, fed up with living in peace.
Doctor: You're an old Kaffood.
Commander Sanv: But still have loads of energy.
Doctor: So do I.
Commander Sanv: How old are you though?
Doctor: 906.
Commander Sanv: I'm 4078.
Doctor: But in a pro-aging scheme.
Commander Sanv: What's that meant to mean?
Doctor: 800 years was 4000 in your life.
Donna: Come on!
Doctor: Right. I'm going to have to stop you.
Commander Sanv: That's not possible.
Doctor: It is.
Commander Sanv: It isn't!
Doctor: It is!
Commander Sanv: It isn't!
Doctor: It just is!
Commander Sanv: It isn't times infinity.
Doctor: You're such a child!
Commander Sanv: Am not!
Doctor: You are so!
Donna: Oh my gosh!
Doctor: What?
Donna: Personally I'd rather him trying to be evil!
Doctor: I agree. You were saying.
Commander Sanv: Am not!
Doctor: No before that!
Commander Sanv: Activate the Subwave Harvester!
Doctor: Now that's very interesting. (A blue light surrounds everything as the subwave harvester starts downloading everyone's biological code.)
Donna: How did you fix it?
Commander Sanv: We have something that belongs to you Doctor. (Pointing behind a bookshelf to TARDIS.)
Doctor: (Going over to it.) No! Leave it alone!
Donna: It's dying! (Noticing the lights in the sign going out.)
Doctor: You can't!
Commander Sanv: I am! And there's nothing you can do!
Doctor: (Stepping inside. The Cloister Bell sounds slowly. Lights flicker and the windows start exploding.) It's been good. (Running his and along the centre console.) She was a reliable TARDIS. But she's not dying today! Come on Donna! (Donna walks in as the TARDIS doors slam shut. The Doctor pushes a lever as it lurches upwards.)
Donna: They need our help!
Doctor: I know! I'm just parking her elsewhere.
Donna: Good.
(Inside city.)
Commander Sanv: Activate the annomalizer! (Two Kaffood's go over to a machine and pull some levers and press a button.)
James: What are you doing?
Commander Sanv: Say hello to your daddy!
James: What?
Kaffood 1: Activation in 10 seconds. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Initiate!
Commander Sanv: Here it comes. Oh! (Noticing that everyone, including his troops has a gas mask on.)
Kaffood 1: Daddy?
Commander Sanv: Oh yes!
Doctor: Daddy? (Walking in with a gas mask.)
Donna: What have you done? (Following.)
Commander Sanv: How did you not get changed?
Donna: TARDIS.
Commander Sanv: Then how come he's empty and you aren't?
Doctor: Oh, well it was worth a try. (Taking gas mask off.)
Commander Sanv: There's nothing you can do. It's too late. Every person on this planet is empty and I am victorious!
Doctor: Mummy.
Commander Sanv: What?
Doctor: Mummy.
Commander Sanv: What do you mean mummy?
Doctor: You're a victorious mummy, that's all I'm saying.
Commander Sanv: Don't start that again.
Doctor: Thing is though, you've got 4 billion people on this planet all referring to you as mummy and yet they still haven't told you the obvious.
Commander Sanv: What are you talking about?
Doctor: Donna.
Donna: When you left us alone with the empty children, they took in everything we said.
Doctor: They learnt and upgraded and that's exactly what they're doing now.
Commander Sanv: And your point is?
Doctor: What's more is you used the TARDIS to fix your subwave harvester.
Commander Sanv: What are you getting at Doctor?
Doctor: You've just bred a whole race of Time Lords.
Commander Sanv: (Stops smiling.) What?
Doctor: Every single bit of information was cloned into their brains. And your soldiers, don't want to call you mummy. The people of Frossi don't want to call you mummy.
Donna: And I don't blame them.
Doctor: So I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but what happens now is your doing.
Kaffood 1: Daddy?
Doctor: You did this to yourself. You decided to connect the TARDIS to the subwave harvester. You decided you wanted to be mummy.
Kaffood 2: Censors report Commander Sanv is hostile and must be terminated. Kill him!
Kaffood 3: (Shoots Commander Sanv who collapses in pain.) Termination complete. Approximate time until death. One minute.
Doctor: This is it. You committed genocide, now you are the victim of it.
Commander Sanv: What are you talking about?
Doctor: You're not a Kaffood. Show yourself! To everyone here what you really are!
Commander Sanv: I'm the last of my kind Doctor. As you are of yours. Your greatest enemy. Commander Sanv, emperor of the Dalek Imperial race! (Removes helmet to reveal a Squid looking face.)
Doctor: The last of the Imperial Daleks!
Commander Sanv: Hidden and kept safe by prison bars. For superiority!
Doctor: And that's why I knew you weren't a Kaffood. Kaffoods never want superiority. They want peace.
Commander Sanv: How long have you known?
Doctor: Since the start. An Imperial Dalek disguised as a Kaffood since birth.
Commander Sanv: You've known since my birth?
Doctor: No, I knew when you arrived here that you couldn't be a Kaffood.
Commander Sanv: Well, how do you feel Time Lord? An Imperial Daleks last breath. The last breath ever.
Doctor: It's not my fault.
Commander Sanv: It never is… (Fading off.)
Doctor: Ok…
Donna: Doctor! The Empty people!
Doctor: Right. Where's that thing?
Donna: I don't know, where'd you put it?
Doctor: (Feeling around in his pocket.) Oh here it is. (Pulling it out.)
Donna: But it's not just this city it's the whole planet.
Doctor: It's a good thing Sanv set it up for us isn't it?
Donna: Oh yeah!
Doctor: (Jamming the device into the annomalizer and joining everything together with his sonic screwdriver.) Here we go. (Pushing a button.)
Donna: It's working! (The gasmasks drop off everyone's faces.)
Doctor: Oh good!
(The signal covers the whole planet as the gas masks drop off everyone's faces.)
Doctor: The whole planet's returning to normal!
(Later on at TARDIS.)
James: Thank you so much. You saved us.
Doctor: Well, that's pretty much my job description.
James: And you Donna.
Donna: It was a pleasure, Jamsoskloperlatious.
James: Well, have some good travels. And if you ever want to come back here, you'll be very welcome.
Donna: (Hugs him.) Thanks.
Doctor: (Shakes his hand.) Just be magnificent.
James: Bye.
Doctor: (Stepping into TARDIS with Donna.) Right. I have a brand new schedule planned for us!
Donna: Were you thinking of that as well as doing everything else?
Doctor: Yep.
Donna: Sometimes you amaze me.
Doctor: I know. You ready to go?
Donna: Yeah.
Doctor: Allons-y!
DOCTOR WHO THEME MUSIC nd Daniel and Cameron wake up.) eping empty children. .)
s down it.)
ng violently.)